#Chapter 11

Where does one draw the line? What makes them cross it once it's drawn?

We'd like to think the law is absolute...that in spite of circumstance or context, the written word of law is cut and dried...black and white. In a perfect world, such a thing would not only exist, it would also put over half the legal system out of business. In a perfect world there would be no arguing, haggling, or bargaining when it came to crime and punishment. 

The same could be said of religion. After all, isn't that where law comes from? Does the moral compass that guides our governments to pass laws not come from our belief in how some higher power wants us to live? What if religious law was absolute...what then? Given what some of the ancient texts have to say about sin, I'm sure we would have crusaded ourselves out of existence centuries ago.

But nothing is absolute, is it? No...everything exists in a grey haze of circumstance...context...timing. To assert guilt there has to be absolute proof of it. Beyond that, there also has to be a lack of mitigating circumstances, which could absolve someone of a crime. Self defence...mental deficiency...accidents...sometimes crimes can be justified, or in some cases even understood.

Even love can be considered one of those circumstances...especially when family is involved.

Once the proper introductions had been made I did my best to make Grandfather comfortable...no small task, given how badly I'd tossed him around. Still, he was able to sit on the stool, while Te'Ki and I pulled our mats up around him. It reminded me a lot of when my siblings and I would gather around him in the evening to listen to him tell a story, or teach us something about our Clan. All I needed was a hot cup of *chakrala* in my hand and a bigger cushion to sit on and the illusion would have been perfect.

"Everyone thinks I have gone to the temple to seek guidance from the Patrons," he said. He then sighed. "Alas, I fear my faith has wavered as of late...empty words on pages eons old...that's all the texts seem to be now."

My first reaction was to come up with some kind of sarcastic remark about how he at least still had a warm bed to crawl into at night, but his tone told me he was genuinely...well...lost. I think he knew even less to say than I did. "Any faith I had is gone," I said flatly. "I've seen things these past few days that have showed me more about the Clans than I...ever wanted to know."

"For every light that shines, grandson," he said. I smirked; hearing the beginning of that phrase reminded me of the story from which it came...some ancient tale of two gods, fighting over who would control the realm of Death itself. It never failed to make my fur bristle when I thought about it. It was true enough, though...every light casts a shadow, and the brighter the light...the darker its opposite.

"The Clans are by no means infallible," he continued. "We're all people...all of us, and as such are subject to whim and temptation. No institution created by us can ever be perfect, because we ourselves are not so."

"Then why have ideals?" I asked. "Why create this illusion of perfection if we know we can never achieve it?" I didn't want to get into a philosophical debate with my grandfather, but his presence in the dwelling, great as it was, basically took everything I thought as absolute in the Clans and flushed it. By rights, if a *Shatlia* entered this dwelling and saw him, then all three of us could be executed and the killer would face no penalty. Grandfather was risking not only his own honour, but as Elder he was jeopardizing the entire Clan's standing.

"Because, Dalan," said Te'Ki, "people need goals. They need ideals to give them purpose. Without something to aspire to, our civilization would have never come this far."

"You speak with wisdom, milady," said Grandfather with a smile. "Yes, we do set lofty goals for ourselves, and we envision what our perfect world would be like. Of course we know it will never be achieved in our lifetime, but perhaps we can lay the foundation upon which future generations can build. Perhaps they will someday reach that ideal goal that we envisioned." He sighed. "But for now we have more immediate intrigues to deal with."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Suspicion is growing concerning the fate of the *Ka'al* *P'ack*," he said. "Neither the Black Rose nor the Winter Stalkers have found no evidence of it in any of their usual underworld channels, and no one in the Foundation..."

He probably stopped because of my widened eyes. "How do you know about the Foundation?" I asked, suddenly suspicious again.

He only sighed in reply, pausing to take a drink of the water I'd offered him. "How else do you think you received your 'care package' so quickly?" he asked with a slight smile.

"Y...you?" He bowed his head. "But...why?"

"It is a debt I owe," he said after a few moments. "A duty I swore I would undertake for any of our Clan doomed to exile." He looked first at Te'Ki and then back to me. "You are not the first to be sent here, Dalan...there have been others before you...most recently your Grand Uncle...my brother."

"But...you never had a brother," I said, suddenly confused.

"Only because the Clan archives erased his name," he said softly. "Ra'al was perhaps 16 or 17 years of age when Father exiled him." My whiskers picked up the bitterness in his tone. Nerisod Kalamar was known by many Clans as Nerisod the Merciless, for he presided over the Tiger's Paw with an iron will and immovable sense of discipline. Legends said that he had the largest number of contract assassinations of any Clan Elder, though neither of the *Najari* clans out there would substantiate such a rumour.

He continued. "Ra'al was a hothead, always flying in the face of Father's will, and countering every accusation with a quick wit and undeniable logic. Alas, this only infuriated Father and one day, Ra'al simply pushed him too far. He was publicly exiled and condemned to live out his days here."

"Just like me," I muttered. I glanced at Te'Ki, who offered a small smile. I felt thankful to the Fates that she was there with me, helping to shoulder this burden of dispossession.

"However," said Grandfather, "Ra'al was not the type to merely accept his fate and be done with it. He set about trying to make a good home for himself here. He planted the *Asheria* and *Sampar* bushes that conceal the pool, placed the heating stones at its bottom..."

"Heating stones?" I asked. "All I saw were some...smooth grey stones."

Grandfather chuckled. "Hidden in on of the *Sampar* bushes is a small controller, Dalan. Once activated, the stones will heat the pool to a desired temperature in minutes...great for the winter, wouldn't you say?" He smiled at my rather surprised expression. "At any rate," he continued, "Ra'al went out of his way to make his life comfortable as possible, preferring the life of an exile to one of a Clansman."

"And how do you figure into all this?" I asked.

It took him a very long time to answer that question, and part of me regretted having asked it. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of silence, he answered. "My brother's exile was the one thing for which I could never forgive my father," he said. "It took me months to muster up the courage to finally sneak out one night, but I did. I was determined to see Ra'al again, regardless of my own fate."

My eyes would have fallen out of my skull had they been any wider opened. My grandfather...the Elder of the Tiger's Paw...had once openly defied the laws as a cub? The shock was quickly transforming into a blossoming sense of admiration. "Did you?" I finally asked. "Did you...see him?"

He nodded. "He actually caught me trying to enter the dwelling. He nearly killed me until he saw who I was." I saw his hands begin to clench. "At least once per week I would make the pilgrimage out to see him and keep him up to date on the goings-on of our family. I was still too young to see the risk I was taking, but I didn't care. He was my brother...and my best friend. I couldn't simply abandon him.

Te'Ki was as wide-eyed as me by this time. "Such a thing would have ended with your own exile," she said.

*'Or worse,'* I thought.

"Indeed," he said. "But you gain a lot of perspective on things like faith and rules when you step outside their bounds. Any signs or portents I prayed for from *Ke'an* seemed to fall on deaf ears, for I never once received any kind of indication my prayers were heard. I tried time and again to approach Father about Ra'al's fate, but he merely said I had no brother and to accept it. Even Mother was no help...instead playing the part of the obedient mate." He chuffed at that statement. "At least your grandmother speaks her mind."

Truer words had never been spoken. Ahn Mek Kalamar was the single most outspoken Bengalan female I'd ever known. She was never one to remain silent if she had an opinion, and more often than not she had the logic to back up her arguments. I'll grant you she still carried herself with an elegance befitting one of her status, but beneath that thin veneer lay someone completely opposite.

He continued. "We carried on the clandestine meetings for a year. Time and again, Ra'al would tell me just how much it meant to him...all I was doing. I knew then that if and when I became Elder, I would use whatever influence I had to have these damnable exiles abolished. How anyone could throw away a member of their own family is...is inconceivable."

The anger I felt in those last words told me he was hiding something beyond this mere tale of my Great Uncle. I thought it best not to press him too hard on it, though...what he was going through was hard enough.

"Then, one night..." He shut his eyes tightly, holding back the tears as best he could. I reached for his clenched fist, wrapping my hands around it. It never failed to amaze me that in spite of my strength in comparison to his, the mere aura of my grandfather seemed to leave me as weak and wide-eyed as a mere kitten. Even in this moment of heart-wrenching weakness, he still radiated more strength of will than I think I could ever muster.

He finally continued. "One night...I went out to the dwelling, only to find the Black Wreath hung on the door." I felt my heart sink. The Black Wreath was something I'd completely forgotten about. Part of an exile's banishment usually included the hanging of a wreath of black roses around their necks, which was to be hung on the outside of a dwelling as a sign...

A sign that the one inside was no more...

"I opened the door slowly," he said, his voice shaking. "I...saw him...hanging by that very hook." He pointed towards the ceiling and I noticed the hook about which he was talking. I'd known it was always there, but I'd never given it much thought...the hook...the stool upon which Grandfather sat...it all made sense but I never put it all together until that moment. I felt my stomach begin to churn slightly. 

"I also found a note," he said, a mournful chuckle escaping his throat. "It turns out I wasn't as careful with my excursions as I thought I'd been. Father had learned of my clandestine visits, and made Ra'al and offer...either find a way to end my visitation, or I would be executed in front of him to further his shame. Ra'al did the only thing he could think of...and gave me no further reason to sneak out at night."

The shame I felt at that moment was overwhelming. To think I actually carried some of Nerisod's essence in me made me feel somehow unclean. I looked up at Grandfather and saw the look of shame on his muzzle. I could only imagine how he was feeling.

"I hated him until the day he died," he said finally. "He knew he couldn't exile me lest the Clan die with him, and I made sure to remind him of that every single day. When your father was born I swore to have no more children...I would never let another be exiled under Nerisod's rule."

Part of me finally understood why my grandparents were so doting on all of us. Never having the opportunity to raise such a large family, they did so vicariously through my mother and father. I never once suspected nor questioned why Father had been an only child...and now that I knew the answer I disliked the Clans even more. It was all politics...power plays and strategies to get the upper hand on a perceived rival, or to manipulate the hopes and dreams of people just to achieve your own goals.

It made me sick.

"I promised myself in Ra'al's name that I would never let another be exiled," he said. "Alas, it was either this for you, or Lucas would have taken your head."

I swallowed hard. My father was prepared to end me...to take my head in front of everyone? My thoughts turned to the youngest siblings, Alexander and Mkio. Bad enough they saw my blood spilled by Father's hand, but if they had witnessed my beheading, I could only imagine the consequences on their minds. It would have meant the end for some of them...and perhaps the very fragmenting of the family. After all, how does one truly forgive a father for murdering his own son?

"Did...did Father discuss this with you?" I asked.

He shook his head. "In truth I was unaware of his intentions until the moment he raised that sword." He sighed again, finishing the cup of water. "When I saw that you still lived after his strike, I knew I had to come here at least once to check on you...make sure you were still alive." He looked around the dwelling appreciatively. "It seems you're off to a good start."

I explained my job at the docks to him, but I left out any talk of my training. Again, because of the stigma attached to the *L'au* *Tari*, I figured discretion would be the better part of valour. After hearing his story, though, I really couldn't see him uttering some holy oath for my soul had I told him of my new training regimen. Still, there would be time enough to tell him in the future.

"I should go," he finally said. We all stood and he nodded to me respectfully, then bowed to Te'Ki the way a Clansman would greet another of the same status. "I trust you can look out for this hot-headed grandson of mine, milady?"

"I think I can keep him in line," she said with a smirk.

"I fear my eyesight's not what it used to be," said Grandfather to me. "Could you walk with me for a moment, Dalan...until I find the path back to the estate?" I was a little confused at this; Grandfather's eyesight was perfect, and even half-blinded, feline eyesight could cut through the night like a knife. Still, I nodded and gave Te'Ki a reassuring look before following him outside.

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We walked until the dwelling was out of sight. The growing dark seemed to surround us both, and for the briefest of seconds I panicked. It wasn't unheard of for a Clansman to secretly take the life of an exile if it meant saving face. For all I knew, Ra'al's tale could have been a steaming load of *Twaro* dung meant to lure me away from Te'Ki.

We finally stopped and Grandfather turned to face me. I tensed the moment he reached for me, expecting him to go for my neck, but instead he gripped me in a tight...almost too tight...embrace. 

I hesitated until the moment I felt him shudder...gasp...and begin to cry softly. "I thought I'd lost you," he choked. "I thought surely the *Shatlia* would have killed you."

"I thought they would too," I said as the embrace broke. I quickly explained how my enhanced strength (and well-timed bite) had saved me from them, though I left out the part about how the sound of the knife being drawn sparked it all.

"We will get through this, little one," he said. He placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed them. "I swear that I will not rest until I get to the bottom of this intrigue. Until then, be vigilant, Dalan. The more I delve into this, the more danger I fear I may put you in."

"I will," I said. I thought about making some kind of remark about how only a fool would provoke a tiger in his own den, but the concerned look on Grandfather's face told me this was no time for mere nonchalance. "I'll be ready, Grandfather," I said. "I promise."

We shared one last embrace before he turned and seemingly melted into the darkness. I remained there for a while, contemplating what he'd said, about there being questions...doubts about my exile. What could that mean?

As I started back down the path towards the dwelling I tried to replay as much of that night in my head as I could. To me it seemed pretty black and white as to what happened: Four thugs cornered me, nearly killed me, and made off with the *Ka'al* *P'ack*. How much intrigue could one possibly read into that?

When the dwelling was in sight my ponderings about my exile faded...and were replaced by the apprehension I'd been feeling earlier. Inside that house she was waiting for me. Would we pick up where we left off earlier, skating so dangerously close to a social taboo, or had Grandfather's arrival cooled the mood somewhat? For all I knew, this interruption of our growing intimacy had perhaps jaded her...made her jealous of what my Clan's Elder was willing to do for me.

In that moment I felt ashamed...humbled to the point that I didn't know if I was worthy of anything. Why would he do it...why would he be so foolish as to risk the Clan's honour for me? Yes, part of me more than appreciated it, and part of me even demanded it...but the biggest part of me questioned it. I was just one person...one cub cast out of a family. The Clan could continue without me, as Richard would be named Second Heir in my place...why put all that in danger just for me?

I opened the door to the dwelling and stepped inside. Te'Ki turned and smiled warmly at me. Well, at least she didn't look jealous or jaded. I looked past her and saw that she'd already re-arranged our mats and blankets once again...turning them into what looked like a poor man's double bed. Yep...definitely not jaded.

"I hope this is all right," she said, noticing what must have been a confused look on my face.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, uh...sure," I said, trying to sound calm but failing miserably. She giggled at my verbal stumbling and beckoned me to join her.

Before long we were snuggled together under the blankets. She borrowed one of the shirts I'd gotten from the warehouse to use as a nightshirt of sorts. I could feel those stirrings happening yet again deep inside, but Te'Ki seemed determined to set limits as to how much we would do until I was of the proper age...which was still a week away.

That didn't stop her from doing some things though. In the dying firelight we held each other close, our kisses as filled with passion as they had been outside. Unfettered by layers of clothing, her body felt like fire against my own. Her purrs grew into soft, moaning growls as my lips and teeth traced from her muzzle down to her neck, where I nipped and licked gently.

I wanted more...gods, it was so hard not to take it that step further. Every touch made her body write with some primal lust, and I was sure I could have torn her clothes away and she would have welcomed it. As it was, she guided my hands to all the right places on her body, still covered by her clothing but she still moaned and mewled under my touch. Her hands were busy too, running over my body, tracing over the scars on my arms and legs...and making me shudder with her own touch.

Finally, she crawled atop me and I held her tightly. She buried her muzzle in my neck and for a few moments I felt her tongue and teeth playing over the sensitive points there. Then, slowly, her ministrations stopped. Her body seemed to go limp atop me and for a moment I thought something terrible had happened. Thankfully she was still breathing, and that was when I noticed the empty cup beside our makeshift bed. The medicine...that thrice-damned blessed medicine had taken effect, and she'd all but passed out. Ugh...surely the Patrons were laughing now.

Torn between laughing and frustration I gently rolled us onto our sides, letting her slip off of me and onto her back. I laid back and was pleasantly surprised to feel her snuggle up against me. I planted a small kiss on her forehead before laying back and staring at the ceiling.

So many things I'd taken as absolutes in my life had all been revealed for what they truly were this night: Fluid...abstract...arbitrary. It was a life lesson I knew I'd learned far too early in my young life, and little did I know that in the days and weeks to come I'd cross even more lines as my destiny began to reveal itself to me.

For the moment, though, I merely looked down at Te'Ki one last time, and whispered three small words to her before letting my eyes close and sleep overtake me.

*I love you...*