Gesshru

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Chapter 14

My name is Freya Savitri, and I guess I’m a parent now? 

“Maybe we …” Orchi started muttering something, but her voice ends in a snore. 

Plans. 

Chikonzero in Chichewa, pianu in Corscan, kava in Estonian, suunitelma in Finnish, planen in German, shirin in Hausa, kuka in Hawaiian, txoj kev npaj in Hmong, tev in Hungarian, aaetlun in Icelandic, rencana in Indonesian, plean in Irish, piano in Italian, keykaku in Japanese, rencana in Javanese, kery in Korean, consilium in Latin, drafitra in Malagasy, pelan in Malay, pjan in Maltese, mahere in Maori, fuafuaga in Samoan. 

For most languages the word plan was just plan, the sound and meaning shared across a wide spectrum even if synonyms were completely different. And despite several hours of boring nothing, neither of us could think of some grand escape. 

She went from frustrated at not understanding why I’d told her no over and over, to accepting and thoughtful as she went to more elaborate extremes. This child started sleeping less than an hour ago, and even in her dreams hasn’t given up hope. 

Should I copy her optimism? 

She’s going to die. Nothing I do can save her. No matter how hard I might try there was no way I had the power to save Doth, and attempting to keep her alive for just a tiny bit longer threw away my one decent chance of escape in months. It’s not like I haven’t tried before, it’s not like I’ve never made it out of the door and toward the outer walls. But when all it takes is a single press of  a button to shut me down entirely what I am supposed to do? 

This child is going to die, and I’m going to be forced to eat her corpse.

Deep breaths Freya. Remember your name. Think back on who you are and where you came from, you are collected and you are rational. Think and adapt, do not give up. No one else on your team has quit yet, and all of them are right down the halls in the exact same condition you are. Break free. Save them. 

“Throw rocks at door …” Orchi squeaked out all too cutely. 

A heavy sigh from me at the fact Doth didn’t even let me keep the rock I’d tried to smuggle in, another tool or another toy to distract from this unrelenting boredom. My mouth and my internal organs are the few parts of my body that Gashn neurotech doesn’t control, they see through my eyes and can turn my head, but the breath and speech was all on me. Of course no one is dumb enough to get right next to my mouth when aware of this fact, and if I scream at the right moment I can temporarily stun some of the Gesshru. But that doesn’t stop them in a fight, and even if I scream constantly it’d just be an annoyance. 

There we lay, myself sprawled on my side and draped over the soft cloth. My legs out on the cold tile with not much I could do to improve things.

The young Gesshru lay curled up in a ball right next to me. When she first lay down and informed me all too politely that she was just resting her eyes to think better, she was off at the far corner. But she rolled in her sleep. And every turn took her closer to me, and closer still, until within ten minutes of closing her eyes she was propped against my the forearm I laid my head against. 

My free arm would occasionally extend up and cup over the tiny little speck of fluff. Fingers keeping her warm as a makeshift blanket on my own terms, the feel of her soft fur was far more comfortable than the tattered cloth of my blanket itself. She’d done well in making sure her clothes stayed with her, even if drooling and flopped out like this didn’t offer the most dignified pose. 

I made sure not to breathe directly on top of her, but it was even more of a struggle to stay quiet. 

She wasn’t going to sleep for very long, and then after she awakens she wasn’t going to stay up for very long, the poor little things. This made me wish I could just go to sleep and then stay asleep and never wake back up into this nightmare again. The promise of death. The release of an extended rest. That would have meant hope was gone, but it also means the pain would stop. I wouldn’t have to kill anymore, there wouldn’t be any names to remember, the Gashn would have to fight their own wars without using us to stomp the competition. 

I closed my eyes and breathed. Just breathed, even as my arms went stiff and my head refused to turn. 

Wait …

I tried to move. Tried to pull my hand away from Orchi, but nothing budged at all. 

My eyes bolted open, but I wasn’t the one who opened them. No ..

NO!

Not now dammit, not now! Wake up Orchi! 

My body leaned over on its own accord. With rising panic I could feel my palm shoving down to brace, lifting my weight and rolling onto my feet. That palm with Orchi right in the center was applying pressure, building and building. No! I felt her flatten beneath my hand and wriggle, no, twitching desperately. She was waking up and trying to scream. My hand was crushing her. 

NO!

“w-wh …” she tried to speak, tried to stand up. Mercilessly she was shoved into the blanket, pressed against the floor. Not like this, she’s going to die yes, I know that, but don’t let it be like this. Her tail tickled the back of my wrist. I tried to move, my elbow twitched at the effort. There wasn’t anything I could do, there just wasn’t … 

She squeezed free. 

Her wrapping dress stayed behind, offering just enough of a separation between my hand and the little rodent’s fur that she could slide past. My knees were pulling back into that crouched position, one of my arms was extending off to the side so that whatever pilot could have a ramp up to the back of my skull. And here Orchi was tugging at her tail, all but falling over backwards and pulling with all her might. 

“Wwhhyyy, bad Max! That was a bad, you shouldn’t wake me like that.” She chastises. But then I heard the door opening, just as my waist bends and my face comes rushing down. Held only inches off the floor. 

The Gashn neural control links either couldn’t, or simply didn’t, manage full operation control through the remote. They could only stop movement altogether, allow movement if it was stopped, or force preset movement in a specific and sequential pattern. Such as bend over, head down, one arm out. And of course as a security measure the remote would fail if there was a pilot in the cockpit. That meant this movement was even more mechanical than usual, and no one was even watching to see the Cavni child was here. 

A swish of air. Voices? Tasgal Flits was walking back into the room with his assistant. 

“So she’s finally healed up enough to get back in the field?” that cocksure voice swaggers with indignation. 

“Y-yes sir, and as mentioned earlier we wou- …” seedy, nervous, the voice of an enlisted assistant rather than a highborn soldier. It didn’t take long to recognize this as Sqaopi.  

“If you’ve already mentioned it then I don’t need to repeat it.” My pilot snapped. This is my pilot everyone. 

“But you weren’t even present during the mission briefing, y-you stepped out to g-get a drink.” In the Gashn army to be an enlisted assistant was essentially the same thing as being a slave, these were the step up from Cavni prisoners and a step bellow actual citizens. But then it was not as if citizens had things that much better in the long run. 

“I told you, my throat was dry.” Tasgal Huffs. I could hear him getting closer, but I couldn’t turn to look.

“Yes, as it always mysteriously does whenever Pamit steps into the room.” was that sarcasm? “But this Man-eater has proven to be far too unruly and thus we’ve scheduled to have her lobotomized by the end of the month.” 

“Wait, really? They … you mean people actually took my suggestion?”  Tasgal has been suggesting that for almost a third of his entire lifespan, over half of the time he’s walked this planet he’s been demanding that people rip apart my brain. Despite the welling fear of what might come of this, even knowing my existence as a thinking creature was just about to get far more hopeless, the fact he sounded surprised brought a bit of light in my eyes. 

“N-nnuuuu- …” Orchi was listening. She looked up at me and touched a paw to my cheek, hidden between my breasts and by armpit while tucked just under the chin. She could step in front of my eyes, but I couldn’t turn them to follow her. 

“HIDE. Get away. Don’t let them see you!” I grumbled out in english, the thunderous yet still whispered voice catching both soldiers off guard while Orchi just folds her ears back. Two clicks. That’s what I had to do, two clicks of my teeth. First when she was peaking out to look at them, and then again when she taps against my arm. 

“c-can you move? Whats wrong? Hrmm …”  

Another two clicks. She had to understand, and more than anything else she had to hide. 

“Given the inherent risks with such a procedure …” the assistant continued in that weaselish squeak. “All missions that either require or seriously benefit from the deployment of a Max unit have become top priority, now that she is well enough to be engaged without serious health issues you are expected to work her like a slave, performing every mission we can fit until the date of the procedure.” 

“Yes, got it.” I could almost hear Tasgal rolling his eyes. “First clean up the rebellion over at Scando, then prisoner transport from Galm. Start building a wall and sky battlements against the northern borders so we can push into those forest territories, then smash and grab over at the beach where those Cavni keep blocking our access to the waterfront.” 

“I am glad those did not require repeating, sir.” The assistant muttered. “The door will be handled on your way out.” 

“If it isn’t I’m stepping on you.” That pilot snaps back. And I could feel him, at my hand, starting to climb up. 

Orchi seemed to hide well enough. If I didn’t have this chest, moderate as it was, then she could easily have been spotted from between my armpit. If she wasn’t quiet then she might be heard, as I know the Gashn pilot was much too close now. The child’s words, high pitched little squeaks of a mewling rodent. She pleads with me. Whispers by a Gesshru standard that were so high pitched and so silent even I struggled to hear them. 

“T-this is why all of our plans won’t work, they make you stop moving when the door opens.” She was catching on. What could we do now? But at least she figured it out. 

I clicked once, at least letting her know that I still understood the system. What were we going to do? Those feet, shoes and claws slapping confidently against bare skin. Coming up over my shoulders, easily across the back. I could hear the hiss and click as he pressed something on … huh, my helmet wasn’t up yet. 

“You forgot to press the button!” Tasgal shouts back. “What are you lazy or something? Making me go all the way up here and press a button.”

Orchi’s ears fold back, but she gets right in front of my nose. Her two hands reach up and grab at my upper lip, looking me directly in the eye even if she had to look up in order to do so. Tasgal would see this, once he’s jacked in he’ll see through my eyes. He was going to see her if she didn’t move, didn’t hide, and yet. What she did instead was lean closer, standing up onto her tippy toes and speaking to me as if I were a beloved pet. 

“The mean people are going to lobotize you or something, and that sounds bad. But we’ll get out, okay? I have a plan. You just keep still and I’ll steal the guard’s remote. Get you able to move again.” She whispers. A tap on my nose. I could feel the tiny contours of her little pink hand. 

Ohgodno, Tasgal was going to see her, and then if the assistant doesn’t beat her up my pilot is going to step on her. Once again I’m going to have to eat her corpse. No, all too soon I’m going to relive every other war, every other city, all of the lives every pilot has forced me to snuff out in the past three years. I had to do something, I couldn’t let this happen. I couldn’t move! My arms, my head, I couldn’t turn my eyes to …

I clicked.

I clicked my teeth, and Orchi was right there in front of my mouth with a determined optimism. She was set out to go mission impossible and rescue everyone. 

That helmet started sliding up over my chin and neck, unfolding and curling into an angular yet vaguely round shape. Expanding from storage in the shape of a collar to the full protection of a foam and plastic helmet. Orchi just gave me a smile and started to slip away.

I didn’t let her. 

The taste of a Gesshru was neither pleasant nor terrible, it was a bit like a flavorless and heated marshmallow that happened to have the texture of fur. The feeling of her hair on my tongue and tickling my lips was the most interesting aspect, or the way she was most decidedly moving about in ways that food should never do. Being tiny and a mammal, very active and even more dependent on that stable core body temperature, she was delightfully warm to the touch. Sleepy from her recent nap, having basked in the heat of my palm for too long.

Oh, Orchi tried to fight back and pull away when my tongue wrapped around her shoulders. A quick slurp and a forceful suck, inhaling air to drag her closer. For a single second her feet and tail were jabbing out, kicking the air wildly or curling up to bask against my nose in the most delicate little bop. But then another lick, that tongue pulling her back and my lips sealed around her tail. I could hear the screams, her desperate voice seeming more annoyed than terrified in the first bout, then entirely laced with horror when she was dragged all the way in. 

“Let me out, no! Bad Max, this is bad, you don’t eat people!” but of course I didn’t let her out. Not yet. “S-stop, Stalph! This is bad, I’m not a food! NO! you have to let me save you, I’m not a food!” 

Like slurping up a string of spaghetti I simply pulled in the rest of her fuzzy little tail, my lips tickled and mouth watering at the sensation of something to salivate over. There was nothing I could do to keep the spit from building after all.

“What’s going on down there Maneater, trying to trick me into kissing you?” Tasgal groans. “I’m not an idiot you know, nothing in this world is going to make me slide down your throat.” 

He didn’t see her. 

That helmet visor slipped up and over my face, a crack still present from where they’d glued the broken shards back into place. Foam lining on the inside against my head and neck, the short trimmed hair, I could hear the clicks as bolts snapped together and formed a rigid seal. In the original design it would have been airtight of course, but the Gashn didn’t want to carry oxygen tanks and maintenance is a lot easier if the armor is loose and flexible. 

Less functional armor and more cosplay outfit. But even with this flimsy material that protects more against a pilot’s incompetence than enemy fire, Orchi was sealed inside. She was on the inside of my helmet now. Tasgal couldn’t control my mouth or my lungs, none of the pilots could. He couldn’t make me swallow, he couldn’t force me to spit her out, if he wants to shove my hands into my mouth and drag the girl free there’s nothing he can do to make me unclench my teeth. 

She was safe? 

I felt her pawing at my cheeks, kicking the teeth with all the force of a butterfly. The tiny vibration of her screaming was more felt than heard, as the layers of skin and dripping spittle muffled her voice completely. Tasgal brought me from a crouch to a stand. 

Once my head was level instead of pointing downward, I slipped my jaws open just enough to let air in, breathing forcefully. I felt her moving, slipping around and peaking her head out in that crack of my lips. 

“Wh- …” the moment she said something I sealed my lips shut and clicked my teeth two times. 

“Rusted core, what do you want now?” Tasgal snaps, turning my body sharply so that my gaze falls down onto the small assistant. 

“I s-said nothing, sir.” He calls back at first. Tasgal doesn’t respond, so he shouts it a second time and cups his paws to his muzzle for emphasis. 

“Then keep it that way!” an electronic voice booms from beneath my chin, that section of my collar amplifying his voice to almost a human level tone. Not near as deep in pitch of course. 

A stomp. A twist, Tasgal had me walking forward before he caught on that he needed to turn the rest of the body and orient toward the door. But like an old AI program dealing with a wide turning radius on tank treads he managed eventually. That stop as we get to the corner and turn down the hallways, to the right was simply rows of more locked doors sealing off the rest of my crew, while to the left opened up past the armored holding cells and toward the outfitting areas. 

Control towers built high into the walls, the long spires of mechanized arms set to grab and attack all of my armor pieces with precision. I opened my mouth wide and could feel Orchi gasping for breath, obviously warm and wet and all too miserable, but she wasn’t screaming. Instead she gazed, leaning forward and poking her head past my teeth to watch everything. Soak it all in. 

A strait line to the hangar doors, tall and armored, sized for a human and designed to hold a human inside. Even if we can punch through the metal or tear a wall down it would take us far longer to rush through it than it does for a Gesshru to find the remote and press a button at us. I know, I’ve tried, even after I make it past the hangar bay there’s still an outer gate with barbed wire at the top I have to jump over. And all of the guys on the walls have remotes on hand, just waiting for that day they have to use them … 

“So that’s what it looks like.” Orchi whispers to herself.

I kept my lips open and snapped my teeth down, careful not to bite her, careful not to crush anything, and then opened back wide so she could see everything in comfort. By human standards the base wasn’t big at all, and Tasgal was in no rush to walk us over toward the fitting stations. Stock still, my arms at my side, simply unable to move while the gloves and chestpiece all fitted together. Two halves on each side slotted in place by an arm each, while a third mechanical hand that has some screwdriver attached slides in and secures every joint. 

The child in my mouth pokes out far enough to touch that glass of my visor, leaning down to gaze at the scene before us. I couldn’t see, but there were at least a few people who caught on. Spotting the little girl and decided it must simply be another meal for the ‘maneater’ as was my reputation. 

Loud grinds, electronic whirring. I felt Orchi’s wonder as she experienced this base through new eyes, and was more than willing to be quiet and analytical. But the outfitting finished, I was lurched forward and toward the exit, left only to wait as some assistant opens the door for us. 

The open sun was blazing, but this visor blocked much of the glare. That compound seemed uneventful, everyone stepping out of the central walkway to avoid being underfoot and most people not having much more than busywork to do. The towering, two or perhaps three meter walls just barely tall enough that I’d have to struggle to climb over blocked view of the outside desert, but just as last time …

“Pilot Tasgal Flits, reporting. You are to open the gates immediately soldier.” And at my pilots assertive shout the final barrier was pulled away. Sunlight and desert. 

Rocks and sunlight, desert in all directions, if I looked far enough to the northeast I could barely spot a patch of green, and then I knew there were distant mountains to the far south and to the far west. Directly north was just an expanse of plains that Gesshru liked to build their cities on, especially areas near groundwater or with fertile crop harvests, while directly east was the ocean and frontline Cavni forces that kept halting Gashn’s progress.

And no, before anyone tries to suggest maybe the Max unit can swim, just no. A human can swim just fine, all of us know how to swim, but a dumb pilot working with electronic controls in a porous suit making do with slow mechanical awkwardness? It’s not going to happen without a drowned human. 

“We’ve escaped! Okay, we’ve made it out of the compound at least. Now I just need to figure out how to free you.” Orchi mutters to herself, and I close my lips before I started to get tired. Keeping my mouth open only wide enough for her to breathe was easier than wide enough for her to lounge about. 

It struck me, in that moment as we started a long treck, just how big a difference there was between a pilot who talks constantly and a pilot who never talks at all. Tasgal would get offended at the idea of talking to me like a pet, if he says anything at all it’s either taunting or complaining about me. 

The man wants my body to be an extension of his will and nothing more, he craves feeling that power and dominance of being a giant among a city of mice. Stark contrast from the more pleasant pilots of course. In a several hour long walks such as this, no idea how far I’ll be going or when I’ll get there. I wasn’t exactly present for a mission briefing, and this left me bored. As in, more bored than usual. 

Stop, nothing, more walking, then lots more walking. Slow and awkward gait that left me constantly teetering at the edge of unbalanced. But no, the worst part about this, the absolute worst part, was that I was bored and had a thing in my mouth to play with. 

“Stop! Bad.” Orchi slaps at my tongue. “You cannot swallow me, stop it.” 

It was the one part of my body I could move freely, making new lip shapes and licking over things. Periodically I’d squash Orchi to the roof of my mouth and swallow down spittle as it built up in pools. Dripping from her fur, soaking her completely through as if this were some sticky swimming pool. She felt warm and smooth, the fur decidedly less able to tickle me once it was matted down and sloppy wet. Her tail occasionally dipped down the back of my throat, and in an effort to prevent very serious problems of barfing into a space helmet we kept getting into wrestling matches in which I’d slam her into my cheek and try to use my tongue to pull her tail away. Or fold her up so she didn’t sprawl out as much.

By the first twenty or so minutes she caught on, even if she wasn’t entirely happy about it. 

For her part, the poor girl. Naked and warm and smelling my breath all the time, fully aware that I ate Gesshru meat even if not recently. Yet she was holding out better than Doth ever did. She was panicking less than any soldier I’ve ever seen, far more brave than the adults. It left me curious.

How was I going to get her out of this? Wait until a fight starts and then spit her out, hope she can make it down the helmet? Hah! More amusing would be if she could overpower Tasgal somehow. She’s inside the helmet, and I found out a month ago that a Gesshru inside the helm can access the cockpit from a new angle. Maybe if Tasgal was busy looking into my eyes he wouldn’t expect an attack from the cockpit itself? Foolish and dangerous though, she’s better off simply finding a direction to run and a place to hide. 

She wasn’t going to leave unless something forced her to, or she figured out how to rescue me …

Is …

I licked her over again, just playing with the flavor. Teasing her motions and prompting an on the spot wrestling match, the tiny rodent’s body bulging my cheeks whenever she squeezes between them. Always shoving to make sure her face pokes between my lips to catch a breath of fresh air. 

Is it right to use her? 

To make sure of that, make sure she doesn’t escape until I see freedom as well? 

She’s going to die, there’s nothing we can do about that. Can I put her to use as a tool or a pawn? If she’s willing to rescue me and give me that chance I need to free everyone else, do I have the right to trade away her life and happiness for the betterment earth’s interests on this planet? Of ending my own personal hell? 

I thought briefly of what it would simply mean to bite her, or swallow, and end any suffering here and now. But that was cruel. That was wasteful. And even if it were merciful, she didn’t seem ready to give up yet. 

What … 

What rights do I have, and what was the right thing to do? 

Questions I asked while having absolutely no control. And thus a moot point as we march toward Scando. The ruined coral city who failed to make payments on time, and suffered the consequences. Let’s see if Tasgal goes in to kick them while they’re down …