Miracle of The Giving Force
By Zephon Fox

Author Note:
Mr. Rochamsawkem is voiced by Mr. Torgue (Borderlands 2)/Hercule (Mr. Satan) (DBZ)

**Arc Two - Devtools**

**Chapter 4our**
In-flight Mull

The evening was settling in upon the landscape as Zelampago banked downward towards one of the entertainment districts. He'd decided to fly after departing the Lochenkee, needing the rush of wind through his hair to clear his thoughts...and his doubts. Besides, something about the way the portals were behaving was unnerving him slightly. 

Indeed, now that he noticed, he could start seeing little...twitches here and there from this high up. A tree that seemed to be indecisive about where it was actually rooted. Nonev birds that were flying upside-down with nary a thought. Five foot wide patches of indiscriminate weather despoiling the near-dusk twilight, flickering on and off like a craptastic fluorescent light.

Things were going haywire.

What was it Ainsley had said? Sometimes the system just does that and you have to learn to deal with it? Sure, I guess...but this is starting to look out of hand.

Indeed, as Zelampago dipped himself lower in the air and made a long sweeping left turn, he spotted a trio of Hellguardians, all with black vests, wings, and horns, regarding what looked to be an open portal and a cougar laying beside it. The young male, in his twenties or close to, seemed to have been bifurcated clean down the middle, top to bottom. Both of his halves lay next to each other.

Zelampago cringed. The trio of caretakers were swiftly reassuring the cougar that he was all right and that he may have lingered too long in the portal before it closed on him and reopened again. The cougar, meanwhile, wasn't in shock more than he was seemingly fascinated with staring at himself. Literally, the two halves of his body were facing one another.

The wolfdemon frowned and flapped his large black-feathered wings, rising up and spotting his goal in the distance.

So if the system is in error, where would we even start? Whatever's causing this is "system-wide" and is starting to affect people. So I've got to do my part and help get to the bottom of it.

The entertainment district of this suburb of Hell was packed full of different locales, each zooming under him as he pressed on, flying with his arms at his sides, the wind whipping his vest around. Bars, theaters (both movie and operatic), museums, and even the odd amusement park with full rollercoasters and rides were packed together, yet none seemed to really interfere with the other. Zel noted, with appreciation for the little touches, that parking never seemed to be an issue. Anyone arriving by car could exit and their car would just be sucked up into the ground into a sort of holding area.

The wolf smiled despite himself. Man, if those big themeparks up above could get their hands on that kind of deal, they'd be creaming themselves for hours...

Another slow banking turn resulted in Zel being pointed towards his destination: a massive three-story building that looked to be over a mile wide on each side. Spotlights and fireworks were going off and it looked like the crown jewel of this little slice of unlife. Truth be told, it kind of was.

Rochamsawkem's Roaring Recreation and Romping Center was highlighted by the absolute insanity of its coloration. Pigments of all styles and hues adorned the outside to turn what would've been confused for a regular-if-big warehouse into a screaming riot of loud color. Add in the thumping music blaring from twenty foot high speaker mains ringing the roof of the entrance, and a truly gigantic marquee showing off Rochamsawkem himself (currently sporting an insane, toothfilled grin while flexing his muscles), and you came up with a sight that very aptly could not be missed.

Zel flared his wings as he came down, touching down about a block away. 

Okay, so, Hell is powered by the Giving Force. The glitches seem to be not just limited to portals, but to the wildlife, the flora and fauna as well...and now, the glitches are messing with people. So, does that mean that something's wrong with...?

Zel paused as he waited to cross the street with a young group of furs, a few idly marveling at his size and impressive stature. He smiled and ruffled their headfurs accordingly before holding two little paws in his own and helping them across the street. Not that they needed it, but as they scampered off towards the Romping Center, they waved back at him happily.

Sometimes, you don't need the help, but it's still nice to have the help when you can get it, Zel thought, feeling his heart *b-bump* in simple joy.

Anyhow...after tonight, I've got to look into this. Given that Janet is still in question, I've not got a lot of time to do so...and I haven't the slightest clue where to go with her, let alone where to start looking into this.

Still, it wasn't all bad. The wolfdemon ambled up to the small line at the front door and gazed along it before locating a small group of four cubs and three adults, all chatting away merrily with one another.

"WUFFY!!"

He'd barely had time to even take a few steps up before being bowled over by a small light-blue bullet of a cub burying herself directly into his torso. He fell backwards in a heap and smiled up at the little girl now straddling his chest, giving him a stern gaze from under her gel tiara.

"Where in heck have YOU been, mister? I've been missing you lots and lots!"

Zelampago smiled, again without really being able to stop himself, as he pulled Crystal Avalon's face down for a soft smooch.

"Well excuuuse me, princess, but being a Hellguardian's a mighty big job! Got lots to take care of and I thought you were having fun with Lexi and her grandmother!" He got up, cupping her into one arm, supporting her bottom as he hoisted himself back to standing. 

"Well I was, but you're late. So nyeh." She stuck her gel-tinted tongue out at him as they walked over to the group. Lexi and her grandmother both waved to him, the little girl more enthusiastically than her elder. Next to her was Xander, the eternally insatiable little fox, alongside his parents who both had decided to adopt semi-boardwalk style clothing for the occasion (instead of swingingly nude as Zel knew their wont to be).

Next to them...was Bartleby Fletch.

Zel stole a look at the young batling as he set Crystal on her feet and got into line with the group. The boy was talking with Xander, who was practically vibrating with excitement. Bartleby hadn't been here yet and Xander was just itching with readiness to show him the good times had within.

Should I tell him?

He'd considered it. He'd known that Bartleby would be here with his little group of friends. Ever since they had sort of adopted Crystal into their fold (despite her being a little younger), Zel had been kept appraised of all their goings on by way of the little gel-vixen's chattiness.

Still, Zel held back his tongue.

His GDA *p-peep'd!* at him.

As the little ones clamored around to check out the new piece of gear, he held it up out of view.

"Ooooo, wassat wassat, Mr. Zel?" That would be Xander's unending curiosity. Zel noted with amusement that the boy wasn't stopping himself from grinding against his jeans-clad leg while he asked.

"That thing looks badass!" Lexi, of course.

"Damn, wish I had me one of those..." Bartleby was peering at the black backing of the GDA intently, as if trying to x-ray it and figure out how it worked.

"Teeheeeeee!" And finally, Crystal, who'd gotten the full rundown of the tool on his first day and had been sworn to double-pinky-swear secrecy about it. Not that it mattered, really, but the wolfdemon had just figured they could be paying attention to so much more around them instead of lingering on a piece of Helltech that was as out of reach to them normally as an official Hellguardian Vest.

Zel grinned at the lot and set a background function running. A small armadillo furson with what looked like datalines running all over his body appeared between the quartet of cubs. "Hello! I am Ziggy! I am the onboard AI for Zelampago's GDA and will field any questions you may have!"

Ziggy was hard-pressed for the next five minutes as the line moved forward, answering questions about the GDA's specs and capabilities. Zel, meanwhile, was checking the message he'd just been sent.

"From: Razielphustar Mephrolovontastico

Hey, bucko.

Sorry if I seemed out of sorts. Despite what you may think, even I get a bit weighed down by the ol' job! Still, like I said, I have utter faith in you when it comes to our young friend's mother.

That said, if you really want a good piece of advice, don't bring them together until she's ready. The shock of seeing her boy may break her completely and he may not be aware he's even doing it. It could shatter them both in ways that might do irreparable damage.

For now, tough it out and be yourself. Don't give in!

Etcetera, etcetera. 

Love, Luck, and Lollipops,

R"

Well that settled that. The line moved forward once again and they could see the door now, just a few feet off. Xander had seemingly forgotten all about Ziggy (much to the AI-projection's chagrin) and was now set to fly apart at the seams if he didn't get in there soon. Lexi's grandmother (who he'd been told was perfectly okay being called just Gram) beat the other adults to the punch by sidling up next to him and mashing him against her leg, petting down his hair and whispering softly to him. And just as all youngsters are incapable of going against it, Zel watched as Xander found himself calmed by the elder hyena's presence and aplomb. 

Good. For a moment, I thought the little squirt was going to start frothing at the mouth...

It WAS, after all, Lexi's deathday celebration. And having forgotten himself, Xander wandered back to her much calmed down. "M'sorry, Lexi. I like this place so much and...and I forgot it's not about me or my wants. It's your day."

He bashfully toed the ground at her. The Oakleys were busy awwwwww-ing over their son's out-of-character moment, but even so, Lexi and Bartleby and Crystal all surrounded him with a great big hug and all was forgiven.

With the timing that comes as naturally as breathing that all performers have, the handsome pair of collies at the door waved them forward. Zel approached them on behalf of the group.

"Hello, sir! You would be here for the Lexi Deathday, yes?" The well-built male was peering intermittently at his clipboard.

"Yes, that's us. Four adults with a possible fifth coming, and four cubs," Zelampago said, smiling as he watched the beautiful and lithe female wheel over a small box on a five-leg platform with casters. 

"Wonderful! Normally, we'd have everyone donate at least one partial limb for the kitchens, but if you'd be so kind, sir, your status as a Hellguardian would let you cover the group in their entirety with one donation!" She flashed a winning smile at him, her bright red cotton vest barely covering her assets.

Zelampago nodded as the male collie started to stamp everyone's hand, a bright purple stylized R emblazoning the back of the cubs' paws; bright green for the adults. The wolfdemon turned and stuck his whole arm up to the elbow into the hole. There was a soft *whrrrr*, a *KTCHUNK!* , and his forearm was neatly and cleanly sliced off by a set of spiraling blades. 

He turned as he willed his arm back to normal, and got his hand stamped, the bright green R still showing even against his blue fur. 

"You'll be enjoying Instance 98 today, with full arcade, indoor racing, fine-and-not-so-fine dining options, our grand-scale play-gym...", the male collie checked his clipboard and his eyes lit up, "Oh, and apparently, Mr. Rochamsawkem will be having his Blowout Block-Party in that instance in an hour's time! Lucky you!"

The kids squealed with excitement as they were being hustled inside. Zel gave each of the greeters a friendly shoulder squeeze and walked inside after the group, smiling at their parting words:

"Welcome to Rochamsawkem's. Now go blow somethin' up!"

**Chapter 5ive**
Rochamsawkem's

Imagine the biggest arcade or family fun center you've ever seen. Now imagine that about a thousand times bigger. This would be roughly equivalent to the sight greeting the little party upon entry into Rochamsawkem's main atrium. 

Sprawling out in all directions from the entrance were all of the vices a small kid and his/her family could want if they were looking for an evening of distractions and machines. Off to the left, where Xander's hungry gaze had inevitably settled, were line upon line of arcade machines; old models, new models, some not seen yet and some invented by the best minds who were currently within Hell's residence. All beeping and whirring and clanging away. Veritable city blocks worth of machines, each with no coin slot and each marked with that orgasm-worthy logo, "FREE PLAY."

Zel hoisted up Crystal onto his shoulders and followed her gaze to the right, where the non-arcade enjoyments were. A full indoor rollercoaster, complete with loops and corkscrews was pounding along, each of its five separate tracks screaming off into another section of the Center. Underneath, a huge go-kart section featured at least a grand prix's worth of karts. As they watched over the railing into the pit labeled "Non-realistic", a small fennec was piloting his car around a hairpin turn, powersliding like a maniac and slamming other drivers off into the spike pits nearby. He rejoiced as he completed a lap, one fist in the air...before being obliterated with what looked like a spiked seeker missile. Crystal giggled on her guardian's shoulders as nearly everyone nearby on the track was taken out from the small mushroom cloud.

The wolfdemon turned and followed the party in. A nice male ferret, still only clad in a singular red vest, greeted them all and cooed at Lexi. "Why lookie here! It's the deathday girl, all cute as can be! Your table's right this way, folks!"

As they were led into a grand ballroom-style dining room that was roughly the size of a football stadium, Xander pointed to a far wall. "See? They have rules here, Bartleby, but if ya read them, you'll see why I love this place so much!" Zel noted that he hadn't really let go of Lexi's grandmother's hand since she had calmed him earlier. The Hellguardian caught the elder hyena woman's eye. She simply winked at him with a knowing smile.

This was, apparently, something she knew how to do well.

As one, Crystal, Zelampago, and Bartleby all turned their heads to read the blazingly bright board of Da Rules.

*WELCOME TO ROCHAMSAWKEM'S ROARING RECREATION AND ROMPING CENTER!!!*

HERE'S DA RULES, YOUSE:
1) PLAY NICE WITH OTHERS AND BE A GOOD SPORT, YA LITTLE SHITS!
2) TREAT THE WAITSTAFF KINDLY OR THEY'LL FEED YA YER OWN ASSCHEEKS.
3) NOTHIN'S OFFLIMITS, BUT DON'TCHA BE SCREWIN' ROUND WITH THINGS THAT AIN'T YERS. OR I'LL FEED YA *MY* ASSCHEEKS.
4) EVERYTHING'S FREE: FOOD, GAMES, TICKETS, PRIZES, SEX. JUST ASK!
5) GO PUNCH BAD GUYS IN THE DICK.
6) BLOW SOMETHIN' UP WHILE YER HERE.
7) EAT UNTIL YOU BLOW UP. OR DON'T. YER CALL.
8) HAVE A DAMN GOOD TIME.

This board was being displayed by what looked like a caricature of Rochamsawkem himself: a wildly overmuscled bulldog with a hefty set of ram horns, flexing and displaying Da Rules while noiselessly shouting under his black shades and colorful bandana. 

"Whoa..." said Bartleby, jaw on the floor almost as he regarded the big muscly sign. Xander, not unaffected himself, laughed and grabbed his best friend's hand, tugging him along to the round table. "Think I should ask if that third one's doable anyhow? Maybe if you ask super-nicely?"

They all sat down, with surprise chair pullouts from the little fox boy going to his mother and Lexi's grandma. A big plastic menu, emblazoned with the stylized RS logo, sat before them all. 

Another waiter, this time a female German Shepherd with huge muscles, a big curvy chest, and a full set of male bits, came over with an order pad. "Hiya there, folks! My name's Leigh and I'll be servin' you today!" Shi peered at each of them, writing something down before pointing at each of their menus in turn. "Your menus are now fitted to you, so feel free to order what you like! I'll be back with some glasses and your goggles."

With that, she turned and hustled out. Xander's mom and dad both reached out and gave the waitress' rump a slap, earning them a sultry look and a wink. 

Bartleby and Crystal, who were sitting next to each other, both opened up their menus and regarded the contents.

"Holy shit!", said the young bat. "This menu's got all of my favorites! Spaghetti, PBJ sandwiches, loaded hamburgers...all of it!" Crystal nodded, eagerly looking down the list of treats. "Yeah, mine's got lots of desserts and stuff. I like those better than regular meals sometimes." Zel looked at his own menu, surprised to find that it was offering both fully-loaded double-stuffed pizza and a prime rib steak. 

Mr. Oakley explained. "See, they get so many people here that while it started out being about pizza and pasta, they eventually just threw their hands in the air and said fuck it, give 'em everything!" His wife agreed as she drank deep of her tea which had been placed on the table by the returning waitress. The big dog had wheeled around the table, dropping down a suitable drink for everyone and taking time to wrangle the boys next to one another and drape her tits on their heads; Xander's dad had snapped a picture of this with a winning grin and a tent rising in front of him under the tablecloth.

"Now then, kids, did you wanna order some foodage or would you rather just stare at my blimps all day?", shi said, grinning as she ruffled the two boys' headfur.

"Could we have both?" Xander replied, earning a chuckle out of everyone seated. Lexi was busy keeping her hands in her lap, blushing tremendously as she stared at the herm's package. 

"The missus and I will split a Cardiac Crusher pizza," said Xander's dad.

"Steak tartare with baked potato, please," said Lexi's grandma. 

Bartleby and Xander both placed an order for fifty hotdogs to be split amongst them and Lexi asked for the Headsmasher Burger. The big German Shepherd peeked down as she took the order and scribbled something on one of her order slips, tearing it off and handing it to the little hyenagirl. "Alright," she said, "here's my order for you, deathday girl." Lexi took a quick look at it, meeped and blushed furiously, stuffing it away in her shorts pocket. 

"What about you, big stuff? What's your pleasure for the evening?"

Zel grinned at the forwardness and leaned back. "I'll take two prime rib steaks, both medium, and each from a different animal. Surprise me." Crystal snickered as he blew on his fingers for comedic effect.

"Noted! Howabout you, sweet stuff?"

"I wanna have ten hamburgers and the Freeze Your Mind sundae!" the little vixen chirruped. 

"Alrighty then, folks! I'll be back with that food real soon. Oh, and here's your goggles!" From her low-slung belt, the waitress unhooked eight swinging sets of goggles. They were not unlike the kind that could be found in any high school experiments lab.

"What're these for?" Bartleby inquired, strapping them on and finding they fit surprisingly well around his overlarge ears.

"Simple, kiddo: That." Leigh pointed to another table nearby. Everyone turned and regarded what appeared to be a black-and-white sphere towering over a table full of pandas. A trio of cubs were cheering the sphere on and a mighty belch came from it. The kids at Zel's table all got up on their chairs, craning to look. The wolfdemon noticed that Crystal had started clinging to his forearm, a needy-sounding whimper coming out of her bit lip.

Back at the spectacle, the male bear had two waiters busy shoveling food into his maw and he was gulping away, growing larger and rounder with each gulp. It wasn't long before a low keening groan emitted from the overtaxed belly, audible to anyone in the general vicinity. Zelampago quickly stuffed his goggles down and shoved Crystal's down, her gaze so fixated that she had completely forgotten to do so herself.

"Hhnngh!!" The father panda let out an extremely satisfied grunt as his belly gave way with a loud *KERPOW!*, sending food and bits of himself flying everywhere.

A huge round of applause went up as the attendants picked what was left of him up and set it in a wheelbarrow, carting it off to one side; another waiter was busy dropping a prize voucher in front of each of the squealing panda cubs as their mother simply shrugged and smiled that long suffering smile all mothers seem to have at times like this.

"Well then, squirt," Leigh grinned down at Bartleby, who was covered in shrapnel like everyone else. "That answer ya question?"

"Hell YES it does!" 

***

The food was swiftly brought out not ten minutes later, all on one tray and easily handled by the big muscles of Leigh, 'Waitress-Extraordinaire'. The kids had watched a screamingly loud cartoon on the in-house TVs while Zel had taken up some light chat with the Oakleys and Lexi's grandmother.

With a flick of her wrists, the plates went spinning off the large server tray onto the table, each to their respective diner (or diners). 

"Now then, if you guys need anything else, just let me know, okay? Be sure to enjoy the meal as the Blockparty Blowout's going to start soon and you won't want to miss that!" said the big canine. She gave a big wink to Zel, who grinned back, noticing that nearly every female (and most of the males) were focused on the dangling power tool hanging beneath her not-at-all-chaste waiter's belt.

They tucked in nonetheless. Crystal tugged on the big blue wolf's shirtsleeve as he slid the two prime rib steaks closer (one tagged as 'Ram', the other as 'Rhinoceros'). He leaned in and nuzzled her, whispering, "What's up, sweetie?"

She giggled, blushing as she pointed below the table at Lexi. "Hehe...lookit."

Zel peeked up and, sure enough, Lexi was the only one continuing to stare after the large muscly canine, her lips set in a needy way, arms forcefully jammed not between her legs, but surprisingly at her sides. 

As the boys began shoving hotdogs in one another's orifices with extreme prejudice, Zel licked his gooey vixen's cheek. "Ah, is she interested?"

"Not just that...see?"

The little gel-girl slipped something into his paw.

"Lexi gave me this while you were talkin' with her grammy."

Zelampago peered down and realized it was the waiter slip that Leigh had given Lexi earlier. He set it on his thigh, carved out a huge chunk of the ram steak, and picked it up again, reading it below the lip of the table. He murred, feeling his own bits twinge.

"Happy Deathday, adorable.

Here's your present from me: a deal. If you can manage to hold off from touching yourself, I'll meet you in the Tower of Tubes after the Blockparty Blowout and give you a proper gift with the thing you've been staring at all this time.

>;3

Leigh"

Crystal looked up at him as he handed it back to her, looking over at the young hyena girl plowing her way through her meal as fast as possible, still making surruptitous glances in the direction where the huge German Shepherd herm had walked away. The Oakleys were being irresponsibly naughty, as usual, feeding each other their pizza, free hands roaming their partners' bodies. Lexi's grandma had scootched her chair a bit closer to the youngsters. Not at all surprisingly, Xander was actually pressed in close to her on one side, Lexi on the other. Bartleby had edged over closer to his best friend as well, even as the two of them continued to gorge on hot dogs, their bellies clear pushing up their t-shirts.

Crystal, meanwhile, had polished off her eighth hamburger and, as Zel had turned to look at her too, was beginning on the ninth. Her eyes were looking up at his, a coy smile on her mustard-and-ketchup-stained face.

He felt his bits twinge again. Damn, but that little vixen could make him bulge!

Inevitably, the feasting was finished. All of the little ones were tilted against Gram, rubbing their achingly full tummies (aside from Crystal who was mashed up against her guardian) and generally letting out happy gurgles. Around them, the dining arena was full of other satisfied customers, some in various states of undress, most in wildly varying states of fullness. Xander hazily pointed over to a corner of the stadium-like dining hall where a large elephant man was currently pigging out so hard, he was covered in food and was about ten feet in diameter. He appeared to be in an eating contest with what looked like a cross between a lizard and a ferret with small nubbish horns. The monster creature's orange fur was stretched tight as he kept up the race, various attendants and diners alike placing wagers.

"Geez," said Bartleby, mumbling as Gram's arm snugged about him, pulling him against Xander. "Wonder if there's a prize or something..."

Xander looked about to reply when the stage on the far side of the arena promptly exploded.

**Chapter 6ix**
Blowout

"OH YEEEEEEAAAAH!!! ARE YOU KIDS READY FOR SOME KICKASS AWESOMENESS THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA FUCKIN' BELIEVE?"

Zelampago turned his seat slightly and pulled up Crystal (grunting as she had gained roughly 30 pounds from her dinner) onto his lap. She was clapping and smiling as the stage continued to explode and detonate as rocket-propelled grenades shot into it from the hidden dark corners of the arena. Very clearly and comically-marked TNT boxes were flung around every which way, exploding and cratering small sections of the arena with loud "BABOOM!"s. Flamethrowers in all shades of the rainbow started billowing out fire a hundred feet high.

The kids went batshit.

"Oh my god!"
"Holy turdnuggets!"
"Jesus shit!"
"Wowie!"

And they were right too. With one climactic mushroom cloud, a huge explosion capped it all off in a spray of glittery sparkles and streamers and showers of sparks.

And there, standing up on stage, was possibly the most muscly furson Zel had ever seen. 

He stood roughly ten feet tall and was a pure shade of slate grey. Clad in a bright white tank top stretched across a four-foot-wide chest and black shorts that were full to the brim with powerful thighs and a preposterously massive crotch, the large figure stepped forward out of the swamp of smoke created from his entrance.

A massive bulldog with horns not unlike a ram's; huge, thick, and curled down under his ears. Powerful looking tusks speared up out of his mouth, each and every tooth shockingly white. He flexed and grinned and posed, his shock of neon purple hair barely contained by a bandana composed of an indeterminate amount of colors. His wrists and neck were adorned with spiked collars made of pure grade gold and rawhide leather. He stomped forward in the baddest steel-toe combat boots you've never seen. Especially since they seemed to have rocket engines on the sides.

In short, he looked to be the very definition of the word BADASS.

"HELL YES, DUDES AND DUDETTES! TIME FOR YOURS TRULY, MR. ROCHAMSAWKEM HISSOWNSELF, TO KICK SOME ASS AND BE AS GNARLY TOUGH AS POSSIBLE!"

Rochamsawkem stomped around the stage as a band with seven guitarists, two bassists, and a drumset with more drums and cymbals than a Thanksgiving's Day parade rose into view and started jamming. 

"AWWWYEEEAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Rochamsawkem himself was holding onto a barbell-turned-handheld-mic, pumping and flexing as he posed for the squealing kids, each one getting a high-five from the big dog as he trucked on by. He gave an almighty stomp on the stage, causing twin towers of speaker mains to rocket upwards into view. "LEEEET'S RAWK!" 

Zel couldn't quite follow what happened next, but he was able to see the entire band, even the drum set itself, leap into the air and land at the same time, all hitting a chord on cue.

The wall of sound that erupted from the mains swiftly detonated the heads of every last man, woman, and child within fifty feet of the stage. Even further back, Zel noticed that his ears were ringing. Crystal was giggling, even if her more fragile gel body hadn't taken the shockwave well; her ears were twin craters on the sides of her head. 

Bartleby was busy throwing the rock horns up (curiously with a pair of hotdogs in both ears now sizzling from the soundwave acting as impromptu earplugs), Lexi standing on her chair and following suit, little tail fluff waggling furiously. Xander looked ready to piss himself sideways. His parents were cheering as well, blood running down the sides of their faces as their ears leaked. Mrs. Oakley had sat down on her husband's meat, bouncing up and down to it in time with the overwhelming beat of the music. Mr. Oakley looked to be having the time of his life.

Gram was nodding along with the music...and seemed to be rubbing her way lower on Xander's belly, who was erfing and staring intently at the huge jiggling bulge on Rochamsawkem, panting loudly.

All in all, it was a grand time indeed.

***

"ALRIGHT NOW, KIDS!," screamed the lantern-jawed bulldog up on stage. "S'TIME FOR ROCHAMSAWKEM'S BLOWOUT BLOWUP! WHO WANTS TO TAKE PART AND TRY TO BEAT MY BEST?"

The band was swiftly departing the stage, each in a daze and holding their heads with the satisfied grins of performers who love their art. By now, most of the kids up front had reformed their craniums and were clambering around the stage, straining upwards, arms outstretched. 

"Me me me me me!"

A crew was busy wheeling out a small gurney and laying some objects at various spaced distances on the stage. The towering bulldog demon walked along the stage, his long snake tail lashing behind him, and started picking out eager little cubs, each helped up by large handlers sporting the same attire as everyone else who worked here: very little indeed.

Soon enough, a dozen cubs, vibrating with anticipation, stood at designated spots on the stage. 

Bartleby was jostled by Lexi elbowing him in the ribs and pointing one out. "Look, Bartleby! See? She was at the Nursery that one time, remember?"

Bartleby followed her point and, sure enough, there was a pink magenta-striped kitten staring in awe as Rochamsawkem explained the rules, vibrating in sheer anticipation up on stage. Bartleby poked back at the hyena girl.

"Yep! Looks like she's not changed any from when we last saw her. Still fanatic about...doing what is it now?" 

Zel inclined his head and was about to speak when Rochamsawkem beat him to the punch.

"FUGGIN' AWESOME, WE'RE READY TO ROLL! AWLRIGHT NOW, KIDDIES, HERE'S THE DEAL! EACH OF YA'S TAKES THAT THERE PUMP AND JAMS IT SOMEWHERE IN YOUR BODY. RIGHT NOW!" An assortment of erfs and oofs and mmphs rang out as each of the cubs stuffed the nozzle of the pump somewhere on their body. Zel found the little kitty girl again and laughed openly as she stuffed it inside her spandex shorts front, cooing. One young weirdo bat had rammed the nozzle in his *ear*.

"SAAAAWEET! NOW! HERE'S THE RULE FOR THE BLOWOUT BLOOOOOWUP! SIMPLY TAKE THAT PUMP IN YER GRUBBY LIL PAWS...*pst do it now, that's right just like that*...AND WHEN I SAY 'PUMP', YOU PUMP! LAST ONE STANDING WINS A PRIZE! IF YA BEAT ME, YA WIN A PRIZE...HELL, EVERYONE HERE WINS A PRIZE ANYWAYS BECAUSE THIS SHIT'S HAWT AS HELL AND LITERALLY DA BOOOOOOOMB!"

The pit of cubs and adults in front of the stage let out a great huzzah as the great bulldogdemon stomped to center stage and clamped the side of his own nozzle in the side of his lips, looking for all the world like he was smoking a stogie.

"READY? SET? *PAAAAAAAHHHMP!*"

And they were off! The little ones on stage were furiously pumping at the little handheld plungers, swelling quickly and with great glee. Lexi and Bartleby were cheering on their acquaintance as the small kitty began to fill out, her tummy ballooning out over her shorts top. 

Zel snickered and pulled his GDA out of its slot, aiming the capture lens at the small girl, and taking a scan. He then leaned over and blew smooches on both the batling and the hyena cub's ears, causing them to look down at the datapad.

"In case you're interested, her name's Kara."

"Coooooool", they crooned before resuming to their cheering, now adding in the little kitten's name, urging her bigger. 

Meanwhile, the oddball bat down stage was pumping away but seemed to be having trouble. Stuffing the nozzle in his ear had caused his whole head to blimp out like a carnival balloon, his eyes bugging out, lips mashed together in a pucker from the pressure. He had lost his grip on the pump and was busy flailing about on stage trying to find it again. Since his eyes were basically on either side of the top of his head at that point, he wasn't having much luck. 

Thankfully, a big panther stagehand swooped in and kneeled next to him, offering to take over. The enormous bobblehead nodded once with a "Mmmnnk Moo!" and started swelling again.

Xander, still held in Gram's lap, was ogling Rochamsawkem openly, watching as the big dog took his tremendous pump in both hands and, with effortless ease, began to pump his entire frame bigger. His muscles swelled out, thickened and rippled. He rose in height...as did his beef, which had lengthened out the bottom of one of his pantlegs and was now ripping its way upward, tearing the black material to shreds as it did.

*POW!* *BANG!* 

A pair of twins, both otters, fell back to the stage, dazed as they flumped down. The small boy, his crotch a ruined mess of tatters, looked crest-fallen; his sister fared little better, flailing forward as her ass, which had managed to be about as round as a pair of beanbag chairs before detonating, deflated lopsidedly.

"Hey hey, ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up for our first blowouts!" A barrel-chested brown bear had taken over mic duties as Rochamsawkem continued to pump himself up. The pair of otters were quickly helped to their feet by stage attendants and their holes patched up. A mighty cheer went up as the boy was lovingly mashed between two bodacious females, his sister hoisted up on a beefy set of males as they were cheered off the stage.

By this point, Zel found his crotch aching. He'd always been partial to this kind of kink and having a smushy weight in your lap sure didn't help matters any. Glancing over, he stopped and smiled to himself, whispering in Crystal's ears to look.

Crystal turned her head and saw that amidst all the chicanery and colorful carnage going off, a very sweet scene indeed was unfolding to their left. Gram was reclining back in her chair, having opened Xander's legs and settled them on the outside of hers. She was holding him with one firm paw on the top of his protruding belly and openly saying something in his ear. Her other hand was expertly playing with the boy's now perky little meat.

"You did well, young man. Just like I promised. Gram always keeps her word. You were such a well-behaved gentleman tonight...Gram loves that!"

Xander was hazy with lust. Zel and Crystal watched as he would try to arch and push against her hand, to possibly even roll over so he could lay on her exposed midriff and give back the affection he was receiving. Instead, that firm paw kept him right where she wanted him. 

"You see? Temperance and moderation makes the fun things so much sweeter! Makes the fire burn hotter when you don't overload the kiln..." she crooned, her modestly large breasts now framing his head. Xander whined and whimpered, completely lost as he felt her clit stiffen up and expertly slide in under his tail...and holding there, keeping him spread.

"Mmmh...nothing gets me happier than seeing good kids like you get a treat," Gram murbled, panting herself as she massaged the little foxboy's aching nuts. 

Zelampago was idly watching the stage while all of this was happening. A young cougar boy had tried to give himself a pair of balloon tits, but they didn't get nearly as big as he wanted before the nozzles slipped free and he rocketed around the stage, shrieking and laughing. Another youngster, an elephant girl, had tried her trunk, but that only resulted in an extremely loud trumpet when she sneezed at the same time. Kara, plus the oddball bat, were still going strong.

"...mmf...Wuffy...it's so cute," Crystal had started to rock herself along his lap, enraptured by the wonderful lovemaking that Gram was giving to Xander. 

"Hnng...I agree."

Gram had rubbed and cuddled and caressed Xander to a froth now, the little boy whining louder and louder...and then, he whispered quietly, "M-may I cum now, Gram? Please?"

"Yes, you may, dear one."

Xander found his bits swiftly being assaulted and rubbed quicker and quicker, Gram twisting and spinning her wrists with years of expertise. The little foxboy yowled in time with another explosion on stage and fired his load off over both Lexi and Bartleby's heads. Neither noticed, completely absorbed in the stage's goings ons.

Gram held him close and rocked him back and forth. Zel looked over and could practically see the little hearts coming out of Xander's parents. While they loved their son endlessly, they also loved seeing him happy. Zelampago, meanwhile, had seen Gram's ploy play off perfectly. This little bundle of energy had been seriously lacking in one department: restraint. And by keeping him gently in control and encouraging him properly, Xander had turned into quite the gentleman tonight. True, he probably wouldn't remain like that... 

Living zebras can't really change their stripes for too long, anyhow...but at least he's behaving tonight. And that's something.

By this point, back on the stage many of the cubs had exploded and the background music had switched to something resembling Circus Galop, a frenzied, almost ramshackle-sounding cacophony of calliope sound. The game was down to three now. The oddball bat's head had reached almost the size of a weather balloon and was wobbling back and forth as his tiny frame struggled to both keep him upright and from floating away. On the other end of the stage, nearer to Rochamsawkem, the pink kitten had swollen nearly to the size of a small house. Her pump had been taken over by a nearby husky stagehand, who was pumping furiously with obvious relish, his crotch full and throbbing. Kara's crotch showed her enjoyment, overly soaked with her own multiple and unending orgasms.

Rochamsawkem, meanwhile, had become roughly the size of a mountain.

He had risen up over the crowd, almost forty feet high. His belly, which had been ripped before, was now more of a muscular gut, still showing his abdominal muscles, but blown outward and still filling. His upper body had swollen to the point where you wouldn't be surprised if he just pulled buildings down with his bare hands for the indignity of getting in his way.

And his cock...it had just kept pushing outwards like a great sausage balloon, steadily rushing over the crowd. Kids and adults alike had jumped up to boomp it around as you would any beach ball at a summer concert.

Bartleby, Lexi, and a somewhat worn Xander were cheering their hearts out for Kara, standing on their seats now. Crystal had quietly resumed pushing her soft padded butt back against Zel's crotch, panting up at him before continuing to watch the show.

On reflection, he thought, it's pretty nice that the adorable little angel I share a majority of my time with shares in that kink now...so maybe restraint's overrated at times.

The contest pushed onwards before quickly reaching a finish. With a flail and a screech, the brown-haired bat at the far end of the stage lost his balance and tipped over, slamming his head on the stage which burst with a thunderous *WHOOM!* Kara, who had been rolled around so her face was now towards the audience, gazed up through hazy eyes at the massive bulldog. Her body seemed to shudder and heave with each puff from her helper's pump.

Rochamsawkem had slowed in his puffing and had turned his head as best he could between massively overblown shoulders to regard her. Zel couldn't quite make out what he was saying over the riot of cheering and hollering, but it seemed like he was encouraging her. He certainly wasn't using his intensely loud voice, but...there was something about his look at her; soft and gentle, utterly defying his outwardly manly physique and brash bravado. 

Zel empowered his vision a little, zooming in his focus on Kara and her competition, Rochamsawkem.

He realized with a start that she was openly crying. She wanted so bad to win, wanted so bad to be biggest of all and yet she could feel herself ready to give at a moment's notice. She wanted to be close to this near perfect competitor who was effortlessly increasing his size, wanted to best him, but didn't want him to let her win either. She didn't want it to end!

Zel switched his gaze to the mountainous bulldog. Rochamsawkem ceased in his pumping, letting his industrial-strength pump fall into the waiting arms of a nearby stagehand. He waddled over and took her pump. Said something encouraging and with an utterly gentle touch, stroked her tears away and smiled at her.

The wolfdemon startled. He KNEW he recognized this feeling, this overpowering urge to protect and care and nurture and love.

Rochamsawkem was a Hellguardian.

No.

He was higher than that. Zel only knew of the few ranks above Hellguardians (and of how most who had them considered them meaningless titles that didn't change the duty willingly fulfilled) and while Razielphustar was an Arch-Hellguardian, there *were* ranks higher than that. 

Hell-Seraphs, for example.

He couldn't tell, but he was certain that Rochamsawkem was an older guardian. He'd have to look it up later.

The titanic ringmaster took her pump in hand, still uttering soft words to her. Kara nodded and sniffled before smiling up at him.

"...alright then...let's DOOO THIS!!"

Zelampago lurched backwards a bit as his magickally enhanced hearing reeled from Rochamsawkem's abrupt switch back to his No-Indoors-Voice. The big bulldog pulled the pump out, almost comically stretching it across his bulk like a pair of spring exercisers before grinning at the kitten. 

She grinned back and shut her eyes, nestling her head down in the bulge that her neck had inflated into.

"WOOOOHAAAAAAAAH!!"

With a roaring battlecry, Rochamsawkem slammed the plunger down, crossing the thirty or so feet of pull in less than a second. Kara, the house-sized blimp of a pink kitten, exploded with an almighty *KER-BLAAAM!*, blowing a massive hole in the stage and sending pink tufts and shards of fur in all directions.

There was utter silence in the arena...then...

"Woo!"
"Yeah!"
"Did you SEE that!?"

The roaring of the crowd returned as everyone there gave a standing ovation to the little kitty's efforts, even Rochamsawkem himself, each of his claps sounding like artillery fire. The onstage attendants had pulled the little cub back together quickly, rubbing her all over to wake her from the shock-induced slumber and bring her to her senses. She stood up, shaky-wobbly on legs made of silly putty before being hoisted up on shoulders. 

"LET'S HEAR IT, YOU GUYS! GIVE A ROCHAMSAWKEM-SIZED HAND FOR LITTLE KARA HERE! SHE WINS THE BIG PRIZE, A PRIVATE PLAYROOM VISIT WITH YOUUUURS TRULY!

"AND IF'N ANY OF YOUSE OTHER KIDDOS WANT, HELL, COME ON IN! I LOVES ME YOU LITTLE SHITS. WE'LL HAVE A GOOD TI-"

The bulldog froze in place as his overtaxed belly sounded out an ominous rumble, gurgling and low. 

"OOPS! ALMOST FORGOT! GOTTA GET THIS OUTTA ME BEFORE I BRING DOWN THE HOUSE!"

The arena watched as he stomped around in place (a truly impressive sight as when's the last time you saw a building do a pirouette?) and bent over. His butt, formerly taut and shapely, had burgeoned into twin pairs of airbags over thick thighs.

"QUICK! SOMEBODY! PULL MAH FINGER!"

With a speed unforeseen, the oddball bat rushed across the stage, managing to slam an old-time war helmet on his head, and did a jumping grab at the huge index finger, tugging on it for all he was worth.

*ppppppffffFFFFFFFR-*

The ass-rumbling fart that erupted from between those twin buttballoons was nothing short of a windtunnel, roaring loudly out and knocking everyone behind him flat. Bartleby and Lexi had to hang on to the back of their chairs. Zelampago flared his wings out to provide stability against the rushing storm. Xander and Gram dove under the table with his parents.

*-RRRRRrrrRRRRRRRRRWERRRRRRRRPRRHGHGRRRRFFFFFFRRR-*

The big bulldog was shrinking rapidly, bracing himself against the stage backdrop to his front.

*-RRRANRBRRGRGHBBRRGGLEBRGRGRRRRRRFFFFFRPPLPLPLPLPLRRTTT!!!*

The storm finished off with a whirlwind of flapping farts and an almost cannon-like report, leaving the arena strangely smelling like fresh snickerdoodle cookies.

"AHHHH, THANKYEW, THANKYEW! AWESOME BLOCKPARTY, EVERYONE! NOW GO ON AND HAVE YOU SOME FUN IN MAH PALACE OF PILEDRIVING PLEASURES! OR EAT SOME MORE! SHEEIT, I DON'T CARE, JUST MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A GODDAMN AWESOME TIME!" With that, the nude bulldog stomped off to the left, waving to the kids as he went backstage and out of sight.

Zelampago eased his wings back down and helped the others to their feet, everyone looking wild-eyed and out of breath.

Xander wobbled to his feet and glomped Bartleby in a bearhug. "See? I TOLDJA this place was sweet!"

**Chapter Se7n**
Of Gifts and Giving

Janet Fletch awoke.

She blinked.

Blinked again and turned on her side. The bed she was in was comfy, warm and soft. 

It was all a dream...

She nestled down into the covers, stretching out and rubbing her belly...

Janet sat up with a start.

She was nude. Even on her worst days, she never slept nude. Not with children in the house, not even when the kids had grown up and moved out. Not even in the hospice where...

Oh.

Ohhh...right...

She looked down at herself, clinging to the covers with her winghands.

Of course she wasn't wearing clothes. She hadn't been when that big blue wolf...Cell? No, Zel...Zel had gently set her here like a friendly giant. When she had started to cry softly...when she had felt his hand on her forehead and had fallen into slumber.

When she had died.

She wiped at her cheeks, feeling the fresh set of tears fall down. No. Mustn't do that anymore. It's over and done with and she couldn't change it, could she? Even when her youngest had scraped their knees or spilled the milk, she had been firm with them, letting them cry it out, then gently pushing them past the tears into dealing with it.

Bartleby had always been the best at that.

Janet looked around in the dim darkness of the cave. Some light had filtered in when she had awoken. From where, she couldn't begin to guess.

Bartleby...

Was he here too?

No. Despite what Zel had told her, she refused to believe her baby boy could be reduced to a denizen of Hell like she was. Even if...even if her supposed mortal sin wasn't obeying the rage and fury of her ex-husband Marcus...it made no sense that he would be here. He hadn't done anything wrong, really.

He had only been ten years old! Sure, he had pocketed a candybar once, but that had been when he was six. He'd lost his privileges for a week for that, but that was hardly a crime against God.

With a sigh, she swung her legs out from under the covers and stood up, looking at herself in a nearby floor-length mirror. 

"No aches...", she mused to herself. Her muscles had atrophied while she had been in hospice care. It hadn't been so bad at first, but the cancer had steadily progressed to a point where overnight stays became indefinite stays. The batlady's brow furrowed as she concentrated.

Yes, she could remember at the end, she had been in hospice, bedridden, for nearly two months. The pain had been...

Gah. No.

Dead. No pain.

She pinched herself between her wings. Yes, it was there, but she was expecting it and it wasn't painful so much as...well, like a reminder.

Dead.

In Hell.

God was against her and nearly everyone else.

The Devil was on her side and loved her.

She idly wanted to look outside the windows and see if it was snowing outside, just to see if *that* metaphor was true.

She turned and spotted an opening that seemed to be a natural window on the other side of her bed. She hadn't noticed it there since she had awoken facing the other direction. She padded over to it, one arm clutched over her chest more out of habit than anything else, and looked out.

Her cave was built into a mountain range bordering a lush verdant forest. The trees were huge, bigger than any she had ever seen in her life. Even when the kids had been younger...when times had been better...and they had sprung for a trip to see the Redwoods out west, they weren't this big.

She watched, perplexed, as a young pair of ducks, barely into their twenties, flew around the trees, shouting and cavorting through the air. They were playful with each other, the male flapping up to nip at his partner's tailfeathers. She in turn would land on a branch, bend over and taunt him.

Janet felt her cheeks flush.

She had been young like that once.

It happened so quickly that she almost barely had time to catch her breath.

The drake had caught up with his lover and tackled her midair, the pair wheeling down to land with a crash on a large petal. As they had picked themselves up, the petal had closed around them, barbs on the sides sealing them inside.

She could hear their momentary squalls of confusion...before the plant seemed to snug them in tighter, pressing them together...the tousling shapes inside stopped rustling around. They started moving rhythmically. 

Janet, her face aflame with the sheer trashy romance of it all, turned away.

God have mercy, this place was weird. The ducks had both been nude, brazenly so, and were now screwing in public! Or...if this even counted as public.

She walked back over and sat on the edge of her bed again.

Yawned.

Looked down at her hands, clenched them.

Marcus was at least here too. Zel had assured her that he had been properly dealt with.

Good.

He deserved it. Even if she somehow deserved this, he *clearly* had earned his special place down here. 

He'd taken Bartleby away from her.

*clink!*

She started, looking up again.

All dwellings in Hell are empowered slightly. Given a breath of psychoreactivity. Made to help the inhabitant(s) feel comfortable and more at home, like a mood ring that reflects what you're wanting. Hers was no different.

In this instance, Janet found herself staring at an old photo frame. She got up and walked over to it, picking it up. It was old, yes. Photography technology had obviously advanced from when the picture had been taken, but it was still relatively clear.

She had kept it on her bedside through her final days.

It was a picture of her, much younger than she was now, looking down at the soft bundle in her arms, a newborn baby batling. He was staring up at her quietly as she smiled down at him in her hospital gown. She looked worn, tired, but glowing. He wasn't crying, just gazing up at her in that wondering, inquisitive yet trusting way only a newborn can.

Bartleby's day of birth. 

She held onto it and slipped back under the covers, holding it against her breast.

She fell asleep on her own this time.

***

The group had dispersed a few minutes after collecting themselves. Lexi had kissed her Gram on the cheek and said she wanted to go off by herself for a bit, but she'd catch up with them soon. 

"Of course you will, dear," said Gram, leaning down and nuzzling at her granddaughter's cheek. "Give the nice lady my regards, will you?"

"EEP!" The little hyena flushed beet red and took off like a shot.

Of course, like any good secret, amongst children it doesn't remain a secret for long. Everyone was in the know on Lexi's incoming surprise at the hands of Leigh, but they laughed with her embarrassment, knowing that she would be well-received.

Bartleby was being led by Xander in front of the adults as Xander, now much more composed and in control of himself, showed off the many many sights of the fun center. Crystal was clutching Zel's hand as he ambled behind; he was still heavily horny from the impressive after-dinner display that Rochamsawkam had put on and Crystal's eager teasing had NOT eased the unruly tightness in his jeans.

"Hey zappywuff...whatcha thiiiinkin'?"

He shook his head and lowered his gaze to regard her.

She was beaming up at him, an almost viciously playful-naughty look on her face.

"Just that right now, I'm a horny wolf and I'm debating how to take care of it. Plus, it looks like the others are going off to the go-kart tracks. Did you want to go?"

Her little blue goo-hair shook back and forth. "Nuh uh. I was thinkin...m-mebbe we could go and peek on Lexi and Leigh. You don't think they'd mind, do you?"

His pants tightened again. "I'm...reasonably sure they wouldn't mind, no..."

And that was that. Crystal ran up and grabbed Xander and Bartleby's paws, quickly gushing that she and Zel were going to wander off for a bit of "us-time stuffs" and that they'd catch up.

Xander and Bartleby, as well as the Oakley parents, naturally couldn't hide their shit-eating grins. Crystal wasn't exactly broadcasting it, but really, she wasn't hiding it either.

As he turned away, Gram gently caught his wrist.

"When she's finished, could you escort Lexi back here with you, Zelampago? I'd really appreciate that," the elder hyena asked gracefully. 

The big blue wolf bent down and kissed her cheek. "Of course, Gram."

"You're a dear man. Quite handsome too!" She gave him a sly wink and patted his cheek before hustling a little to catch up with the excited boys and the overtly-naughty Oakleys before they got into God-knows-what-else trouble.

He watched them disappear around a corner before he felt a very gentle and loving squeeze on his still-throbbing shaft bulge and a soft whisper of, "...toy!" 

Nnf...

Zel bit his lip and turned down, picking her up in his arms. 

"Shall we, my lovergirl?"

"Yuh huh!" Crystal bobbed her head and pointed towards the Tower of Tubes. "Thataway!"

It was a matter of a short hop and a skip and a jump. Literally: Zel didn't have much room to fly in here with the impressive clutter and clustering of how much stuff the owner had managed to cram into his building. So he took a big hop, then a flipping skip, and finally one big jump, covering a few blocks of space before landing gracefully in front of the Tower of Tubes.

This thing looked to be what M.C. Escher could only have wet dreams about. A truly abhorrent snarl of tubing and platforms and trampolines, caged in by nylon mesh and rising towards the ceiling some five hundred feet up. Colorful and squealing as some of the tubes began to shift around of their own accord, the Tower stood as a monument to any adult's worst nightmare of physicality and every kid's hungry challenge to conquer.

"Wuuuufffy...where are they?" Crystal tug-tug-tugged on his arm.

"Hm...dunno, cutiegoo. But I know how I can find out!"

With a spin and a flick, he brought Ziggy up into his paw, kneeling next to her. He tried in vain to ignore that she was toying with her dress hem, knowing full well she was flashing her crotch at him.

"Ziggy? Access locator. Find Lexi and Leigh, this area."

"Locating...locating..." The soft and semi-musical voice replied.

*p-ping! p-ping!*

"Lexi and Leigh are located approximately 170 feet up, 200 northwest."

Zel nodded and looked at Crystal, who was hopping on the balls of her feet. "Would you want to portal there?"

She giggled and glomped his face, smooching his nose. "Are you silly or what!? I'm not gonna miss out on climbin' up in this big huge thingy! C'mooooon, it'll be fun!"

The wolfdemon sighed and smiled at her. "Alright, but first..." He turned and aimed Ziggy towards the labyrinthian tube complex. 

"Ziggy, set start point. Analyze labyrinth and set end point close to targets. Navigate shortest route possible, show as markers on floor."

"Compliance!", the little mechanical marvel chirruped. A soft light blue trail beamed into the nearest entrance, curving around the corner and up and out of sight.

Crystal squealed, clapping her hands as Zel holstered his GDA and took her paw.

"Let's go, cutiegoo!" 

He'd had to fold his wings in against his back as the tunnels were initially a bit tight for him. Once they'd passed a few connections and corridors, he found the tunnels widening for him. Crystal gave the tube an affectionate pat and was delighted to see a rubber foam set of noodles, one of the many set of obstructions in here, snake out and hug her right back! 

It became easier after that to trail the hyena and German Shepherd. The tubes, sensing a Hellguardian inside, had shifted time and again, the light trail altering its path accordingly, and the blue pair found themselves ascending rapidly until they came to a bubble room that looked out over the arcade and pool section of the fun center. Almost seven feet in diameter, it was plenty wide for even Zel to stand and stretch in.

Crystal quickly scrambled through his legs and pressed her face against the window. Next to theirs was another bubble room...and it had two occupants as well. "Wuffy, look, look!" She grabbed his hand and they ducked down to peek over the window's edge. 

In the other bubble lay Leigh, massive and broad, curled up a little as she held the comparatively tiny Lexi in her arms. Both were stark naked and both were busying themselves in the act of trying to suck the other's face off.

"Ohhg...wuffy..." said Crystal. Her dress was melting away into her body, her hips and belly growing a bit more. The pretty princess dress was, if she so chose, something made out of her own material. Plus, she knew what drove her guardian's crankshaft to full tilt. 

The big Hellguardian couldn't resist himself, his cock aching and definitely desiring this naughty bit of fun. He pulled his vest and pants off, shucking them to the side and positioned himself over his adorable charge. Crystal, eyes glued to the event across the way, backed up into his thick pink meat, more than happy to rest on her hands and knees as he penetrated her mound.

Zelampago hissed and slid easily inside his little gooey vixen. She was practically pre-lubed anyhow, what with being made of toothpaste, so neither was in any discomfort.

Over in the other pod, the hyena and the german shepherd were talking to each other, even as Leigh was steadily pumping her cock with one paw, bringing it to full size. Lexi's head whipped around and her eyes went wide. The voyeurs ducked down, even as it drove Crystal back onto Zel's massive shaft.

They heard Lexi's "Damn right, I want that in me!" through the tunnels of the tubing and quick as you please, Leigh hefted the girl up and speared her on it. 

Both Zel and Crystal groaned as he reached under her, gently fondling her plump goo-swollen belly, panting hard against her head, kissing down her cheek as they made love while watching their friends do the same.

Lexi whipped herself back, going full-on cowgirl and starting to bounce her small frame up and down along the footlong pole buried in her nethers. Leigh's full breasts quaked and jiggled with each bounce, controlling the enthusiastic pup and helping her along with her hands on Lexi's hips. Up and down, over and over, Lexi yowled and hollered, basking in this incredibly hot cock inside her cunny.

The goo-vixen, shuddering and panting even harder brought her wolf's head down with a paw, whispering in his ears. "Zelly...pop me? Pretty please? Watching all those furs...and that big guy balloon like that...wannit so bad from you, from my wuffy!"

Nngh...with a request like that, who could ever resist?

The blue wolfdemon hiked her back a bit, lost in the throes of both fucking the hell out of his companion and watching Leigh fucking the hell out of a small girl. He held on longer, trying to time it just so.

Leigh was grunting and growling low, her balls heavy and swollen. She said something soft and spun Lexi around on her pole, setting the hyena shrieking. Crystal was near gibbering now, her cunny stretched wide and so very very soft around her loverwolf's cock, mumbling and begging to be filled like the big balloon she knew he could make her.

With absolute precision and control, Zelampago came inside her as Leigh started creaming inside Lexi. Both of the little girls screamed at once, Lexi barking madly, Crystal crying out in a long high moan.

And both of their bellies began to quickly press out, trying to contain the loads being pumped inside. Lexi leaned back further, letting her tummy balloon up and out, quaking with each hard jerking shot Leigh pressed inside. The little vixen spread out from under Zelampago, pushing him up and back, her form spreading and filling up the pod. Bigger and bigger, sloshier and rounder. Neither girl could take it for much longer...

*POW!*
*KERPLORP!*

Lexi and Crystal burst apart nearly right on top of one another, each painting their pods a lovely shade of pink and blue, respectively.

No one moved for quite a while, even after the little ones brought themselves back together.

The warm glow and closeness was all they needed...until, as Zel and Crystal gazed into each other's eyes, they heard Lexi's voice ring out: "I was biggerrrr!"

And really, all four of them couldn't help but giggle.

**Chapter Ei8ht*
Da Man, Da Myth, and Da Rules.

Exiting the Tower of Tubes was not as difficult as one would imagine. Given that the tubes had a slight awareness about them, all anyone really had to do was ask, 'Where the hell's the exit?', and lo and behold, there would be a long slide down to carry you out to near the entrance to crash speedily into a fluffy pile of pink and green cubes.

Leigh knelt down and gave her new friend a nuzzle and a long tender kiss before stuffing an address into Lexi's pocket. "That's where you can find me if you want to hang out with other herms, including me. I'd love to see you there. Y'know...if ya feel like it."

Lexi, shy as all get out, blushed and nodded before hugging her tall beefy doggyfriend.

*vrt...vrt...vrt...*

Zel had been helping Crystal up, smoothing all the folds of her princess dress back into place. He startled a bit. His GDA was vibrating rhythmically. He pulled Ziggy out as Leigh ambled away, whistling merrily as she tied her server apron back on. Lexi came over and began comparing notes with Crystal about how awesome being exploded from the inside out was.

"I mean, I was all big and then BLOOSH!"
"Yeah, wuffy does it to me alla time! You can get a bit bigger with practice too!"
"REALLY!?"

The Hellguardian cocked a smile at that.

Ziggy's display showed up.

*ONE DELAYED NOTIFICATION*

Delayed?

"Ziggy, display time of notification."

"Yes, Zelampago. Notification was given 27 minutes ago."

That was right about the time that Ziggy had plotted their course into the labyrinth. Thinking back, he HAD heard Ziggy ping twice, but it hadn't registered that this would mean anything. He'd thought it was just...

...a glitch.

Goddamnitall.

Mentally, Zelampago started kicking himself. Stupid. How could he have ignored that? Well hell, hope it isn't impor-

**NOTIFICATION**
SUBJECT: JANET APRIL FLETCH
STATUS: AWAKE, OBSERVATIVE

**UPDATE**
SUBJECT IS NOW ASLEEP AGAIN, NATURAL SLEEP RHYTHMS ACHIEVED.

FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!

Well great. There went the neighborhood. Hellguardians were supposed to be there for their charges, especially the shaky ones. They were supposed to watch over...and what had he been doing? Shagging a gel-girl rotten in a toyland.

Ain't I just the big damned hero?

"Zelly?"

The wolfdemon knelt to regard his two companions. 

"We kinda wanna go meet up with the rest of the group now. Lexi said she knew of a really fun dancing game when she was still alive and I kiiiinda wanna go do it," Crystal said, tugging at her dress hem.

"Sure thing, sweetie. I was just distracted for a moment." He held his hands out. The littles took them and off they went. It wasn't especially hard to find the group. The Oakley parents were busy competing on a game wherein the other had to jam bigger and goofier objects in the other's ass (as aided by specialized portals). Xander was cheering them on as Bartleby appeared to be watching with interest, trying to figure out if there could be strategy to this game. Or maybe if it was just shove whatever you could up there and hope they gave out before you did.

As they neared the machine, Zel spotted something off to the right, a stairway leading up to an overlook balcony, fenced in. Above that, there was a wide wall of glass, mirrored, that appeared to look out over the vast majority of the complex.

Zelampago knew what those were. Even alive, he'd seen owner suites from the outside and could tell who took up residence there. 

The trio of adventurers fell in with the rest of the group as Gram knelt down and gently washed her granddaughter's face. Lexi had apparently missed a spot of spunk that had landed on the very underside of her chin. Crystal hopped over to the boys and found herself getting the third degree from Xander about specifics of the Tower of Tubes.

Hmm...I wonder if he's there. If he'd even have time for me. Hell, if he could even help me figure out what the dick is going on with all of these glitches. Zel put his hands on his hips, drumming his fingers thoughtfully.

On the one hand, he'd felt the presence of another Hellguardian and was pretty sure that during the tender moment with the eager-to-win kitten, Rochamsawkem had shown his colors. On the other, this was an enormous bulldog that looked like he ate whole buildings for breakfast and shat out concrete blocks. Plus, time was kind of something that seemed like it could be valuable to someone like that.

Still...Beelzy was undisturbable, Raziel was AWOL half the time, and he didn't really know who else to go to. He wasn't panicking, really, but he needed a direction, a purpose on how to pursue things from here. The whole glitchy thing was starting to really eat at his tits and if it continued...

Shit, what would happen if it somehow shut down all of Hell? 

The wolfdemon shook his head and leaned on the railing, looking down at the races below, watching without interest.

"You know, sonny, if you keep frowning like that, your cheeks will fall right off," joked a voice beside him. He looked up and found Gram, unperturbable and unflappable as always, leaning next to him.

"Heh...yeah, I'm just...chewing on something right now. Don't know what to do about it...heck, two things really. Both sort of connected, sort of not, and both confusing me."

"Mmh. Sounds like you need guidance and could use it quick!"

The Hellguardian tilted his head at her, smiling as he joked, "Why, you offering?"

"Heh, no no, sonny, I'm just an old dead woman out with her granddaughter on a special day. But I bet that big fella who was up on stage might know a thing or two." She tapped Zel's ebony horns. "Besides, he looked like he might be one of yours, so you might as well try! No harm in askin', right?"

Zel didn't have a reply for that outside of, "...huh. I'd thought of it, but...I don't know why I didn't just try. Maybe I'm just...questioning myself."

She nodded sagely, reaching up to rub his back. Boy that felt good...

"We all do that, y'know. Doubt ourselves. If you ask me, and you didn't but I'm telling you anyways, the best thing to do is to keep the faith in yourself anyhow and keep on flying. Going backwards won't serve you most times and you ain't gonna get nowheres just standin' around!"

He rubbed the back of his head and hugged the old hyena. "Heh, thanks, Gram. That means a lot."

"Oh, come off it, s'just my two pennies of brain farts. Now, why don't you run along and see if Mr. Rockysocky is in. I'll keep an eye on your sweetie for you," said Gram, patting him on the butt and scooting him along the pathway towards the balcony stairway. 

Taking the stairs quickly, he rounded the bend and was nearly knocked over by several squealing kids, each with a huge plush in their hands and in varying states of undress.

The office door was ajar.

Zelampago stood there and collected himself for a moment, reached up, and went to knock to announce his presence.

"You shant need to do that, I don't think. I saw you down there chewing on your own brain cells, so it was inevitable you'd come over and give me some good tea company."

The voice emitting from the door was most definitely not the voice belonging to the behemoth on stage earlier. It sounded almost British in nature, smooth and suave and highly intellectual.

"Uhm, hello?" Zelampago peeked his head in.

Sure enough, there was the big bulldog, standing to one side in the extra large office/den. Soft lighting lit the room and as Zel shut the door, the cacophony from outside silenced itself at once. 

"I'm sorry, dear boy, are you put off by my hulking nature? Allow me to remedy that at once. Twon't be but a shimmy!" The big brute grinned at him as he leaned over and pushed his belly button. A long low *hissssssssssssss!* emitted from under the desk and before his eyes, the horned bulldog shrank down to reasonable proportions. Still beefy, yes, but not Kaiju-stomping levels.

"Barnabus Accrostiar Rochamsawkem, at your service, m'lad. You would be Zelampago, yes?"

"I..abuh...uh...yeah."

The now-lithe bulldog chortled merrily and indicated two of the squashy seats in a corner of the room, looking out into the block wide ballpit. Zelampago sat and took the offered cup of tea, sniffing at it before taking a sip.

"Earl Grey...with...cream, I think?"

"You know your teas, boy! Good show, though, I doubt you'd figure out that milk is from a lovely girl I know. Seal, tits like you wouldn't believe, and hornier than a toad who's off his crackers!" He slapped his knee.

Zel couldn't help but join in on the laughter. This guy was a complete 180 from the figure he was outside. What was going on? 

"Ah, I take it my newfound appearance offsets what you've come to perceive me by, yes?" Barnabus asked, eyebrow raised over a smile.

Zel nodded again.

"Simply put, the kids LOVE the big brutish badass that I can be. So I go out and pump myself up like a tyre and there you are! Happy kiddos, a grand stage, and one cracking good time," Barnabus replied, giving a thumbs up for effect.

"True, but man, that's jarring nonetheless, sir."

"Oh don't call me sir. Just Barnabus will do."

"Well, yes, Barnabus, sir, but I'm pretty sure you outrank me anyhow," Zel replied, feeling like he should get to the point of his being here.

"Aaaah, you saw it, didn't you? Yes, I've seen that little girl in here a few times and she was ever so much the good sport. She wouldn't let me throw the game, so I felt I had to dust off the old gloves and give her the comfort we know how to give. You'd do the same, methinks, yes? Mmm?"

"Yes, I would."

"And rightly so. We cannot refuse who and what we are, even if some of us are ancient compared to you new youngsters out there."

Zel leaned back, sipping at his tea (Seal milk...huh...) and set it aside. "So, if you're a Hellguardian, you might be able to...well, maybe help me? If I could ask?"

"Well, if I were a Hellguardian, yes. But I'm not."

"Y-you're not!?"

"No, sirrah! I am not. I am, as you see me-", the bulldog stood and raised his hands. Two enormous jet black batwings erupted from behind his back, spreading and folding behind him. The hound's eyes took on a deep red shine as he posed and took a bow, "-merely one of the Thirteen."

Holy shit.

HOLY. SHIT.

There were levels above...and then there were leagues above. Barnabus' declaration put him in the same ranks as those who ran other hotspots in Hell's Naughty level; the Nursery, Machiavelli's, Gaarthulom's Opera House, and others. Standing before him was one of the original thirteen angels-turned-demons who had fallen alongside Beelzy.

Standing before him was a founder of Hell itself.

"I...I-I-I," Zelampago stammered as he stumbled to his feet and into something half-resembling a bow and a salute if both gestures got drunk one night, fucked on the hood of a Pinto, and created an idiot baby.

"Oh come off it, come off it!" The bulldog demon good-naturedly slapped Zelampago's back, knocking him back into his chair. "I'm just an old boy who likes to have fun and is rather proud of this spectacle you see before you. Not some kind of deity or ancient power to be revered."

"Well...yeah, I guess but..."

*SLAP!* Zel yowled as the archlord whapped him on the keister. "No butts! Now ease off and relax, you're in good company. I'm interested to know what troubles you, lad."

Rubbing at his stinging asscheeks, Zel complied and sat back down, leaning on his knees.

"Well, sir, it's just...well, two things really. One is that I got a case shunted to me and the woman is the mother of someone...important to someone else I know. He's a sweet boy and I'm fairly certain he loves his mother far more than he loves his father.

"So I want to do it right, but she's refused to give up her heart. And while I've dealt with those too, I've...I've lost one or two as well. I really don't want to screw that up as it would likely crush both Razielphustar and Bartleby both. Plus, Raziel's been AWOL a lot lately and with the big man non-responsive..."

He looked up to see Barnabus raise an eyebrow at those names, but say nothing more, gazing at Zel over steepled fingers. He nodded and crossed his legs, gesturing for Zel to continue.

"Plus, I know that things down here are nuts from time to time, but I've started seeing glitches around; places where something is clearly not doing what it's supposed to be doing. It even interfered with my powers directly much earlier today. And frankly, I'm really not sure what to do about that! On the one hand, I want to fix it, but if I do, I'm not certain that I know even where to START! Both Raziel and some others have told me to basically just accept it as part of life down here..."

"...But?" came the gentle reply.

"But...I can't. Something feels really off about it. Like...like the Giving Force itself is glitching. That's the only thing that I've been able to come up with and I have no idea of what to do. About either thing, really."

A very quiet pause filled the room as Zelampago finished his tale. Barnabus had closed his eyes, listening intently and opened them again, regarding the young Hellguardian before him.

"Firstly, about your case."

"Yessir?"

*WHAP!*

"Hey! What th-How'd you do that? I'm SITTING DOWN and you spanked me!"

A playful eyebrow cocked itself again. "Being an Archlord has its joys, lad.

"At any rate, your case. The young boy is respectable and resourceful, yes? Good. And you trust Razielphustar?"

"I do."

"Then you must know that we just don't hand cases to each other when we want to fuck right off and have a holiday. We give them to each other when we trust the person explicitly. Razielphustar knows you well, I trust, and I would wager that he'd give it to you BECAUSE he knows you have what it takes to 'save the day', as it were."

Zelampago looked down and then back up.

"Yessir-I mean-, yes, Barnabus."

A big hand reached over and clapped on his shoulder. "Have faith in yourself, Zelampago. You're much more than you are giving yourself credit for right now! So much more. You have potential, a hunger to do what's right...and that's worth so much in situations like yours. The lady will find her way and you will be able to help her see. All she needs is the right push and the right guide. And you're capable of both."

Barnabus got up and walked to the back wall where a small minibar was nestled in a corner. "As for your other problem..."

He turned to regard the blue wolf, sizing him up with his eyes. Zel felt like he was being x-rayed all the way down to his soul. 

"Mmnh...mmyes, I think you will be capable..." Barnabus pulled up a bottle marked LOCHENKEE'S FINEST SAKE over an age marked with glowing runes. The entire minibar began to rotate on a hinge, revealing a small treasure trove of astonishing items.

Zelampago could feel the raw, arcane power radiating off them. What looked to be a large silver gauntlet was sitting next to a necklace with a beautiful insignia on it. Here and there, these items glittered in the soft interior light. Barnabus was running a finger through the air before, "Aha! Here you are, my lovely!"

He turned and held out his hands, showing Zelampago the prize clasped between them.

"This is the Ocularis Magnifectus. A set of perfect glasses, able to see what cannot be seen."

The object was not unlike the shades currently resting on top of Barnabus' head. Golden wraparounds with two thin slits of lenses wrapping all the way to the ear rests. A set of tiny colored flanges glowed along the top of each side.

"To sum it up, when we first arrived, we used our newly damned power to create such objects that would help us shape and maintain Hell. Since the Fucking Nitwit upstairs saw fit to just fling us down here and slam the door behind us, we were rather left in a lurch. So, we made things like these," he said, rotating the glasses around in front of Zel's nose, "and began work on the foundations of Hell...

"The first thing of which was half of our power combined into one whole: waking the Giving Force. We needed to guide the Giving Force at first, plow its pathways and make sure it could govern all we couldn't. To see it, we used the Ocularis. Here, try them on!"

The ram-horned bulldog offered the swanky shades to Zelampago who settled them on his face. There was a bit of a shimmy on his nose as they readjusted for his facial structure, and then they fit, nice as you please.

"There. A regular Double-0 Dandy, I'd say!"

Zel couldn't help it. Gazing at himself in the mirror across the way, the Ocularis did look pretty sweet.

"So what else can they do?"

"Welp, just about anything, really. All you need to do is tap the side pad there...here, let me put your finger there so you remember...THERE, and concentrate on what it is you want to find or to see."

Zel looked at his superior, gazing up at him. "It can see anything? See through anything? Even Shr-"

A hand came up quickly to silence him. "Yes, my boy. Even my Shredded form, though...I would highly advise you not do that. I...am not proud of what I become in those dire moments and it is a sight most profoundly disturbing. I do not wish you distress."

Zelampago took the shades off and handed them back.

"No no, lad. They're yours now."

He gaped at Barnabus. "But...but, sir, these things are priceless! Even if someone could create something like them, these are the original deal! They're amazing and moreover, YOURS! I couldn't just-"

"Nonsense. I told you that I saw you had potential. And I think you can indeed solve both issues that are worrying at your heart and mind. While you don't need the specs to solve a broken heart and a mother missing what she lost, you may if you intend to solve the problem of the Giving Force. I myself would, but I am...busy as you can see." Barnabus glanced sideways out the window towards the ruckus currently being stirred up. Someone had smuggled in what looked like a full barrel of firecrackers and World War Three was erupting out on the playfield. Zel could swear he saw trenches forming.

"And that's my cue. The little ones will be expecting me to officiate this new game." Barnabus took Zel in his arms and gave him a strong whack on the back and a cheery grin. "Buck up, lad. You've got the strength of heart. Now go find the answers."

With that, Barnabus turned and headed to the doorway, pressing his bellybutton again. In seconds, he had fwoomphed up back to his gargantuan size. As Zel looked down at his new possession, he looked up to see Barnabus Rochamsawkem regarding him from the doorway.

"Just remember, Zelampago Solaricanius: not all journeys end how we want them to. What makes us who we are is how we grow from the journey itself."

With that, the Archlord turned and slammed the door open, bawling out loudly for someone to "bring his muthafuckin' gun, Betsy, so he could open up a can of whoopass on the idjamamit who thinks they can take the shores of Kickass Beach on his watch."

Zel paused for a moment himself.

"The journey itself...yeah. Got it."

He steeled himself and got a running start, flapping his wings as he dived over the balcony railing and soared up towards the rafters, looking for the small band of furs he'd arrived with. 

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*p-ping!*

***FILE UPDATE***
SUBJECT: JANeT APRIL FLETCH
ASSIGNED HELLGuARDIAN: zELAMPAGO SOLARIcANIUS
STATUS: IN TEmPORARY RESIDENCE, ASLEEp
SOUL-HEART: LiVING HEaRT NOT YET ATTAINEd
TImE UNTIL ToTAL SOUL FaILUrE
T -0:0:74:12:36 (Y:D:H:M:S)

***ARc TwO eNd***