From Ice Cream to "Topping" | Arc 2, Chapter 9
Heya Charlie! I bet you'll never find this page pup! Nah, not with how you've stopped using this thing since we met. However, if you ever do again, I just wanted to hide a cute little message in here for you, with the hope that someday... in the future probably... just in case you need to look back on these experiences of yours, it'll help to bring a smile to your face!
I love you Charles Fair, with all my heart! I can honestly say I've never felt this way before. In fact, there's so much I want to say, and that I think you deserve to hear. But... I believe I have an idea brewing in mind that'll show you how much I care. Just hope I'll have sprung it on you by the time you come across this: for my own sake.
Anyway though, I'm gonna stop here, because a: I don't wanna spoil anything. And b: I'm terrible at writing. You know that. It takes me forever to figure out what I wanna say.
Except for this part though... I love you, and I always will.
From your boyfriend... and hopefully someday more;
~ Daniel Adams
"Ty, you're like really close to me right now..." I warned the snow leopard as his muzzle rested only inches away from my own, creating an air of intense heat between us, before I tried turning my head away from him and then felt myself blush.
He, on the other hand, had obviously grown tired of our game of cat and mouse, as he softly brought my face back towards him with an open paw, and then looked deep into my eyes with his piercing own. "That's how I feel about you."
"Wait, no, that's not what..." I had started to say, until I began to think about how the situation actually enthralled me. To think I was worth such a chase, and across such a length of time too. Yet, it left me unnerved, and with a feeling of guilt also, as I remained at odds with myself over the thought about what this moment might mean for me, but more so for Daniel...
See, all I had to do was reach out ever so slightly, and extend my lips to the snow leopards own as he waited, knowing that it would change everything about what I've been a part of these past several months. However, after the years' worth of anger towards my parents had left me, and I finally allowed for some vacancy in my soul, I suppose I began to imagine then that I had finally found more room in my heart than I was ever capable of before.
Therefore, tired of fighting fate, I leaned forward, like my heart was telling me too, but then...
"Heh. I know what you meant Charlie. And heck, I can see now you were clearly willing to try. Which means more to me than I think you'll ever know. But..." The snow leopard articulately stated, with a sigh following, before he pulled back away from me, and then begun resting his back against a nearby wall. "It's not the right time though. Not now. I mean, take a look around. Would you really want our first true memory to be in here, of all places?"
Ironically, compared to before, when I was just spilling my guts out for anyone to hear, I remained locked in a silence now, unable to come up with a follow up to his initial statement right away, as I instead just sat horrified with the realization that I had actually, and willingly, almost done what I did. 
Truth was I didn't know how to feel afterwards. Didn't even know if I deserved too anymore. I just knew that even though I hadn't actually managed to do anything, I had never felt dirtier in my whole life. 
Seconds turned to hours it felt like following, as my eyes burned and my throat remained dry, while Ty on the other hand only further proved to me to be more than I had ever given him credit for...
"You don't have to say anything Charlie. Please, don't in fact. I knew this was the wrong time to bring this up. I knew it the moment I tried. But... it's just... in watching you deal with that situation just now... I realized the importance of not letting your feelings be known. You know? Actually, when I think about it, doesn't that just only further prove the belief that you do teach me things? It seems like time is on our side, but then it just slips away from us when we stop paying attention to it, doesn't it? And I just... I didn't wanna spend another second without letting you know how I feel. Not that you hadn't probably already guessed by now anyway."
Ty closed his eyes afterwards as he softly pushed at the center of his face with his fingertips for a moment, rubbing at the bridge of his nose, before he reached into his pants pocket next and brought out the origami heart; the essence of what started this whole adventure between us. 
"For better or worse, this belongs to you. I can only imagine how tough a decision to make you have coming, and I know it'll probably hurt a little in the process to choose, but I only want this back from you if you mean for me to have it this time. And should you decide you do choose me, well, we've always somehow found our paths connected before. I'm sure it wouldn't be that difficult to find each other when we're both actually looking." He smirked for a second before his composure began to fade away, and I witnessed afterwards, what I felt, was the most real version of Ty I had ever gotten to know.
"I just... need you to hear something okay. It may be selfish of me to admit, but I can chase after you forever you know. If you let me. Snow leopards don't get tired of running. But I... won't be the reason you begin to hate yourself either: by choosing to cheat on your Shepherd by just sharing a passing moment with me. After everything I experienced when I broke up with my ex, I realize I'd never want you to know what guilt like that feels like. The pressure of it all, as though you are being split right down the center."
"To be honest, it's actually quite painful to know when you've become that type of furson. To be left wondering if redemption is beyond you. So, with that said, I want you to know I'm leaving this entirely all up to you. No pressure, of course. And I certainly don't need an answer anytime soon." Ty admitted as he softly handed me the heart and then looked away from me, obviously not wanting me to see the fact that he had shed a tear, but for once not for himself... but for me. "I can wait. You're worth it."
"Ty..." I finally managed to squeak out as I clasped the heart in my palm, noticing right away how it had remained in a pristine like condition. I could only marvel at how so small a thing had apparently meant so much to him, and how -just like he had accurately predicted- it began to hurt to think that I'm only going to use this to hurt someone's feelings in the end. "I just... don't know."
"And that's fine. I meant what I said. I can wait. So please, don't rush it. It wouldn't mean anything if you did in fact. Just... consider everything, and want for nothing afterwards. That's finally some advice I can give to you Charlie. Oh, and this too..." Ty gulped before he reached back over towards me and -while catching me off guard as he pulled me deep into his person- hugged me intensely and passionately afterwards.
The warmth and pressure with which he kept me subdued fascinated me, all while I held my position the best I could. Not wanting to fully embrace him, but also not wanting to push him away either. 
It was a confliction of the greatest magnitude, and it had nothing to do with where we were, or what came before this moment. No, what hit me the hardest -and what left me awestruck too- was when I realized how badly I struggled between wanting Ty to let go of me, but also wanting him to look up then, and kiss me...
"Thanks for being a part of my life Charlie. I'll never regret it." The snow leopard disclosed before he let go of me finally, and then handed me the keys to Derek's jeep. "Here, take these. I'll be fine getting back on my own. You don't have to worry about me. I just... think I need to go for a jog or something you know. Clear my head. But, will you be okay by yourself? Or do you want me to stay?"
And just like with how I had responded to a very similar question Daniel had posed to me just a days earlier, I could only instinctively smile and answer in the same way: "Well, with love like yours backing me up, I think I'll be fine on my own." 
"Hehe... good. I'll catch you later on then." He remarked with a chuckle before the snow leopard stood up, dusted himself off, and then started to make his way for the front door. 
In the process, he tripped accidentally once -and whether that was thanks to me, or cause of the literal debris on the floor, I wasn't sure- but then caught himself afterwards and continued on unphased, as though his mind was clearly focused on something else.
"I won't forget this either, Ty." I silently whispered to him as I watched him close the door softly behind himself. As a consequence to my sentiment though, akin to the both literal and previously self-described hellhole I was sitting in, I realized a new burden had taken root in my heart, in place of my existential feelings I had previously held about my parents. And ironically, left me with almost the same feeling of hopelessness I had known before, which in point of fact, was the very same thing I had came here to overcome. 
However, unlike with my previous emotional divide, I was ready to tackle this challenge head on. Perhaps it was in large part to the people in my life now, but I had come to realize that I do in fact hold influence over my own life, and power with which to dictate what happens to it from here on out.
So in response, I stood up slowly -albeit a bit shaking- and then closed my eyes following a sigh as I felt the origami heart still resting in my grip. Like a weight dragging me down to the bottom of the ocean, I realized what a heavy thing it had become all of a sudden. And yet ironically, to someone else, it had made them feel light as a feather.
In the end however, I knew I just needed to get my head together, while weighing one thing against the other, and figure out what was best for me going forward. First and foremost though, I had to actually open my eyes, as though I was opening them for the first time in such a long while.
So, with my father's toolbox -which had somehow turned into what could be considered a modern day time capsule- now resting in my grip, I glanced from left to right slowly, while I struggled to envision what a younger version of me running around this place, happy and untroubled, would have looked like. 
Ironically however, in my imagining of what that might have looked like, a flutter of emotion had actually managed to tug at an actual memory, which nestled deep amongst my heart strings, as I finally recalled a moment when I had indeed felt a sense of admiration towards my parents.
It was a long time ago, but I remember it now like it was yesterday. Yeah, it was this one occasion, when my parents had showed me they cared, by taking me and my classmates out for my tenth birthday: after a bully had teased me at school that very day for being too poor to deserve one.
To the best of my recollection, Dad drunkenly punched an usher at the movie theater that night. And then of course there was Mom, who even while sober, had managed to yell multiple profanities at traffic as she carpooled my friends and I around at her usual breakneck speeds. 
It seemed illogical, to fawn over such misgivings, but to me, this was an isolated event in my past where I had actually found occasion to laugh out loud. Proof, other than today, that my parents, once upon a time, actually cared about my feelings.
Although this one circumstance was certainly not enough to absolve them of everything they were responsible for -when compared against the lifetime of bitterness they had inadvertently instilled in me- I knew it was certainly worth giving credence too. Had I the chance now, I would've at least given my mother and father the time of day one last time because of it.
With that notion swelling, my anger about my childhood finally began to withdraw from me then. And by the laws of causality, I started to allow myself to feel good again. Was that the right word though? Good? Perhaps satisfied would have made for a better, more justified definition...
"I'll be back someday guys. I promise this time." I assured my ghosts as I kissed at my fingertips and then placed them against a wall nearest me. "Thanks for proving me wrong today by the way. Whether you'll ever know this, or not, you've helped me... to grow up finally."
With that assertion now an edifice within my core, I exited my childhood home, and for the first time I can remember -aside from when I actually gathered up my courage and ran away- I smiled as I did so.
Truly, this was a turning point for me, here where my declaration of resolve would finally start to grow. Starting here, at this place, I could begin to map out my pathways, and choose what direction I wanna take in my life going forward.
Now whether that meant I stay with Daniel's love, or submit to Ty's charm, or even fall victim to another's ambitions, I think I realized back in there that no matter what happens, I can make it through. My... family... had inadvertently instilled that strength within me.
So, looks like my list is growing. Daniel, Ty, Derek, Esther, my parents... there's so many people that want so many things from me apparently. But after tonight, I'm taking back control. I decide where I go from here. And with me in the driver seat of my very own life, what could go wrong? Let's decide what happens next...