Title: Those Left Behind Status: Complete Characters: Fang, Anon, Reed, Trish, Naser Rating: SFW Classification: Complete Author: Soradobi Summary: Death is easy for the dead, it's the living that have to find the will to go on. Anon walks the path he has so many times before, heading to visit the resting place of the one person who ever made him care about more than himself. A chill wind blows as I start my walk toward the cemetery, dead leaves and twigs crunching under my shoes. Autumn is merciless this year; nearly every day has been overcast—shrouded in unceasing gray—and most of the trees have withered in the cold. It’s been a year and a half since the tragedy at Volcano High, and the town hasn’t been the same ever since. People have moved on, sure—at least most of them—but the wounds run deep. As I pass the high school, I see the aged memorials still lining the sidewalk. The classmates we lost that day when everything fell apart. I steady myself on my cane as I take a long look at one picture in particular. Naser’s face looks up to me from the ground, his picture still surrounded by cards and long-since forgotten gifts. The breeze shuffles away the gathered leaves as I peer into his orange eyes. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. Of how his life was going so well before it happened. He was going to be amazing: a skilled athlete, smart as hell with the best grades, and an aura of charisma that he never thought he had…humble with a heart of gold. I miss him so much. He didn’t deserve this. None of them did. I stare at his picture for a while longer. The guilt eventually becomes too much to bear as I turn away, tears sliding down my cheeks as I catch sight of another fallen soul. Naomi’s picture is no less decorated, so many things placed around it. Goddammit…she may have been a pain in my ass, but she had such promise. She tried so hard…too hard. What she did to me and Fang was wrong, but it came from a place of misplaced desperation. She had found someone who loved her and she wanted nothing more than to do anything she could to keep him happy. She couldn’t have foreseen how it would have ended, not with her life fading away. I can’t take any more of this. I glance back at Naser’s picture one last time as I sigh, starting down the street again to where I need to be today. The pain in my heart only grows as I hobble down the street. It’s my fault this happened. I didn’t stop it; I didn’t care enough. All the signs were in front of me and I ignored them, like I had so many times before. Dammit…I’m so sorry, everyone. I should have done more. I struggle down the street, scarcely able to keep a decent walking pace these days. Ever since my shin snapped that day on the roof, I’ve needed this cane to get anywhere. It never healed properly; I had done so much damage to it desperately trying to reach Fang. God, why couldn’t I have moved faster…? She might have still been here. Yeah, she would have been in prison for the rest of her life but at least…at least Samantha and Ripley would still have one of their children left. I trip and nearly fall to the concrete, catching myself just in time. This is not how I thought my life would have gone. I mean, I was right about one thing—I’m alone every day. My parents don’t talk to me anymore, not that it matters. I sit in my apartment playing vidya trying to pass the hours until the day I die. I got what I always wanted, didn’t I? No one bothers me. I only sometimes hang out with a couple of people on Xrox Live when I’m feeling up to it. It was my plan from the start of school: disappearing, never having to deal with anything or anyone but myself. What a fucking joke…I wasted every chance I had. The cemetery slowly comes into view. Volcaldera Hills Rest, like making it sound comfy causes it to be any less dreary and depressing. No one comes here because they are happy, just to say goodbye. Or, if they are me, they come here because their regrets never fade. My therapist has been telling me this is good for healing, not that I feel like I deserve it. As I reach the cast iron gate, I gently push it open; the aged yet beautifully crafted art piece creaks as the hinges struggle in the cold. I hop through as I shut it behind me, turning toward the hill just beyond the withered oak that overlooks the whole place. It’s tough to get up these paving stones and the grassy stretches keep trying to suck my cane into the ground, but it hasn’t stopped me yet, nor will it. As I reach her grave, the pain gets worse. Every time I come here, the guilt is nearly too much to handle but I can’t run away. The last time I did that…goddammit. As I reach her headstone, I stop for a moment. “‘Here lies Lucy. May heaven restore you in light…’ God, I hope it has,” I say to myself as I set down the rose I had picked up on my way here next to the one I left last week. I can see a small wreath of flowers beside her headstone. There is a small card next to it with a carefully written note: “We love you and miss you so much. We can’t wait to see you again someday. Love, Mom and Dad.” It breaks my heart to read that. They did their best to help Fang. I can only imagine the pain they are in every day after having lost both of their children. Wiping away my tears I get down on my knees, setting aside the guitar I brought with me. “Hey Fang…I’m sorry I was so late today.” I chuckle weakly as I run my hand across her name. “I would have been here sooner, but your parents stopped by before me. I’ll admit I’m still a fucking coward. As soon as I saw them, I turned around and went back home. I can’t bear to face Ripley…not after what happened. But I’m here now!” A small smile cracks across my lips as I stare at her name. The silent breeze is my only companion as I settle in beside her grave, a few leaves rustling as they flow past. I take my hat off and set it beside me, rubbing my bald head as I sigh. “It never gets any easier coming here, Fang. But I never want to let you think that I’ve forgotten you…I never could. I have a few new updates for you this week, good news for once actually!” I look up to the sky as I lean back. “I got the promotion at work. I’m going to be an assistant manager at Fossilmart. I might actually be able to afford to move somewhere closer, isn’t that great?” The painful quiet is almost agonizing. I really wish I had someone to share my accomplishments with—this place is the only time I really say anything at all, outside of work. I sniffle back a tear as I wipe my face. “Yeah…I put in for it last month like I told you. They finally picked the candidate just yesterday. I celebrated with take-out, pizza from…” I choke back a knot in my throat as I struggle. “From D-Dino Moe’s. I ordered your favorite, the meateor s-special. I wish I could have shared it with you. It’s just as good as I remember.” I lean a little closer as I rest slightly against the cold stone. “He talks about you all the time, you know. I catch him from time to time in the store, picking up some things for home. How much he wishes he could have heard more of your shows, how talented you were.” I smile softly. “How beautifully you played that night.” The memories rush back and I nearly break down. How wonderful that time was when she’d played for all of them. That look on her face when they’d all clapped and cheered. I had never seen her that happy and it made my heart soar. “He misses you so much, Fang. We all do.” I dry my eyes again as I lower my head to my knees. “I miss you so damn much. It hurts so bad…” I quietly weep to myself, the thoughts too much for me to hold back anymore. So many things I wish I could change, so many paths my life could have taken if I had just given a shit for once. Fuck…why didn’t I listen? I can hear people coming up the path and I struggle to contain myself as I wipe away my tears. It’s too late to run; I can’t get up fast enough with my fucked leg. Whatever happens, I’m just going to have to face it. Maybe it’s someone else visiting a different grave…probably too much to hope for. Slowly they round the corner into view. Oh fuck…it’s Trish and Reed. She’s wearing black jeans and a thick sweater, her eyes focused on the ground as Reed holds her arm. She doesn’t look healthy—her normal vibrant purple scales are pale, scars cross her face, and one of her horns is shattered. Her hair out the back of her head is tightly bound into a bun, and the top of her head covered in a disheveled mess. Her steps are heavy, like the weight of the entire world is on her shoulders and nothing will give her peace. She clutches a small bundle of beautiful flowers in her other hand. Reed, for his part, seems okay, wearing blue jeans and a comfy green jacket zipped up tight, his hair neatly combed and parted. He looks so proper, leading Trish carefully with a solemn frown on his face. The normally pinkish red scales covering his body seem so muted by the shadow that hangs heavy above him. He looks stone-cold sober, no hint of what had been his normal routine of smoking carfe every day in school showing in the slightest. I do my best to stand up, steadying myself with my cane as they get closer. Reed spots me and I can see a small sympathetic smile on his lips. Trish doesn’t look up until she gets a dozen feet away from the grave. Her eyes are cold and empty, staring straight through me until the realization of who is in front of her finally clicks. The silent anger burning in her gaze cuts deep. She takes the bundle of flowers in both her hands and slowly walks to the grave. She says nothing as she walks past me. I can feel the disdain she has for me emanating from her even as she speaks silently to herself and places the flowers in front of the headstone. She turns from the grave and walks back to Reed. He whispers something to her, and she immediately growls with a vicious frown as she looks back at me. She turns back to him. “If you want to talk to that fucking skinnie, go ahead. I’ll be waiting for you by the bench. Don’t take too fucking long.” With that, she glares at me one more time before quietly fuming as she makes her way down the path out of sight. Reed sighs heavily as he looks over at me. He walks up to me and places a hand on my shoulder, his soft eyes a welcome boost to my soul after feeling like I was facing my end there for a second. “Hey bro, how you holding up?” he asks as he gently pats me on the back. “I’m doing the best I can, Reed. Surviving day to day, trying to keep going on, you know?” I give my best attempt to give him a smile, barely a smirk curling on my lips even with all my effort behind it. “I get you, bro, trust me. You want to sit down? I’d hate to make you struggle any more than you already have to.” He looks down at my leg which is already quivering under the strain. “I’d appreciate that.” He helps me back down and we sit staring at the graves in front of us. “Thank you for this. I’m sorry for any trouble you’ll get into for even speaking to me.” He waves it off as he stares at Fang’s name on the stone. “It’s fine, man. She knows we talk; I mean, she pops in sometimes when we’re hitting up Xrox on game night. She just…” “Fucking despises the air I breathe?” I say as his words trail off and he sighs with a nod. “Yeah, bro…I don’t think that’s ever going to change.” “It shouldn’t. Look what I caused.” I stare at the two graves—Naser’s final resting place is next to Fang’s, keeping her company even in death—and he shakes his head. “It wasn’t all your fault, man, I’ve told you so many times. We all fucked up that last year. All we can do is live with it and go on with our lives. “It’s fucking hard, Reed.” I choke back another knot in my throat. “All I can think about is what I could have done to change this. How a few things going differently would have led to a great life for all of us. Now, all I do is struggle week to week. She never leaves my thoughts. Or Naser—fuck, any of them. Goddammit, Reed. Why did this have to happen?” Reed puts his arm around my shoulder with a somber frown. “I don’t know, bro. I wish it hadn’t. I never thought things would have turned out this way. I mean, all I wanted to do was spread carfe to the world…now I barely touch the shit.” He takes out his old lighter and flicks it open, a tiny flame sputtering out the top before he slaps it closed again. “I just don’t want to. I missed something with my head in the fucking clouds all the time. I just wish I knew what it was.” He sniffles as he wipes his cheeks with his other arm. “I’m here for you, bro. Anytime you need…please, call me.” “Thanks, Reed. At least I’ve got you in my corner when shit gets bad. I don’t want to keep you, though. I’d hate to bring the wrath of Trish down on your head. We’ll have plenty of time to catch up later, but thanks for talking to me. I fucking needed it.” “Not a problem, man.” He gives me a quick hug before pushing up off the grass. “You need help up or you hanging out for a bit?” He looks down at me with his hand outstretched. I shake my head and he puts his hand in his pocket. “I’ve got a little more I want to do before I go home, but thanks. I’ll catch you later.” “You’re welcome. See ya later, Anon.” He gives me a quick nod as he turns down the path eventually walking out of view. I really hope Trish doesn’t give him shit. So few people I get to talk to these days, especially ones from my past. Left alone again with my thoughts, I turn back to the grave. “Sorry for that, Fang. Wasn’t really expecting anyone to come by this late in the day. Where was I…oh yeah.” I crack a wan smile. “I hope you know how much your family and friends still love you. Terrible as it was how things ended, all they really think is how much they wish they could have helped you heal.” A chill breeze strikes me again, causing me to shiver. Fucking autumn…barely ever snows in this place but fuck if the cold can’t cut to the bone. “So much has happened since you’ve been gone, some of which I haven’t told you yet. You know the music room? They finally renovated it. Yeah…I stopped by on a visit, and you would have loved it. The instruments actually work now instead of it being a shot in the fucking dark if you got something that had all its parts. Jingo retired early. I…I haven’t heard anything about him since. He took it hard. We all did.” One person in particular took it the worst. Principal Spears was never the same again. He felt so guilty, like it was entirely his fault that so many lives were lost. The whole town turned against him and demanded he resign. He did so willingly and disappeared. I can only hope that wherever he ended up, he was able to start over in a new school. He never did anything but his best…sometimes it’s just not enough. “You know, thinking back to your parents…” I sidle up against the edge of the headstone. “I know I said I’ve been avoiding them, but one day your mom came into the store. She caught sight of me and I expected her to tear me apart, but she didn’t do anything of the sort. It was weird. She just kind of looked me in the eye…God, the pain I saw in hers. She didn’t say a word, just stared at me for a minute before turning away. I don’t know what’s worse: the fact I didn’t see any hate in her eyes, or that I really wish I had.” I sigh as I close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Be kind of nice if she had just unloaded on me, you know? Like I could maybe give her some kind of catharsis, at least, in that…but she didn’t do a damn thing. I just want to help someone out…even a little.” I pull myself back up a little as I open my eyes and reach for the guitar I brought. “I have a surprise for you. You know that time we played in your room? I’ve been practicing for a few months, and I think I’ve finally got it down. I didn’t tell you when I started ’cause I didn’t want to spoil it by showing up and blowing it. You’d be proud of me, Fang. I remembered everything you taught me.” I set the guitar across my lap as I turn to face the stone. “I hope you like it. Here…let me play for you, like you did for me so long ago.” I take the pick from my pocket as I position my hands across the strings. Memories of that day in her bedroom flood back as I begin to play, plucking the strings slowly as I do my best to remember the notes. A familiar sound fills the air around me as the silence is broken by the soft notes coming from the guitar. I remember the moment she sat behind me, how my heart was racing a mile a minute to have her so close to me. The texture of her hands as she guided me to each string, teaching me the heart of her. The more I play, the more it hurts. Tears stream down my cheeks as I do everything I can to keep going, but it starts to get to be too much. “Come on…” I whisper to myself. “Keep going, Anon, you worked so hard on this.” I struggle to move my hands across the strings, but I just can’t do it. As I try to strum, the pick falls from my shaking hands. I try to pick it back up, but I can’t take it anymore. I slide the guitar down onto the grass as I get on my hands and knees, crawling toward her epitaph. The wave of emotion crashing down on me is more than I can handle as tears pour from me. “I’m so fucking sorry, Fang. I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m so goddamn sorry I let you die. I could have done so much more. I could have tried so much harder to save you, but I didn’t do anything. I just watched as you fell to pieces all around me and I ignored it, thinking it would pass. I didn’t know what you were going to do or how badly you hurt inside. I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry for failing you.” I gently press my fists against the cold lifeless stone. Tears flow in waves down my face as wracking cries pour out of me. I just wanted to do something for her, something simple, and I couldn’t even finish this fucking song. Through my hazy eyes I turn to look at Naser’s grave. I still remember him on the floor, crawling toward me as I charged into the school. There was barely any life left in him as he reached up with his hand for me. So much blood, spread all around him. He tried to speak but there was no air left to carry his voice…but I could read the words on his lips. “Save her…please…” then the light faded from his eyes as I watched his last breath leave him. “I tried, Naser! I tried! I ran up as fast as I could, but it wasn’t enough!” I slam my fists against my legs as I cry out in agony. “I couldn’t save you, I couldn’t save Fang, I couldn’t save anyone! You are all dead…and I failed every fucking one of you.” My tears blind me as I cry into the empty wind, nothing to keep me company but the sounds of the trees creaking in the breeze. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” I press my hands against her name again. The name I never said—she was Fang to me; she always will be. I’ll hold her in my heart as the pale blue angel sent from heaven that I failed so miserably to protect. My tears slow and it feels like I have so few left in me. Anon… I hear a whisper in the wind and my head snaps up. That voice… “Who’s there?” I look all around but I can’t see anyone. I twist around on the ground, getting to my feet as I snap up my cane. “Who was that? Fang? Fang?! Was that you?! Please!” I look around every headstone, desperately hobbling from grave to grave and looking behind trees for whomever said that, but there is no one to be found. I slam my fist into a tree as I sigh. “Goddammit, I thought…no it couldn’t have been her. Dammit, why does this happen…? As if I’m not tortured enough as it is.” I sigh again as I turn around and head back. As her grave comes back into view, there is something resting on the top of her headstone that makes my jaw drop. A single, white plume rests upon the stone, gently shifting as the calm breeze ruffles it. I struggle to move my legs as I fall to my knees beside Fang’s grave. I pick it up off the headstone and run my fingers across it. It feels just like one of hers. I look around, trying to find anywhere it could have come from, gazing up into the sky to see if any bird may have just flown over…but I see nothing. I softly rub the feather against my cheek. The texture matches perfectly to my memory of the few times she enveloped me in her wings. I know she’s gone but…goddammit, this feels so much like her. I look up into the sky, my eyes misted over as I smile. “Thank you for this…whomever or whatever put this here. Thank you so much.” I put my hand on her headstone one last time. “I gotta go home for now, Fang. But I truly hope, wherever you are, that you are at peace. Healed at last.” I look over to Naser’s grave. “I hope you both are together again, finding the cure for the pain life couldn’t give you. Goodbye for now.” I pick up the guitar from the ground as I pull myself back to my feet, slinging it over my shoulder as I steady myself on my cane, tucking the feather within my jacket. I look at their graves with a smile on my face. I’ll see you guys again one day. The sun is starting to set as I reach to the gate again, pushing it open and beginning the long walk home. People are hurrying back inside before the cold nips them too hard as businesses close up shop and couples huddle together as they walk. It’s taken a long time, but some wounds have scarred over for this town. Someday it’ll just be an old memory for us all. I make my way back to my apartment, still living in Skin Row. Maybe with that new promotion I might finally move somewhere I don’t have to worry about getting killed every night. The walk up the steps is murder as always on my tired legs, but I don’t regret my weekly visits…definitely not this one. I unlock the door and push it open, locking it behind me as I place the guitar back on the wall. I carefully pull the feather out of my jacket and I place it across my desk. It still looks so pristine, like it never belonged here in the first place. I take off my jacket and toss it on the rack as I sit down at my desk, running my fingers across the plume. The soft texture brings back so many good memories. The days we spent together in school, all the time we had together during those short few months after we had met, the small amount of time where we were actually dating. A tear slides down my cheek as I twist the feather between my fingers. I wish so much that we could have had more time together. That our lives could have continued on with us growing close. I’d give almost anything for that to be so. I turn to face my bed as I let myself be carried back to that moment. The single moment that brought me so much joy that I can still feel it today. The day she told me she liked me, when we almost had our first kiss. The feeling of that downy wing draped across my body as she softly snored in my ear. I will never trade that memory for anything in this world…except if it were to give her a second chance. But I can’t live in fantasy—she’s gone but she’ll always be in my heart. I place the feather back on the desk as I get back up. I hobble over to the kitchen for a quick snack, which I shovel down before I wash up and grab my guitar off the wall. I make my way back to my bed where I sit down. “I’m sorry I couldn’t play it for you today, Fang. But I promise you…one day I’ll be able to get through it, just for you.” I sniffle back a tear as I put my hands into position and get ready to play. In that moment I can feel a warmth, the same feeling I felt that day when she sat behind me. It’s almost like I can feel her hands guiding me right now as I start to play again, and I swear I can hear her humming as I play each note. My blue angel, taking me to school even now as I do everything in my power to push on. A soft breeze blows in from the crack in my window, fluttering the feather idly sitting on my desk. I continue to play every chord with my entire heart in each strum. My fingers glide across the strings as I smile, feeling the essence of the song she had played for me that day. The music slowly fills the room as I softly sing to myself, playing for an audience of me alone but dreaming of another time when she would have been here herself to hear me. I really hope she would have been proud of me. As the song grows closer to the end, my eyes drift to the feather. I’ll never know where it came from, but its presence pushes me on as I near the final notes. As I complete the song my fingers rest idly on the strings, tears dropping down to the sheets below. I did it. I finished it. Now I just need to find the strength the next time I visit to play it for her to the end. I close my eyes as I utter a soft prayer to whatever higher power might be out there—please be with me when I try again. Help me get through this. As the last note fades from the air the breeze quiets, no longer shifting the feather. I sigh as I rub the tears from my eyes. Catharsis comes and goes; the pain in my heart remains but each day I’ll keep going on, for her. I get up from the bed and I place the guitar in its holder on the wall, my fingers lingering on it for a moment. Your song will be heard someday, Fang. I’ll make sure of it, no matter what. I head to the bathroom and take a quick shower. The warm water soothes my aching muscles from the strain of my trip, the short walk almost being a marathon to me these days. A soft glow has taken hold in me, a spark to heal the painful wounds I’ve dealt with for so long. Perhaps it’s her last gift to me, a tiny bit of hope to help me find my way. I smile to myself with a chuckle—wouldn’t that be something? I turn off the water and dry off, throwing on my pajamas as I sit on the edge of my bed. I turn on my Xrox and hit up Reed for a few games of Rock Ring. It’s comforting just to hear the voice of someone familiar, someone who still cares. He offers to hang out for lunch on the weekend and I accept…I can’t just rot alone in here. After the last game, I put up my controller for the night. I’ve got work in the morning and I don’t need to be late for my first day as the assistant manager. A stupid thing, I know, to be so excited about a job promotion working retail but to be honest, I’ll take any win I can get. As I click off the lamp by my bed, my thoughts drift to her once again. That beautiful angel soaring across the sky and in the stars. I softly smile as I turn my head. May heaven restore you in light, indeed. May it do the same for me, one day, when I see you again.