“Doc, I just want to finally put this to bed but nothing I’ve tried works.”
Nick Wilde was practically begging his therapist for a solution. Since joining the ZPD, he had some difficulty adjusting. At least once a month, he would be called in to settle a confrontation and each time he would have violent flashbacks to that night at the scout meeting. Thankfully, he wasn’t alone each time he would answer the call and it was up to whichever partner it was to settle the squabble. Any confidence that was built up was immediately dashed in the past few months. Nick found himself drenching his pants with his own piss while recalling that night. Sure, it would stop a disturbance between two members but only so they could laugh at Nick’s problem. This in turn would cause further embarrassment.
Judy insisted that he see a medical professional to get it sorted out. After all, she was the only one who knew about the scout meeting back when they were trying to figure out the Night Howler case. The rest of the officers assumed Nick was too chicken when it came to something that wasn’t a routine traffic stop. He had come to rely on Judy after those soggy shifts for comfort. The first time, it was understandable as it was a new experience but after the fourth time or so soaking Judy’s fur with his tears, she knew it was time for stronger help.
Enter Bonny Badger, a trauma therapist with innovative techniques. Well, she advertised the “innovative” part of her methods but never specified what they were. Still, she had a solid 3.9 out of 5 stars on Grassdoor so that had to count for something, right? Nick was already on his fifth session with her and was tired of waiting for a solution. He already told her about what happens at work and what it stemmed from. What gives?
“Well, Nick, it’s clear from what you’ve told me that the trauma has pervaded throughout your life and played a part into making you who you are. What is also clear is that your body’s response to certain scenarios, especially in your line of work, is negative. Any attempts at retaining the urine, at least from you’ve told me from your visits with the urologist, have proved futile. It is in my professional opinion that your inner kit has not known peace since that moment and he is hurting. I have some methods in mind to help you with that but it is up to you whether or not you want to continue,” she said.
“Of course, I want to,” said Nick, desperate for anything at this point.
“Very well. I’ll just need a waist measurement. Stand up for a moment.” Bonny grabbed a tape measure from a desk drawer and wrapped it around his figure. She took the number and wrote it on a small notepad. She marked some boxes off as well and gave it to Nick.
“Take this to the front desk before you leave. They’ll give you some packages that are part of your therapy. Don’t open them until you get home.”
“And these things will help?”
“Not immediately. There’s nothing in the world that can fix trauma that quickly. However, this is a start and I’ll measure your progress with each session from here on out. If you’re open two weeks from now, I can see you then and we can talk.”
“Um, sure. Pretty sure I’m free,” said Nick as he looked at his mobile calendar. Sure enough, there weren’t any work hours scheduled for him. “Yes, I am,” confirming his guess.
“Then it’s settled.” Both of them got up as Bonny opened the door to show him the way out. “I’m hoping this works. I know a number of clients have stuck with it and improved their lives.”
“I hope so too. Take care,” said Nick.
“You too!”
Nick handed the note to one of the receptionists, a stork, while another penciled his next appointment. Once that was finished, the stork brought out two boxes, one large and one small. He walked with Nick to his car so that Nick didn’t have to do it. The boxes were placed in the trunk and now he was on his way home.
What could be in those boxes that can get him back to some semblance of normal? It couldn’t have been a drug because why would she measure his waist? That was only done for clothes. Why would a therapist require someone to wear clothes? Clearly it couldn’t be a recommendation for the naturalist club. He would’ve gone under his own volition and wasn’t ashamed of the size of his parts. He was due for a visit there anyway for some bathhouse relief but not this weekend.
Nick pulled into the apartment complex’s parking lot. He got the boxes from the trunk and made his way to his quarters. The space itself was enough for him; a small kitchen with multiple counters, a single bathroom, a single bedroom with a queen mattress for when he has “special friends” over, and a living room. Not completely spartan living but a marked improvement from being under the bridge or camping out in Finnick’s van for the next hustle.
He entered his apartment and examined the boxes. The address for Bonny’s office was on a sticky label on one side of each container. The larger one had “AB CLOTHES” written in a block font that also felt a little childish. It was this one that Nick opened first, tearing the tape with one of his claws. He undid the flaps and found…diapers. Larger diapers than the ones he would swipe for Finnick for their pawpsicle racket but he also found Finnick wearing them outside of hustles for some reason. The colors ranged from a traditional baby blue to a light purple. “This can’t be right,” Nick thought as he opened the other box labelled “SWAD; DLUX”. This one had an assortment of items: a small bottle of lavender spray for the pillow, an unopened pacifier, a plush rabbit, and a book written by Bonny called Swaddling Clothes: Comforting Your Inner Kit with a CD for guided meditations.
This had to be a sick joke, right? This is where professional help got him: a starter set for someone’s diaper fetish. All that time off for appointments led to this. He already experienced enough shame pissing himself on the job but to have to wear diapers on top of it? He’d be laughed out of town. Not even Judy would be able to stifle her laughter if she saw Nick like this. At least give this fox some dignity, please.
And yet, Nick stayed with Bonny as a client. He did leave each session feeling relaxed and it helped that she had a voice similar to his mother. Having someone tell you that you’re not the only one who experiences trauma meant a lot to him. There was something comforting about seeing her, even if it was a strictly professional dynamic. He’s trusted her this far, why should I stop now?
Nick took the CD and placed it in his player. He’d rather listen to that than read the book at the moment. The CD started to whir and he heard Bonny’s dulcet voice.
“Hello, I’m Bonny Badger, author of Swaddling Clothes: Comforting Your Inner Kit. As a therapist specializing in trauma and healing from it, I understand how difficult it can be trying to go about your day and how the smallest trigger can send anyone into a spiral. After working with clients for several years, I’ve discovered that one aspect that is neglected in a healthy adult life is keeping in touch with your inner kit. My book and this CD contain meditations you can practice whenever you’re in the middle of an episode or just need to practice some self-care.
This is not hypnotism. It is not a specialty of mine nor is it something that I’ve found to successfully work. If you want that, I suggest stopping this CD and seeking a practitioner. These are meditations; no deep sleep or trance is required here.
Before we begin the first meditation, it’s best if you do this in a safe and comfy spot like a bed or a couch. Feel free to pause this at any point in order to get yourself situated.”
Nick sat down on the couch.
“In the book, I describe that the average age of the inner kit is around 5-6 years old but maybe not having the same faculties of someone that age. That’s why the deluxe edition, which you have, includes a box of diapers along with other tools to accompany each meditation. Speaking of which, now would be a good time to use that lavender spray. Spritz some on nearby fabric.”
Nick followed her instructions. So far, it’s just simple items.
“Now, here comes the first point of trust. I want you to go ahead and put on one of the diapers and then lay down in the newly-scented fabric.”
Well, if Finnick can do it, so can Nick. He took off his pants and boxers and hesitated to grab a diaper at first. A quick mental check reminded him that nobody was going to pay him a visit and that he was safe. First glance revealed that these diapers had double tape straps as well as a hole for the tail. Security must’ve been a high priority for this maker. He threaded his tail through the hole and taped the diaper so it was snug around his waist but not so tight that it was uncomfortable. He had forgotten the sensation of something soft wrapped around his loins and it already made him feel younger. Nick curled up on the couch and got under the blanket with the plush bunny. He unpaused the CD.
“Congratulations on taking this step. Now, I want you to just close your eyes and listen. For this mediation, we’ll focus on a happy moment. Imagine you’re a kit and you’re on the playground in a park. It’s a lovely day with some clouds in a bright blue sky and you’re playing ball with someone your age. Smiles and laughter. There’s even the sound of an ice cream truck off in the distance. Nothing but good times all around.”
All of the sounds that Bonny mentioned grew louder. Nick found himself in that environment he hadn’t visited in a long time. He felt the warm pleasant sun on his fur. He saw his mom sitting on the bench talking to another mother fox about something or other. He found himself waiting for what he thought was a goat to pass the ball back to him. From a distance, some bunnies were on the swings save for one wallaby being pushed by a turtle. There was an ocelot dad tossing a baseball to his son. Two panther girls were skipping rope. There was a sloth on the merry-go-round at speeds faster than what he was used to. Truly this was a wonderful day.
Nick paused the game to go to the drinking fountain. He hopped up on the little step and let the cool trickle of water hit his maw. How refreshing it was. Nick was thirstier than usual so he drank for what seemed like only a minute. He finished up and went back to playing. The games ranged from hide and seek, tag, a game of kickball, and more. The sun was beginning to set now; who knows how long he was at the park. He heard his mom call saying it was time to go. Upon hearing the word “go”, Nick realized that he had a rather full bladder that needed serious relief.
From what Nick remembered about this park, it wasn’t that far from home but there weren’t any public restrooms available. That problem became very apparent very quickly. He tried to get mom to walk a little faster but she somehow didn’t understand why. Tugging on her shirt or paw didn’t help. Before he could think of another solution, it was too late. The stain on his khaki shorts grew darker and wetter, dripping down his legs. Nick’s mother stopped and saw the aftermath. He started to tear up before sobbing into his mother’s shirt.
“Oh, Nicky, I wish you could’ve told me sooner. Don’t worry. We’re just around the corner and I’ll help you clean up and give you some hugs. I’ll even make you your favorite dessert.”
The warmth from her voice was soothing to Nick’s small ears. Yes, he had an accident but he wasn’t shamed or scolded for having it happen. Rather, his mom would make sure that the day would end on a high note. He looked forward to it except…
Nick opened his eyes and found that the sun was in the wrong position. For some reason, it seemed like he went backwards in time. He looked at his phone and it read 8:25 AM the next day. How was that even possible? He only closed his eyes for a few minutes. The CD player was still on but it was at the end of the disc. He must’ve slept through the first mediation as well as whatever the rest of them were. As he sat up, he felt a squishy sensation between his legs. Sure enough, he soaked that diaper. He found no stains on the couch so at least he knew how absorbent these diapers are. At least there’s a good reason to take out the trash.
Nick sat for a few minutes pondering all of this. He needed to tell someone. There was really only one animal he personally knew that used diapers, his old partner in crime. He pulled up his messages and selected Finnick.
“Hey. I know this is last minute but would it be cool if we talked at your place? Something’s happened and you’re the only one I can talk to about this. Breakfast is on me.”
Finnick’s icon jumped down and the three dots started bouncing.
“Alright but it better be good.”
Nick would find out soon enough.