Hopes and Doubts

#6 of Life Goes On Series	

Hope and doubt battle it out before seeing my crush again. Do I go down in flames or keep myself together? And the possibility of another new friend on the horizon? Read on and find out. :3

 

    After my little nightmare in English class I paid extra attention to the lessons in the rest of my classes to avoid another turn for the mental worst. When it comes time for my Intro to Computers class to end and lunch to begin my eyes are constantly drifting back and forth between looking up pictures of anime on Fooble and the ever present clock slowly ticking away. The conflicting thoughts of, "I really hope Chris ends up liking Chronicle Crusaders." and "God, I hope I don't screw up somehow and he finds out that I'm gay. I really don't want to have to deal with that any time soon." waging war inside my head.

   

    I am pulled out of me little mental battle when the bell finally rings and everyone rushes the door in an effort to get out faster. I meanwhile am patiently sitting at my chair waiting for an oppurtunity to leave without being crushed. I take a look around the room out of boredom and notice a kind of average looking pantheress with glasses looking at the screen of my computer. It still had the images of anime from Fooble on it so I wondered to myself if she likes anime too. She notices that I see her looking at my screen and gets a bit flustered, but gives me a small shy smile and wave before getting up to leave. I give her a small smile in return before turning to shut off the computer and grab my pack to leave as well.

 

    When I get outside I take a quick look around to see if I can find the pantheress and ask her if she also enjoys anime, but she is nowhere to be found. I vaguely remember seeing her around, maybe having her in more than just my computer class but never taking the time out to really notice her before. I shrug my shoulders and just think to myself, "Eh, I know she's in my computer class, maybe even something else too. I'll probably see her again soon enough." As my computer class is located in the same section as the science room where I spend my lunches it is a very short walk. During my short walk I start to feel very excited at the idea of getting to see Chris again, but also a bit worried because of my earlier nightmare.

 

    When I walk into the room I look around to see that no one I knew was there yet. My distracted mind making me forget that I was usually one of the first ones there given that my class before lunch was so close by. I set my pack down at a table near the entrance and sit down to wait for people to start showing up. As I am leaning back in my chair balancing myself on the back legs I suddenly remember the dvd set I brought along for Chris. I sit up and proceed to pull it on the table, but then I stop and think to myself, "Wait a second. If I lay it out on the table someone might mistake it for what we are all going to watch next and I won't be able to give it to Chris. Wait, nooo if I just explain that I brought it to lend to a friend that won't happen. But, if I just have it lying out on the table before he even gets here that might come off as a little too eager. Oooooh."

 

    As I was having this little debate in my head I had picked up the dvd case and held it out in front of me with one hand, a look of deep concentration on my face. The next thing I know John walks in noticing me doing this and says with a big smirk on his face, "What, you regret bringing that thing so bad your trying to melt it with your mind?" As he laughs at his own joke I set the case down and say to him with a smirk of my own, "No, I was just debating on whether or not you would even feel it if I shoved it up your ass." His smirk shrinks to a small smile and he gives me a few small claps as he says, "Ohhh, touche. Not bad."

 

   He then sets his own pack down and sits two seats away from me so that he can sprawl out a bit. He then runs his hand through his headfur as he says, "So, for reals. Is that what you brought for us all to watch this time?". I shake my head as I say, "Um, no. I thought you would be bringing the next one. I brought this one to lend out to someone." His eyes widen a little in surprise as he says, "Oh, well you hardly ever lend those things out to anyone. What's the occasion?" I respond a bit awkwardly with,"Um uh, no occasion. He just asked if he could borrow some things here and there and I just felt like being nice."

 

    John's smirk comes back and he starts to chuckle a little bit as he says, "Ohhh, "he" huh? *haha* What, is this your new BOYFRIEND? *hehehe*" I roll my eyes and give him a dirty look as I say, "Jeez, you and all the gay jokes." What's with you and Will throwing them back and forth at each other so much anyway, I'm surprised you two aren't a thing." I get my own smirk back and raise my left eyebrow as I continue, "Or wait, maybe thats your guys' cover. Hmmm, that would explain a lot." I then wag my finger and stick my tounge out at him as I say, "If you think you can trick me into falling for your little act as well think again." His eyelids lower into irritated slits and he sneers at me as he says, "Alright, alright. That's enough. I give. Just shut up please." I give him one last smile of victory before we devolve into some minor chit chat.

 

    After a couple of minutes go by Chris finally walks into the room as I am holding up the case of Chronicle Crusaders to show to John. Chris see the case and says to me, " Oooh, is that what you brought for us all to watch this time?" John beats me to the punch of responding by saying, "No, he brought that to lend to his special MAN." while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I blush a little as I say quickly, "Uuugh, shut up John. Just give it a rest already." John holds his hands up in mock defense and says, "Fine, fine." He stands up and smirks before saying, "I'll let you two lovebirds have some time alone." walking away with a quick stride while his tail swishes about triumphantly.

 

    I shake my head in annoyance at John and his antics before Chris says with a chuckle, "*heheh* Boy, he must love getting on your nerves." I shake my head once more before saying, "Uugh, you don't know the half of it." I then remember the dvd and hold it out to him while saying, "Oh, yeah. Um, I brought this for you." His smile widens and his tail starts to sway a bit faster behind him as he says, "Oh, I didn't think you would come up with something to lend me so quickly." I mentally kick myself at this, but he takes the case from my hand without a second thought and gives it a look-see. When I see that his smile doesn't falter and his eyes widen a little in excitement I knew he liked what he saw.

 

   He gives me a firm pat on the shoulder and his usual great big smile as he says, "Wow, thanks a lot. This looks like it'll be a lot of fun. I'll be sure to start on it as soon as I can." I then say a bit more frantically than I probably should, "Oh, no no no. Go ahead and take your time to enjoy it. There's no rush."  He nods and just keeps smiling as he says, "Great, thanks again." I spend the rest of lunch just chatting with Chris about various kinds of anime. I do take a couple of seconds here and there during our conversations to lightly pinch myself under the desk to make sure I wasn't dreaming. During one of these moments I do take a quick look around the room and notice that my other friends are chatting it up as usual without me. For a brief moment I do feel a bit sad that my absence has seemingly made no difference to the group, but then I turn back to Chris and can't help but get taken in by his laughter and smile joining in with my own.  

 

 

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    Decided to switch things up a little with my description text box this time. Make it a little more like descriptions I've seen on some of my favorite story series'. Whether or not this was a good idea I'll leave up to those reading this. Well, moving on. That ol' cloud of depressing thoughts just did not like to leave me alone for very long back in the day, but meeting Chris was the catalyst that started me on the path to a happier life. Characters will come and go in the story as they do in real life. As I progress in the story I hope that I will be able to do well at getting across my deep appreciation for family and friends, my slow but steady journey away from depression and sadness, and my love of stupidly transparent references XD. All comments, criticisms and suggestions greatly appreciated. :)