Anonymous Thu 17 Oct 2024 20:08:35 No.70058815 Report

Quoted By: >>70058842 >>70059295 >>70059681

>>70058755
Iadakan's reaction to his terminal diagnosis.

Anonymous Thu 17 Oct 2024 20:38:53 No.70059681 Report

>>70058815

>It's like the words just slide off my brain, refusing to stick whatsoever. The dull ringing pain in my body the only sensation I have any more. The shock holds my heart still.
>"Mr. Iadakan I know this is some pretty heavy news. Thankfully we have many treatment plans to help you stay healthy as long as possible."
>The doctors voice spouts words that carry almost no meaning to me.. I have no clue how long I sit there and just stare at the floor, it's linoleum tiles glistening in the fluorescent light from above. Small reflections of the room and my own face distorted heavily in it. Mindlessly I find my hand tapping the bed next to me.
>The only thing I can do is plan. A torrent of questions strikes me all at once. I glance up to lock eyes with Dr. Brinck, the graying diplodocus giving me a soft look.
>My mouth quivers as we lock eyes. A heavy look in his. A sheen deep inside betraying a thought he has to keep locked down. It's not pity. It's not regret nor sadness. He looks at me behind his wall with a look of knowing sympathy. I can only imagine the times he has to ring death's toll for men like me.
>I manage to swallow my own thoughts and prod for information. Curt and short, not oft I droop to speak like this. "How long?"
>He takes a deep breath, filling his form with the sterile air. The mild buzzing from the bulbs ahead starting to threaten to grow to a cacophonous roar. He beats them back with his voice.
>"You can expect maybe a year or two at best." Cold, calculated and quiet. Nothing behind it but fact. I find my hand shaking slightly as it grips the edge of the bed now.
>A fear sets in. Something inside me screams out and wails in horror. I've seen what people look like near the end. Grandpa didn't go without fighting.
>'Fight.' Dirty word they use for it. It's no fight nor struggle. It's rotting. Slowly losing yourself to something within as it takes you, piece by piece. It scares the shit out of me.
cont.

Anonymous Thu 17 Oct 2024 20:52:19 No.70060057 Report

Quoted By: >>70060414

>>70059681
>But nothing scares me more than having to show that to my pupils...my wife. Having to drag them through that. Have to watch over my corpse months after I should've already stopped breathing. No.
>"How long without treatment?"
>I expect some sort of pause. A reply or struggle to get me to reconsider. I'm clearly not the first to ask.
>"A year if you're lucky. Eight months if not."
>My eyelids droop and slowly close. All my future plans mash up together, fighting for dominance. So many have to be stricken as they arise. Retirement. Taking care of grandkids. Hell I may not even get to see off this next generation of students.
>A shaky huff exits me. I didn't realize I'd been holding my breath. Another swallow to try to pull some sort of energy into me. It does nothing but move the shaking to the rest of my body. The room closing in fast as my perception narrows. The doctor calls to me, stopping my collapse for but a moment.
>"If you change your mind feel free to come in anytime. In the interim; Here." I blink and glance up to see a scratched note handed to me. A prescription.
>"Will make you sleepy but should deal with the pain. If not take double the dosage."
>It's placed into my hand. My fingers refusing orders, almost dropping it. He clears his throat and nods to me, stepping out.
>Leaving me alone.
>Eyes still locked onto the sheet as my thumb runs over it. The rest of the day standing just outside the door, waiting for me to rise and meet it. The future crawling over me slowly, refusing any pleads I'd had to stop. To take a moment to think.
>The love of my life just a few miles away. Completely unaware of what I have to say to her. About to be blindsided by the fact that I'll be leaving her. The note crumples in my hand.
>Hatred and fury spikes my blood pressure. The faces of all those close to me pass by as my fists tighten into balled knots. Smiling faces of my students, friends, faculty, family. I'm failing them.
cont.

Anonymous Thu 17 Oct 2024 21:05:54 No.70060414 Report

Quoted By: >>70060617

>>70060057
>One step at a time. My muscles cry as they slowly relax, letting me know just how taught I'd pulled them. As if to mock me so does my lower back. The deep seated feeling in my bones making me sick to my stomach. I stand and stare ahead.
>It's...strange. I've dealt in perspective before but experiencing the change this drastically is new. The news taking a backdrop to everything.
>Light's dimmer, air soured and the pull of gravity a touch heavier. A leech drains the energy out of me with every step forward. A deep tiredness finds it's way through me while I push out of the office. I sigh and walk out the front, a faux smile flashed at the greeter as I exit the clinic.
>I march right over to the car and instantly go for my stash. A small pack of smokes I keep just in case I feel the need again. Been quit for years. Wife's insistence.
>Stick out, match lit and I take a puff. Old familiar tingling creeping into my head, helping still my nerves. Clear my head while I sort this all out. A deep huff puts out a fogged cloud, drifting gently as I watch it dissipate. Nothing I can do is going to make this discussion easier. No amount of planning or putting it off. I take another deep drag, filling my lungs with the smoke.
>It's funny. The questions I'd had to poke at the students under me about their futures, their hopes and regrets suddenly have come knocking. Do I regret my life? Did I leave my mark? I drop the cigarette butt and stamp it out, lingering my gaze at my shoe. Nothing feels real anymore.
>I sit and stare up once more, trying to steel everything as best I can. I've still got some time. Not a lot but enough to work with. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel as I find my footing. I find a soothing idea inside.
>The school year starts in less than a month. Everything I do, have done, all comes to nest there. My role as a guide for the future generations. A leading hand to help the children find their way into their future.
cont, one more.

Anonymous Thu 17 Oct 2024 21:14:06 No.70060617 Report

Quoted By: >>70060656

>>70060414
>I find my heart stilling as I think about it. My time may be coming up sooner than I'd hoped but I don't plan on losing any of it to panicking. Swore to myself I'd be there for those who need me come rain or snow and I plan to make good on that promise for as long as I can.
>Scheduling starts to fall into place. My natural process of preparing for class and lectures start up. Normalcy, despite everything, comes easily. I dread the conversations I'm going to have to have but other than that...what changes?
>The question lifts my spirits slightly. Life moves on whether I'm at the front of a classroom or in the ground. Dark, but strangely it helps to think about. I kick the car into gear and start to pull out of the parking garage.
>A prayer rises through me as I go. I don't ask for much in these regards but there is one thing I quietly beg for. End of the year. Just let me see the seniors walk the stage. Let me finish my job. Please.

Fin.
Well that hurt. See ya /snoot/.