Title: It Does Matter Status: Complete Characters: Anon, Fang Rating: SFW Classification: One-Shot Author: EidolonThePhantom Summary: After the unmitigated disaster of prom night, Anon brings Fang home to get away from everything for a while. He's sure she'll be fine, she just needs to be distracted from it and it will go away...his long-dormant conscience says otherwise. "It doesn't matter. None of it matters. Repeat after me. It doesn't matter." That was a wise thing to say. Sagely even. It's just high school after all! We'll never see these fuckers again after that stupid cap and gown rigamarole. No one will really remember it a couple years down the road. It will fade away into the wind as people get on with their new lives in the real world, going to college, finding jobs, or in the case of slubs like me, most likely enlisting. In the end it's spitting into a septic tank. That's just YOUR nihilistic ass talking. I pause as a strange little voice awakens at the back of my mind, the distraction causing my character to die. "Ah fuck." I huff as I get my attention back to Rock Ring. I can feel Fang's presence on the bed behind me, hear her soft breathing as she watches. She'll be alright. Just needs to get her mind off of it. Will she though? There's that voice again. Shut up, quit worrying about nothing. She's right here safe with me, we'll get a good nights sleep, go back to school tomorrow, and just weather the storm for the short time until we're out. It mattered to her. It MATTERS to her. You know it. You saw how broken she was. I slip up and die again. Fang isn't saying anything. I figure she would have made a quip at me for dying like a scrub a second time. That's just like her. She is not OK. She's calm on the outside but she is not OK. Stop pretending. It's getting louder and more persistent, drowning out my other thoughts. My hands tighten on the controller and I've stopped actively playing. Died again. Don't care. Still nothing from Fang. She is hurting, can't you see that? She fucking needs you. "Anon?" I think I hear Fang finally speak up, but it doesn't really register. There's that voice again, even more forceful. Angry. You are the only bright spot in her life right now, and look at what you're doing. Ignoring her. Ignoring her after telling her that her dream, her big moment, didn't actually matter. Playing your games, burying yourself in your own little world and hoping it all goes away. My hands start to shake. I'm staring at the TV, watching my character dying over and over, and I can't be bothered to twitch a finger. The anger is mine. I'm angry at myself. That might work for you, but this isn't about you. It's about her. For fuck sakes, CARE ABOUT HER! I look down at the controller. My knuckles are white as chalk. A soft, gentle hand rests on my shoulder. The sweetest voice I've ever heard whispers to me. "Anon…?" I barely hear it over the rushing in my ears. My heart slams against my ribs. I look at the ghostly image of my reflection in my TV, staring at myself. What little detail I can make out of the reflection's face is twisted in disgust. Before my eyes flash memories of the past few months. All the things I did or said which I shouldn't have, or didn't which I should have. I chose not to do the right thing because it kept me in my own little comfort zone. Just stay in the background. Take no chances, make no mistakes. Safe and comfortable. For me. "You are not the only person in the world." "What the fuck am I doing?!" I burst out suddenly, tossing the controller aside without caring. Fuck it, it's a piece of plastic. My shoulder is suddenly released and I feel the bed shift as Fang jumps slightly. I close the short distance between myself and the TV and shut it off, followed by the Xrox, before I turn to look back at Fang. She's staring at me, her amber eyes wide and a look of startled confusion on her face. "Anon…are you OK?" She asks softly. My throat closes and a dagger pierces my heart. She's hurting so much, I've been terrible this whole time, and there she is, those beautiful eyes full of concern, asking if I'm OK. There's the golden heart I fell in love with when I saw it shine from under that moody and aggressive shell. What did she ever see in me...Raptor Jesus I don't deserve her. "No." I say once I find the mental capacity for words again. "I'm not OK, because YOU are not OK, and I've been ignoring that like the selfish dumbass I am." "Anon, it–" she doesn't get a chance to finish, having to shift quickly to sit up on the bed as I approach. I sit down beside her, and waste no time in taking her tightly into my arms. For a moment she's still as a statue, likely stuck in "Fang.exe is loading" mode from my rather sudden and radical shift in mood. Can't blame her. It only lasts a split second however before she melts into my embrace, her arms wrapping around me, followed by those wonderfully soft wings. The wings of an angel. You are my angel… "Talk about sappy. That was really sweet though." She nuzzles my cheek. Of course. Goddamn mumbling. I take a breath to steady my emotions before I say what I need to. I will not break down. I'm the one comforting her, not the other way around. I am her rock in this storm, her lighthouse in the dark night. "I'm sorry, Fang." "For what?" She asks, sounding apprehensive. "For being the worst fucking boyfriend ever." I say, taking all my meager emotional fortitude to remain calm. Then it all spills out, everything I had I known deep down I was doing wrong, but for my own stupid reasons chose to ignore. "For not supporting you like I should have in the time we've been together...for tonight, being so up my own ass I couldn't see that you needed me…and for telling you that your greatest passion, your dream, what was supposed to be your big moment, doesn't matter. It does matter. This was supposed to be something great, then fate had to be a bitch and ruin it…but it's no one's fault, Fang. Bad shit just happens regardless of who deserves it or who doesn't. What truly matters is you don't give up. Music is a part of who you are, it's in your soul. I will never forget that day we played together, your hands guiding mine as we created a song, or when you played at Moe's and absolutely fucking rocked it. You were a shining star that night, and no one can ever take that from you. It will be alright, I promise…but I know it really hurts, and I'm so sorry I minimized it with my goddamn nihilism, and then decided to play a stupid fucking video game instead of being right here giving you the support and comfort you need. I'm sorry. I love you so much, Fang." I nuzzle her gently, and give her cheek a soft kiss. "I'm here now. I'm here." God it's hard to keep myself together. "A-Anon…" Fang chokes out softly. She sniffles and begins to tremble, her breaths catching. I just hold her, gently starting to rock side to side as I pet her silky hair. "Just let it all out..." I rub her back soothingly. How could I have been so fucking blind and stupid. She was here this whole time, the most wonderful and precious thing in my life, and I completely took her for granted. I remember back to that day in her room. All that matters is her. I really need to act like that more. I need to cherish what I have right here in my arms. This warm body, this beating heart, this beautiful and fiery soul who saw something in me that I never saw in myself. I feel her tears falling onto my shoulder, and she begins to cry at last. Her claws prick my back, clinging to me in anguish, loud and gut-wrenching sobs wrack her form as she lets out everything that she had been keeping in from this disastrous night. All the hurt, hopelessness, and anger burst forth and spilling from her like the foul humours being drained from a festering wound. I tighten my arms around her, reassuring her without words that I'm right here and will never let go. I whisper sweet nothings and pepper her cheek with kisses when I can, showering her with all the love I should have given her before. I neither know nor care how much time has passed before her body begins to relax and her sobs quiet to soft hiccups. I move one of my hands from her back to gently wipe away the rivulets of tears remaining on her cheeks. My poor angel…you don't deserve to hurt so much. I promise I will always be here to share your burdens from now on. After another little while, she's calmed and breathing steadily, and musters up the energy to speak. "There are no words for how much I needed that, Anon. Thank you so much…and, I'm sorry too." I pull back a little to stare at her. "What?" I frown, bewildered. "No, Fang, you don't–" "I do." She interrupts, looking up at me now with her red and puffy eyes. "I haven't been the best girlfriend either. I've pushed you away, been mean to you when you were only trying to help, no doubt made you feel like you weren't enough." True, I did feel like that…and wait, girlfriend? Nevermind, address that later. "But that's in the past. We're going to get through this, together." She continues. "I promise I'll never shut you out again." I give her a kiss on the end of her snoot, which makes her wrinkle it a little and glare at me, but there's a twinkle in her eye. "Couldn't help myself. And I promise I will never ignore you or your feelings again. I am here to support you no matter what. I love you." I stroke her cheek lovingly. She places a hand over mine. "I love you too." She says softly, her eyes full of tenderness as they look into mine. The windows to her soul. God I could get lost forever in those vibrant pools of molten amber… "You're really feeling extra cheesy tonight aren't you?" She giggles. Gah fucking mumbling. "Extra romantic." I correct her playfully, smiling at her. "Whatever you say, dweeb." She nuzzles my cheek, and her lips gently meet mine as she kisses me. I eagerly kiss her back, my eyes closing as warm bliss washes over me. She's back to her old self, mostly. There's a light in her eyes again, and she's calling me dweeb. Not to say everything is perfect, of course not, but this is a beginning. I can help her heal. I'm going to start acting like I give a fuck for once instead of just kind of giving one from a distance, and be there for her through everything that comes her way. When the kiss breaks, I think of one more thing to make her feel better. "I have dino nuggies left." Her face brightens at the very mention. "You do? All fifteen left in the bag?" I chuckle at this. Naser wasn't kidding, she really does count them. "All fifteen." I confirm. "With the good BBQ sauce that you like of course. I'll make you a plate." "Please." Fang smiles eagerly. I disentangle myself from our embrace and go to the freezer, grabbing the bag out of it and setting it on the counter before taking a plate from the cupboard to put them on. Emptying the bag onto the plate, I set them all out so they're not crowded and put it in the microwave, grabbing the sauce while I'm waiting. Ding! I open the microwave and grab the plate carefully, setting it on the counter and pouring a nice dollop of BBQ sauce into a corner. Capping the bottle, I walk over to Fang, holding the plate flat on the bottom like a platter and with one hand behind my back, like one of those fancy bowtie-wearing waiters in a ritzy restaurant. "Your nuggies are served, Madame." I say in my best (terrible) impression of a snooty accent as I lean down and present her snack. She takes the plate with a soft laugh. "It's a good thing you're adorable as hell when you're being all dweeby." She says as she eagerly digs into her little golden treasures. I smile and sit beside her again, snuggling up to her and looking out the window at the dark sky. I think things will be alright now. It will take time, but I'm sure things will turn out alright. I can't shake this odd gut feeling that something…terrible has been avoided. I'd rather not imagine what that could be. "Anon?" "Hm?" I look over at her. She looks down at her plate. There's one left. "You can have it." She says, holding the plate over. I raise my eyebrows, legitimately shocked by this. Fang was like a mother panther over her dino nuggies, god help your fingers if they got anywhere close, yet…"Really?" I ask. "For being the best boyfriend ever." She smiles at me, her eyes sparkling. I slowly reach to the plate, take the nugget, and give it a dip before eating it. Hm, that is quite nice. Not something I'd eat all the time but I can definitely see why it's her comfort food. "Thank you. I truly appreciate that." I give her a kiss on the cheek and take her now empty plate to the sink. When I look back at my bed, she's already laid down on it, snuggled up under the covers. Awww. I smile at her. Bed sounded like a great idea. I click off the lights on my way over, then quickly take off my jacket, shoes, pants, and socks before climbing into bed myself and scooching up close to her. Her eyes are still open. They're full of contentment and love as she looks at me, and drapes one of her warm, soft, angelic wings over me like a second blanket. My eyes are threatening to well up from the flood of emotion, and I take a shaky breath as I wrap an arm around her and pull her close. "I want this every night." I whisper. "The last thing I see being you, and the first thing I see in the morning being you." She snuggles up closer, a tear sliding down her face but a peaceful smile around her beak. Her hand finds mine and takes a hold of it, her fingers interlacing with mine. "I want that too. Forever. Good night, Anon." She gives me a soft kiss. "Sweet dreams." I whisper back, watching her close her eyes and settle down to sleep. I close my eyes as well, taking a deep breath and letting myself drift into peaceful slumber. [POST-NOTES] This was the first Snoot fic I actually wrote, before I'd actually played the game myself. I decided to give it a bit of a cleanup and expansion before posting it here. I'm always up for a bit of E1 cope, and I thought "what if Anon's conscience woke up and made him face his mistakes before it was too late?" I hope you like it.