Sweets  
Damn you chocolate for making me fat  
Curse you candy bar for my broken scale  
This is embarrassing - I’m a full grown rat!  
Yet I’m so pudgy I might pass for a whale!

I scamper across the house  
Collecting sweets  
No one mistakes me for a mouse  
The way this rat eats

So large am I  
People think I’m an opossum  
When I’m on a junk food high  
My taste for the sweets begins to blossom

Candy canes, peppermints, gum, and mints  
Even those hard fruitcakes aren’t safe  
Everywhere I crawl I leave my sticky prints  
These damn pants are starting to make me chafe

The holidays are gone  
Yet I’m still on the sugar binge  
The sugar crash is signaled with a yawn  
My indigestion would make you cringe

Wait – where the hell are my sweets!  
I ate them all?  
Damn you fate for depriving me of my treats  
All right, I’ll give weight watchers a call

Those discriminating bitches!  
They won’t let me in because I’m a rat  
You know, it’s the fault of those cackling witches  
That I’m so fat

I guess I’ll just sit here then  
And watch the paint dry and the grass grow  
Wait, is that a leftover stuffed hen?  
Well I suppose I’ll give savory things a go