Title: Longing
Status: Complete
Characters: Naser 
Rating: SFW
Classification: One-Shot
Author: hyi
Summary: Naser reflects on just how much of his life is out of his control one day after another long day at school.

As I flop down onto my bed, I can't ignore the burning ache in my calves. Completely forgetting to do stretches before your daily mile run can do that to you.
Another banner fucking day at Volcaldera's premier high school. Everything was bullshit, like normal. Get to school at 5am, do paperwork for track, get a little jog in before I get kicked off the field by the football team, get breakfast, worry about grades, worry about grades, worry about grades…can I ever get a fucking break?
It just doesn't make any sense to me. Why am I the one that has to be perfect? I'm not perfect. Nowhere near perfect, but I'm good at hiding it I guess. Not that my parents nor Naomi seem to even care to ask how I'm doing. It's always, "make sure you do a good job" this, "I'm counting on you" that. Fucking bullshit.

It's made worse by the fact that I have literally nobody to talk to about it. Nobody to bitch to about how unfair it is to have all the expectation in the world put on my head. Not even Naomi. She's one of the worst offenders, actually. Always on my ass about my grades, always looking for perfection out of someone who really couldn't give a fuck if he lived or died at this point.

Something has to give soon. I can't keep on living like this. My feathers have been falling out on a daily basis, I can barely keep anything down, I'm always tired.
That last part may be because I'm always up until midnight studying for stupid bullshit AP work that I was essentially forced to do, because of course I was. Naser is the smartest kid in the world! The perfect student! The perfect boyfriend. Yeah fucking right.

One of these days something is gonna change. I've always been told, time and time again, to exceed expectations. How about I subvert your stupid unrealistic expectations, huh? What would you do then? What the hell would you do if your perfect angel of a child gave you a big "Fuck off!" and started living for once?

I wonder what Naomi would do.
I'm starting to really, really loathe seeing her honestly. She's been nothing short of a control freak ever since we met. I don't know how much longer I can feign being happy with her. We were happy together, once. Truly. At the beginning, she was such a sweet girl. I loved her. Nowadays I feel like I can't even bring anything up in conversation with her without it turning into a lecture about how I should be focusing on school and track, how I can relax after it's all over with. Fuck that.

I'm done. I'm done being the perfect student. I'm DONE being the perfect boyfriend. I'm finished. It's not worth killing myself with mountains of work and wasting the best years of my life. It's time for me to start LIVING.

…after I get this essay finished. Fuck my life.

[POST-NOTES]
thank you for reeding