March 5/2004 I am suffering from insomnia again, I spent the entire night stressing out over Mrs. McBrian again. I can still remember the times that school was an enjoyable endeavor, those days are dead to me now. The events that unfolded last month still haunt me. Fortunately the memory is finally beginning to fade, much like the shadowy paw prints in the hallway that only I can perceive. Feburary 5/2004 Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to stay in my hometown's school district rather then a special-ed high-school. The school, Belhaven Academic Center (or B.A.C for short) served as a dumping ground for other school district's undesirables. We all have been placed here for a reason My I.E.P's (individualized education programs) says something about being “Emotionally Disturbed,” Well go figure. I have to constantly remind myself that a decade has passed since I was in district. I am in 9th grade and all of my old friends have moved on to greener pastures. I know I am better of here and for the most part I am happy. But something terrible happened today that has me questioning everything. What I perceived was only the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I really am emotionally disturbed..... Is this what insanity feels like? Day by day I feel myself slip away. It all started in the hallway between third and forth periods. My lab partner and all around buddy Drew appeared from the computer lab, he had a worried look on his face. Drew was tall and gangly with straw blonde hair. "How is it going scarecrow?" I asked Drew laughed nervously "Things could be better. Have you seen Mrs McBrian? " "No why? " I asked " I hope she is out today, she has been giving me a hard time." "Again? What was it this time " "missing assignments that I know I handed in, she must have lost them" We continued down the hall. It was a small facility there was only one floor and two large hallways, it was damn near impossible to get lost or to hide. It was a closed environment with no more then 150 students. Word traveled fast and we all knew one-another on a first name basis. In some ways it was like prison, whenever anyone new arrived the first question out of everyone's mouth was "so what happened to you? " Some of the usual responses were: "i was diagnosed with A.D.H.D, Asperger's or some other similar disorder" "i got into to many fights " "i kept loosing my homework " "i punched a teacher " We were all brothers and sisters, we banded together and there was a sense of camaraderie that I doubt that district based kids experience. Surprisingly there were very few fights, seemingly one every few months. But when things went bad everything went to hell, occasionally we would be put into lock-down because someone was spazzing out over something. It was usually something stupid and they would be taken to solitary to cool down. We jokingly referred to the stark dimly lit wood paneled room as "The Cooler" or "The Box." we passed by solitary, it was empty and that was a good sign, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go bad. Tom Valcone stopped and hugged his girlfriend. A dozen other people I knew passed, I sighed. Drew noticed my troubled expression and reassured me " Don't worry you will find a girlfriend in due time trust me, " "Yeah I know, " I muttered Suddenly Jen Robberts passed by and I waved. Her shoulder length ebony black hair was tied up with a short macrame tie I had watched her make in art. Her hazel eyes seemingly glinted yellow in the florescent hallway lights. I am not completely sure but I had a hunch that the tartan skirt she was wearing was also homemade it, there were several D-rings in a spiraling pattern on one side. She beamed and smiled back. At the moment she was the closest thing I had to a girlfriend. Last semester we had worked together on a presentation for Living Environment. We worked well together, and as it turned out we had a lot in common. Her parents had divorced when she was young, he had left district based schooling at about the same age, and we listened to the same bands. I was one of the few people she ever talked to. She was quiet about her past no one really knew how she ended up In B.A.C. She had told me that she punched another student that had made unwanted advances to her, I didn't question it. Later on (from other people) I heard several other versions. In one version she had punched a teacher and thrown a chair out a window. In the end it really didn't mater, the school was a place of new beginnings. People would come and go. Sometimes they would go back to district and stay there. Other times they were simply transferred to another similar program. We stopped in front of Drew's English and we said our goodbyes. I suddenly realized that Jen was behind me. It took me a few seconds to muster up the courage to ask her "So I have been meaning to ask you.." She laughed cutting me off "You don't have to ask me out, trust me I have know that have feelings for me." She blushed "I was going to ask you at some point, but we both know what the problem is. " I sighed, Jen lived well over 30 miles from my hometown. "My mom isn't willing to drive me that far on a regular basis" I said A sly grin crept across her face. Who says that we can't have a relationship in school? Several uneasy seconds passed. The next thing I knew we were kissing. What immediately followed still haunts and confuses me. Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder and I was yanked away It was Mrs. McBrian, she was livid "What do you two think you are doing? Break it up! You know the rules... next time it will be I.S.S..get to class NOW... SCRAM! " I felt the color drain from my face. I cautiously and silently backed away and around the corner. I paused just out of view and tried to catch by breath. My vision blurred and the entire hall seemingly spun around me. I could overhear parts of the conversation between Jen and Mrs.McBrian. They were both talking in a hushed tone. ".Add making out in the hallway to the long laundry list of things you have done wrong today, I know about........................................................................And you are also missing assignments from.................................." "Are you sure you didn't somehow lose them? " "Yes, and.........................................................................................." ".................No, that isn't true," Jen said there was a tinge of fear in her response "Then prove it before I......." Mrs. McBrian snapped. "But you can't do that!" "Just watch me..." "What are you doing you stupid BITCH! LET GO! " "I need help out here!" Mrs. Mcb. Shouted. I should have just left then and there, it wasn't my fight after all. I tried to walk away but my legs weren't working, I froze. Jen continued to shriek obscenities. I heard several other voices in the the hallway. I cautiously peered around the corner, no fewer then two teachers and a hall monitor were restraining her against one of the walls. I gasped, I couldn't watch this, it was like open heart surgery. They were probably going to take her to “The Cooler” then I.S.S, and she would probably be suspended. "Are you going to walk like an adult, or are we going to have to drag you? " One of the hall moniters asked I was turning to leave when they unexpectedly came around the corner behind me. I had to do a double take when I saw Jen, or what used to be Jen. She had taken on the form of a snow leopard. One of the aids was holding her arms behind her back "What are you still doing in the hall! " Mrs. McB. Growled "Your next!" They walked by I closed my eyes opened them again, watching as they passed by. When I reopened my eyes I noticed something strange, both Jen and the leopard coexisted, she was just a shadow now. I watched them walk to the end of the hall and escort her to "The Cooler" One of the Hall monitors stayed by my side until they were gone, the he personally escorted me to class, as we silently walked down the deserted hallway I noticed a set of murky looking tracks in the hallway, they looked like extremely oversized cat prints JEN........ I shuddered. I was given a stern warning and nothing more I consider myself lucky. February 6/2005 Got a very negative vibe a school today, everyone is talking about what happened yesterday. Jen was not in school today as I had expected, saw something strange today I was walking with Drew in the hallway, I looked over at him and saw an enormous crow shaped shadow following him.... I wanted to tell him about it, but I don't think he would have believed me. I finally mentioned the paw prints in the hall to drew, he couldn't see them, and he asked me if I was ok. I shrugged and we continued down the hall to gym class I passed by Tom Valcone he has since kept his distance from his girlfriend, (I can't say I blame him after yesterdays spectacle) he too had a shadow stalking him. His specter took on the form of a jackal or wolf, it was hard to tell because it's borders were fuzzy and ill defined. I didn't sleep well last night, maybe it is the after effects of insomnia. Mrs. McBrian's words resonated in my head "Your next!" Is this what insanity feels like? March 25/2005 I have noticed that I too have a shadow that stalks me Mine takes the form of a skeletal fox, it is very well defined and draws ever nearer. Any of us could be next. The line between sanity and insanity is much thinner then I thought. I have come to embrace my shadowy friend, he comes to me when I am in need. I no longer fear Mrs. McBrian come what may things will work out. I am sure of it. May 4/2005 The memory of exactly what happened to Jen is fading, just like a nightmare does after you awaken. She never came back from her suspension, at this rate I think she is gone for good. The paw-prints in the hall have faded away and there are all kinds of rumors floating around. Some say she was transferred back to district while others say she was committed to the psych ward at the local hospital. Whatever the case may be, it breaks my heart to say this, but I am probably better of not knowing. Better to let sleeping dragons Lie