From Ice Cream to "Topping" | Arc 2, Chapter 10
We are nearing the end of this journey now, journal. There's not many pages left with which to write in you anymore. In fact, by the time I finish up with this part of the story, it seems as though we will find ourselves pretty well caught up to the present day. 
It many a way, it was a good ride, this trip down memory lane. Here, at where I find myself at the true crossroads of my life, I realize that perhaps I have been relying on you too much along the way. I mean, look at you. You are as messed up looking as I have found myself feeling most days.
I wish I could defend you better here too, but let's face it: your bindings all frayed, your color has since faded, and let's not even begin to mention how several of your pages have obviously fallen out along the way. In all honesty, you look like you could use a break.
All of that aside though, I'm glad you stuck it out with me for as long as you have journal. I should be thanking you actually. After all, it was through you that I was able to recapture these moments as I have here and now: all memories worth holding onto, I've come to realize. 
I see that now. Good or bad, these recollections make up a part of who I am. They'll help guide my tomorrow, when I might have to get out of bed... alone. Moreover, their teachings will continue to help define who I might become past that too.
So, with all that in mind, what do you say we start to finish this back-story now? Huh? Because soon, I have somewhere else I need to be...
It was still early that following day when Derek and I awoke at the same time, with he in a bed, while I nestled alone in the hotel room armchair parallel to him.
With a yawn escaping from both of us following, it didn't take us very long until we noticed that each other were awake. It took us even less time than that to quietly exchange knowing nods of agreement afterwards, with myself taking that as the signal that it was time to get ready and go see Esther. 
After the events of yesterday, you would think I would be ready for anything by now. However, as I felt a hint of uneasiness sink in to my heart, I began to wonder. Regarding the truth behind the whole situation, I wondered if I still had it in me to go -just as I had to do yesterday-and practically say goodbye to someone I used to know? 
It irked me to think about it while I went about silently getting myself ready that morning, and in such a disarming way, I couldn't help but constantly keep rolling my shoulders back and forth, trying to ease the tension that had begun to form on the base of my neck.
Concerning such a trifle, tried though I may have to get over the knots forming in my stomach otherwise, reprieve of some sort had found me eventually. However, it had only come after I listlessly peered around the room, and then witnessed the unmoving form of a snoring snow leopard on the bed directly in front of me and to the right. 
Thankfully, it appeared as though Ty had apparently made his way back to the hotel safely last night. Presumably, this must have happened well into the wee hours of the night though. Perhaps after I must have passed out, seeing as how I had tried staying up, for as long as I could, waiting for him to get back.
It felt weird to admit, but even then, I found myself strangely concerned with how Ty was feeling after yesterday's events. Truth of the matter was I wanted to thank him for last night. For everything he had said, and did, for me at my parent's house.
Unfortunately, circumstances had yet again intervened in what I wanted as I contemplatively reached for the slumbering snow leopard, when I felt the rather physically imposing hand of the polar bear pull my shoulder softly back.
"Shhh. Just let 'em sleep Charlie." Derek whispered close to my ear before I looked back at the bed quickly, and then realized that Domino was also there amongst the sheets with Ty.
Honestly, as I felt a sense of unease tremor throughout my stomach afterwards, I realized that it bugged me to witness this happening. To find the now emotionally vulnerable snow leopard, whom I had finally come to recognize and appreciate, locked in the arms of this smarmy rabbit I had barely even gotten to know. 
That was at least, until peace of mind had found me anyway, when Ty reached out his hand -after Derek had turned around and made his way over to the bathroom to finish getting ready- and then signaled for me over to his side.
"Good to see you made it back safe." The snow leopard smiled with his piercing blue eyes half open, while he alternatively squeezed my hand in his grip next.
"I could say the same the same thing to you." I whispered back in response before I let myself drop down on one knee, and then maneuvered myself closer to his face. "What took you so long?"
"Worried about me, were you? Hehe, that's kind of cute. Anyway, sorry about that. I had a lot to think about last night. About... us..." Ty admitted brazenly before I pleaded with my eyes in the direction of Domino quickly afterwards, hoping he'd get my hint to shut up concerning whatever it was that he was about to blurt out.
"Oh him. Don't bother. He's out like a light." Ty laughed lightly before he removed Domino's hand from his own waistline. "He apparently drank so much last night that, if the past is any sort of indicator, I don't expect him to wake up for at least a few more hours. Because of that though, I suggested to Derek yesterday, after I got back, that maybe just the two of you should head out by yourselves this morning. I mean, you can go and get your business done, and then we'll just meet right back here again later." 
"Wow. That's actually very thoughtful of you Ty." I admitted before I smiled at him, and he did so right back at me. It was simple exchange, which had started out innocently enough. Yet unintentionally, transformed into something more, as my junk alternatively began to stir in my loins right then and there.
Trying to find a good rationale behind why, I wanted to believe it was just impulse guiding me, as usual. Decisive and quick, like a snap from a finger. However, after I took a step back mentally, and realized that perhaps my feelings for the snow leopard had indeed matured more than I originally thought possible, this in turn justified how right my erection felt in that moment.
Truth be told, had the rabbit not been in the bed beside him, I might have been inclined to want to crawl in and lay next to the topless snow leopard. Perhaps even on top of him. Who knows? Either seemed fine in my imagination. 
However, I knew I couldn't for real anyway. Especially not with the way things were right now. So instead, I fell back on my new standard as I tried playfully joking my way out the situation, hoping that Ty hadn't noticed my still throbbing manhood...
"You know, you better be careful snow leopard. You're starting to sound like an adult. I might not even recognize you pretty soon!" I jovial remarked at first, with a sense of pride present in my voice, but then found myself grunting in frustration afterwards as I heard my phone vibrating over on the coffee table where I had left it last night.
"I'd like to think that's cause of you." The snow leopard responded back softly before he despondently lay his head back down on his pillow and closed his eyes. "Now go on. Bet I can guess who that is..."
Without a breath of doubt as to who could possibly be calling me, especially this early in the morning, I looked over at the phone contemplatively before I looked back towards Ty. 
That was when I realized I was hesitating. For the first time in a long while too. 
It was then, akin to deciding whether I liked night or day -an accurate length of difference between who Daniel and Ty are- better, it was as if I was trying to choose between the two, right then and there. "Give me just a minute." Was all I could think to say in retort while this divide subsequently kept me in a state of trepidation, as to who might actually be best for me in my life right now? 
The very one, which I have chosen to live on my terms now, and no one else's...
With each glance taken between the phone and the resting position of the snow leopard, my heart only continued to grow heavy with a confusion unlike that which my heart had ever experienced before. Moreover, when I heard a familiar beep -indicating to me that the call had just gone to voicemail- I sighed out a breath of relief at first.
However, after a second call had started to come in, I found myself snarling internally, before I begrudgingly stood up and made my way over to the desk. Upon arrival though, I found I could only just stare down at the device as it continued to vibrate against the dark wooden workspace. 
I knew I should answer, but the truth of the matter was, it hurt me to think about how I was forcing myself to choose between the two of them. I mean, who could? 
After all, Daniel, of what I've seen so far, is nothing short of amazing. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man physically, and his charm has often outstripped any sort of failings I might have held in regards to him up until now. Combine that with the fact that he's done more for me than anyone else ever has, I know I owe him a lifetimes worth of gratitude for that. 
He was the very first person to ever make me feel wanted, and in doing so, instilled in me a compass with which I can use to guide my way through the dark waters of my life. Not getting much further into it than that, and for lack of a better allegory, I can admit the shepherd often feels like the other half of me. 
So why is it then, as I look back at the snow leopard, with his eyes now closed behind me, do I feel this immense, and familiar, sense of heat growing in my core, as I watch Domino innocently turn himself over in the bed and wrap his arm over Ty's muscular chest?
These feelings of confliction lasted for a while, until a common detractor of fate reemerged, this time in the form of Derek himself, as he softly grabbed me by the shoulder yet again, and broke me out of my concentration.
"Heya Charlie. Sorry, did I startle ya? Anyway, I'm ready now." The polar bear mentioned as he tried adjusting a tie, which he had obviously failed miserably at knotting, before he pointed at my yet again vibrating phone. 
"Ya wanna get that before we head out?" He asked inauspiciously following, to which all I could decide afterwards was that I needed more time to think, and was just going to let the phone go to voicemail again. 
"Ummm... no. I'm good." I replied softly before I held down a button on the side of my phone, subsequently putting a stop to the call and placing my device in a silent like mode. 
It was all could do. I wasn't ready to choose yet...
"Okay. Well, let's head out then. Ty, take care of Dom for me! He's gonna have a wicked hangover later!" The bear yelled out before he grabbed for his car keys, and then opened the door to the hotel room for me. "Ready?"
So with my phone now silent and in my pocket, coupled with the little courage -concerning what I had originally came here to do- I had managed to muster together, I could only smile and nod at Derek in response before I walked out of the room with him, and took a deep breath. 
There's no turning back now...
"Charles Fair? Is that you? God's bless my stars; get over here so I can get a better look at you!" Esther O'telo declared excitedly, albeit a bit weakly, with a smile before I made my way over to her bedside, and empathetically took her hand into my own. "My word, how I've missed you boy."
Even though the reunion itself could have been under better circumstances, I knew almost immediately, after arriving here with just Derek, that there was nowhere else in the world I would have rather wanted to be at this moment, than by this old gal's side for one last hurrah.
I also knew that by placing myself here today, that I was going to feel some hurt seep its way into my heart at any given moment now. In a situation like this though, it's almost unavoidable. This preconception, in fact, would only further prove itself true as I looked around, and then quickly began to embrace the finality of the moment. 
"I've missed you too... grandma." I smirked as I called her by my old nickname for her, in an attempt to make her laugh, just as I had used to back in the days of my youth. Unfortunately however, endeavored though I may had to make her happy, my emotions refused to remain in check otherwise, in-between the plethora of flowers and get-well cards littered around her bedroom, as I visibly furled my eyebrows and lightly pursed my lips together. 
However, unlike with past experiences where I might have tried to shy away from pain, and distance myself from heartache, I awoke today -for the very true first time in my life actually- knowing I actually had the strength in me to handle something like this.
"You scamp... you remembered." She coughed out gently before she grinned, and then lightly tapped me on the top of my head with her free hand, just like how she had used too back when I was still a little rougher around my edges.
With familiarity beckoning us, we both chuckled afterwards, as big as we could in that moment, at those memories of old. Of those days long since past, when I would go down to her bakery -really just wanting not to be at home back then- and just sat in this booth that she had always saved for me. 'My own little corner of the world, if I needed it' as she called it...
"Oh, I remember. Trust me, I do..." My voice broke afterwards as tears started to well up in my eyes, while I reflected back on how much this little old polar bear had meant to me when I was growing up. 
I mean, my parents were one thing, and people like teachers were another, but this lady was my very first emotional anchor that I could recall. Without her, I might have never understood what a heart was used for. Cookies and forehead kisses aside, she validated me, without ever asking for anything in return, back when I thought I didn't have a voice.
"Oh sweetheart, come closer and give granny a hug!"" The little old polar bear remarked before she used some sort of device at her side, to adjust the angle at which her bed positioned, and then held her arms open towards me afterwards.
I wanted to be a stronger person in this moment, as I had told myself I was going to be last night, but this was too heartbreaking. Therefore, as requested, I lowered the upper half of my body down to meet hers, and then began to shake lightly in response as I wrapped my arms around her deteriorating frame.
"That's a good boy Charles." She said as she rubbed softly at the back of my head to calm me. "I'm so happy I've lived long enough to see you become such a fine, young man. Your parents, gods rest their souls, had their problems. I remember. But, I think they would have been proud of you also."
"You wanna know something funny granny? I think so now too." I mentioned with bated breath before I began to recall back to her what I had discovered last night at my parents, which reflexively caused me to reminisce back on everything else otherwise that had happened to me over the better portion of this past year.
I mean, there was so much I could tell her about. So many situations I could recall where, if only I had reached out to her sooner, I might have found myself amongst less troubled waters throughout the course of my life.
Ultimately, however, all that led to me thinking about was that special someone, right then and there, I would have regretted not having been able to share with her.
"Hey, can I show you something real quick?" I asked Esther, with a hint of excitement, before I pulled away from our embrace slowly, and then reached into my pocket to find my phone. "I've got someone I want you to see."
"Oh, really?" She questioned curiously and surprisingly lively also, before putting on her glasses, while I took to undoing the password lock on the device.
"Yeah! This is, well..." I thought about how I wanted best to phrase it to her, and knew I wasn't going to lie either, as I instinctively decided to load up a picture of whom my heart wanted her to see. "Let's just say, if I am who I am because of you, then I know who I get to be because of this guy."
"Aww sweetie, he's a looker!" She remarked elated at first, but then shifted to a more serious tone following as she raised her eyebrows at me. "Hopefully a keeper too?"
"Yeah." I replied as I looked at the picture with a fondness, before I placed the phone confidently back in my pocket. "I'm pretty sure he is. Someday, I'll bring him to meet you."
"Well that sounds like music... to my ears... baby." She spoke in broken sentences now, while conversely taking in deep, shallow breaths. "Umm... is Derek... still close by? Would you... mind getting him... for me?"
"Of course... Esther." I nodded in agreement, as I backed away calmly, and with a smile for her sake. "I'll be right back."
In spite of not wanting to escalate the severity of the moment any further for her, after I had visibly made way past her bedroom door, panic began to set in as I frantically, albeit quietly, began to search for Derek throughout the house, who at first glance, was nowhere to be seen. 
In response, I decided to start calling out his name, in as composed a tone as I could marshal, as I rushed from room to room of the place, wondering where the polar bear could have possibly wandered off to.
Only after I had made my way into the kitchen however was when I noticed, in the corner of my peripheral vision, that the back door was propped open. Hoping I'd find Derek outside, I immediately rushed out past the rot iron decorated exit and panned my head around quickly.
In almost an instant of looking, I found the bear. Although, at first glance, this wasn't the same one I knew. This version of him struck at my heartstrings, while his head hung low into his person, as he kept his back pressed up against this rather tall oak tree that stood in their backyard. 
"Derek!" I called out one time from afar, but with no response following, decided I needed to get closer before I followed up with, "Hey, come quick!"
"I heard ya Fair. Just... leave me alone for a sec."
"No Derek! For real, Esther's..."
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" He cried out before he shifted his sitting position, which in turn caused a bottle of alcohol to drop from somewhere amongst his person.
"Derek..." I said calmly, and yet frustrated too, as I cautiously approached him now, with myself all too familiar of knowing how to handle a drunk, but not so familiar with how to handle a bear. "Hey, did you have enough yet?"
"Maybe. Not that it matters." Derek replied before he slumped one of his legs forward, inadvertently exposing a very red-faced polar bear who I couldn't tell was that way from the liquor, or from crying. "Didn't make me feel no better."
Time was running short however, and I knew I had to start to make my move...
"Never helped me before either, so guess we're similar like that." I kept my voice even as I took step by careful steps forward towards him.
"Nah wolf, we ain't alike. Not even close. Ya've said it ya self before, ya have a man. Without grams, I ain't got no one..." The polar bear bemoaned before he grabbed for the bottle he had dropped and tried taking another drink unsuccessfully out of it.
"What do mean? What about Domino?"
"Tch, man, that guy's even too much for me sometimes. He don't really care about nothin', let alone me. Can't really rely on him for emotional support. If I could have, he'd be here. We just old sandbox buddies is all. Ain't nothin else more there to it."
"Okay. Well how about me then?" I asked of the bear as I finally arrived only inches away from him. "I'm here now. Can I be someone you can depend on?"
"Ain't no one got time for a lush wolf." The bear remarked before he looked up at me amid a glare, and with almost a different set of eyes than I had seen from him before. "Don't play me."
"I'm not Derek. I would never do that. It's just... I know this isn't the real you. I met him before we left for this trip. He was sweet, and kind, and knew when something was important. And right now, I'm telling you, for your own good, your grandma needs you now!" I scolded at the end as I stared down hard at the bear for a second, while offering him my hand to help him up.
"Yah something else, ya know that Charlie? Why are ya wasting yah life on a man ya'll never know?" Derek blurted out as he began to reach out for my paw.
"Never know? I know exactly who you are Derek. Because you're just like I was. Alone, confused, and *groans* alienated by second-guessing everything you ever do..." I grunted briefly as I struggled to lift the heavy, muscled bear to his feet. "But... if I don't save you know, who's going to save her? And the countless others you may go on to save past today; like she did me."
I could tell I struck a nerve, and thankfully so, as he breathlessly clasped for my forearm for leverage, propped himself up, and then quickly sprinted inside -albeit lopsided and sloppyishly- to presumably Esther's side. 
I just hoped otherwise that he'd be in time, at the very worst, to at least get to say his last goodbye if he had too, which immediately cause me to recall the only person I could think of now, who was all too familiar with a moment such as this; Daniel.
Nights upon nights spent so far, since he lost his mother and came to live with me, I've often awoke to the sound of a sniffling dog beside me, who's refused at any other given moment to share his pain with me otherwise. Never wanting to display that sort of weakness to me I guess. Although ironically perhaps, had he done so, it might have actually brought us closer together.
Therefore, without a thought following, and while also not paying attention to the rash of messages that had pooled onto my notifications list, I finally pulled the phone out of my pocket, and hit redial instantly, assuming that Daniel had indeed been the last person to try and reach me.
"Hello Master Fair." Was the response waiting for me however, as I awkwardly stared at my phone for a second afterwards, making for sure then that I had indeed dialed Daniel's phone.
"Guiles?" I asked curiously in return, wondering how I was then possibly speaking with my new friend and the Shepherds old butler/confidant.
"Yes. It is me young master." He replied in a hushed, yet composed tone.
"Okay. Well, where's Daniel?" I asked reflexively, as a swell of an indescribable feeling began to form in the center of my chest.
"Ummm... Are you home now?" The elder Dalmatian segued as his tone shifted again, this time to one of sadness. "There's something critical we must discuss."
"I'm not home Guiles. I'm actually not even in town. I'm in Bellistall right now. What's going on?"
"Oh, well by the grace of fate, that's actually a good thing Master Fair. You can actually meet me at the corner of..." He remarked as I listened to him fumble about with what sounded like a piece of paper. "Okay let's see. Marquette & Livingston. Can we meet in like an hour?"
"Guiles, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm from Bellistall. And I know that intersection well." I began to feel my heart tighten as that realization set in. "It's a hospital... Why are we meeting there?"
"There's... ummm... been an accident." He calmly replied amidst a whimper, as the implications following, of what he was possibly referring to, began to overload my now fear addled mind.
And just like that, the importance of my current life flooded back into my mind as I began to run instinctively, very similar to how I had done to get to Daniel side for our first date, but this time however found myself breathlessly sprinting in the direction of a hospital instead. Something told me that I was still running towards the same goal though.
And with that said journal, comes the beginning of today. Let's see where fate leads me next...