I feel like I'm drowning
Every breath I take
Feels laboured
As if something is sitting on my chest
But I know it isn't

Welcome back
Familiar feeling
Of emotion
Welling up inside me
Weighing over me
Like a big empty cloud
Of darkness
And disdain

I wonder how many people
Know this cloud of which I speak
And talk to it
As I do

I know there are others
But no one knows my cloud
It is mine
And I do not truly know how
To live without it anymore

I don't know how
To live life
While wanting to live it
Was there ever a time
When I did want this?
Surely, there must have been
But it all seems so far away

I want pain
Anger
Rage
Anything
To bring me away 
And break me from
This spiral

But it won't come
It never seems to
So I'll just lie here
And stare at the ceiling a while longer
Trying to breathe
Wondering why I'm still trying

And why I just won't stop