Mr. Vice Guy - A One Act Surprise Curus Keel - 2015 SCENE: Convenience store within an unspecified metropolitan city. Jennifer, a woman in her thirties, is buying a soda and a bag of chips. She brings them up to the cashier/clerk, John, who is fairly handsome and in his twenties. JOHN That will be two dollars, please. JENNIFER Here you go. My son would love to have this, he’s been nagging me all day for it. Thanks, and be sure to have a nice day. (Jennifer leaves the set. As soon as she is out, John sighs. Steve, a man in his forties, enters the store and approaches John.) STEVE John, how are you doing? JOHN I’m fine, but I’m also hungry. Really want to get custard and a burger from somewhere. STEVE Well, my shift starts in ten minutes. I’m sure you can hang in there a little longer. All I’m asking is to just be a little more patient. You never know what can happen. JOHN Fine. I’ll wait. Though, I noticed something weird earlier today. STEVE Oh? JOHN Well, there was this young man with a blue hoodie, a blue bandana, and bright red and yellow sneakers. Weirdly noticeable. He walked around the store, examining every part of the shop, and then decided to leave, without buying anything. I thought it was a customer who had a real tough time deciding whether to get anything at first, though on reflection, it does seem weird. STEVE Or he could have been looking for our bathroom. I’ve seen other customers do that from time to time. JOHN Could be. Didn’t look like he badly needed to go, but I guess I shouldn’t discount it right away. (Steve chuckles a little at John’s unintentional pun.) STEVE I guess we really should make the bathroom more visible to others. (A young man with a blue hoodie, blue bandana, and bright red and yellow sneakers walks in. He beelines towards the cases of beer.) JOHN I don’t think that’s needed. (The man grabs two cases and attempts to head off the set. Steve and John notice.) STEVE Wait! What are you doing? JOHN Stop, thief! Drop the cases of beer, and put your hands up where I can see them! (Surprisingly, the man, who is known as James, actually complies to John’s demand. He then looks directly at John.) JAMES Shit. I was going to rob this place, but I know you. JOHN Wait… you… you actually know me? JAMES Yes. Do you know me? JOHN No… no, no I do not know you. Please put the case of beer back where it was before. JAMES Good. You don’t even have to ask. (James places the case of beer back where it was before, and walks out of the set, giving a thumbs-up back to John) JOHN Th… thanks? STEVE This apparently was a thing that just happened. A would-be robber recognizes you and then decides to forget it and just head straight of out this store. Is he going to try his luck with another place? Who knows. But let me get this straight: Do you actually know this person? JOHN Not really. I’ve only met him earlier in this store. Now that I think about it, he actually went and had a rather polite conversation with me. Seemed to be a nice enough guy, if a bit obsessed with beer and somewhat down on his luck. I just… well, I don’t know. To be honest. STEVE Should we call the cops? JOHN No. If he ends up being just a mere robber, he will be caught. If he is a truly good person at heart, then he won’t. Besides, he didn’t actually rob this store, so if JOHN Ah well. I need something to tide me over. Especially after what’s happened today. STEVE Sure. Just make sure you pay for it yourself. JOHN Right. (John rings up a candy bar in the register.) STEVE That will be a dollar and fifty-three cents. (John gives that exact amount to Steve. John leans against a wall and tried to relax, though he look very surprised.) JOHN Steve, after all of this, I practically deserve the biggest thing of custard. It feels like so much has happened today, and I feel we’ve got a very weird story to tell. This… this Mr. Vice Guy, I was not expecting something like him to come and act like he did. Hooo boy. STEVE Do tell the story. Maybe someone will make a short movie, a short story, or even a play about it. (John laughs, feeling completely relaxed by now) JOHN We’ll see. I’m sure anything can happen. (Police sirens start in the background, getting increasingly louder.) BOTH What’s going on? (Jenifer and a policeman from earlier enter the set) POLICEMAN This woman, Jennifer Benner, reported that a man wearing red and yellow sneakers, a blue hoodie, and a blue bandana, who we later identified as James Hopkins, entered a pharmacy and got caught when he attempted to steal two cases of beer there. She says that a man matching the same description as Hopkins was earlier seen in this location. Do any of you know about this man? JOHN Well, yes, he was here. Tried to take two cases of beer, but decided not to because he recognized me. Asked if I knew him, then left with a thumbs up and nothing else. POLICEMAN Interesting. Do you actually know this man? JOHN No.. not personally, no. I’ve only seen him today. He first went to survey the store, and then returned in order to actually try and take the cases of beer. He didn’t go through with it, obviously. POLICEMAN Good. Have a nice day. (The policeman leaves) JENNIFER Here, John. For your trouble. (Jennifer hands John some money) JOHN I’m honored. But how did you know my name? JENNIFER I’m a frequent and friendly customer. And as the cop said, my name is Jennifer. Please use this money to get the custard that you deserve. JOHN Why, thank you, Jennifer. Say, it is the end of my shift. And I have to say, these were the most interesting ten minutes of my life. Steve, see you. And everyone, have a nice day. JENNIFER and STEVE You too, John. Have a nice day. JOHN And Jennifer, this is for you. (John hands over his candy bar to Jennifer) JENNIFER Thanks! JOHN You are most certainly welcome. Thanks again for the money. (John leaves, and gives both the others a thumbs-up. Steve smiles at that gesture, then turns back to Jennifer.) STEVE While you are here, would you like to get anything? JENNIFER Yes, my daughter really wants a soda and a bag of chips. (Lights darken. End of play.)