THOOM

The kangaroo’s paw landed like an atom bomb atop the city. Brang hummed a tune while measuring his foot’s length against Manhattan. The island was just barely longer than his furthest toe claw. Thinking carefully, he guessed that had to make his paw… something around 10 miles long. Maybe. It was hard to be sure when trying to accurately measure against something like Manhattan. But what else was he supposed to use? His ‘Macro Facts’ simply wouldn’t stand with inaccuracies.

With a huff Brang clenched his toes into the soft earth. City blocks were erased between the warm digits in an instant. The marsupial whhrrrr’ed, shaking the airspace nearby. Wanton destruction definitely helped make for a good mood. But there was still the problem of measuring himself. There had to be something more interesting to use around here. The buildings were pathetically small so that wouldn’t do. The city itself was about all he could work with. Taking a seat the brown roo’s rump thudded into the planet. The bedrock cracked and tremors of earth rippled outward from the impact site. Earthquake didn’t quite describe the amount of shaking; it was more akin to waves of dirt and steel and citybits as if he’d sat in water rather than a planet.

Brooklyn and Queens didn’t exist anymore. The small remnants that weren’t crushed directly beneath Brang couldn’t survive the shuddering ground below. Brang hummed again, this time thinking hard rather than happily enjoying the destruction from his roo stompers. He wasn’t big enough to sit on all of Brooklyn and Queens, just most of it. He laid on his side now across the ruined neighborhoods, tail swishing in the ocean behind and kicking up tsunamis.

Maybe the Empire State Building would work for a fun measurement? Wait, no, that was in Manhattan. Which was gone now. Hmm. The roo peeked at his stomper to see if he could pick out the skyscraper amongst his paw pads. Could’ve measured it against a toe but no such luck. He needed a little help figuring what to do next. Brang brought a finger to the top of his muzzle and dragged it across the surface. A small figure clung to the ridges between his fingerprint, before being brought up to the face of the mega kangaroo.

“Hey Alkali, any ideas? Looking to find something I could use for the next Macro Facts tweet if you have a second,” he said as casually as a miles tall roo could.

The small grey roo passenger for his part didn’t seem to perturbed by the situation. His tail swayed happily before chiming in, “Well you have the ocean behind you right? Why not go for a swim? You know, all the way across.”

Brang smirked and positioned himself with his back toward the Atlantic. Both paws pushed off New York City at the same time, leaving a trail of devastation as he propelled himself back like he were going into a pool. The roo quickly started expanding to fill the space behind, his tail dragged against the ocean floor and soon his shoulders bumped into the continent behind. Just like that.

Far below on his finger, Alkali swooned. “Mmm. Yup. That’ll work. Want me to make the tweet for you? Not sure there’s any phones around large enough for you. 4000 miles of kangaroo and such.”