Description: before I write this...no I haven't "found" anyone..this is just a little story that I feel inside..I hope you guys/gals enjoy it. UPDATE: Made it cleaner this time. Update Number 2: Also making Part II with this story as we speak. It was a winter afternoon in the desert, a white/blue husky wearing blue navy jeans with a couple of wripples and waves between the jeans, he was also wearing a black/white stripped polo with lime green/black skater osiris sneakers on, it wasn't really cold outside more of a hot winter. He loves the weather in the desert, he couldn't stand where it was cold. He was a desert dog indeed. He was sitting at the edge of the window sill just by himself in his room, the poor pup seems like he hasn't slept in days, and was just filled with work. "One day..all of this will fade away hopefully..." he thought in his head, just stairing at the desert feeling isolated. He had his iPod case connected to his jeans side, hearing his music inspiring him everyday on living. His earbuds were blue, and was in his ears it was so loud even others could hear it from the inside of his ears. A guy was singing with great harmony, in his ears, "More than you know it I'm aware of this connection that we share I know it seems like sometimes I don't care but you are the colors that I wear." He sighs a bit just thinking of someone who was very dear to him, his ears lowers down all floppy like. A nudge at the doorknob turned to the left, another husky walked into Kiris's room. He had a different overtone, it was a white/black husky his black tone went ontop of his muzzle, he wore a more casual appeal, with a cotton jacket it was Kiris's friend. He smiled looking at him, he poked Kiris playfully trying to get his attention, "Kiris....! YO KIRIS!" he was hearing faint music coming from Kiris's iPod, "YO MAN! WAKE UP!" He snaps his paw digits infront of Kiris, he snatched the ear buds from Kiris ears. "ow.." he lowers his ears again, "back in the world of the living, eh? were going up north, with your brother. You wanna come with?" he asks politely, "uhm..I..don't know.." "psh, cmon it will be fun!~" he leans near Kiris trying to pop his personal shield, "Jason..I don't know...there's snow up in the north, and I honestly don't know if I should go..you know me..Im a desert dog..I'd freeze with my delicate fur!" Jason countered, "oh but a "strong" military type like yourself can handle stress and physical fitness, but you can't handle weather conditions? Duley noted. I have found your true weakness! Mwahahahaha. Don't worry, you'll be okay, I promise. Here I'll help you pack." He was teasing with him, he gets up from the bed, as Kiris tenses up very bad, Jason caught him at the back of his eye, "what's a matter?" concerned with him, "I...never saw snow before.. I..kinda wanted to see it..with someone that I used to know.." Jason sits back down again this time crossed legged looking at Kiris, "hey...we don't have to go..if you don't want too..is it..him again..? Still crossing your mind..?" Kiris nods softly, "yeah..why do you want me to go..? So bad with you?" Kiris was curious with him, "uh...well..your brother is going so I thought you wanted to come with!" Jason blushed and being bashful underneath his muzzle, "I saw that face before..." Kiris said, Jason's ears perked up, "Oh yeah? Then what does it mean then?!" Kiris's facepaws so hard on his forehead, "you have a crush on me..don't you?" Jason turned away, "no I always do this when Im nervous" trying to avoid Kiris's eyecontact, "besides, Im not gay!" Kiris sighs, "...uh-huh..tell me this, why do you even bother with me and my past? Let it rest.." He responded back, "well..I just think you're an interesting guy..that's all..I'm naturally curious, so yeah. I know you had a love affair way back when..you told me that..but thats about it..I never dated..so I wouldn't know how much pain you are really in..but I do know this...memories will never leave you..even when you try so hard to erase them..they will always be there no matter what. Just like..how we first met..I'll never forget that bastard who beat you up at school.." he growls in a disappointed tone, then he became very bashful, but he was very protective of Kiris. "I'll go with you up North.." Said Kiris Kiris tries to avoid the conversation, Jason yipped in excitement, "really?!" he pounces Kiris playfully, "ouf, no touchey..no touch." Kiris said to Jason, "oh yeah..forgot..you're still sensitive..with touch aren't you..? Is it true..that when someone touches you..you feel cold?" Kiris just narrows his eyes trying to avoid past re-occurances in his life that he wished he didn't do nodding very softly, "yeah..I'll probably always feel this..It wont end.." Jason felt the pain like it was connected with him, "I understand...I..just wish I can take all the pain away from you and put it in me.." Kiris looked at Jason with fierce and pained eyes, "NEVER say that again!EVER! I do NOT want to hear that from you again..do you HEAR ME?!" He rushed at Jason pointing a paw digit underneath his muzzle, Jason was alot taller than Kiris, Jason was scared, but he wasn't threatened. "I'm..sorry..is..that what he said to you..?" Kiris crouched down standing on his orisis's looking down at the floor but he was in so much pain, "yeah...thats what he said to me but infact he gave it to me...I don't want that for you Jace..never..I want this pain for myself..and mine alone..You deserve no such thing.." Jason kneeled down placing his head infront of Kiris's head, "look at me.." Kiris multi-colored eyes looked at Jason saying, "I know you yearn for him...but I will never hurt you like he did to you, I will never lie to you, I won't use you, or destroy you like he did to you..do you understand me? From what you told me in the past with him, he emotionally abused you, it wasn't unconditional love like he said to you if it was..and if he truly loved you..he wouldn't have break up with you..or hurt you emotionally, calling you a fool and a idiot..." Jason growled vicioiusly, wrapping his arms around Kiris holding him softly, Kiris cried so bad in his lap, "hey...hey..let it out..its okay..you're a heart warming guy...we all cry. I know I didn't experience pain..or anything..actually..I lived a swell life..but I do care for you..and..well..Kiris..I..love you..I lied about being straight..when we met..I had a crush on you..I just didn't know how to explain it, or talk to you about it..I know you're not ready. I wont fail you like how your other "mate" did.." Kiris's ears pinned up doesn't know what to say, but he doesn't want any love it was to painful for him, he was scared, and scarred about his past, "It wasn't because of my brother was it...?" Jason looked down, "no..I..kinda wanted to make an event something worth your while..I know you've been working hard at your new job..and I've been rooting for you ever since you got it. And you've..helped me in some tough times too as well..I'll always appreciate you..You've been a BIG impact in my life..and I want to share it with you..Sometimes..I wish I can be like you. How strong you are with your past. You're still living. That makes me worth living with you." he gently strokes Kiris's hair, "now cmon..lets get your stuff..and we can go up North in Arizona..just you and me..alright..? When the first time you said you never seen snow...I wanted to make it special for you." He smiles at him taking a really bold move, kissing Kiris on the forehead for comfort, holding him. "It will be night time when we get there." Ten minutes later, Kiris got everything packed ready to go up North with Jason, "ready Kiris?" he rubs his head playfully, but Kiris was still feeling empty, "yeah...Im ready.." Jason giggled playfully, "okays!" he opened the car door and hoisted his small black luggage for Kiris, "thank you.." he replied to his action. "Sure thing" Kiris walked over opening the car door softly he went into the passanger seat next to Jason, he shut the door softly. Jason started the car backing up from the drive way, as they were both off into the North, Kiris yawned. He didn't have any sleep throughout the week since he was working, "awwr..." Jason said while focusing on the road, "tired..?" he softly noded, he reached in the back of the car giving Kiris a pillow putting it underneath his head, "goes sleepy..I'll wake you up when we get there.." he nodded and tossed away from Jason trying to keep away from the suns rays he turned the radio down from the car trying to avoid each songs reminding Kiris of his ex, Jason thought to himself, "fuck! Each song is about reminding about his ex! He doesn't deserve this pain..fuck that guy..Manipulating him into his own will saying he unconditionally loved him...its NOT FAIR! HE FUCKING lied to him! If I ever saw that guy...or talked to him..." He punched the steering wheel giving car a honk startling Kiris whimpering in his sleep, he looked at Kiris in sympathy, "poor pup...he just doesn't deserve it..at all.." He places a paw on Kiris's head softly, "he's sensitive to touch..he's sensitive to love..he even fears of everyone who hurt him in the past he wants to do life everything his way but people were constantly changing him.. and whats worse no one respected him for what he did..not at least one bit..All those times he thought was love..was actually abuse..and my heart breaks for him.." A tear rolls down from his green eyes, "I love him so much. I want him the best. I want to be there for him...every step of the way, and I know things wont be as great..he doesn't share the same love as I do to him..he'll probably always will feel like this but that doesn't mean Im going to abandon him. He's told me things that I wished not to hear because of his past was so painful so resentful things were unsettled with him now I never dated before I'm quite new at this, but...I was abused by my own two parents. I understand him, and I love him as a whole. His attitude, his love even though its not strong its faint, very faint. If I can just show him that I can do this show him true love, and what it means, he'll accept me, and I'll wait for him when he opens up." He thought all of this in his head while driving, a soft song was playing it was night time they were almost up north near the hotel, Jason looked up in the sky as it was shining with stars glistening, he looked at Kiris smiling at him, he checked on his breathing using his paw, "good..he's breathing fluently..sometimes you just breathe awkwardly at night when Im watching over you. It scares me." Kiris started to whimper in his sleep, saying his ex's name, Jason lowers his ears feeling his heart break, "I know pup..you still care for him..deeply.." another song was playing there was lyrics that Jason really loved, "Your skin oh yeah your skin and bones turn into something beautiful you know for you I'd bleed myself dry for you I'd bleed myself dry, look at the stars look how they shine for you and all the things that you do." As Jason parked the car in the parking lot at the hotel, it was a nice resort Jason looked at Kiris, as he said softly, "and pup..you know I'll be around with you I promise.." as he said it with the song synching up. The snow started to fall hitting the car softly piling up really quick, Kiris was still asleep. He started to whimper bad Jason quickly woke up Kiris up, as Kiris gasped for air feeling numb and cold, his breath was coming out of his muzzle, "hey hey! hey!" He holds Kiris, "its going to be okay pup..listen..hear..its my heart.. it beats for you." Kiris burried his muzzle into Jasons jacket crying again, "he won't leave Jason..he won't.." curling up in his lap tightly, "shhshhh...I know you let him go..things are unsettled with you and him..and its harder for you to move on..I will never do that to you..I promise..hey...look outside the car window.." Kiris sniffled, "s-..snow..?" Jason giggled, "yeah..its for you. Each snowflake resembles my love for you.." Jason laid his muzzle ontop of Kiris's head, "You know I do love you right pup..? You don't have to say "I love you"..I know it hurts you.." Kiris looked up at Jasons muzzle his stare was very protective of Kiris, but Kiris doesn't understand why he still feels empty, he wants to feel love again, but he's scared. He unzipped his jacket, holding it around Kiris and himself, keeping Kiris warm and toasty, Jason didn't mind the cold, he was used to it."pup...I just want you to know..I'll always love you and I'll always be there for you. I won't abandon you. Even if this doesn't work out, I can keep that promise. Your ex was weak, he didn't understand how it works, you can't abandon those who love you, those who abandon others, abandon themselves and they will be reminded of what they have done, even if they fake love with others. My love is real for you, I won't abuse your trust, or hurt you in anyway possible. If my love needs to be proven for you, so be it. I'll fight for you until life ends. I'll be your rock and shelter...I promise.." Kiris didn't know what to say, he wants to say "I love you Jason" but he just can't break that barrier,its hard for him to do that. If Jason says what was true, Jason would understand why he's shaken and stirred by his past. "Cmon...lets go inside the hotel, and warm up.." He gives Jason a soft kiss on the muzzle, Jason blushed really bad underneath his muzzle, "alright" he opened the car door giving Jasons jacket to Kiris, "here you go. You need this more than I do, you'll freeze." he wrapped his jacket around Kiris zipping it for him, "thank you..Jason..." Jason grabbed his luggage and Kiris's luggage, "yes pup?" Kiris froze but he said it anyways, "I love you..." Jason smiled brightly, "I love you too." they both walked into the hotel getting rested up for the next journey. For the weekend just begun. Jason walked into the lobby in the front desk still dragging the luggage wheels on the nice tile with an exotic feature, the lobby was very open, having a couch, and a very large open space for a bar, leading outside was a small fireplace with couples sitting next to each other laughing and having a good time as other furries were walking past Jason and Kiris, "Jason, your room is available" said the fox in a business suit, "room 343, enjoy your stay" Jason grabbed the card from the fox's hand, "thank you very much" said Jason, smiling softly Kiris was standing next to him, his curiousity was building up with the lobby wondering around, Jason looked at Kiris smiling at him, "you're a cute thing when you're curious like that" Kiris didn't budge or say anything he just froze. Wanting to run away from everything, but he stayed because of the snow. He's never seen snow before, it was exciting for him to see it. Kiris walked over to Jason near the elevator button he pressed it with his paw digit, as it made a soft, "ding" noise as a light highlighted over the cursor pointing down, the steel elevator doors opened from left to right gliding, as both of them went into the elevator, Kiris pressed level 3 as the elevator pushed upwards to the third floor, the elevator doors glided again. They both walked in syncronization, Jason didn't mind it, he thought it was cute when Kiris tried to walk the same pace as he did which was very quick but surprisingly Kiris can step up. "He was in AFROTC, that's right.." he thought, "I keep forgetting my pup was in AFROTC, I'm so proud of him that he wanted to serve the country. He still does. I can't believe he's going to school for it, I'm actually envious on what he does, I wish I was that brave like him..." Jason was looking at Kiris thinking of him. Kiris glanced at Jason, "what's up?" Jason made a smile while both of them were walking towards their room, "Oh nothing, I'm just proud of you, that's all." Kiris cocked his head in confusion, "proud of me? What did I do? I don't understand...?" Kiris started to panic a bit becoming very tense and scared, he didn't know what to do or how to react, "easy pup..it's just a compliment.." Jason made a smile, he swipped the card in the door handle, allowing them access into their room. The door unlocked making an inaudible noise \*click click\*, Jason opened the door feeling the nice warm heater on, "Man. I'm still not used to your heat, Kiris. I don't know how you can survive, in basically 120 degree's during the Summer." Kiris sneered and laughed, "It's because you're not a native. You're from the east coast. Where it doesn't have that "type" of weather." he made a quotation with his paw digits under "type" Jason giggled, "oh-hoh. Okay you got me there. Yeah I'm used to the cold weather, its so nice outside now where its snowing. I'd rather be out there drinking some nice cup of hot coacoa right now. bwshhwshh" he shivered making that noise, sending chills down Jasons spine, "it's so nice, it reminds me of home. Alot. Have you build a snow man before?" Kiris zoned out while looking at the falling snow in the window, but it wasn't about the snow that was falling, he was remincising about his past again. Feeling numb. Jason walked over to him, wrapping his arms around Kiris, Jason stayed silent just holding him letting his actions do the talking for him, Jasons muzzle laid ontop of his head closing his eyes, "please snap out of it pup...he's not with you..he's gone..it hurts..I'm sorry for what he's done for you..and..my sympathies won't bring him back..with all of your pain and if he returned, would it be worth the pain you've gone through?" Kiris just stood there emotionless, "I'm..not sure..I honestly don't.." Jason held Kiris's paw giving him a faint comforting kiss on the head. "Why did you pick me Jason...?" He looked down at Kiris, "well, there's a lot of things that can be unanswered, fate..destiny..why did your ex leave you?" Kiris was even more down in the dumps, "I still don't know to this day..he's promised me the things you said to me. Him not leaving, dumping me isn't his style, everything he said was a lie." Jason brought his hopes back up, "that's exactly why, he left you because he didn't care for you to begin with, he lusted for you, not loved you. I uncondtionally love you, and not sure what he said to you to be like this, but your emotions are whacked pup..I don't want that for you, and I'll prove it that my love is unconditional, no matter what. What do you miss from your ex? Think real hard." Kiris sighs, "just him..I guess..everything about him..he won't understand that.." Jason sighed scratching the back of his head confused, "so you want to be used by him again? You want him to cheat on you again? lie to you again? backstab you again with all of his corrupted thoughts?" Kiris crouched down in pain again filled with so much questions he doesn't know what to do again, Jason realized that he hurt Kiris and he felt bad for what he's done. "pup...I'm sorry..I should have let that go..I honestly don't know what I was thinking." Kiris replied remembering everything like the back of his head, "he said, "sorries don't fix the past."" Jason made a small "tch" underneath his muzzle, "he's an idiot then. Sure the past IS the past, but the thing is, there's ways to forgive, remember what I said in the car? Those who abandon their loved ones, will always remember what they have done, how they performed it will always scar them. Even if they try so hard to pass by in their life they will always remember that turn of event. He wasn't willing to forgive, that's what screwed him over, and you, and he knows it. If he doesn't, then he's a coward, and heartless. He won't love again, that's his curse. You will though..even though its hard for you to do it, I know you can. Because you have forgiven yourself, and him. I don't see that in you, what he said to you. Though I see it in him, because he did that to you. Like again, if someone unconditionally loves you, they won't leave by your side. It was all conditional. See..I love you because of you..even if you had a painful experience, it doesn't matter for me. Now cmon pup, enough of me being philsophical for you, you already know this stuff." he kneels down with him as he rubs his head holding him close. Jason stood up holding a paw out, "cmon..lets get some sleep. It's night time, don't worry I'll protect you. I'll stay up all night if I have too. Your breathing scares me alot." Kiris slowly grabbed Jasons paw hoisting up Kiris, "there we go." Jason said, holding his paw with a calming grip, showing affirmation he wont leave him by his side. He tapped on Kiris's shoulder pulling him in for a whisper, "By the way, look whats up on the overhead". Kiris looked ontop of the ceiling corridor, it was a mistletoe hanging about. "Crap..who put that there?" Kiris said kiddingly, "Probably staff members? I mean..we don't have too..if you want." Jason said with a blush of red over hue across his muzzle, he stood there feeling very uncomfortable, but he wants to make that move for Kiris."I..just don't know.." Jason lowered his ears down, "no no thats okay. Its fine..I was sorta..rushing in on it a bit. Please forgive me." Jason said, he then thought over his head, "*stupid me, that was really stupid Jason! You don't rush when someone is in pain! Its for Kiris, not for you.*" Kiris said, "something on your mind?" Jason replied, "uh no..nothing is on my mind, sorry." "Let's get some sleep...eh..?" Kiris said, he kept his clothes on except for his sneakers he set them aside with Jasons. Kiris took the left side of the bed curled up in the blankets, Jason unzipped his grey jacket, taking it off setting it on the table next to the bed, taking off his polo shirt, he had a slender body, showing little abs. He closed his eyes and started to pray a family prayer he was taught, there was a huge scar on his back going vertical it was very faint but reconigizble, Kiris looked at it, placing a paw on Jasons fur gliding across it adrupting Jasons prayer, "looks can be deceiving can't they..?" Jason said sighing, "who did this to you?" Kiris said in sympathy, "no one I know or care to know anymore.." something bothered him, and he wanted to tell so he said, "My parents. My parents did that to me when I was 10 years old." Kiris whimpered knowing the feeling of abuse as well. "I left just a few years..I couldn't take it anymore, when you opened me with open arms..I knew then and now..that I loved you. Im 24 now..and you know..I just hope something can change between them, because I do believe people can change..I know Im older than you, I don't have any dating experience and I don't know about love or how it works..but damnit Kiris..you showed me it.. since we first met. You protected me ever since then. I just want to know...why? You could have just walked out on me like everyone else." Jason paused, as Kiris looked at his facial expression in quite remorse, "Everyone needs a savior sooner or later." Kiris said at Jason, Jason lowered his ears wrapping Kiris up in his blankets pulling him close to him without anything at all, "that's true..very true.." He gave a kiss on Kiris's neck. Jason shivered in the coldness of the hotel room, Kiris switched looking into Jasons green eyes, giving half of his blankets to Jason, they butted heads together. Jason made a move giving Kiris a deep kiss on the lips, pulling him close to him. Breaking off the kiss, "I promise, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you." Kiris still felt empty the love wasn't as strong for Jason, he doesn't know what to do, all he knows is he doesn't want to fall asleep, he likes this "dream" better than his behalf. "I don't want to go to sleep.."Kiris whimpered and was scared, "He won't invade your dreams..I won't make that happen.. try dreaming of me...guarding you in a forest like the ones back at my home..remember those big trees? Dream of that...I'll be beside you every moment.." Kiris shedded a tear, "Jason..." his emotions was so built up, he doesn't know what to do with them, it felt like everything was going to explode in his body. He just doesn't want to hurt him, but he's scared. He starts shivering, and breathing heavy due to the event, "shh...." Jason said, rubbing Kiris's back between his shoulder blades Kiris became calm, "there we go.." Jason gave a lick ontop of Kiris's muzzle. He curled up between Jasons neck, "I got you.." his tail wraps around Kiris's body, Kiris started to fall asleep under Jasons protection, Jason stayed awake until he went to sleep. The wind was picking up softly, the breeze from the open window startled Jason he became tense as well "Calm..." Jason said to himself in his thoughts, "I know Kiris will be there for me." He looked at Kiris holding him tight, almost of a hug. "I should tell him..the truth..the real truth when he wakes up..I'm sure he'll understand..we've been friends for a good 5 months, is it a good time to start dating him? He's..just so cute when he sleeps..no worries..nothing bothering him..its been awhile since he's had a good sleep too, it pisses me off when he wakes up in a shock and I can't do anything about it..but that doesn't mean Im going to leave him..no way, I love this little fluff ball. He aint going anywhere."He fiddles around with Kiris's hair, Kiris softly murred and whimpered, "shh...Jason has you..you're safe in my arms, no one is going to hurt you anymore." Jason fell tried to fight off his sleep, he doesn't want to go to sleep. He hates sleeping. He then fell asleep next to Kiris, seeing black underneath his eyes, nothing. He was in a deep sleep in a few minutes feeling numb, he was into REM, echoes of crying in his dream it was him as a pup crying in his room, "FUCK YOU! PIECE OF SHIT!" hearing in his dream, "Stop your fucking crying." it was his biological father standing in his room next to him. It was a dark shadow in his room but it was a full apparition the body movements were so fluid waving his arms in frustation, "It..wasn't me I swear..!" Jason sniffling and crying, "You liar! Your the one who smashed the window out of anger!" Jason continued to cry fearful of his father, "There was a rock laying on the ground when I got home with a theatening note!! Im turning you into the police. I was never your father to begin with." "I was at school!! I swear it!" Jason was being desperate not wanting to go to the police he was scared on what would happen. "Look you little shit. That's enough. Im tired of you whineing, YOUR A MAN. Not a woman!" Jason still was crying, "Im only thirteen!" "I don't care how old you are. You think its funny to throw rocks into a window?" he grabbed Jason by the neck choking him, he then woke up in a panic and sweat it was still night time, *"that dream? I never had that dream before..in a long time why start now?"* Jason thought. Jason looked around, Kiris was gone. "Kiris...?" he said softly hoping it wasn't another nightmare, "Kiris..??" there was a light on in the batroom hallway he got up from bed, only his jeans on his footpaws were cold to the touch on the carpet, "shouldn't have let that window open" he said while closing the window, he then walked where the subtle light went from the bathroom, he softly knocked on the door. It startled Kiris as a inaudible piece of metal hit the tile floor, "yeah don't..don't come in yet." he looked into the mirror, thinking to himself, "*cmon...why am I doing this...?*" he looked at his fur as it was ruffled bad, and a deep cut was embedded into his fur and skin, seeping with crimson blood dripping into the white sink, "*whatever..it helps me feel again..*" Jason was concerned now since Kiris was in there for a long time, "Im coming in, I don't care what you do at the moment" he nudged the door it was locked, "shit.." he said underneath his muzzle. "*Ive seen Kiris do this only once but the hell Im doing it!*" Jason then yelled out, "I'm going to kick the door down!" he thought, "* how'd he do it..he said there was a trick..kick beside the handle I believe it was..*" "Alright!! Im budging down the door!" Jason backed off away from the door as he lifted his leg in the air balancing himself hearing the door unlocking itself Kiris opened the door, "I need help..." he said desperately, Jason started to panic, "Kiris?! Your bleeding!! What...wh..why!?" he gripped Kiris's arm from forcing him near a sink washing it out with warm water scrubbing his fur with soap, but it stung Kiris, he stayed strong though not crying, "Kiris..after this..I have to have a word with you!" he grabbed a first aid kit in the empty closet, he put antiseptic on the cut Kiris cringed feeling the burn beneath his skin, and he put some cream on his skin to not to infect it, he wrapped a gauze on his arm, "that should stop the bleeding..." Jason was disappointed with Kiri's action in the bathroom. He went into the bathroom trying to find what dropped, he found a small diameter razor, "how'd he get this by?" he walked out of the bathroom, "Kiris..how did you..?" he looked down, "pocket...when you weren't looking..I grabbed one of your razors from the shed..I cleaned it..this morning.." "Why....?" Jason whimpered, "I want to feel again..I can't feel again..I want too! so bad! its not fair!" Kiris punched a wall, walking off from the room wanting to curl up in a small ball and leave everything. He walked cautiously to Kiris, "I was about to yell at you..but something told me not too.." Jason said. Kiris walked over straying away from Jason further he sat down on the couch in the living room of the hotel room, it was dark, but he saw with his eyes adjusting to the darkness, Jason wanted to get closer to him, but he gave him his space. He stood next to the edge of the couch sitting on the arm, thinking on what to say next, it was very awkward for the both of them. Silence filled the room, only the wind was picking up outside. Kiris put his paw on his head leaning over the couch, looking at his arm bandaged it was still seeping some blood, but it stopped because of the pressure from the gauze. Jason couldn't take the space anymore, he sat down next to Kiris holding him. "It hurts..to see you like this..seeing you cut yourself, hurt me Kiris..I never want to see you do that again.." he nuzzled underneath Kiris's muzzle. It didn't phase Kiris. "Why did you do that..? There's gotta be another reason.." Kiris sighed, "There is..Im scared if I do something wrong you might leave me, I feel like Im walking on egg shells with you. It's not you, its my past that's unsettled. Everyone abandons me. I don't want you to leave..thats all Im scared..I can't trust myself. Its hard for me to trust." Jason sighed, "You have to trust yourself, its hard. Infact its scary. You're afraid that you'll miss all of the memories you had with him. That's not what moving on means..People have a wrong concept of that..you don't..Its okay to have memories with him. That's why you're having turmoil within yourself." He held Kiris gliding his paw on Kiris's arm where he cut himself at, "I'm..trying my best to be like him for you." Jason said, "Don't..be yourself.." Jason saw the sun rising from the hotel room, he raised Kiris from his chest, "cmon..lets go out in the balcony.." he opened the double doors leading with a small balcony as they both stood there, watching the sun rising. Jason held Kiris closely by him putting his muzzle ontop of his head. "You're good at healing people Jason..You should be a doctor..or at least when we go back to school you can try to become a medical field officer. They need people like you Jason.." Kiris said, Jason froze, "oh..- I uh..I...I'm not brave enough to do that like you are. Why do you even want to join the military? Isn't that scary? Aren't you afraid to die?" Kiris looked at the sun rising on the mountain tops where it was covered in snow, "Sometimes..there's a calling within yourself..It's small, but once you hear that calling, its a big conciousness. Something telling you, "You can do it, go for it. You can change the world by doing something" and that's what I want to do. Change, or be remembered by doing something." Jason held him so close feeling cold of what Kiris said, "thank you.." said Jason, "what for..?" he looked up at him. Jason replied, "Just you. I can't explain the feeling I have for you, but I don't want you to die...Promise me..You won't..?" Kiris sighed, "I can't promise you that..everyone dies..but you can always remember them by searching inside your soul. By keeping memories. Either bad ones or good ones. They will always be with you. No matter where you are." -----------------------------------------------UPDATE---------------------------------------------------------------------- Well Ive been writing some more of this, and Im trying my best to write more to focus around Jason's past and see how it would occurr, rather than Kiris's it won't end here, there will be more updated soon!