Fifty Ways to Heave Your Lover
Adapted from “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” (Paul Simon)


The problem isn’t all that difficult, you see
It’s really easy, making use of gravity
I’d like to help you in your date with destiny
There must be fifty ways to heave your lover

My purpose here is not to minimize your plight
Actually, you’re gonna need creative means to win the fight
A result of your imagination taking flight
There must be fifty ways to heave your lover

Fifty ways to heave your lover

(Chorus:)
You just grab on her flank, Hank
Hoof fulla mane, Shane
Don’t be concerned, Vern
’Bout trajectory
Fling her across, Ross
Just give her a toss, hoss
And that’s all you need, steed
Leave the rest to g
Grab on her flank, Hank
Hoof fulla mane, Shane
Don’t be concerned, Vern
With velocity
Fling her across, Ross
Just give her a toss, hoss
And that’s all you need, steed
Leave the rest to g

Now I’m dismayed at how that head of yours you shook
’Stead of giving up, you really ought to take another look
They’re all inside yourself—it’s not like there’s a book
About the fifty ways

They’ll sing your praises far and wide throughout the land
And there’ll be none who will compel you to admit it wasn’t planned
So trust your instincts, and I guarantee that she will understand
There must be fifty ways to heave your lover

Fifty ways to heave your lover

(Chorus)