DISCLAIMER: This story is an erotic parody of the film 10 Cloverfield Lane. It contains sexual acts, mind control, gender transformation, and general weirdness. If you're, say, Miss Winstead and you're disturbed by the content, I warned you. And also there's probably worse smut for your turn in "The Thing". At least my story is about humans. Well, at the start, anyway.



When we sit down for dinner, our girl brings it to the table. It's something she did with scrambled eggs and steak, which just happens to be one of my favorite meals. I dig in, then I notice that she's not eating.

"Not hungry?"

"Already ate."

The big guy eats more cautiously. Chews, swallows, takes a swig of his soda.

"Tastes good," he says. "What's in it?"

"Just my cum," she says.

I stop eating. 

He looks at her. "What?"

She stands up, and pulls her pretty little sundress up *how did I not notice that before*? Is she on hormones? Didn't he notice them in her purse? Maybe she forgot them or ran out or they got lost in the crash-

I can hear his fork dropping at the other end of the table.

Wait. Cocks aren't supposed to be greyish-blue.

I know I should be gagging right now, but I'm not feeling anything but shock. Don't trannies they usually get the new plumbing installed *after* they get done with all the hormones and stuff? Should she get a refund, or did she want some kinda weird animal dick?

"Where did you *get* that?" he says, like he's just stepped in dog crap.

She sashayed over to the jukebox, poked at it, and it started to play *Always On my Mind*. Then she leaned against it.

"You know that door upstairs? Turns out you didn't seal it *quite* as well as you thought."

She pushed off and raised a finger. "Now, it wasn't enough to cause any *immediate* changes. Way I figure it, you send in the smallpox blankets, and of anyone survives that, now they're a carrier."

She was still smiling, even though she was talking about billions of people dead. Her face should be hurting by now.

I didn't even have to look at him to get this stormclouds-gathering feel. I knew that if I looked his way, he'd have that frown on his face, maybe flexing his hands to try and keep calm-

Now, it's a stereotype that Southerner boys all wear John Deere caps and drive pickups with a gun rack and bang their sisters. My sister moved to California and was in some weird three-way relationship - I didn't ask if the other two were men, and I don't want to know - I drove a Mazda, and I didn't own a gun.

But I had taken a potshot or two at an empty beer bottle, and I figure that's how I recognized the sound of him pulling his gun.

She stopped smiling.

"Me-*Michelle*, are you saying...that we're going to turn into some kind of *freak*, like you?"

She reaches up, without breaking eye contact, and jiggles her chest. "Well, no. Your boobs'll be bigger."

He cocks the hammer. "*Answer the question!*"

This one time at school I asked Ronnie Naughton out and she looked at me like I was lower than dirt. That's how she looks at him now, like he weren't nothing. I think that shook him some.

She walks to the table, and just climbs on top of it, staring at him the whole way. She's on all fours, which means her backside is facing me. And then I realize that he's still pointing his gun at her head, and I need to get out of the line of fire-

"Sit," she says.

I sit.

When I lean over, I can see that he has the revolver about an inch from her face, and she does not give a crap.

"Dump it."

And then he snaps out the cylinder and shakes out the rounds. They make little *ping* noises as they bounce off the table and the tile. Then he returns it to battery, like grandpa used to say.

She sticks her mouth over it like she's sucking a big fat cock. She bobs back and forth, back and forth. And then I see something coming out the fast end of the barrel, like a worm-no, like an anteater tongue. It warships around the frame, and -

I can feel myself getting hard.

She pulls herself off of the gunjob. The tongue, *her* tongue, pulls out of it slowly, and for a second I can almost feel the rifling, the grooves on the inside of the barrel. I can taste the gun oil. 

Her tongue flops out before she reels it in. She sits back on her haunches.

"You're going to be a freak."

She puts her hand on the gun and weighs it down.

"You're going to be all filled up with eggs and gas."

He's breathing heavy now, looking at nothing. Something's going on with his face, and some wet stuff is dripping from his lips.

"Every time someone gets closer to you, breathes you in, they'll start to change."

He bends over the table, holding the sides. She leans forward again, touches his face.

"Poor baby." Then she looks over her shoulder. "Shouldn't you be doing something?"

"I don't-"

She raises her eyebrows and looks in the direction of -

Oh.

"Oh no *no*. I ain't *gay*."

"But I'm a girl!" She points. "See?"

I give her my "seriously?" look?

"You don't want to-" She reaches back, points it toward me. It's got *balls*, even, what the-

There's a bead of clear stuff just at the slit. I can see it gets greenish-blue near the head, just like her tongue gets near the tip. And for just a second, I feel that tongue, wrapped along my cock, I feel her hair as I push her into my crotch-

The drop falls off the top and lands on the table.

"Tell you what," she says. "As long as you don't suck it, it's not gay, right? And as long as I don't stick it in, is not gay, right?"

Sure, makes sense.

"Right."

"Sooo..." She drags the tip of her alien dick across the table, leaving a snail-trail. Smells great. "This doesn't count as gay."

I-

"You'll have to take off your cap."

I do.

"And say *please*."

"Please."

She rubs my head. "Begin."

I've tasted...myself before. This wasn't it. Have you ever tasted blue? It sent a bolt of lightning up my left hand sinuses. I had to have more.

Before I know it, I reach the end of the trail, and my head's butting against her cock. I don't even think about it before I reach for the tip-

"Hold that thought."

Wh-what?

"Big guy? It's time."

Time for what?

I look up. He seems to be having some problem with his throat. His face looks strange, and it takes me a second to realize that his beard is gone, that his skin looks younger somehow. All the sagging is gone, and she kisses him.

I want to say "ew", but he doesn't seem to enjoy it. Well, he does, for about a second, then he goes back to looking like he's trying to drop a log out the wrong end.

Turns out I'm not far off.

Best as I can tell, whatever's moving up his throat is about the size of a clenched fist. Just before it reaches his lips, she kisses him. Her mouth stretches, like one of those pythons you see in National Geographic eating pigs and stuff whole, and it slides down her throat. He sits back, rubbing his stomach and - he has boobs now? When did he get those? I want some!

"Feel it."

Her stomach feels like there's something in there, something round, something-

Oh. An egg.

"Suck it."

What, your stomach?

"No, silly, my cock!"

Oh, okay.

It's not like I've had any experience from this side of the equation. I mean, I know I like it when the girl runs her tongue around the bottom of the head, but she ain't got no head. Maybe licking the slit is good? Yeah, yeah, I could try that.

My tongue is halfway up her before I realize that it's not supposed to be that long and thin. But it feels good, and she's moaning, so I keep going. And then I feel the tip entering an open space. Wait, is it-yeah, it is.

And that's how I gave her a blowjob and ate her out from the inside. At the same time.

"Wait, wait, get your tongue out."

I do.

"I didn't say to stop sucking."

I keep sucking. Even as I watch the bulge, the egg move down her belly, into her crotch, down her alien dick, and into my mouth. I didn't even know I could swallow something so huge, but I did it, right before she chased it down with some cum. I swallow that too, and she pulls her tip out of my mouth, looks at an imaginary watch.

"Three...two...one..."

You ever ate some bad tacos or something and then felt like your organs were trying to leave your body through your anus? You remember that feeling of relief when the pressure stopped?

What happened next felt kinda like that.

First, my waist cinched in, with the sound of ribs breaking. That was okay, though, because my hips widened, and shifted, and my chest pushed out. While I was looking down at them, I noticed hair falling, and I realized my beard was gone. There were aches and cracks in my jaw, and when I touched it, I felt it softening too. There was a stabbing pain in my eyes, and suddenly I could see all sorts of weird colors, making patterns under her skin, under his skin, under mine. (I figure it was ultraviolet, like bees.)

But the smell...I could smell her. Right in front of me. And I wanted to just dive right back in. I could smell her; she was ready for it. My tongue hung out of my mouth, drooling on my new boobs. I could smell him, sitting back in his chair, staring at nothing, just...exuding gases, whatever poison changed her, changed us, changed...Leslie? The neighbour who tried to get in?

"It's a funny thing," she says, still kneeling in front of me. "Leslie got a concentrated dose. It's more effective in liquid form, even more effective when it's an egg. But it's easiest for Them to disperse as a gas."

What? What does that have to do with anything?

"'Course, They couldn't get everyone." She runs a finger over her cock, tasting her cum - it's that same bluish-green color. "Some people hid. Some people were immune. But the hard part's over. It's so easy to...improve on humanity when they have a psychic network."

Ever opened your door in the morning and felt pain from the light? Imagine that, except with your entire brain. Just...a second of beautiful, blinding light, of, of *community*. Of belonging. And then it cuts out.

"I'm the local node," she says, like nothing happened. "Gives me a certain...authority. Leeway. Control."

I'm gasping for air. I'm still rock-hard, and the tip's starting to turn the same color as hers.

She steps off the table and into my lap. My new cock rides up the curve of her rear, hitting the little nub of a tail above her-

"But I was thinking," she says, as she reaches behind my balls and finds the slit there, which I'm pretty sure I didn't have this morning, "he's got the gas and eggs, Leslie's got the physical stuff-"

There's a crash and a shudder. I can feel Leslie's claws cutting through the seatbelt, squeezing out of the car window, past the inner airlock door, ready to join her mistress.

"And soon I'm going to be changed too much to do it. They need an infiltrator."

She bobs up and down on me, once. Her hands are around my neck now.

"And you're perfect for the job."

I can feel my tongue getting shorter, normal again. Hate it.

"You don't even have to be male or female all the time. Like the girl in the commercial said, *por que no los dos*."

She pulls my head into her chest.

"You can suck or lick whoever you like, as long as you infect them."

She smells great. 

I don't know if she's sending me the image or if it's in my head, but I can suddenly see myself pinning some woman against a wall by the neck, shoving myself inside her, the shudders as her tail erupts and wraps around my waist, pulling me in, as the tainted water supply takes effect and the resistance base succumbs.

"You'll even look human, so they won't know the difference. You'll even be able to shapeshift."

Long arms reach around me from behind, and lift her up, before bringing her down on my cock. She doesn't move a muscle.

Maybe they have inspections. I come in, looking like a woman, ask the doctor for a separate exam. Pull down my pants, "reveal" that I'm a tranny - my cock twitches as the thought - with a normal, pre-op penis. Then while they're looking it over, I grow a barb that pricks through their gloves and gets into their bloodstream. And once they're infected, they could find a way to take everyone they treat-

"*I will set you high in my artillery*," she says, as Leslie's breath tickles the back of my neck.

Heh. We both read *The Stand*. She was still in there, even if the outside changed a little.

"Would you like that, Emma?"

I stare at her. It takes a second to sink in.

And then I come.

#"69 Cloverfield Lane"
An Erotic Parody of 10 Cloverfield Lane.
2016 Nequ