From Ice Cream to "Topping" | Arc 2, Chapter 7
So there we were journal, arriving on the outskirts of Bellistall, preceded by an all too familiar horizon. Beautiful and picturesque though it may have been, I funnily found myself incapable of looking forward, and instead just thought back with a sense of hollowness, stuck in reminiscence of what I’d tried so hard, and for so very long, to forget. 
Inevitably, as all those flooding memories hit me softly -and washed over my subconscious- I felt this anxious queasiness grow deep in the pit of my stomach. Truth be told, its overwhelming nature managed to not only sour my stomach, but what felt like my heart as well.
It wasn't easy going back home, but here's what happened...
“Alright y’all, time to wake up! We’ve made it.” I heard my new polar bear friend’s voice boom in its genuine, happy tone as he startled awake not only me, but the rest of the company in the car as well.
“Wow, we already made it?” I remarked with a yawn as I looked at my phone to check the time, which to my great joy was accompanied by a message from Daniel saying, “Give them hell Lee.” It took me a minute to process, but the message brought out a genuine smile from somewhere deep down inside me, which began to eclipse over just how nervous I really was beginning to feel.
It felt reassuring -to say the least- to know that for whatever I found here, there was someone out there that wanted me to succeed. In addition, for him, I felt like I had to. It’s was my only way to go back home to the Shepherd, with my baggage that was my history, unbound…
“Yeah, Derek’s quick like that. Always so eager to arrive, and yet always the last at the buffet to leave! If you know what I mean!” Domino snickered for a second then as he gave the bear a friendly punch in the forearm, the joke lost on me until I caught Ty giggling too, which led me to the realization that it was a poorly executed sex joke.
“Shut up Dee. We made it, didn’t we? No thanks to ya. Was hoping ya would’ve stolen the wheel from me at some point or something, ya jerk…” Derek quipped as he looked at the rabbit with a bit of a hard glare, which only built up guilt inside of myself, seeing as I hadn't offered up my services either. Afterwards though, I quickly realized this banter must have been some somewhat of an inside joke between them.
“Pshh, this was your idea buddy. You know me better than that. I just came for the free food and dudes!” Domino continued with his boisterous and happy responses as we all collectively hopped out of the vehicle, with each of us taking a minute to stretch out our limbs before individually surveying the lay of the land.
What took me by surprise almost immediately was how different Bellistall had become since the last time I was here… not. Clearly, this city -unlike that of Addlelark, which seemed to spring forward in step with the advances of technology-, had remained frozen in its self-imposed golden age, which had apparently peaked some odd ten years back.
All the buildings stood the same in the downtown setting I remembered all too well, with everything remaining mysteriously untouched from its familiar facade. From the way not a single building rose above two stories high, or to how the roadways remained rundown and fractured, in a surreal sort of way, it was like it all had just sort of stopped working while I was gone, and had only started up again right then for my own personal benefit.
“Seen that face before. Kinda freaky how nothing’s changed, huh?” Derek remarked about the surroundings as he walked over by the side of the vehicle where I was standing, and then opened the trunk so we could all grab for our belongings. 
“Yeah, it’s kind of a letdown to be honest. I didn’t think coming back here would feel so… familiar.” I admitted before I continued looking about with a fixed glare, all while I kept searching for any kind of variance I could find. Anything, to help my mind re-establish the foundation -of the very real fact- that I had actually ran away from here once upon a time, and didn't just somehow blink and imagine the whole thing happened in my head.
“City council's weird like that I guess. Anyway, our hotel's right over there; free stay for locals.”  Derek said as he pointed in the direction of the Arbol Lodge, a hotel that I myself had stayed in multiple times with my mother in my youth, when my father was at his worst. “And since we've got three local boys right here, I think we’ll be pretty well off!” 
Following up his sentence with a humble joyous laugh, the bear grabbed for his huge suitcase then and hoisted it over his shoulder, as if it was nothing.  “Damn Derek, we gotta get you some smaller luggage or something bro. That’s just way over doing it right there.” Domino admitted as I saw him grab for a little backpack that I hadn't noticed he kept with him in the passenger seat.
“Pshh, Domino. Ya know there’s nothing small about me…” Although at first he spoke so nonchalantly, Derek must have realized what he had said as he cleared his throat afterwards and began to grow flush with embarrassment. “Ahem… let’s go check in guys.”
As I finally grabbed for my stuff, I couldn’t help but wonder what Ty was up too. To my great surprise however, he had already taken his possessions in hand and was just standing there stationary and alert by the hotel entrance, like a good little soldier, smiling at me softly after he noticed me looking for him. 
To be brutally honest, this sweet little act of Ty’s was convincing, to be sure, even if something about him still sat wrong with me in the pit of my stomach for some reason. I knew that I forgave him not just that long ago, but that in no way could just change his extreme personality this quickly. Could it? He had to be working some angle, something that I was just missing. Either way, I'd be keeping an eye out for him, come what may.
On the other hand, maybe it was this -and was more than likely the case- point of view, which I continued to hold so tightly on to, just stemmed from my own paranoia; caused by being back in this unchanged place, which raised the hairs on my backside, and kept me grounded in my worries. 
Really, it was as if I was waiting for someone, anyone at all, to approach me and realize who I was: the black sheep of Bellistall returned.
To my great surprise however, even as we came across multiple people in passing in the hotel lobby, no one even looked my way. Instead, they all purely focused on Derek, and the familiar city hello's he would exchange with them as he got us checked in properly.
As we all rode up the elevator to our assigned floor, I started to think about how nice the growing anonymity of it all was becoming, even if it still left me with this deep-seated sentiment of disconnect all the same. This feeling stuck with me in fact, all the way, up until the point Derek spoke up of what tonight’s plans were to be consisting of, and the private time I would be afforded soon afterwards…
“Alright guys. Just so ya know, Esther and I already discussed this, but we’ll be meeting up with her tomorrow in the morning. She goes to bed pretty early now, on account of her being so sick and all, so we’ll just hang back for tonight.” Derek mentioned before looking at me evidently, waiting for some sort of visual confirmation from me that this was all right to do, to which all I could do was just nod my head in return. What else could I do?
In truth, this situation worked out perfectly to my advantage, seeing as how ever since we’d arrived, I’ve had a notion of my own brewing in the back of my head: an idea I refused to share with the rest of the class…
“So, guess tonight’s an all range mode sort of thing.” Derek said as he led us to our hotel room and inserted the card key allowing us entry. “Do whatever ya want guys. Personally… I’m starving!”
“Free food! Yes. Called it!” Domino cheerfully laughed as he and Derek high-fived each other in brotherly camaraderie, and then tossed their stuff on to one of the only two beds that were present in the room.
“Only two beds!?” I hadn’t even realized I asked the question aloud right away, then felt like a nerd immediately after for even mentioning it, although the implications alone were a bit much for me to have been ignored.
“Wha… man, I didn’t even think about that. Usually it’s just Domino and me that come here. Umm… ya want I should ask for an extra room?” Derek questioned as he looked around at the room puzzled with a cute innocence, almost as if he hadn’t actually planned for this to happen somehow. But it was because of this earnest concern I trusted that Derek wasn’t up to any funny business, even if Domino was standing there laughing up a storm in the corner of the room. 
“No Derek, it's fine. I’ll just take the couch or something.” I offered with a bit of a self-sacrificing tone, even if the thought of lying next to any of these incredibly hot guys, let alone in a bed all night, didn't sound that bad of growing idea to me.
“Well, we’ll see what happens tonight. We can always just stick Domino in the jeep.” He said with a growing smirk. “Anyway, I’m gonna hit up this local burger joint, so any… put ya hand down bunny boy… takers?” Derek asked as he reached into his back pocket for his wallet, and then afterwards handed out the individual room cards he had garnered for us all.
“Well, if we’re not going to be seeing Esther tonight, I think I'm gonna go ahead and check out some old familiar haunts, if that’s alright with you. Maybe I’ll meet up with you guys for a dinner though. That sound good?” I asked the question promptly, but then questioned myself afterwards if I had been genuine as to what I said or not. On the other hand, I didn’t want them to just think I was just abandoning them or something.
“More food later on? Hell yeah, that’s cool with us man. I and the bear here got some standing plans anyway, which of course if you wanna come with us Ty; you’re more than welcome to join.” Domino asked as he finally, and for the first time in this whole trip, I noticed, turned to and addressed Ty accordingly. 
After thinking more on it, their interactions I felt struck me as both odd and cold. How they were supposed to be an item, and yet didn’t act at all like it, confused me to no end.
“Actually, I think I’m gonna crash here for a bit, and then I’ll meet up with you guys later, if it’s all the same to you. Kind of feeling pretty light headed from the drive…” Ty said as he immediately fell forward onto the pillows of the spare bed, the backside of shirt lifting up -ever so slightly- at the same time, showing off his well-toned backside.
I wanted to question Ty now, wondering if this was indeed all just some act to hang back and be around me or something. However, I knew full well that if I just took off quickly enough, and caught a bus right away, he would have no chance of catching up to me anyway.
“Alright then kitty. Hope ya feel better soon.” Domino remarked with an actually emphatic tone before he rubbed at one of Ty’s back calf muscles, trying his best to offer what he thought was a loving gesture, before walking over to the door. “Man, let’s get going already Derek. Nothing a like green chile double cheeseburger to feel like we’re back for a day, right?!”
“Ya know it! We'll catch ya guys later on then. Call me if ya need me for any reason Charlie.” Derek said as we shook hands, almost awkwardly for some reason, before we told each other goodbye.
Without missing a beat, it didn't take me very long before I realized I was alone… with Ty… in a motel room. “Sooo… guess I should head out too, so I can let you rest up.” I spoke with almost a guilty high-pitched affliction as I instantly started making my way for the door.
“So, it’s like that Charlie? I stay behind, so we can talk about what happened on the ride over here, and you just wanna run away?” Ty blurted out as he kept his face buried in the pillows still.
“Huh? Oh well… that was… look. I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you before, that’s all that was.” I said while thinking about how I felt like I was lying to him through my teeth.
“You sure about that?” Ty questioned as he turned his head in my direction, all while he kept his chest rested on the bed. “You know, I’m trying my best here, to be an ear for you and all; so why do I just feel like a punching bag instead?” 
“What are you trying to say Ty? You act as if I owe you more than that. I apologized already, and that’s all you're getting from me. I’ve got nothing else to say that you don’t already know about, alright.” The tone in my voice started to shift as I noticed a heat rising in my body, with this line of questioning driving my blood to a boiling point all over again with him.
“Yeah, I guess so.” The leopard replied before he propped himself up off the bed, made his way over to where I stood, stared at me up and down softly for a second, then quickly turned away from me and then began walking over to the bathroom. “Well, if you ever really wanna talk about what’s bothering you, I’ll be here.” He casually tossed out while he closed the door slowly behind him.
How I felt about Ty right now might have changed, but I didn’t have time to walk him through my imaginary thirteen planned steps of recovery either. Yes, I might have used him earlier -for a good minute too- to make myself feel better, but I knew I'd never be that person for him. We’re too different to even try…
With that sentiment solidified for me in my mind, I closed the room door behind me, made my way down a flight of nearby stairs to the first-floor lobby, and then walked right out the front entrance of the building. The air seemed stagnant outside, choking almost, as my brain’s old blueprint for Bellistall kicked in, to which I recalled there being a bus stop not more than a few blocks down from the hotel. Then without a warning, I hurried my pace from that of a slow crawl to a brisk walk, not wanting to run and draw attention to myself. 
Along the way again, I noticed how only the purchasables and perishables inside the buildings were different, but the people remained the same, if not just a little bit older-looking. 
In reality, it actually made me chuckle a little, thinking about how most normal people would love to come back home and find that nothing’s changed. For me however, this was purely maddening, and I hated and resented this place even more for its preservation.
I didn't have time to dwell on such feelings though. The bus arrived right when I did and I hopped on, remaining focused in my one true objective for today: to see if a man could really go back in time and change his history.
Although it took an hour’s allotment to get there, wherein I kept losing my nerve and had to ride the route back and forth, I felt like time hadn't passed at all before I arrived at the more residential area of town, right where I wanted to be, for the third time around. 
With courage, or something of the like, finally built up inside me, I courteously tipped the driver -for having put up with this time killing single passenger trip- before I made my way off the vehicle and touched my feetpaws to the ground, the familiarly rough, hot pavement still as fresh in my mind as my first kiss.
I took a minute to take stock and reminisce as I looked around at my old unchanged neighborhood, the only exception of course being the house down at the end of the block: mine. As I approached, to the gates of this now boarded up and foreclosed hell, it felt like a wave of pressure was trying to keep me away, despite the fact that I fought against it all the way up to its doorstep.
My feelings about this place imaginarily stabbed at me unfortunately all the same though, as every punch, pinch and bruise I had ever suffered here manifested themselves all over my person again, to which all I could do was freeze in pain at the doorway to my childhood prison. I could feel every welt and burn I had endured back when -as fresh and pure as they ever were- growing in their pressure and intensity. 
Like my mind was trying to punish me for daring to challenge this piece of my past.
Every one of these scars, both mental and physical, came almost full circle and to the forefront of my mind as my body began to shudder in natural response. A chilled breeze only further fueled this feeling as I sadly took hold of the yellow caution tape that still covered up the entrance and tore it down angrily, the reason why it was there in the first place still a secret to everyone but the Bellistall police department, and me. 
“This reality is still left for only me to bear…” I thought to myself as I slowly pushed open the entrance to the barely standing edifice and made my way in, inch by careful inch.
Immediately met by the least of my expectations, my initial inclination to flee was curbed as I fought bravely through the swaths of combined spider webs and dust clots, while I squinted to look around through the thick mire that had sense overtaken my old home. Ironically, the only light, which could assist me at all, shined in the wrong direction, through a singular busted hole in the roof creating a previously unknown skylight.
“Crap, I might have to come back.” I begrudgingly sighed aloud before I thought quickly afterwards about what I held in my personal inventory then; myself knowing that a pack of matches would get me nowhere in comparison to that of a working flashlight. “Yeah, guess I’ll have to do that…”
“Yeah, that ain’t happening Charlie.” I heard a soft voice come from behind me then as I instinctively balled up my fist and threw it in the direction of the whisper at the same time, all while I questioned whether I had even heard anything at all. 
Despite my initial feeling of bravery, as my knuckles found themselves forcefully driving their way through a solid chunk of a nearby support beam, this hadn't at all lessened the fact that I felt a horror grow in my heart afterwards. Then, as my fist flew forward and connected somewhere in the dark, I realized it had found itself connected with the sweet hapless body of that damn spotted meddler, Ty.
With my unbridled anger towards this structure and its past occupants fueling that adrenaline filled hit, I watched as the snow leopard flew backwards and landed sharply onto his tail, making him hiss out in a surprise that even caught me off guard.
“Oww… what the hell Charlie?!” He berated me loudly before he leaned forward quickly from his position on the floor, and started to try his best to catch his breath as I realized instantly and shamefully where I had hit him: right in his neck.
“Shit Ty! Man, what the hell are you doing here!? You almost gave me a heart attack, you idiot!” I kept future profanities to a minimum as I took a minute to compose myself and draw some deep breaths too.
“Well, you took off from the hotel so quick… and red faced… I knew something was wrong you weren’t telling me about.” He gasped for air in between his coughing. “I was worried about you.”
“Well, thanks… I guess. But seriously, what did you do, just follow me all the way out here?” I looked at the snow leopard puzzled as I leaned over and helped keep him propped up to further aid in his recovery. “And how? I mean, I had to take a bus just to get out here.” I questioned of him amongst the confusion.
“I borrowed the bear’s jeep.” He coughed again before he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out some keys, dangling them outwards for me to see. “I followed behind you to that bus stop actually, cause I had something I wanted to say to you, but I chickened out as I watched you quickly hop on, and so I just went back to the hotel. But then the guys came back shortly afterwards, saying how they were gonna hit up some local gay bar not too far from the hotel, so I asked Derek if I could just borrow his ride to find you. And to make a long story short, I caught up with the bus eventually and saw you still sitting in it, so I followed until you got off.”
“You turned down dancing with gay boys to come find me huh? Right...” I said it so sarcastically and strongly defined, as I thought about how funny it would be if Ty really were that kind of self-sacrificing guy. 
However, I was left with egg on my face for my cynicism, as Ty set me straight with just four simple little words… “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Well, I guess you’re here now, so there’s not much I can say about it now. But Ty, this is a very important, very personal thing for me.” I admitted as I looked around at the decaying structure, playing witness to the echoes of my past constantly crumbling away all the while as we spoke. “This is for me to do, alone…”
“Well, you wanna know something funny Charlie? You see this moment right here. This is your problem.” Ty said with a bitter tone as he continued rubbing at his neck softly, to relax his tensed muscles. “Damn, you hit hard…”
“What do you mean?”I looked at him irritated in response, unaware of what thoughts were driving him behind his statement. 
“Everything is always about you.” He looked at me what seemed almost angrily at first, but then suddenly and surprisingly switched into a genial state, before he continued. “Whether it’s about your boyfriend, or your worries, it always comes down to how you feel, and not anyone else.” The snow leopard whined before he reached into his pocket and then pulled out a little miniature flashlight, which he handed to me almost immediately following. 
“Ty… wait. I… I didn’t mean to…” I tried my best to get in my words of thanks -or apologies edgewise- then, but was cut short as Ty continued, ignorantly unaware of how really right he was about to describe me.
“Let me finish Charlie… please. I’m never gonna get up enough courage to ever do this again. You... are an asshole, and a very self-absorbed one at that. Nevertheless, you know what? That’s not always a bad character flaw. In fact, it fits you. I’m okay with that about you actually. I know that’s whom you are, how you operate. I knew it from the very first moment we met. You’re so damn sullen, pig-headed, and quick to rush to judgment though…”
Honestly, my mouth would’ve dropped in astonishment then, had I not actually realized that Ty seemed to be speaking from a place that I couldn’t deny lending an open, unbiased ear...
“And yet I know, despite all that… that you are a good person. My heart knows that.” He spoke softly again as his hand moved from rubbing the right side of his neck to his left.
“Ty…” I tried at first to stop him, but couldn't find the words I needed as I watched him continue further on, with myself wondering all the while, why I wasn’t getting mad at him for the things he was admitting to me, or to the fact as to why he was even here in the first place.
“So maybe… if you just let me help you, maybe I can understand what you’re trying to feel too...” He pleaded softly as he looked at me after, having almost finished up what was his second most honest interaction with me, “Please, don’t deny me this Charlie, my one little chance to be there for you.”
This all felt so weird to me -and yet somehow familiar too- as I looked at the leopard, examining his mannerisms carefully and impatiently too. Was this really the same person who I hated for so long? For an opinion which I had fabricated in my own imagination? He seems so genuine now: as gentle as any other I’ve ever known, or have let into my life. 
He surprised me to be honest, so I guess I owed him something for that…
“Stop Ty. Please, just stop, okay.” I spoke softly as my paw extended out to meet his own, which now rubbed at the area above his heart. There I found racing heartbeats in rhythm with my own, as I let barriers down again in my life, which only Daniel had ever broken through before then. “You win, alright. I trust you. Help me, okay. I… I want you here.”
Our paws locked innocently together for a second afterwards before I let him pull me in for a hug, but not before leaving me with a second of personal doubt as I… accidentally… took a whiff of his personal musk. Moreover, for some reason I couldn’t explain, or maybe I knew but didn’t want to admit, he smelled better than he ever had to me before…
Why am I letting Ty in? It's only going to end badly, I know. Is it because maybe my head knows something my heart is keeping secret from me? In addition, what is it that we will find together in this graveyard of a decrepit home? 
Let’s see what happens…