From Ice Cream to "Topping" | Arc 2, Chapter 12
The sounds of Daniel's breathing machine hummed in synchronicity with my labored own as I stood in disbelief, wondering if fate was working against me yet again, as I watched my Shepherd's soft paw just rest listlessly in his father's unwelcome grip. With every passing second, as I watched the grasp shared between them becoming tighter, and stronger, an ire only further began to grow in me afterwards. 
All I could do in response however, as I pressed one of my paws up against my forehead forcefully, was silently begin to rage against this now increasingly burgeoning, and undeniably painful, reality. What was going on here? Could Emilio, Daniel's father, actually possibly be right? Was there really nothing left I could offer Daniel anymore, after this unfortunate set of circumstances that had already brought us here? To this possible breaking point of ours? 
Was it all more than I could handle as well? Worth more trouble, maybe, than even it is worth? To keep myself held steadfastly together for. Over my kind Shepherd, who trapped himself in a world I cannot enter. Leaving me here to care and fend for, by myself, the shambles and pieces that he managed to parse behind for me...
"I... I just..." I began to quietly whisper inwardly, and equally too, while I slowly released part of my hand away from my face. Effectively leaving me with just a single eye left open with which to look through, just past the burning tears -and the lump of useless meat who sat in the room with us- and towards my still sleeping Shepherd. 
Truly, if in this given moment he did not stir, after a fist fight had almost broken out over his very body, was there any hope to hang onto that he could wake up any time sooner anymore? Any reason to begin to pray that he would just wake up right now... and punch his father in the face? If not for his self, then at least for me...
"You know you've already made your choice Fair. It is the smart play after all. Hell, even I can see it, in the conceit enveloping you now, how right you think I am. Not that there was ever any doubt that that this would be the outcome. I've said enough though... just get out!" 
The brutish elder Shepherd commanded of me finally, to which afterwards I turned my head towards him both tenaciously and hurt, only further proven by my use of the angriest eyes that Emilio had hopefully ever seen from someone before in his life. Made all the more apparent, amidst their swollen nature, thanks to the mix of resentment and hurt ringing throughout my heart instead; discoloring them surely, with an almost dark, bloody red like hue.
The cause of which made the old man's defenses to noticeably flex in response, as I began to bare my fangs toward him immediately afterwards. Veiled slightly behind an unassuming grin of mine at first, which seemed to unsettle him all the more, the elder Shepherd tried putting on a brave front as he stood back up in a fight or flight type response; though his feet read as cowardly, at the outset, as he subconsciously pointed them towards the exit door.
"You want to hear something funny... Mr. Adams? No matter how much... I may hate you right now... for what you are trying to do... or how angry I may be... thinking that you may be right... " I breathed in-and-out slowly the whole diatribe, in-between each calculated articulation, as I took deep and menacing strides towards my aggressor along the way. "It doesn't make you... any less of an asshole in Daniel's memory! Or change the fact... that our world... would be better off without you in it!"
Only inches away from the now visually startled father figure, who I could only seem to hold disdain for in my heart by this point, I quickly grabbed for his tie -with an almost blindingly unflinching speed- and only further intimidated him more, as I began to pull him in closer -and roughly too might I add- towards my open maw afterwards, which now filled itself with nothing but animalistic snarls and growls...
"WOAH! WOAH! HEY, STOP!!!" The elder German Shepherd began to plead as drops of my unhinged animal saliva began to drip from one tooth, then another, onto both his furson, and Daniel adjacently... "THINK OF EVERYTHING YOU'LL BE GIVING UP IF YOU DO THIS!"
"STOP? FOR WHAT!?" I tried to match his growing and heightened energy as I yelled right back in the direction of his face, wanting desperately right then to bite off any piece of him I could. To hurt him in such a way that he would never think once, ever again, to try and threaten me, or any one I love, ever again. "YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME! WHO AM I WITHOUT HIM!?"
With passion and blind hatred all that was driving me, I leaned forward as my gaping wide maw moved in closer towards my enemies throat, ready to commit what is considered the greatest taboo in our modern day culture. Unfortunately however, it instead took all the restraint in the world I could muster to stop myself otherwise. Not for Emilio's benefit mind you, but for the frightened visage of my boyfriend who, for whatever untimely reason imaginable, was now fully awake, and was staring horrified in our direction. Well, at me specifically, as he instinctively began to pull at his breathing tube so to try and speak...
"Daniel..." I mouthed his name towards the floor at first, in disbelief at his timing, but then immediately following, began to look back up and in his direction slowly, all the while I still kept the elder Shepherd wrapped tightly in my grip. "You're awake!"
However, only after realizing how this all must look like to the Shepherd, who had just awoken from a coma, I released Emilio, who quickly flung himself far backwards and away from me, and then began to pitifully hide behind his less than able bodied son... 
"DAD! Grr... For your sake... wolf... you better hope... that this is a dream! Cause otherwise... nobody lays... paws... on my family!" My Shepherd tried to yell out in-between his labored breaths, with a snarl matching his determination, as he struggled to push himself upwards and towards me right away. Of which he understandably, I knew, didn't have the strength to do at the moment.
"Dad?" I thought right away as I chose to stay where I was, not wishing to agitate him any further, but inwardly began immediately questioning his particular use of that word, and the emphatic energy he coupled it with...
"Fuck! I can't... move!" The Shepherd yelled with frustrated grunts following as he kept struggling to readjust his position. "Don't worry... though, I'll be sure... to remember you; you can count on that!" He remarked afterwards with better dictation, which perhaps he thought might lend him an air of intimidation perhaps, but only further fed into my confusion instead.
"Remember me?" I asked of him with a hurt affliction as I felt my head beginning to spin in uncertainty. "Daniel? Don't you know who I am already?!"
"Am I... supposed too?" Daniel blatantly and openly replied, without a hint of indecision or regret at all in his eyes, while he continued to stare me up and down hard for a minute following, until deciding to look towards Emilio, of all people, for guidance. "Dad...what's going on?"
I couldn't help but gasp in response, taken aback by his beginning proclamation, as I began to look around the room in a fugue like state. My panic over what might be happening obviously growing on my face, while I staggered backwards and about in to the more open space of the room. 
"Now just hold on a minute here... Supposed too?! Dad?!" I cried aloud in frustration finally, with all of my feelings now past their breaking point, as my arms began to swing rapidly back and forth near my sides, in complete symmetry, in-between the important points of my juxtaposition. "Daniel! What the hell is the matter with you?! This isn't right. This isn't how this is supposed to go. We did not just waste a month of our lives here... Dan... just so you can forget me! And go running back home to him! No! That's not what's going to happen here..."
"Waste huh?" The shrewd elder Shepherd zeroed in on the phrasing, and made sure to repeat my possible misstep, and as loud as he could, amongst everything else as he instantly grabbed for Daniel next and pulled him into his side. As though he was pretending to be a comforting parent all of a sudden. "So... time spent with my boy was a waste to you now, is that it? Honestly son, I won't ever know what you ever saw in him..."
Defeat had never seemed more obvious to me then in that moment, as separate smiles, unlike any I had never seen before, began to bear across the faces of both my enemy and my lover apiece. In disbelief, I just stood there, obviously looking like a madman in my unhinged state, well all the while Daniel continued to look at his father in awe otherwise; like he had just met his childhood hero in real life...
"No... Dan... wait, that's... that's not at all what I..." I had tried to start explaining, but stopped as soon as my Shepherd began to stir more to life, and then immediately following began to point in my direction, as though he was ordering me silent. 
"Dad... you, umm... huh? Wait... I... I'm having a hard time... thinking about... things right now. What's... going on? Where am I?!" Obviously, Daniel wanted explanations for the state of things. Not that he wanted to hear about any of it from me however, which had become an even more noticeable burden as he stopped even feigning to invest interest in my direction of the room eventually...
Instead, Daniel began his inquisition with his father, amenably at first, before he noticeably became increasingly agitated afterwards. His feelings driven by his immediate unease over all of the medical equipment he was hooked up to, which began to swing wildly about around with him in his panic, causing several alarms to begin to blare out from the machines as his heart rate began to increase in rhythm with their blaring noises. "Where's mom?"
Although obviously not directed at myself, with his final question asked however, so it was that everything began to come into a painfully clearer focus for me. Perhaps to his credit, shamefully admitted, it may have occurred even sooner to the elder Shepherd as well. It would seem however, apparent from his mannerisms, that my lover seemed to be suffering from some sort of memory loss. Which of course would make sense, given how hard it would have appeared Daniel took a blow to his head; the cause of which no one at the hospital had been able to comment on as of then to me...
"Oh boy. Son... where do I even begin?" Emilio began to switch gears, as his tone softened so to calm down Daniel, which my body had instinctively harmonized with on some level as well, as the elder Shepherd began to incorrectly exhale out an obviously outlandishly twisted, yet strangely touching, countenance of what had occurred over the last several months to Daniel, and the supposed important people in his life.
The breadth of which all began with the honest, and from what I could tell accurate, passing of his mother; to the betrayal of Guiles, which quickly spiraled into an obviously sordid tale of lies, ranging from misappropriated funds, to inappropriate contact claims from within the Adams estate itself; then to finish, of course, was the lovingly crafted tale of an abusive boyfriend, me, who Daniel had apparently kicked to the curb sometime ago; and yet interestingly enough, was who was ultimately responsible as to why Daniel had mysteriously decided to run into traffic, on a freeway in Bellistall, in the first place...
That last part, of course, caught my attention the most, as it was obviously intended towards me, as the elder Shepherd stared at me hard with conflicted, and angry eyes following. As though he was actually blaming me for what was going on now with Daniel. As though I was the reason as to why we were all here.
"Am I to blame though? I mean, no... Daniel couldn't have possibly done something that stupid... especially cause of me? Right? I mean, why would he? Then again, why was even in Bellistall around the time I was visiting Esther anyway? It doesn't make any sense. It's not like he... wait... he couldn't... know about... oh hell..."
"Daniel... I'm sorry to interrupt... and I know you're having a hard time right now. But could you please answer just this one question of mine. And I will leave you alone... for forever... if you want me to afterwards." I shamefully looked down at the ground as I began to ask, all the while avoiding his gaze. "But... do you remember... someone by the name of 'Lee'?"
The noticeably involuntary twitch of his ears that followed, at even the casual mention of his chosen nickname for me, would have seemed an obvious enough tell for me alone to understand that something was amiss. Nevertheless, as though a mean with which to beat my soul down further into submission, Daniel began to shed tears all of sudden. With zero to no expectation on his part of the pending action that overtook him. 
"Wow. Geeze, sorry... about all that. Where did that... all come from?" He remarked in-between his still stifled breathing, as he conversely and innocently just sat there blankly afterwards, staring at me otherwise after wiping his eyes clear. "But... no... doesn't ring a bell."
Although it wasn't his intention -the truth of which for now will remained locked away inside of him, along with his memory- this was the very first time, that I knew of wholeheartedly, that Daniel had ever directly lied to me. A unintentional, subconscious lie perhaps, but one that didn't hurt any less when I realized that this might be the last moment I may still be able to get through to him.
All of my hope wagered on a gamble, and an all too familiar phrase, that only he and I often shared in moments of uncertainty. "You promise?" I brokenly asked of him following, while all the while trying to not let a torrent of emotions hit me, as I finally looked into Daniel's eyes afterwards. Waiting, almost, for this question to rekindle his fire fully, and bring my partner back to me.
"Huh? Why should I? I don't even... know you..." Was unfortunately all I got in response however when he suddenly, yet expectedly, began to tear up again. As though his heart was remembering something his head couldn't, but still managed to express itself anyway. Perfectly loud and clear too, in the way he followed up that statement with an even more wounding one. "Just go away... okay. I don't know why, but... you're hurting my heart."
"Alright, that's enough." The elder Shepherd interjected himself finally, looking to obviously take full advantage of the situation, as he held the still recovering body of my lover in his arms, as though he was actually wanton to console his grief. "You know, I thought I'd give you an opportunity to make up for the all stupid shit you put him through before. That you owed him at least that much! Instead, here you are, just upsetting him again anyway! And he doesn't even remember any bit of you... thank goodness."
"That, in itself, is probably the only saving grace of all of this I can see. But don't worry. I'll be sure to remind him of why he's better off now anyway..." Emilio remarked afterwards, in my stunned state of disbelief, as he stood up and bravely pushed at my shoulder, grinning at me like a evil genius as he did so, while I stumbled backwards and over my own slumped down tail.
 It was almost like he had planned for all this inconvenient series of circumstances to coalesce. Which only further fed into, and abated, his ambitions of wanting to pull Daniel away from me, and back towards him. Essentially dragging him away from my light, and fully entrancing him in his father's darkness now. That was all that would apparently become of my Daniel, who well all the while, just sat in the background of this moment. Doing nothing to save me this time, or even his own self, from this nightmare of a situation we had found ourselves in. "As you plainly heard from my boy's muzzle... you are not welcome here. You lose."
I had no words at that moment. No recourse left to me either. Nothing to speak towards with which to hang hope on of Daniel coming to my rescue me anymore. At least not now. Not as he was. And certainly not with the financial muscle, which perfectly snaked his way back into his life, embracing and surrounding him fully; seeding himself somehow perfectly in-between my Shepherd's troubled mind and his insecurities, both perfectly and inappropriately still.
After swallowing hard, I could only say "I guess... I'm not welcome here... anymore..." as I dishearteningly agreed with my enemy following, and stood back up on my feet amicably afterwards. Cause in the end, I knew deep down that it wasn't the right time to pick a fight with fate. Not with only one life to give, and no player number two to back me up anymore. 
I could only hope there would be a moment again where I could even the odds someday...
However, as was a consequence to all of this, with both a heavy, and yet substantially equal hollow heart, I made my way for the door immediately afterwards. Pulling it wide open in one shot coincidentally as, both conveniently and ironically, a group of doctors began to rush into the room. Obviously optimistic and joyously enthralled at seeing Daniel awake now, while I alternatively walked away from all of it the opposite; dejected and defeated.
As though it was all happening in slow motion, I could only look through and past all of the doctorial bodies as best I could, and towards Daniel. Who I could visibly see was still sobbing, as he continuously refused to look at me; for reasons currently unbeknownst to him, and yet ironically, were best known to me. The person he doesn't even want to remember anymore...
However, after he must have found out, I can only assume, about how conflicted I was beginning to feel between him and Ty, why would he want to? There was no other explanation in my mind, or imagination, that could account as to what would have caused Daniel to act so erratically. It just wasn't like him. Although I guess that supposition was best left for another time...
In the end though, as was my usual want, and liken to my old ways of doing things, I stopped for a second at the door before departing. Not for want of collecting my personal effects, which I was willingly leaving behind in the room with them now, so to not cause a further scene, but just so I might at least say goodbye to him. 
However, after quickly realizing that I would only be talking to a faded memory of my lover, who ironically was the very one who taught me I was above living in sadness, or moments like this, I just left. To honor him, now that I understood the meaning in his lessons before, as I just looked away from the situation, and began to bravely, or foolishly maybe, walk away from his room at a brisk, almost uninterrupted pace.
With only a single tear rolling down my muzzle, and a fist clenched so hard a nurse should have asked me to check myself in at the sight of all the blood I was letting out unintentionally, I continued to make my way down the hospital hallway without saying a word. And although every step felt heavier than the last, and muddled with doubt all along the way, I knew that, despite everything that we had been through, this was for the best of my Daniel, and the version of who he used to be, or can become rather, and that perhaps it was better off that everything turned out this way.
In truth, life had provided the ultimate reset, or get out of jail free card, so to speak, for both of us. Why not realize that and take advantage of it? Daniel would now be allowed to return home, with no repercussions to be suffered from his father going forward it would seem, emotional or otherwise, since Emilio chose to play the part of  the 'perfect patriarch' to really drive home the point as to why Daniel should trust him right now, in his vulnerable state. 
This obviously implied that Daniel will be well enough off in his care. Financially speaking at the very least. Unlike how when we were together, barely making the bills. I mean, hell, Daniel had made it this far without me in his life. Returning back to form, or at least some version of it, shouldn't be that difficult for him to do. Memories intact or not. He should be fine...
"But what about you?" 
I could almost hear a small voice asking, from deep down inside me, as I pushed open the door to a nearby stairwell, and stood at the edge of the floor landing, right next to where a large window rested that perfectly peered out over the entirety of Bellistall. From there, it was easy to see a cornucopia of familiar places as I gazed about silently there, engrossed in contemplation.
"Don't you remember?" 
The voice rang out again as the bakery I loved so much, that I used to run away to as a kid, came into view. Along with my parents place, that I also used to just as eagerly escape away from as well. Then to the old schools I attended, where I got into so many fights with others for being different. To the very place I used to play make believe with my handful of old and imaginary friends, who are long gone by now, and pretend that there was a better world out there for me somewhere. I could truly almost see all the most important tenants and facets of my life I grew up with if I tried really hard to right then. Almost all of it anyway.
"I won't let you forget." 
In spite of this, it didn't take me very long to realize that nowhere in there, regrettably, was a place I could remember sharing  with Daniel unfortunately. My fault of course, cause like an idiot, I never brought him here myself. Like I should have done in the first place. Just as he had asked me to do after we first became a couple. As though he knew, even back then, that I needed help to get over my past, and replace it with something new.
"You promised."
"Yes... Yes I did indeed promise Daniel." Realizing it to be my Shepherd's voice echoing about in my head, still empowering me to keep on remembering to fight, it didn't take long for my head to metaphorically split asunder, right then and there, as I knew my heart was still racing on at a thousand metaphorical miles per hour, refusing to give up on him all the while.
What was there for me to do about it though? The world had already somehow stolen away our time from each other, with what little we had to begin with already so sparse. And quite frankly, after everything that had happened recently, I didn't know if I was still deserving of any of him anymore.
Nevertheless, this wasn't about me anymore though. In realizing that, and what I owed my Daniel for how he showed me how to grow, was when sadness turned into courage for me, and desperation would finally evolve into hope for a better tomorrow for him.
I knew this story had become all about Daniel now, and also my honestly selfish wish to return him to who he used to be. No matter how long that would take, or what routes he would face to get there. I could only try and silently guide him, along with the help of a few friends of mine I think, from here on out. In the best way I could going forward. Being for him what he always was for me, all the way up until now; a Core Guardian. 
Emilio thinks that his son is better off forgetting yesterday. And that's fine. He can live in his flawed ideologies. I'll just instead have to live for showing Daniel the purpose of tomorrow, "Cause happiness is only worth a damn if it can last past tonight," as my Shepherd used to tell me.
 Now whether that ultimately would damn, or vindicate, me along the way was of little to no importance anymore. None of that would matter as the hopes, schemes, and ideas that began forming in my crazy little head united, at the same time as I hurriedly rushed down the remaining flights of stairs now, with a renewed vigor, and ran outside of the hospital. Right to where I would immediately reach out to Guiles, and give him a proper update as to what was going on, and what I planning to do to get Daniel back to us going forwards, which he was too eagerly on board for helping out with where he can.
It was a complex plan, and a new promise formed, made in the spirit of love, just for you my Shepherd. Cause there are still too many people believing in the undeniably better version of you that exists Daniel. It's too late to take it back you know. We've already seen it. Already let us affect us to much to give up so easily on... 
Still too many dreams amongst everyone who cares about you, or still have yet to get to know you, of a better tomorrow. The one in which we can all still live happily with you in our lives. So, I'm not giving up. I'll never surrender. I promise that on your mother's name. You may not remember me now, but I somehow accidentally made you fall in love with me once before. Who knows what I might become to you next if I'm actually trying too?
So, no more journals. No more looking back to the past. This is your story now. Just one last final scoop, okay. One upon which to build up your foundations now. One last treat at trying to see if we can save you this time, instead of waiting around for you to save yourself.
Let's see what happens then Daniel... cause it's all up to you, and that heart of yours, from here on out. So, come back to me. Please. I'll be waiting...

| END OF ARC 2 |