Chapter 05: Blabbin' Bart “Whew, what a day!” Amirani sighed as he flew all the way back home to Gen Dei. As he approached his house, he was greeted by a blonde haired woman. The woman was obviously of the dragonite clan with her black dragon horns nestled in her locks of gold. Her eyes were a deep violet shade and she wore a white, lacy gown with a translucent white scarf. “How was your day Sir Amirani? Did you meet up with her?” “Yes, I did meet up with her Lady Tala.” Amirani replied as he shuts the door behind him. He then started to feel rather concerned about something. “However....” “However?” Tala wondered, showing concern for the devil prince. “When Mist reverted back to her human identity, she remembers nothing about her life as Mist Elmbarn. She is known as Noelle Wong in this life and her powers usually awaken when herself, or others are in danger.” Amirani explained to the dragon Empress. “Other than that, her memories are completely sealed as Noelle, and only remembers these things as dreams.” “Yeah, Lord Balder and Lady Nana told me something about that.” Tala said calmly. “The reason why Mist chose to be reborn as a normal mortal being is because she needed a break from being a Valkyrie and exploring all the realms. She just wanted to be reborn and take it easy for a while.” “But somehow, when her life was in danger out in the woods this evening, she became Mist once more.” Amirani added. “When she was reverting back to Noelle, I had to put a sleeping spell on her, so she wouldn't be frightened of my appearance as a devil prince.” “Ah, I see...” Tala sighed as she looked up at the clock, then back at Amirani. “Well, it is getting kind of late, and you had one hell of an encounter today. So why don't you lay down and take it easy tonight.” “Heh heh, I think I will my lady.” Amirani laughed as he shook Tala's hand. “Good night.” --- When Amirani made his way back to his room, he sits down on the bed and looks around his room. “I am tired, but I still feel like doing something. But what should I do to pass time?” He picks up the Crystal Vision guide to see if there was anything on the Crystal Vision (or CV for short). Lo and behold, there was no enjoyable programs for Amirani to watch. It was all garbage on with no redeeming entertainment values. “Well, at least I have some books to read...” Amirani gets off the bed and walks over to his bookshelf. The book he was eying was a thick novel titled “Moon Shine”. The cover had a feminine looking guy with rainbow hair embracing a goth girl. While in his human form, posing as a young man named Ran, the devil prince stole this book from one of Yoshiko's friends when she wasn't looking. After Yoshiko and her clique were lusting after Ran and wanting to get down his pants, he stole the book from them just to spite them. “Ah, Moon Shine. I wonder if it's as good as Yoshiko and her friends say it is?” Amirani pondered as he grabbed the stolen book and laid back on his bed. As he opened the book up, little did Amirani know how cheesy and flowery this book would be for him. In fact, the book was so flowery, it made a Mills and Boon novel look like classic literature. --- “BAAAAAAAAW!” I cried out woefully. “Woe is me...my life is so miserable! I am Ambrosia Desire. Why the hell did my mom name me Ambrosia desire? Sounds like a porn star name. Anyways, My mommy threw me out, because she thought I was being a whiny, useless, self pitying toe-rag. So she sent me to annoy my hillbilly father and her ex-husband in Wheeler, Oregon, one of the stinkiest cities in America. I have zilch respect for my hick of a dad, so I call him Johnny instead of daddy. The only hand carry items I had with me was a baby poop brown winter coat and a palm tree leaf. I so don't look like an idiot. No, not at all...” Amirani groans at the introduction. “I hope it gets better. I hope someone calls out Ambrosia on her bitchy, holier than thou behavior.” --- “So it's my first day at High School. I don't get why people love me so much and want to be around me. In my hometown of San Diego, California, everyone saw me as the creepy goth girl that lives in her mother's basement. I sighed in disgust.” “Come on...where the hell is the vampire action?” Amirani hissed to himself in disgust. “Someone, anyone....bite this bimbo and drink her dry!” “Then...my dorky human friends pointed out a table of unbelievable beautiful, yet feminine people, with these funny winter hats that covered their hair. “Who were these people?” I asked. “They are the Sevilles.” Tessie groaned. “Why are you groaning at those scintillating Greco-Roman gods?” I hissed blissfully, as I drooled like a horn dog. “They are the embodiment of heavenly ambrosial beauty.” “Well, don't judge a book by it's cover girl.” Tessie groaned. “They are a bunch of spoiled rich kids that are so sickeningly vain, all they ever do is be perfect, look at themselves in the mirror, go on about how pretty they are and brood over petty stuff.” “I do those things too!” I cheered blissfully. “I have a lot in common with the Sevilles!” “Grrrr...” Amirani growls as he skips through a few chapters to find something interesting about the Moon Shine chronicles. “There better be some blood sucking, ghoulish action in here, or else...” --- “Oh...ooooooooooh... Fabio Seville is so romantic! He crept into my log house and watches me snore, fart and drool in my sleep, and he also watches me relieve myself on the porcelain pony. He also takes delight in my used tampons, and used underwear as well. SQUEE! That is so orgasmic. I want his throbbing lavender man fruit to suck on! I can't wait! I JUST CAN'T WAIT! I WANT HIS LAVENDER MAN FRUIT...I WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!” Amirani tried not to get sick over this book. “That's what Ambrosia calls romantic? Why doesn't someone, anyone, shove a clove of garlic in his mouth. Or better yet, blow salt in his eyes and flog him with a whip fashioned from a ray's tail?” Then, the devil prince calmed himself down and tried to give the book one last chance. “If this book doesn't get any better, I'm going to wretch!” --- “As Fabio and I were frolicking like deer in the meadow, he wanted to tell me something very important.” “Say it my little fortune cookie...Say what I really am...” Fabio sighed melodramatically, while glaring, while getting ready to throw his winter hat off. “Durrr... are you a pixie?” I asked oh so innocently, while panting, and drooling. “No...wait...you're an angel from the pearly gates!” “NO WAY YOU BLITHERING RETARD!” Fabio shouted in disgust, being annoyed with me for reasons unknown. Doesn't he love me anymore? “I am a vampire...want to see proof that I am a vampire?” “Oooooh...cool! Show me! I'm not scared of vampires!” I screeched in delight. “I love vampires! They are the ultimate sex gods in existence!” There, Fabio removed his winter cap, and there, his white locks became rainbow colored hair in the sunlight. I creamed my pants over his incandescent outer beauty. “Beware Ambrosia my darling...this is the locks of a monster!” “But Fabio...” Fabio started to act so over dramatic, to the point where he puts the back of his right hand against his forehead and sighed. “Beware my Ambrosia! I am a monster! You blood sings to me like a fine Italian Soprano at an opera house! You're blood, it smells as sweet as roses and chocolate. Beware! I want your sweet tasting blood...I can't resist....” There, Amirani had enough of Moon Shine and threw the book down in disgust. “Bleech! I can't take this piece of shit anymore! It's worse than the Amanita Bloke series and The Blue Blood series series put together! I never read anything so disgustingly stupid and brain roting in my life!” Amirani gets under the covers of his bed and with a wave of his hand, the lights turned off. “Bah! Monster romance novels...Poo! More like shallow wet dream, wish fulfillment pap. (yawn) So tired...(snore) (snooze).” --- In the middle of the night, just as he was in the middle of a wonderful dream, Amirani started to wake up as he felt nature calling him “Ugh! I have to go bad. I shouldn't have had so much kimchi stew in one sitting.” As he made his way to the bathroom, he heard loud banging and splashing noises. Normally, this would wake a normal human up, but everyone else (except Amirani of course) was dead asleep. He knew those noises and it could only mean one thing. “Damn it, is that Blabbin' Bart again?” With a wave of his hand, Amirani turned on the bathroom lights. When the room lit up, Amirani ran into a petite male figure sticking out of a toilet. The creature was a somewhat humanoid being with a mop of oily greenish black hair, ruddy red skin, a toothy mouth with yellowish green teeth, spindly limbs, and a horrid stench to go along with its filthy appearance. It also wore filthy clothing made from burlap and hemp. This creature was known as an Akaname, a type of goblin that lived in sewers and other filthy, smelly areas. They usually come out at night and have a fondness for hanging out in restrooms and out houses. “Hi there Ami!” the creature exclaims, waving to the devil prince. Amirani rolls his eyes and groans. “Don't call me that Bart. You know I hate being called Ami. At least call me Ran. I tolerate that nickname so much more.” “Ummm...okay...Ran.” Bart said, with a sheepish grin on his filthy, acne ridden face. “Anyways, I need your help.” “Okay.” Amirani said calmly. “What do you need?” “I need paper.” Bart responded. “Do you happen to have any paper by any chance?” “Hmmmm...let me check.” Amirani said with a huge grin on his beak. Then, an idea sprung into the devil prince's mind. He could give the Moon Shine book to Bart. Since book pages are made of paper, that would be perfect for the little Akaname boy. “Sure! I'll be right back.” Amirani makes his way back to his room and turned on the lights. Right there, in the middle of his floor, he saw the dreaded Moon Shine novel laying there, staring at him. “Ha ha, a novel so bad, only a filthy restroom goblin would enjoy it.” Amirani heads back to the bathroom and hands Blabbin' Bart the wretched book. “Here's some paper. I hope you like it Bart.” Blabbin' Bart started to drool over the Moon Shine novel like a dog drooling over a marrow bone. He strokes the cover and rubs his grubby fingers between the pages of the book. “Oh, what beautiful paper. Thank you very much kind sir.” “Ummm...if you don't mind Bart, I really, REALLY have to go!” Amirani groaned as his stomach started to churn and gurgle painfully. “I don't know how long I have to hold it.” “Oh, you have to go?” Bart wondered. “I'm sorry sir, I'll be on my way. Tootles.” With one flush of the toilet, Blabbin' Bart disappeared from sight. Amirani was feeling rather relieved now that Bart was not hogging the toilet anymore. He pulls down his long johns and plops himself down on the toilet “Humph! Bart needs to get hobbies, friends his own size and friends around his own age. I wonder about that weirdo sometimes.” --- Meanwhile, at a late night bar and restaurant called “Jiggles”, things were getting pretty lively and energetic. The bar/restaurant was only open during the night time hours. Jiggles even had a neon light up sign of a cute and curvy Asian anime styled girl jiggling her bare butt cheeks above a bilingual Chinese and English language logo. The kinky neon sign stood out in the darkness like a sore thumb. Inside the restaurant, a male cook took a break from cooking hot wings and hamburgers, and headed over to the men's room. “Hoo....I'm bushed. So busy and loud tonight...” As the cook entered a bathroom stall, Blabbin Bart popped out of the toilet and looked confused. “Wow...where am I? Hey, wait a minute...I ended up in the wrong place! Silly me!” The cook looked shocked and horrified with what he saw. “What the hell are you?” “What's wrong mister?” Bart asked. “Haven't you seen a restroom goblin before?” “AAAAACK! That's it, I'm outta here!” The cook shrieked as he fled the men's room in terror. Blabbin Bart just sat there and looked confused. “What was his problem? I just asked him a question and he ran off. Oh well...gotta go...” --- “Ah...ah...more! MORE!” a scantly clad Jiggles waitress moaned as she was making out with one of her customers in the ladies' room. The woman's work outfit consisted of blue hot pants, tan pantyhose with white leg warmers with white slippers and a sports bra like top with the anime girl mascot on it. The girl had black hair in the style of a pixie cut, and wore a blue bow on the side of her head. The guy she was making out with was a young, yet very pudgy and hairy guy with greasy black hair and beard, wore a red nylon doo-rag on top of his head, a sleeveless white shirt with some food stains on it and a pair of baggy black jeans with a blue belt bag that said Everlast on the front. It was obvious that both the waitress and the customer were drunk (even though the waitress should have never been drunk in the first place...). “Oh I will give you more sugar pie.” The fat guy moaned as he got ready to unzip his pants. But before they could go any further, the head chef bursts into the ladies' room, screaming in terror. “Aaaack! Help! Help!” “What do you want now bean pole?” the drunken fat guy grunted as he rolled his eyes. “Bunny! Bunny Fong! You're not going to believe this...” the chef screeched in shock. “Oh Bunny babes, just ignore that toothpick.” the drunk customer crooned to the waitress Bunny. “But Bunny....!” “What is it Nicky?” Bunny asked the chef. “You look like you've seen a ghost.” “Well, yeah, in fact I did see a ghost.” Nicky the chef said as he was trying to be calm. “There was a red skinned, oily haired ghost that popped out of one of the toilets in the men's room.” The fat guy parts from Bunny and groans. “You serious bro? What kind of shit have you been smoking?” “I'm not making this up!” Nicky protested. “Come, follow me!” --- When the trio got to the men's room to check out the toilets, Nicky was left baffled. “What the hell? I swear, the ghost was here.” “Awww...come on! You dragged us away from our daily exercise routines to show us a ghost that doesn't exist?” the fat guy groaned in disgust. “Come on Bunny! Let's leave this sty.” “But...but...” Nicky protested as the couple left the chef alone in the restroom. “What the hell. Where did that smelly little shit run off too...?” Little did Nicky and everyone else knew that Blabbin' Bart was hiding within the pipes in the men's room, waiting for the room to be vacant before traveling back to his rancid, dank homeland. “Oh my gods...that was close...TOO CLOSE! I got to get out of here before anymore humans come back!”