"The NPC"
A PokePasta by Satoshi Katsukawa

I remember back in my school days when we used to play Pokemon, it was a fun a memorable experience, but one day, during college, that all changed. I was with Tadanobu and we were talking about how we used to play Pokemon. He was an exchange student who grew up in Japan and had the Japanese versions of the Gen. 1 games, they were a lot different from the versions I had seen. 

It was one day that I was playing my Red version and wanted a Mewtwo. I can’t remember exactly why I did the things I did, but I do remember that I had 5 rare candies and went into the Unnamed Cave (that cave in Cerulean). When I was inside I saw a trainer, this was odd because usally there are no trainers in the cave. So naturally, I walked up to him and pressed A. This spawned the text “I am Kei the lucky one, and true champion, no one can defeat me. No one knows I’m here.” 

“Well that was odd,” I thought. 

We then entered a battle, I failed. His team consisted of Mew, Mewtwo, Blastoise, and three MisingNo. I called Tadanobu immediately and asked about Kei. 

“No I never encountered any "Kei" in the game, let me try.”

I went over to his house and he was in battle with Kei, using a GameShark. This time Kei had a Charizard rather than a Blastoise. Tadanobu defeated Kei easily after the battle Kei said “Cheaters never win.” 

We tried multiple times on many game saves, and all the same he always had a Mew, Mewtwo, the pokemon from Prof. Oak that neither you nor your rival chose, and three MisingNo. In Gen 2 things really got weird. His text went unchanged but his team now was Mew, Mewtwo, Typhlosion, Lugia, Suicune, and Raikou. In all of his team sets they were Level 100 and we were always defeated by Kei. We also discovered that in Japanese Crystal you would have to connect the Mobile Adapter which, thankfully, Tadanobu had one. It didn't have to connect to the server but it had to be connected.

In Gen 3 he was in the same place for FireRed and LeafGreen, but in Ruby, Saphire, and Emerald he was no where to be found. Gen 4 required you to be connected to Wi-Fi and after that it was always Wi-Fi connection only. In every game there was something always the same,you had to get a random number of a random item, it took us a whole month and then some research after we left college to find all the ways to battle Kei. 

Back to my college days, we went on to research more about Kei we then found at our local card shop two e-Reader cards one for Japan and one for the US. That was the only way to access Kei in RSE. We looked up Kei on Bulbapedia and found nothing on the trainer but there were some people working at GameFreak with the name Kei. Maybe this is one of them. It didn't make any sense at why would they hide this guy so well in Pokemon, why couldn't they just make an extra room for him to be in. 

In an effort to find out we looked on GameFreak's website, all in japanese so Tadanobu was translating it for me. Again nothing, we went to the page for Red and Green and then Tadanobu noticed that in part of the white space there was a link. We clicked and were sent to a new website in English called "RAISING GYIYG". 

"Raising Gyiyg!?" I said to Tadanobu, to which he responded, "Yeah, you know the last boss in Mother 2, or Earthbound to you in America."

"You mean Giygas."

"Yeah I guess that's what you call him in the English version."

"Okay, but why does he have his own site?" I asked unknowingly, and Tadanobu didn't know either, then the computer made a "ding" noise like we had got a message.

“User: Kei wants to chat."

"What the…" was the only words to leave my lips, before the chatroom started.

He was a bot and we just messed around with him.

Guest: Hello Kei.?
Kei: Do you know anime?

Guest: Yes, why??
Kei: Just curious.

Guest: Okay, hows your day.?
Kei: Not good.

Guest: Uh oh, what's wrong.

Kei: No one wants to play with me, I feel lonely.

Guest: What do you mean.

Kei: Like do you have a crush on someone?

Guest: Not currently.

Kei: Are you a boy?

Guest: Yes.

Kei: What is your name*wondering*.

Guest: Tadanobu.

Kei: Spooky!

Guest: Really?

Kei: Yes.

Guest: Why is my name spooky.

Kei: What is your name?

Guest: Tadanobu.

Kei: Very good, and you are Ally.

Guest: No I'm Tadanobu.

Kei: Yes you are.. I want you to be a girl :( please.

Guest: No.

Kei: Why can;t you be a girl?

Guest: Because I'm a man.

Kei: But you said you were a man!

Guest: Right.

Kei: Left.

Guest: It's just a jump to the left.

Kei: What happens if I jump to the right?

Guest: You fail at the Time Warp.

Kei: What do you prefer?

Guest: What do you mean.

Kei: I mean: what are your hobbies?

Guest: Games.

Kei: Games?

Guest: Yes.

Kei: What do you mean games?

Guest: Video games.

Kei: I like those want to play Pokemon with me?

After that we stopped talking to Kei, it was getting too weird and we knew then it was the same Kei. His account on the site was an administrator and also credited as creator, he also had a message on his profile "3-3-4-1"

Tadanobu noticed that that was Japanese text message code for sa-mi-shi-i meaning "I feel lonely"

It all made sense, he wanted us to be a girl because he was lonely and wanted a girlfriend, it was a sad story. One trainer left alone and no one to play with, no one to be with. We felt sorry for Kei.

We went back to our respective dorms and thought nothing of Kei that night, our lives almost went on as usual. Almost because that night I met Kei.

It was the middle of the night and I heard my door swing open and then I saw him. " I'm feeling so lonely" he said, "Won't you join me."

"No!" I screamed.

"Oh come on let me fuck you"

"No, get off me, HELP!"

He kept climbing into the bed and I kept fighting him and then I hit him with my pillow as hard as I could. He fell to the floor when then I grabbed by baseball bat and commanded him to leave. He got up and I watched out my window to make sure he left the campus. I told no one not even Tadanobu, but the next night something happened; a girl from one the dorms claimed she was raped by one of the boys. None of the boys were the one she saw, hard to believe any of us could be. I knew it was Kei because she decried exactly what I saw that night. Messy uncleaned hair, tangled out of control, black as the night. He wore blue jeans and black t-shirt that looked new. Most importantly, his eyes were a certain shade of blue, almost cyan. He looked just like his sprite. That's why I decided to write this because I could have sworn that today, while going to the post office to get my mail, I saw Kei again. As a warning to all if you ever see Kei, don't join his loneliness, let him suffer the fate he has chosen.

Your good friend,
Matt

PS: By the way Christie I'm kinda looking to start our relationship again, like we were back in college, if you'll have me.