The Night Before Snepmas
By Seraph LeSabre
Starring Kazu Kohi

’Twas the night before Snepmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a writer who can’t do poetry for shit.

Kazu found herself sprawled out on her couch on christmas eve, idly reading through tweet after tweet on her tablet in an attempt to get a little bit of holiday cheer in the form of living vicariously through others. It seemed everyone else was out for the weekend, and all she had to look forward to was an awkward dinner with family the next day, a few low-effort gifts exchanged, then back home. At least with her apartment empty, Kazu was free to lounge about in just an oversized fleece jacket, zipped up to the neck so that it could at least keep half of her body cold.

The red panda huffed as she flipped through what felt like the fourteenth “Murry Christmas” pun on her feed - as though everyone suddenly realized that it was a bad pun, but could be posted “ironically” at the same time. At least a few of them had the decency to include saucy photos of wolves in red and green stockings and little else. At least the season had that benefit.

Kazu huffed and turned off her tablet, standing up and stretching with her arms over her head.

“Okay, none of this mopey nonsense!” she announced to herself, “I’m going to get me some christmas cheer even if I have to do something unspeakable with a candy cane!”

As she said it, she looked down to see her tablet powering itself back on. She tilted her head to the side as it booted up, immediately opening up the radio app. Generic christmas music started playing through the tinny speakers, filling the room with lo-fi songs that were only considered acceptable because of the month. As Kazu picked up her tablet to turn it off, her electric fireplace activated as well, flame-colored LEDs and a heating coil turning on to give the illusion of a fire for those who were just renting. Kazu scrambled to unplug the cord, only to find out that it was not, in fact plugged in. She was quickly distracted by the rattling in her kitchen, as though her upstairs neighbors had suddenly taken up an interest in group-DDR sessions.

Kazu lept to her feet to try and stabilize her most fragile kitchenware. Once satisfied, she turned back into her living room to find a tall snow leopard standing in front of the fireplace, dusting himself off. He wore a red velvet suit with white trim, a red hat, a false beard… in fact, he almost looked like-

“S-santa?!” Kazu exclaimed, quickly pulling down the front of her coat to cover herself.

“Ho ho ho ho ho!” the man laughed deeply, putting down a large bag and removing his hat.

“Oh my god, you even have the boisterous laugh?”

“What? No, I was addressing you,” the man responded as he pulled away his fake beard, “Ho, ho, you know?”

Kazu’s ears folded down, quickly realizing that her bottomless state was not only poor for keeping her bottom warm, but also a poor choice of clothing to greet a man who suddenly appeared in her apartment without any sort of warning or signs of entry. She tried to open her mouth to protest, but found the words halting in her throat as “Santa” took a seat on her couch.

“Well, get over here,” Santa commanded, patting his thigh, “Let’s get on with this!”

As the snow leopard spoke, Kazu found her body lurching forward towards him. The red panda cried out in her head, but her thoughts were drowned out by top-40 covers of classic christmas songs blasting in her head. Unable to help herself, she sat down on the snow leopard’s lap, sitting sideways like a child about to get her photo taken at the mall with someone who probably never passed a background check.

Santa grinned and pulled down on the zipper to Kazu’s coat, letting it fall open enough to expose the brown fur of her cleavage, then her stomach, all the way down. He nodded approvingly as he placed a paw on Kazu’s chest, stroking down between her soft breasts and over her tummy before pulling his large bag over to himself.

“Well now, you’ve been a good little girl, so let’s see what I have for you.” Santa coddled the red panda in his lap as he started rummaging through the bag, “Let’s see, how about a nice metal cock cage… oh wait… um… how about a fleshi- shit, that won’t work… penis pump… vibrating cockring… You know, I usually do this for guys, but I guess my paperwork got mis-filed. Pack of diapers, no those are for the place a few blocks down….”

While the snow leopard continued trying to find a suitable gift, Kazu felt the spell of his command start to wear off gradually. She managed to get out a whine, squirming a little in Santa’s lap while trying to pull her coat back closed.

“This will do!” Santa announced before Kazu could wrestle herself free. She looked over and blushed deep red, seeing a red and white candy-cane-striped silicone dildo in the snow leopard’s paw, “Of course, we’ll need to make sure it fits - I don’t give gift receipts!”

Santa pushed Kazu’s legs apart, placing the candy-cane toy against the red panda’s soft lips and flipping a switch to make it start vibrating. Kazu gasped and let out a tiny moan as the snow leopard lightly rubbed the buzzing toy against her clit, moving in little circles. He purred loudly as he pushed Kazu’s coat down her shoulders halfway, both exposing the red panda’s breasts and trapping her arms behind her back.

The snow leopard teased at the red panda with the toy, brushing the vibrating tip along her slit to help slicken it up with Kazu’s own fluids. Kazu just leaned her head back, trying to wriggle free but finding herself barely able to move as the snow leopard slowly pushed the thick, cold toy against her vulva, slowly moving it back and forth until it started to slide inside her. Kazu let out a little moan through clenched teeth as it started to buzz inside her, a little puddle starting to form on Santa’s red-clad thigh.

“You’ve been a very good girl this year,” the snow leopard affirmed as he reached up to cup one of Kazu’s breasts. He began to slide the silicone cock-substitute in and out of the panda as he squeezed and kneaded at her breast. As she gasped and moaned, Kazu started to lean back, her hair falling behind her. Santa took the opportunity to lay her down on her back, her arms pinned by her coat to her sides.

The snow leoaprd positioned himself on top of Kazu, locking eyes with her as he slowly but forcefully pushed the toy and and out of her. As Santa used the toy to violate the red panda, she slowly managed to wriggle her arms just a bit, stretching out her coat a bit, but managing to reach her paws down in front of her. Rather than push the snow leopard away, however, she started to brush her fingers against her parted labia, letting out a little mew as she bit down on her lower lip. Rubbing at her clit with her thumb, Kazu found herself quickly welling up with “holiday spirit”

With a loud moan, Kazu started to squirt warm fluid from between her legs, coating both the red and white dildo and Santa’s paw. She panted heavily as her orgasm took her, squeezing her eyes shut as her entire body tensed and relaxed repeatedly. As she laid on her couch, vagina filled with silicone and legs coated in her own juices, she hardly noticed Santa get up off her. He walked to the sink to wash his paws, then helped himself to the carton of eggnog.

As Kazu slowly pushed herself back up, Santa looked as though he was just about to head out the front door. He caught her staring though, and paused, straightening himself back up.

“Um… remember, little girl,” Santa tried to monologue, “The christmas spirit is always within you, like a silicone peppermint-candy-themed sex toy. The holidays are a magical time where anything is possible, and friendship and family are OH MY GOD, IS THAT A DISTRACTION BEHIND YOU?!”

Kazu jerked her head behind her, seeing nothing but a blank wall. By the time she realized that she had been had by the oldest trick in the grade-school playground handbook, the snow leopard had bolted out the door. Vibrating dildo still inside, and free of the snow leopard’s spell, Kazu jumped to her feet to see Santa rushing to a red sports car, with two german shepherds standing beside it dressed in red jingle-bell harnesses. The three got into the car and sped away, almost losing traction on the snow-covered driveway.

“Wait a second…” Kazu started to wonder aloud, “I don’t think that was really Santa Claus….”