Miracle of The Giving Force
By Zephon Fox

Foreword:

This represents my first really serious attempt at story-writing since Bartleby: Bloodlines (written some SIX years ago or so). I've done a fluff piece since then and have sort of waffled on doing anything else, maybe writing a bit here or an idea there. 

Until I remembered something hugely important that was buried deep in the canyons of my memories. Whilst I was abroad for my services to the armed forces, I spent a lot of time talking to my friends and family through Skype (which was a fantastically new thing then). One of these conversations was with Alex Reynard and, as most conversations with him went, it lasted well into the wee morning hours of a weekend night. 

In the conversation, we discussed where the Helliverse would go from Bloodlines forward, what hadn't been written yet, what *could* be written, and so on. It was one of my happy memories from that time. And then I remembered. I remembered quite a few ideas that could be put together and linked properly to create a completely new story.

And that was when my muse dusted herself off and started kicking ideas into my brain. I'd originally only written out about...maybe a few pages or so...and then it just sat there on my desktop for more than a year, simply an idea. But eventually, I started writing more and more and more, and the ideas just kept arriving, kept refreshing and surprising me. 

This story *demanded* to be written. And I was helpless to stop it, really. 

So come along with me as we fall once again into the view of a Hellguardian. One whosewhole concept of his afterlife is about to catch a major glitch...

**Arc One - The Glitch in the System**

**Chapter 1ne**
Filestart

It started with, of all things, a red balloon.

Zelampago Solaricanius had been accompanying his latest case, a short ferret girl, around Hell's various locales. Holding her hand, showing her the sights, letting her understand what was going on and why people were naked or in the act of rambunctious lovemaking with those around them (older or younger), and why all of it was okay. She was adapting quickly though, and when she realized that she could see her mommy again who had died the previous Earth year to a malignant cancer, Zel swiftly took her away.

Now standing on their doorstop and having the familiar feeling of satisfied accomplishment at watching the tearful reunion between the lithe ferretwoman and her daughter, Zel turned to go. His shift was up with this last case and he was eager to relax a little before heading home to his and Crystal's island. 

"Excuse me...uhm...mistah Zel?"

The little girl had caught his large paw by one finger and looked up at him, both imploringly and excitedly.

"Yes, Jenny? What is it?" He knelt down to her level, smiling his soft smile at her. 

Jenny fidgeted gently and blushed at him. "Y..you said that Hellgardins can pull anythin' out of their vest, right?" 

Zel and the girl's mother both chuckled at the unintentional mangling of his title. "Yes, that's right, sweetstuff." 

She chewed on a finger for a second and then, very politely, "C...could I haff a big red bloon?"

Zel had actually been expecting this. According to her files, Jenny had always loved balloons; the way they floated and bobbed and boomped around made her giggle a lot and, Zel remembered, her mother had put a metric ton of them in their little apartment for Jenny's last birthday before the mother had succumbed to the disease. Jenny's mother was smiling and looked about ready to burst into tears at this, a paw flying up to cover her whimper of heart-bursting love for her daughter.

Zel reached in under his left arm, smiling at Jenny once more. "But of course! One big red balloon, comin' ri-"

He stopped talking as he pulled the requested gift out from inside his vest and stared, dumbstruck.

The balloon was a loud shade of green.

"I...uh..."

Jenny giggled, head tilted as she pointed towards the accidental gift. "No no no, silly big wolfy, that's greeeen! I wanna red one!"

Zel stared at it for what felt like an eternity before shaking his head and letting the mistake float off on its own, likely to some random adventure off in another part of the Hellscape. He stuffed his hand back in and pulled out the red balloon with a slightly-less-extravagant flourish than he previously had. "My humblest apologies, oh wise and correct Jennyqueen. Allow your errant knight protector to correct his misdeed posthaste!"

Jenny clapped at the showmanship and took the string, skipping around a bit with the bright red balloon bobbing merrily along behind her. Jenny's mom had (after tearing away her gaze from Zelampago's crotch) applauded and taken her daughter by the hand, offering the Hellguardian a warm meal and "companionship" at their home in gratitude. The big blue wolf smiled again, kissed both of them between the ears (as was his preferred way of saying "goodbye") and took flight.

He landed a few miles away in Wington Park, bustling with late afternoon chicanery. The schools were just let out for the unofficial summer break and kids were zooming everywhere, getting themselves into loads of trouble. Zel found a perch in a nearby tree, close to the trunk and sat, legs dangling on either side of a thick branch.

Green?

He was sure he'd thought red, knew he'd been trying to get a red balloon. Why had it come out green? 

Idly keeping an eye on a pair of bat children (not unlike Razielphustar's little friend) who were busy trying to work out the mechanics of in-flight mating to the amusement of their band of friends, Zel reasoned it out.

His vest was his personal, high-powered gate. 

It was directed by his willpower and supplied with materials via Hell's Giving Force.

So...if he had done everything correctly, then the Giving Force had made a mistake?

He sat up slowly, muttering to himself, "Does that even happen here?"

Glancing at the children (who had accomplished the joining up, but were busy careening out of control and slamming into things, much to the amusement of everyone involved), he pulled out his GDA.

A few weeks back, the HQ had seen fit to "get with the times, people!" They had taken the best minds they could find (which were numerous given that Einstein was part of the planning team) and had created personal datapads for every Hellguardian on the force. Small, thin, about four inches wide by eight inches long, the datapads were touch-, voice-, and thought-enabled. They could, in fact, do just about anything needed for research, data collection/storage, and with options for a personalized AI onboard for guidance. Housing 338 zettabytes worth of storage space, they were all the rage right now. 

Zelampago had taken to wearing his Guardian Data Assimilator in a holster strapped to the side of his right leg. The kids loved that sort of thing and he had to admit, it did feel kind of cool to have it there. Plus, having it visible was just another part of the uniform.

And yes, it was a seriously kickass piece of gear.

Zel sat in the tree for a few moments longer, mulling it all over before shrugging and sighing. Sometimes, weirdness just happened down here. It happened and you learned to roll with it. Besides, being a Hellguardian meant he'd been exposed to far more weirdness than the average fur. The bats, now screeching in delight, ecstasy, and outright terror, careened into a nearby tree, shearing right through a branch and scattering green leaves every which way. 

"Eh, maybe I just wasn't concentrating right or was looking at her mommy's rack before," the blue wolf muttered as he hopped down and straightened his clothes out, slotting his GDA back into the thigh holster. At this stage, it was a moot point.

They were happy, case closed.

He stood, watching as the copulating bats landed in a screaming heap amongst their playful companions. The little group of furs swiftly became a writhing mass of giggles, grunts, and squishy noises as the aerial artistry had "inspired" the onlookers into more active participation. Zelampago grinned at one boy who blushed at him shyly, doing his damnedest to please the entire group. The big wolfdemon turned without saying anything else and walked away, pants a bit tighter than before.

*pi-PING!*

Zel stopped, idly surprised by his GDA going off, a notification sounding. He checked the time on the pad as he opened it up again. "I really need to get going. I've got other places I need to be," he thought as he scanned the notifier function.

***NEW CASE, EMERGENCY SHUNT**

An emergency shunt? 

Hmm...not out of the question...I know that shunts happen all the time when workloads are either too big or someone really wants to take the rest of the day off, thought the black-winged wolf. That being said...emergencies are when a caseworker is either overloaded or the case has been marked as a priority. Let's take a peek. I can always catch a past-jump portal to catch up with them.

The Hellguardian hit the "Case Review" tab and felt his eyes bug out of his head when reading it through:

***INCOMING RESIDENT***
JANET APRIL FLETCH
ASSIGNED/REQUESTED HELLGUARDIAN: RAZIELPHUSTAR MEPHROLOVONTASTICO
DEATH: NATURAL CAUSES DUE TO CANCER, AGED 68
STATUS: ARRIVED, IN RECEPTION CUBE
ASSIGNED LEVEL: NAUGHTY
TIME IN LEVEL: +0:0:00:06 (Y:D:H:M)

RELATIVES/FAMILY IN CURRENT RESIDENCE: 
- BARTLEBY FLETCH, SON, HELL-AGE: 11 (Link To File), CURRENT HELL LEVEL: NAUGHTY
- MARCUS FLETCH, EX-HUSBAND, HELL-AGE: 48 (Link to File), CURRENT HELL LEVEL: COMPLETE ASSHOLES

**EMERGENCY SHUNT**
CASE HAS BEEN MARKED "A.H. PRIORITY MAX". HELLGUARDIAN CHOSEN TO SUBSTITUTE IF ARCH-HELLGUARDIAN CANNOT TAKE CASE AT THIS TIME: ZELAMPAGO SOLARICANIUS

Holy unholy shit.

Zelampago took a moment to collect his breath (which he had forgotten to actually do while reading) and steady himself. This one was big. Raziel, one of his greatest friends and confidants here in the Naughty level, was supposed to take this one. Rightfully so too! After all, Raziel was in charge of Bartleby, it'd make sense to "keep it in the family."

So why the emergency shunt? Raziel wasn't exceptionally busy...well, to be honest, they were ALL busy, yes, but this would be something he'd make time for, wouldn't it?

As he walked over to the edge of the park, he sent out a ping for Raziel's location. Maybe he was distracted and needed a poke in the butt to get going?

**HG PING**
TARGET: RAZIEL
LOCATION: UNKNOWN

Now THAT was weird. These things were supposed to be able to target any given person at any given time. Hellguardians needed to be able to do that so they would know the proper moment to jump in (or at least, try to anyhow). Keeping tabs on each other helped cases go smoother, helped things along...

But Razi had just...vanished. 

Maybe he was with the Big Guy?

Zel flipped through his apps to the Boss Door function. Essentially, it was a courtesy extended to both the Hellguardians and to Beelzebub at the same time. Beelzy would be able to let his workers know when was a good time, a regular time, or a bad time to enter as it was nothing more than a view of the front door to his Office Of Officiating.

Zel had never gotten it out of him where, when, or why he had come up with that ridiculous name. 

Currently, the view showed the giant mahogany door with it's somewhat ornate knob. The flip-sign on the door was currently set at "DISTURB AND BE KEELHAULED."

Ah. Well, the boss wasn't going to be much help. Probably one of those days that produced literal avalanches of paperwork.

Zelampago looked around and bit his lip.

He could always re-shunt the case and be done with it.

But...Raziel had entrusted it to him.

He checked his time. Hm...well, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary. Crystal WAS spending the day with Lexi and her grandmother and they would be heading over to Rochamsawkem's for the party as well...

Zel opened up his Summon And Send function and whipped out a quick voice dictation, telling Lexi's grandmother that some extra work had come in and that he'd catch up with them soon enough and it'd be ever so nice if she could keep an eye on Crystal while he was out. He'd meet them at the entrance on the dot of 7 p.m. CLT (Current Location Time). A quick press to SEND and a summoner bot would be speeding along to relay his message.

He straightened up, dusted himself off to look presentable, and clapped his hands together, opening the swirling portal that would take him to the blood red reception cube that currently held the now-deceased mother of Bartleby Fletch.

What Zel didn't notice, however, was the fact that over five minutes had passed...and the branch the kamikaze lovers had crashed into still remained on the ground. Had he waited another seven minutes past that, he would've noticed that the when it did finally start to repair itself, it was not a smooth motion. The branch ricocheted upwards and downwards, seemingly unsure of where it had originally been. 

In fact...no one noticed it at all.

**Chapter 2wo**
Reception

The portal opened to The Hallway (it had a much more officious name, but no one paid that much mind). Zelampago checked his pad again, felt the side of the door to the cube inside, and listened with his senses.

Inside, as there usually was, someone was softly crying.

He closed his eyes and brought himself into his comforting state of mind, a calm and loving mentality that most everyone has known through the arms of their parents or family. He slowly dragged one finger along the side of the cube and opened the doors, letting the hallway's natural light wash in.

The occupant inside looked up and wailed softly before slowly scrabbling backwards, hugging herself as she cringed.

The door shut.

"Hello, Janet. My name is Zelampago Solaricanius. You can call me Zel." He looked at her, hands clasped in front of his belt buckle, wings low and against his back. He smiled very softly at her, not showing any of his teeth at all.

"W...who...who are you? Are you a...a..."

"A demon?" He spread his wings slowly and let them flutter back down again. "Yes, I am."

The look of horror on her face intensified as she quickly logicked her way through exactly what that meant.

"And yes, that does mean that you are in Hell, Janet. BUT," he said, forestalling her from hyperventilating, "this does not mean you are lost."

As his eyes adjusted, Zel knelt down on both knees and brought himself level to the batlady across the room, getting a good look at her. At the age of 68, he could tell that she had once been lovely. She was wrinkled softly, her body having gone to seed and, as he checked her file once more, atrophied from the long fight with cancer.

Her wings looked thin and veiny, no longer able to support her weight in flight. Her face was drawn and there were heavy dark circles around her eyes from the constant pain and torture of the illness. 

"What's that?", she asked quickly, pointing with one finger to his pad.

"This? It's my GDA. It lets me see your file in a nice neat little fashion. Probably looks similar to some of the tech you saw up top, but trust me...this little baby would make any engineer blow his load right in his pullups just to LOOK at."

"GDA?"

He smiled again and turned it around as the screen flashed its "boot logo". "G.D.A. Guardian Data Assimilator. I call mine Ziggy." She gave him a tilted look as her panting slowed, her heart calming down as the creature across from her was behaving in ways she was not at all expecting or prepared for. Janet Fletch, upon realizing she was in Hell and not Heaven, had fully expected the monstrosity across from her to leap onto her and start tearing her limb from bloody limb...yet here he was, sitting there, back to the wall, elbows on his knees and regarding her with an emotion she didn't quite understand on his face.

Plus, there was the fact that for a nearly seven foot tall electric blue wolf with wings, he was clothed as normal and nice as you please. It...even felt strange as she let her gaze linger a bit on his chest, broad and muscled under snow white fur. He was...

She blinked and turned her head.

Zel had known that she was staring at him. Most of his cases did the first time around. True, the suppressed bulge that some of them found out about later only sweetened that feeling, but hey, it was always nice to be appreciated.

She looked down again, wingarms still trying to cover her nudity in front of him. "So...I'm here in Hell. I'm to be punished then? What have I done wrong? I tried to be loving and kind to all. I attended my church every Sunday!" Fresh tears were forming as, in the heat of her frustration, she had crawled forward to him on her hands and knees. "What on earth could I have done to deserve this? To deserve being denied...being denied any sort of hereafter?"

Zel regarded the case file, scrolling down through the *DASTARDLY OFFENSES* column. While not really dastardly for the person, Zel and his fellow guardians viewed the offenses as dastardly *against* the recipient. After all, they never really deserved half of them, not in this level.

"Well, let's see. Looks like you swore at least four million times, you had intercourse with a few boys...and one girl...before marriage, " he said, noticing the creeping blush dancing its way up her neck at the mention of her...collegiate experimentation days. He continued.

"Took God's name in vain about...wow, not a whole lot, but still a high number...You didn't discipline your kids at the slightest disagreement...You didn't attend church daily instead of weekly...you didn't meet the required 8 hours of constant worship per day...and...ah, here it is."

Looking at her file, Zel found her final damning sin.

"You didn't obey your husband and remain faithful to him regardless of circumstance."

Janet's eyes flew open and she screamed at Zel. "THAT MOTHERFUCKER KILLED MY BOY! HOW COULD I!? He...he took something precious from me! TO PROVE A POINT!! I would NEVER be able to respect or love anyone like that wh-"

"And yet," Zel interrupted, "you were expected to. In fact, you can't tell me that some of those sins sounded...quite out of sorts to you, can you?"

Janet stopped, her face blotched with angry tears as she looked at him. 

"Janet...it is with extreme sadness that I have to tell you...well...you were screwed the day you were born." He put his hand on her shoulder and she realized that she had crossed the room to where he sat with his back against the wall. 

"W...what? But I...I was faithful...I tried my best! I wanted to be good for my kids...give them something better than that awful son of a bitch..." She cried to him, her emotions causing her to quiver and shake.

"I tried desperately! I worked multiple jobs over 15 years! I worked as a secretary for over five years, letting that dirty old fuck of a boss leer at me and stroke himself under the desk at me! All so I could give to the kids and to the church, to the people around me! And it didn't count for anything? Nothing? None of it mattered? At all?"

She keeled over at this last statement, her will to fight leaving and being replaced by a tone of voice that Zel knew all too well...heartbreaking loss.

"Did any of it matter?"

She ran out of words then and collapsed into sobs.

***

Some time passed before Janet recovered. Zel simply went over to her and kneeled down, holding his arms open. She hesitated only briefly before leaning in against his soft white chest.

"It did."

"What did?", she mumbled softly, eyes tear-streaked.

He smiled gently and rubbed away her tears with one gentle finger. "What you did while you were alive mattered."

The batlady gave a soft burst of derisive laughter, looking down again at her crippled form. "And yet, here I am, in Hell itself being held by a demon and wondering what in the seven blazes is going on..."

"Many people do, you know. You're not the first to be confused and terrified by the proposition." He waved his hand at the wall, which blurred.

A picture of empty space appeared.

Zelampago frowned and waved again.

Nothing.

"Oh f'r..."

The blue wolfdemon pointed directly at the wall and grunted with concentration. The blankness swiftly formed into a long sweeping shot of the Naughty level's landscape.

"Ahem...many who settle in this level find themselves out of sorts at first. But it's not without reason and it's to be expected."

And with that, as Janet stared at the soft green fields, the sprawling cityscapes, and the mountains all framed under a warm crimson sky, Zelampago told her of the Ultimate Doublecross. How they had all been fooled by the creator and how His stupid and contradictory rules had led to this.

"And so, that's why we, the Hellguardians exist. We welcome new souls in and make them comfy, make them feel whole again. Make them know..." he nuzzled her gently. She only pulled back just a bit this time. "...that here, they are welcome and loved. And that their afterlives will be so much better if they but give of themselves one gift."

"Only one?"

"Only one." He tapped between her chest. "Here. Your heart. It still beats inside you, filled with the trappings of the Earth and the weights of the sins inside. If you agree to let me take it from you, you will be accepted into Hell's Giving Force. Your experience will be enriched and fulfilling. You will become one of the residents and will be able to live a happy life."

Zel noted, as he had explained this to her, that she had pulled her wings across her chest again. 

"W...won't it hurt?"

"No. Nothing down here hurts unless either you let it or you truly deserve it. Your heart will be given to the greatest of us all for safekeeping until the day we need it again."

"Well, when will that be?" Janet looked up at him, sniffling once.

"None of us know. Not even Beelzy. But he'll keep it for you."

She looked down.

"I...I can't."

"Why not?" This wasn't very surprising. Some had refused to initially give up their hearts. Some right down to the last second almost...and Zel had already had a few refuse altogether.

Those hurt the worst.

"I...I don't know. I don't think I'm ready yet." She didn't look at him, refusing to shame herself further.

"Well, here's the skinny. You need to within 100 hours of your arrival."

The batlady's head whipped up in fright. "And if I don't?"

Zel looked at her simply, a sad expression on his face. "You will cease to be, lost in the ethers of the afterlife, never to exist ever again."

The batlady had shuddered at that...but hadn't moved her wings.

Zel's heart ached softly. 

This was going to be difficult. Convincing new souls who were adamant on their sins and in deserving their fate were very difficult in understanding that they had a new chance.

He needed a plan. 

***

He had returned to Wington Park after ensuring Janet would be alright by herself and settling her into a soft dreamless sleep. He had told her she would rest and feel better once she had taken some time to recover and get her mind together from the shock. She had agreed and he had placed her in a static holding room. 

He'd noted that it seemed to resemble a cave more than anything else. Rooms down here shaped themselves to their users and this was more cave than room. Even so, he had gently settled her semi-frail body in amongst the comforters. One dose of soft energy later, and she was out.

He'd set a timer on Ziggy and had left. After flapping up to the previous branch (and giving a wave to the party of kids who he'd seen earlier) he cozied in for a good hard think. 

It felt weird, Zel thought. 

Okay, so to be honest, everything is technically weird down here, if one was to go by the standard logic of normal. Hell, weird IS normal in this level.

But that was just it. Even by the weird standards of being a Hellguardian or a resident of the Naughty level, he'd never had a glitch happen when pulling something from his vest. Ever. And now, Raziel had gone missing and he'd gotten arguably the case that Raziel had been waiting for.

I am still somewhat newish to this, I guess. He reclined further against the tree trunk, noting the nonev squirrels scampering around the base of the tree even as the impromptu naughty fun across the way broke up. The little furs waved to each other as they went their separate ways. He noted with a smile that the batlings were a tad wobbly after their spectacular mid-ar mid-coitus crash.

*pr-peep!*

His GDA interrupted his musing, the onboard AI reminding him that his shift was now over and that he had a post-shift relaxation planned with Razielphustar and a few other guardians. 

Perfect. I can ask him what the deal is there. Lessee, after that, quick jaunt to HQ to turn in the clipboard, and then off to Rochamsawkem's. Just another day.

Zelampago Solaricanius hopped down from his branch and floated gently to the ground, stored the GDA on his hip, stretched and turned to his left. He concentrated and once more opened the portal. A soundless rushing mass of color opened up before him as he stepped through, headed off to the Lochenkee Taproom.

As the hellportal closed itself behind him, the grass where he had been standing blurred. A soft rushing *hhrsshh!* sound emitted, not unlike the gust of a midsummer's day, and the grass unblurred, now a violent shade of pink.

Again, no one noticed.

**Chapter Thr3e**
The Lochenkee Taproom

Were you to ask a random passerby how many Hellguardians there really were, most would shrug and say "as many as there needs to be, I guess." Many would probably make up a number like "eleventy bajillion." All would be wrong.

The answer is 42,547,891. Or maybe it's 83,642,288. 

Or maybe just one.

Only Beelzebub knows the answer and really, he wouldn't tell you anyways. 

As it happened, most Hellguardians enjoyed a bit of downtime after their shift was completed. Either to enjoy a good meal or a brisk beverage or to just decompress a bit from a day that had equal chances joy and sorrow mixed in. Whatever was required, Hellguardian taprooms dotted the cityscapes to provide. 

Sure, they went by many different names and you'd probably have just as much luck naming them all as you would figuring out how many Hellguardians there really were. But all the same, they were rest havens to those who had been trusted to serve and protect Hell's residents.

Zel stepped out of the portal, which seemed to snap shut a bit more forcefully than normal. He turned to regard the now empty air with a puzzled look before...

"Hey! Bluebutt! Over here!"

The large demonwolf turned and smiled as his first real friend waved at him near the entrance to Lochenkee's. Razielphustar Mephrolovontastico, Arch-Hellguardian, tipped his big black top hat and came over for a good ol' fashioned hug. Zel laughed despite himself. Raziel was a great deal shorter than he was, so this hug mostly led the squirrel to nuzzling his chestfur.

"Was just about to wonder if you'd lost track of time or something, Big Blue!", he said, poking Zel's belly.

"Ngh! Hey, you'll have to forgive me. I've been a bit...preoccupied today and my last case left me with something to chew on." The wolf gave Raziel a look that seemed to zing completely by the smaller squirreldemon who suddenly indicated that the door to the taproom was opening for them.

Raziel chuckled and chivvied the big wolf inside, pushing him from behind. "Oh enough of that, you. Time enough to dwell on things over a round of enjoyable conversation and general chicanery. C'mon, move it, buster!"

Zel flailed a bit, once again laughing despite himself. Damn, but that little runt could be infectious with his charm.

The Lochenkee Taproom was currently experiencing its Happy Hour (from 12 AM, to 11:59 PM, naturally) and drinks were always on the house. The large, boisterous tanuki behind the bar gave a wave and a shout to Zel and Raziel as they entered, his black headcurl bobbing merrily as he waddled around the bar. Zel soon found himself engulfed in a crushing hug and a couple of thumphing thwacks on the back.

"Hey there, bucko! Good to have you back in, haven't seen you in a bit!", the tanuki said, grinning ear to ear as he wiped his hands on his large apron, currently the only thing hiding his enormous bits from view. 

Zel smiled, cocking an eyebrow with a grin as one of his feet came up to gently nudge the underside of the tanuki's hefty coinpurse. "I've been busier as of late. Wanting to do well with this whole guardian thing..."

"NONSENSE!", roared the tanuki, pushing the two towards their usual table. "I'll have none of that chivalry in here! Now you just park that pert butt of yours right here and I'll be back with your usuals." The big fur pointed at Raz, "A Murderbait #7...", then at Zel, "...and a Detonator. Chips and dip'll be around in a bit!" With that, he waddled back towards the bar, getting plenty of free slaps on the keister and quite a bit of appreciation.

Zel barely had time to even shake his head before he was bodily scootched against the other side of his half of the booth, a curvy set of hips boomping him along. "Budge along, budge along there, you! I aims to have talk with ye, handsome, and I'll be brookin' no shite about it!"

The wolfdemon obliged and made room as a tall and very plump Hellguardian sat down next to him, her horns curved and topped with shiny silver stars. "Fair greetins' to ye, Zellie boy!"

Raziel hid a snicker as he watched his tall friend be smooshed against the purple-and-cream-colored cowdemon's double set of breasts, her powerful and muscular arms enveloping him in a bear hug. Zel ran with it and returned the hug, one hand slipping down to gently massage the huge udder nestled between her legs. She cooed and gave his cheek a kiss. 

"Ainsley Taverinthian, it *has* been a while, hasn't it!"

She booped her nose to his and signaled the bartender. The big tanuki put a finger alongside his nose and winked, indicating he was on top of her drink order. She rested her powerful arms on the table, her simple dress bulging comically as it tried its best to holster her puppies.

"Aye, that it has, m'lad. Haven't gotten much time to wrest ye away from that wonderful little cutie you call a flatmate now. Nor yer duties!" She stopped as the bartender arrived and deposited a truly evil looking array of drinks in front of them. In front of the squirreldemon, the tanuki propped up what looked to be a roiling sea of black and red, churning and making noises akin to the last gasps of the damned. Zel's drink was placed in front of him, a bubbling grey mixture that seemed to be smoking and on the verge of destroying the surrounding area simply for the injustice of being moved. Ainsley found herself with an shrunken old-timey wooden barrel filled with a clear ale.

"Ah, here we are," the tanuki gruffed with his most charming smile, "A Murderbait #7, one Detonator (extra nitro), and one Sweet Lulubelle, no milk." He gave them a gracious bow and turned. Ainsley reached out and fwipped her fingers under his tail base, causing him to shriek like a girl. The bar exploded in laughter, the bartender's loudest of all and he ambled back to his station.

"Now, as I was sayin', you work entirely too much, lad. I mean, it's no big problem, we all love doing what we can to help the unliving find their peace here, but...", she paused as she took a sip of her drink and made a face, angling it under the table and squeezing her udder into it. One sip and a satisfied face later, she continued. "But you've got to be okay with spending time with yer friends. We all work together, we all do our part...we dinnae expect ye to just solve the world all by yer lonesome."

Raziel raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, his drink having left a black and red mustache on his face and his eyes changing colors.

Zel paused as he was about to take his drink.

"Yeah, I know, I...I don't know, I guess I just want to do right by the second chance I have. I wasn't worth much alive and now I'm worth something, to myself and to others." He set his drink back down and peered into it.

Razielphustar leaned over and squeezed his wolf-friend's shoulder warmly. "She's right, Zelampago. Sometimes, we must know our limits. And we must be willing to accept that we cannot fix everything just by ourselves."

Zel nodded and made a half grin. "Can't blame me for trying, right?"

"Nay, lad. It's endearin' of ye to put yer heart and soul into it!" The big girl snared him around the shoulders, her hand dipping under the table to unzip his fly. "In fact, some of us find it rather attractive, I'd say..."

Zelampago murfled softly as she swiftly pulled his cock out and started pumping it, earning a semi-embarrassed blush from the blue wolfdemon. Some of the other patrons spied what was going on and swiftly, cheers of encouragement started echoing out as the cow whispered continuously in the blue wolf's ear. "Indeed...I have been missin' ye. You were quite the warrior in bed, m'lad, and I've had plenty...yer fervor, yer dedication...and that wonderful strength of heart...ooooh, just makes a girl like me *ache* to have such a big handsome hero in me bed and in me cunny!"

Razielphustar, tongue between his lips, watched on with relish as the cowdemon continued her assault on Zelampago's engorged cock, pumping it visibly above the table now. The tanuki behind the bar shouted out, "Place ya bets, ladies and gentledemons! Closest to his distance wins a prize!"

Numbers in feet and inches started calling out as the crowd watched in expectant glee (and even one smartass who said 'Two miles!'), the big blue wolfdemon panting harder and harder still, his hung balls filling up and readying for the end. Ainsley pumped her hardest, pulling her shirt up with her free hand, her double set of round breasts jiggling free. She tipped him over into them, his face gently pressing against them.

"Aye lad...and the way you finished off...I've never felt so full...so loved...so BIG!" She grinned as her funbags ballooned against Zelampago's cheek.

This turned out to be the tipping point as with a thunderous howl, Zelampago gripped the table (digging into it with his claws) and fired off a thick shot, arching over the back of the table and bullseyeing the drink of another Hellguardian some distance behind him. 

Massive applause broke out as he rode his afterglow down, a couple of pats on the back and a loving (and absolutely filthy) kiss or ten helping him enjoy the fun. Ainsley leaned down, her long tongue dipping out to clean her friend's pole off before slipping him back in his pants. Behind them, the fur whose drink had been spunked raised a toast to good fun and drank their drink, proclaiming that the "shot of Bailey's" to be precisely what made it special!

"Hahh...hh...damn...th...whoa..."

Ainsley simply smiled and hefted her huge tank of ale and milk, sipping at it with a grin. "And like I said, laddie. Ye need to unwind."

"Alright, alright, fair point." Zelampago said, finally taking a chug of his drink. With a deafening *KABANG!*, the top half of his skull promptly exploded off.

***

"Say, Raziel?"

Some time and some chitchat had passed after Zel had pulled his cranium back together. Razielphustar looked up from his meal: one of the bartender's enormous balls (the prize for calling the closest distance of Zel's mighty shot: a respectable 15 feet, 10 inches). He made a "hmm?" noise.

"I had something...odd happen today. I was meaning to ask you about it, but Ainsley over here managed to distract me from asking you." The cowdemon busied herself looking at the ceiling, immediately interested in the living chandelier (their table had an upside-down fruitbat adorned with candles and grinning like a loon).

Raziel swallowed loudly and wiped his face clean. "What's on your mind, bud?"

"I...had a glitch today."

"Then you should stop spankin' it so much or you'll go blind!"

Zel laughed right along with the other two, but pressed forward through the teasing. "No no, I mean it. I've not done this very long, I know, not as long as you...but still..." And he relayed the story of earlier on in the day, of the balloon and the little girl.

Raziel listened intently, nodding and gulping hugely as he devoured the sacktreat with gusto. After Zel finished and he licked his plate clean, the squirreldemon sat back and sighed. 

"Huh."

"Huh?" Zelampago leaned back, genuinely surprised. "That's...that's it? Huh?" 

Raziel regarded him and said simply, "I don't know."

Ainsley perked up at this point. "Havencha heard of just letting things like that go, m'dear? Sometimes it happens in life. Even unlife!"

"Well yes but..."

And it finally clicked in his head, that one thing Zel had been meaning to ask Razielphustar since earlier but had completely forgotten about.

"Where the hell were you? I'm on Janet Fletch's file!"

Raziel's eyes shot open and he startled. "Y...you are?"

"Yes! She arrived earlier today and the case shunted to me. It said you wanted me to take it in an emergency. I tried to get ahold of you, but I couldn't find you!"

The red squirrel did something strange then. Usually, Zel knew that when Raziel was fibbing or stretching the truth, he'd be playful about it, even teasy. Now, however, Raziel suddenly appeared to find the barman's antics up near the taps to be endlessly fascinating.

"Busy."

"With WHAT!? Seriously, you've been going on about it for some time now and Bartleby's one of your favorite cases! This one should be yours by all rights!" Zel took his GDA out of its slot and started opening the files, preparing for a transfer.

A small red hand pushed the GDA down to the pub table with gentle strength.

"No. I trust you on this. It's yours now and I have faith you'll see it through."

The wolfdemon looked up at his friend, then sideways at Ainsley, who was just smiling a soft mysterious smile...then back at Razielphustar.

"But...Raziel, it's her. Crystal's told me that Bartleby misses her terribly and that he can't wait! Plus, she's going through initial doubt and hasn't given her heart up yet...I...I don't know if I can!" He pleaded with his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Sure as ever, bud. I know you. You'll do magnificently." with that, he leaned back, crossed his arms over his vested chest, and smiled that stupid toothy winning smile.

Zel, at a loss for words, just set his GDA down and looked at it.

***FILE UPDATE***
SUJECT: JANET APRIL FLETCH
ASSIGNED HELLGUARDIAN: ZELAMPAGO SOLARICANIUS
STATUS: ASLEEP
SOUL-HEART: LIVING HEART NOT YET ATTAINED
TIME TO SOUL FAILURE
T -0:0:94:23:21 (Y:D:H:M:S)

"...Alright," said Zelampago. "I'll do my best."

Somehow, he didn't sound so sure of himself anymore.

***Arc One End***