Kinky Diary
A space bunny's journal
There is a content warning section after the story itself. If you think you'll be uncomfortable with something, check there first. It would be up here at the top, but I didn't want to spoil everything right at the start.

This story is about fictitious self-discovery and any relation to how masochism or sexuality in general works in reality are purely coincidental; do not use this as a guide to your own self-exploration.
Day 1
Travelling in space is nothing like I expected it to be. It's dull, but not in the "I've got tons of time to kill" kind of way. It's dull because this place is massive and filled with people but I feel like I'm just getting ignored by everyone.

Actually, that's not right. It's like I don't exist at all, or like I'm a ghost that died so long ago that everyone forgot I even existed. It's like... well, it's like I still haven't introduced myself. Maybe I'll say hi to someone tomorrow.
Day 2
Okay, so I didn't find anyone to be friends with. I've mostly been scouting out, I've identified the tribes so far. The geeks, the nerds, the dorks, the jocks, the jokers, the jokes, the jackasses, the probably-murderers-who-keep-stealing-stuff, and me.

To be fair, I doubt the 'probably-murderers' are actually murderers. Some of them probably just did manslaughter instead. I'll just call them the 'felons' for short.
Day 3
It turns out I was right about the felons, I wasn't just being prejudiced. Jimmy stole a car, Matty killed two people and Max actually killed a bunch of guys. I mean, he killed them consensually, but that doesn't mean he didn't kill them.

The big thing that surprised me was that they're all total sweethearts though. I'm serious, they're the kindest people here by a mile. I'm wondering if the jackasses are the same.
Day 4
NOPE. I tried talking to a guy called Duke, I literally just said hi to him and he shoved me, then walked away. It probably sounds like I'm overreacting but it was the way that he shoved me that got to me; like when your car has broken down so you take a little anger out on the door, throwing it back hard enough to break something.

Honestly, I don't know why, but I feel like I should try again with him. He didn't seem mad at the time, but maybe he was just having a rough day. Maybe he'll laugh it off, then we'll start talking.
Day 5
ALSO NOPE. He did the exact same thing again so I called him out on it. I shouted back at him, asked him what his deal was. I shit you not, his reply was this: "no one would miss you, you know".

What the fuck is his problem? Who says that to someone? He didn't even say it because he was angry, he just said it flat and walked away! If you're going to deliver a death threat, at least stick around so I can beat you up!

Well, I'd probably just ask the felons for help because I'm a runt bunny up against an enormous rabbit...
Day 6
It turns out that Duke and Max have an 'interesting' past. Max is a canine powerhouse and a gentleman so I naturally thought I'd talk to him about yesterday, and apparently I had Duke all wrong.

Duke was fucking flirting, they used to snuff people. Just let that sink in, I'll give you a minute. Duke thought that I, being small and shy, would automatically be a massive masochist wanting to take the ultimate thrill.

I mean what the fuck? I'm surprised those people even exist, but here? Talking about it that openly? Just assuming I'm a masochist and treating me badly? Again, what the fuck? I don't even know if I am a masochist, but I couldn't imagine doing something like that.
Day 9
I haven't had much to write about lately, I just can't be bothered with writing small talk every day, so I thought I'd wait until something actually happens. Today, I found out that I might be a masochist after all.

Me and Max have been hanging out pretty often now, I'm starting to think he could be a decent friend. He's been talking to me about what makes masochists tick and asking about whether I've done anything that could be considered 'masochistic'.

It turns out that there have been an embarrassing number of examples and it all comes back to the same theme: doing something that I'd regret literally just because I'd regret it. I think that might be my fetish, but it's not something I've heard of before.
Day 11
This is the day I learned that I'm definitely some kind of masochist. I don't know if there's some sort of special word for my 'type' of masochism though because it does seem a little different to other people's. I'm just going to call it 'regret play' for now.

Max has been helping me figure out by giving me different scenarios that might trigger it. Not doing housework has never been one, but causing a mess on purpose is. Ruining my clothes sounds dull bordering on annoying, but making them uncomfortable is weirdly hot somehow. I really don't understand this...
Day 15
Max suggested some... real world experimenting. I knew this would be a bad idea, but that's exactly what made it so damn enticing. The more I thought about how badly this could go, the more I had to do it.

All I was going to do was talk to Duke, that's the whole thing. Of course, the last couple of times didn't work out so well, so if he's annoyed this time then it could get a whole lot worse. Naturally, I asked him while he was busy eating at the canteen.

I got up to the table and, being as nervous as I always am, couldn't get my words out and I was just standing there awkwardly. He noticed me after a little while but he wasn't looking at my face; it turns out I'd gotten hard.

He started smiling immediately. "I knew it". I almost wish I'd stuck around, but I was so embarrassed that I just went straight back to my room without food.
Day 18
Nothing happened with Duke since the whole boner thing, but Duke and Max have been talking. Max asked if he could tell Duke about me, because apparently he'd been asking questions. Like I said, Max is a gentleman and he hasn't said anything, but he knew that at least some part of me wanted him to.

I said that Max could explain everything, and of course that I was trusting him not to say anything that would get me in trouble of any kind. I'm just really hoping nothing drastic happens tomorrow. I'm still just figuring things out after all.
Day 19
I'm now not sure whether Duke is an asshole or it's all an act, because he joined me for lunch today and he was being surprisingly normal. We just talked for a while, I'm not sure what about though.

Honestly, I felt like he was sizing me up, trying to figure me out. He wasn't even being flirtatious, unless maybe you count the last thing he said. I'm not sure these were his exact words, but it was something like "if you want to try experimenting sometime, give me a sign. I use banana as a safeword".

I have no idea what to use as a sign, but I kind of have to, right? I've talked to Max about it and I've got some ideas, but I don't know if I'll have the guts to do anything tomorrow.
Day 22
Obviously it's been two days without trying anything and I really want to figure this out. If for no other reason, it's definitely hot to me now. Can't say how many times I've jacked off to thoughts on how this could go.

I decided that if I couldn't force myself to talk to him in person, I'd slip a note under his door as the sign he asked for. I wanted to put something kinky like 'tease me', 'punish me' or even 'be my bully' but I had to be realistic. I just wrote my name on it, slid it under his door and then got the hell out of there.

Note to self: running with a boner is kind of fun.
Day 23
"Let's start off with something simple", he said when he sat down beside me at the canteen. He slid his paw onto my waist and gently slid half an inch into my underwear. "eyes forward", he snapped. "I can see that you've got the sausage and mash, at least that's what they call it. I know that it's cold by now because you've been here for at least 10 minutes. Mine, however...", He says whilst grabbing his own sausage and mash, "is far too hot to eat".

He pulled my underwear at the front, exposing my now throbbing boner, then placed his other paw in front of me. "Whatever you put in my paw, I will use on you".

I was frozen solid for a good minute before I could respond, and I did so without thinking, fuelled by pure arousal. I gingerly grabbed the hot pair of sausages which were still boiling hot and difficult to hold. 

I'll admit, I was a little disappointed that he put one of them back and told me that I wasn't ready, but he was definitely right. Taking a dildo with lube was one thing, but I swear that the grease actually added friction. I was tempted to safeword when he started slowly teasing it in, but he stopped before I could say anything. "You want to regret this, right? Tell me what you want me to do".

I spoke without thinking, or hesitation. "Force it in. All the way". I would have screamed if he hadn't covered my mouth. He shoved it in, hard. He didn't stop until he couldn't push it further without fisting me. Tears were starting to roll down my cheeks but I didn't care. I knew that this was what I'd been missing.

I don't remember much of what happened after that, but I do remember being surprised at how much precum I was leaking. I'm pretty sure they had to mop the floor. I remember something he said though: "If you choose the same next time, I won't hold back".
Day 25
I avoided Duke yesterday, I didn't even eat in the canteen because I was just too scared to face him. I mean obviously I really wanted to, but after the high had faded from being sausage fucked I realised just how dumb I was being. There's no way I can handle more than one at once, but with this new fetish I'd probably still ask for it.

When Max realised that I hadn't come down for food today, he came to my bedroom to check that I was okay. I'm pretty sure we're officially friends at this point and I'm glad I met him.

It turns out that we've got an extranet connection, it's just super expensive because the technology is still basically in testing. I've heard the concept in passing, but I had no idea that we had it onboard. Either way, he's letting me use his connection now.
Day 28
One thing lead to another and now I've started camwhoring. I guess it's not really a big deal, but it's just not something I expected I'd be doing. It makes me feel kind of slutty. I think I like that...
Day 30
I've been playing about with what I guess could be called 'the extranet of things'. My lights can now blink on and off at the whim of someone back home! I have literally no idea where we are on this exploration mission, none of it is mapped, so I have no idea how this is possible.
Day 31
Remember when I said that people back home could use my lights? Yeah, that was dumb. Let's not do that.

You know what is awesome though? Letting people shock me at a variable voltage. I even have them paying to do it! It's kinky and I'm getting paid, I love it! A month ago, I would have considered this torture, I've definitely changed a lot since then.
Day 32
I'm probably going a little too far into the deep end, but at the same time it's getting harder and harder to care. I let people watch me 'sleep' last night, without turning off the shocking device I improvised.

I actually had to hold it the whole time, but knowing that I was submitting to total strangers kept me hard all night. I'm tired as hell now of course, but it was totally worth it.

I told Max about it, he totally loves it! I'll bet he was rock hard because he couldn't stop fantasising about it and giving me pointers. I thought it was going to be a one off, but part of me just doesn't want to disappoint him. 

He asked if he could talk to Duke about it, apparently Duke feels dejected since I got kind of scared off. I said I was okay with them talking about any of it, as long as they don't join the stream because I'm a little worried they'd go too far.
Day 34
I guess I've got two new fetishes now: sleep denial and discomfort. Coincidentally, it turns out that I could turn my improvised shocking device into an improvised, inflatable, uncomfortable buttplug.

I kept it in all night and every half-hour or so someone would just start inflating it, which since I've had basically no anal training always hurt like hell. I loved it, and I started wearing it during the day as well. I've edged myself like five times since I've been wearing it, but I haven't cum once. Honestly, kind of proud of myself for that.

It does have a bit of an issue though; it only inflates to my limit before the air floods out of it, which means it can't cause any real damage. Obviously this is a good thing, but part of me wants to find a way to fix it.
Day 35
I need to kick it up a notch. Or five. Nothing major has happened recently and it's barely worth writing here, but I'm just so horny and none of my ideas are hot enough. I need something permanent, something torturous and inescapable. It needs to be horrible and it needs to be my fault. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm kind of liking this new side of me.
Day 36
I was way too horny yesterday and I'm tempted to just erase the whole entry, but I did have a point. I've been avoiding taking more action because I've been worried that I'll take it too far, but I'd rather live fast than die old after a dull life.

When I got to the canteen, I went straight to Duke without even thinking about it. By the time I realised I'd gone to him, my mind was totally blank. Lucky for me, he knew exactly why I was there without me needing to say a word.

He told me something like "if you want me to help you out, you're gonna have to make it fun for me", so I told him that he could watch my streams and give me ideas for what to do. Apparently that wasn't good enough though, so I asked him what he wanted. Tomorrow, I'll be cleaning his bedroom. ...kind of thought it would be something kinky.
Day 37
I'm surprised that I was surprised by how kinky Duke would be: why would it be something simple? I mean I did clean his room top to bottom, but when I was nearly finished he started just straight up jerking it. I was still in the room, I might add! He didnt care that I could see him, he just kept telling me to keep cleaning up.

When he was getting close, he got my attention. Besides the fact I couldn't help but look, I mean. "Kneel in front of me". I guessed that he was going to ask me to suck him off, which I was more than okay with. "You want to suck me off, right? Tell me how much you like sucking guys off"

I was almost offended he was calling me a slut, but he was right about me loving oral. Getting sucked off? Fucking or getting fucked? They're fine and all, but if I had the choice between infinite money and a dick to suck then I wouldn't have to think about it. That's basically what I told him.

"So it would be... bad if you couldn't suck me off?". I just nodded, not really sure what he was getting at. "So what would be hotter? Sucking my dick or not sucking my dick?".

I was about to blurt out that sucking would be hotter, but then I started thinking. I genuinely don't know whether to hate or love what I said next, but for whatever reason I just couldn't lie. I told him that not sucking him off would be hotter.

"I was wondering whether you'd say that. What about cum?". Naturally, same applies to cum. He started to jerk faster. "If you want something to regret, here it is: I'll make sure that you never get to suck dick or taste hot cum again, all you have to do is keep your moth shut"

It didn't take long for him to cum, and when he did it was all over my face. I couldn't believe how much there was, or how desperately I wanted to lick it off my lips. The only thing I wanted more than that cum was that cruel feeling of desperation, and I knew now that it was here to stay.

Duke pulled on one of my ears and used it to clean up his cock, all that delicious looking, intoxicatingly musty cum just going to waste. After that, he just left me to clean up his room, including what cum didn't land on my face.

Before I left, he asked if he could tell someone else about me.
Day 38
I didn't think it was worth mentioning, because of course I said yes. I'm an idiot, of course I'd rope some new guy into my degenerative acts...

The new guy was a pretty scrawny, campy mouse boy called Mike. I'm guessing he's one of the geeks because he was so meek, but he was also kind of energetic and effeminate which kind of broke the stereotype. Also, when I say scrawny, I mean he looked like a cub. I'm sure Duke and Max wouldn't do that, it must just be because he's a mouse, but I'd guess 15 being generous.

I met him down at the canteen, along with Duke and Max. Pretty much the instant I got there, I was being whisked off back to my own bedroom. Normally I'd argue about the three of them just assuming they can come in, but I guess submissiveness and masochism must be linked somehow? I'm really starting to get into it.

"So, I've explained the situation to both of them, and we've come up with a little idea. No cum unless it's cold, dry or otherwise gross; no sucking dicks; no licking dicks with cum or precum on them. Want to know the best part? The rules only apply to you, we can facefuck Mike all we want just to tease you!"

The mouseboy was becoming excitable. "Silver lining though! You can lick my bits to make me hard, if you like! Oh yeah, you've got a safeword, right? So I can just do things! Kneel, mister."

Before I'd even finished kneeling, he'd tugged down his shorts, painfully grabbed my ear and rammed his crotch into my face. Not even aiming for my mouth, he was just spreading his young musk all over my face for the fun of it.

"Like that? Like my boy bits in your face? Lick 'em!". They were... not big. He didn't have a manly musk, he didn't have a big dick and he was small enough that I could easily push him over. Somehow, that made getting humiliated by him even hotter, so I put full effort on getting him hard. But, just as I start really enjoying myself, he takes a step back.

"It's kind of fun being mean to you but... I'm a masochist too. I'm into pleasure denial and that's too... y'know... good." He turned to Duke. "R-red. I'm sorry mister..."

"That's okay, we'll try this again tomorrow. You sure some 'medicine' won't make you feel better?"

"I mean uh... Maybe. You didn't drink any water?"

"Nope. It's gonna be horrible and you're gonna lick up every last drop"

Clearly, this guy was into some pretty 'interesting' things too, I'm wondering what tomorrow might be like.
Day 39
Today started the same as yesterday, but this time little Mike turned up with a chastity cage which seemed to cage him while he was erect. I think he thought he owed me an explanation. "It's like, I know I deserve good things but my body kinda doesn't. I like having fun, but only some kinds, and it feels 'right' to be punished for having fun. Did any of that make sense?"

No. I'm pretty sure that doesn't make sense, but I guess I don't make any sense either. At the time, I just said that I understood.

"Good! Now I'mma tease you bad so I can get super punished! I'm tryna work my way up to snuff!"

I was pretty shocked to say the least, but I didn't really have the time to take it all in before he grabbed my ear and pulled me over to the others. We (well, everyone but me) decided that laying on my bed was the best position, so Duke and Max lay naked while Mike was still holding my ear.

At first Mike was just playing with their dicks, having fun making them touch, giving playful little licks. Before long though, he was seriously going to town! He would lick up little beads of precum and savour them, sometimes licking the full shaft. He would try to deepthroat them even though he could only get a third of the way down. I've got to admit, watching him try to choke himself on them made me seriously jealous.

I'm pretty sure he'd forgotten that he was still holding onto me because suddenly yanked me closer to him. He told me to open my mouth, and I could only imagine good things this close to a dick. He started licking again, then turned to me and, without warning, spat into my mouth.

I was getting used to being stunned by now, so I revelled in how dirty and degrading. Though mixed with Mike's spit, I was still indirectly tasting enough dick to truly ramp up my arousal.

When one of them finally came, I wasn't allowed any of that precious cum. I was pretty impressed at how much cum Mike managed to get, the rest of it was in my room and obviously up to me to clean it all up.

Kinks
Rough anal insertion: 23
Food play: 23
Camwhoring: 28, 31, 32, 34
Electroplay: 31, 32
Sleep denial: 32, 34
Discomfort: 34
Oral denial: 37, 39
Cub (implied): 37, 38, 39
Watersports (implied): 38
Oral: 39
Spit: 39