Too Good for Your Own Clever
by Winter

The spacious living room of their desert home was quiet, with the exception of the air conditioning, but its steady hum had long ago passed into background noise for Roden. He only ever heard it when it broke down and failed to make a sound. Today the TV was off, the stereo was off, the gaming consoles were off, the radio was off, but the game was on. Roden glanced down at the six-spoked wheel and counted the spaces surrounding his game piece. His left ear twitched as he picked up the die, and rolled it.

"Yes! I needed that three."

"You got the pink, hah-nee," Aiden chirped, his voice filled with sugar and extra twang. "What'cha gonna do with it, hmm?"

"Gonna fill up my roundthing with cake slices, that's what." Roden stuck out his tongue, even though such childishness was really quite beneath him. It made Aiden purr like a happy kitten. "And for once I'm gonna beat ya."

"In yer dreams, foxie-luv." Aiden made a big show of picking up the next question card in line, his movement deliberately campy just because he knew what that did to Roden's concentration. "An' they're cheeses, not cake slices."

"Where I'm from, they're cake slices."

"Where you're from..." Aiden tapped the card against his petite wolf nose and winked. "I do know where yer goin', powder puff. It's called the bedroom and it's gonna get steamy and sweaty and clammy."

"How 'bout we finish the game, first?"

"Fine," Aiden huffed. "Ready, steady?"

"Go," the fox finished, then they both yelled in perfect synch. "Collect two hundred dollars!"

Deep chuckles and high-pitched giggles followed, and the game was forgotten for a minute while they collected themselves, instead. Roden took a gulp from a water bottle, while the wolf sipped a day-glo red silly straw whose deep end touched the bottom of his tall parasol drink. He smacked his lips, then pouted.

"My ice melted."

"Poor pup. Let me get you some fresh cubes." Roden stood up, but before he left the room he tapped a claw on the board and gave his husband a deep frown. "Do not. Cheat."

"I'd never!" Aiden lied indignantly. He waited until the fox had left for the kitchen before he grumbled in a low voice while he slid the game card back into the deck and picked a new one out of his shorts pocket. "Do not. Cheat. Do not cheat. As if you never cheat. I r'member the time you swapped my loaded Star of Africa die for a regular one, that's cheatin' in anyone's book. Thank you, hunny!"

The last sentence was in Aiden's usual sassy swagger voice, as Roden tipped a pawful of ice cubes into his mildly spiked fruit juice drink. The fox opened up a sugar-free soda bottle for himself and took a swig, then set off wolfy giggles again as he gave a small burp. He scanned the board twice for undue changes, but found none. Satisfied, he patted Aiden's head and was rewarded with tailwags.

"Who's been a good puppy? You've been a good puppy." Aiden cooed happily. "Now read me the question, aight?"

"Okay!" Aiden reached into his glass with two slender fingers and fished out an ice cube, popped it into his mouth and started crunching. Then he meticulously wiped his hands of a mauve paper napkin before he picked up the card and looked at it. "Pink. Entertainment. Okay. Who is the funniest comedian?"

"What?"

"You heard."

"What kinda question is that?"

"A legit one." Aiden turned over their miniscule minuteglass. "Time's a-tickin', now answer."

"Did you write that? It looks like a regular game card, did you have it special-printed? How many fake ones are there? Did you switch them while I was in the kitchen?"

"No, no, none and of course not." Aiden tapped the minuteglass. "Time's a-up. Answer."

"Hey, what? Uh... I mean... you... fine! Jeff Foxyworth."

"Nuh-huh, nope and wrong," Aiden squealed with glee. "No cheese for you, and you lose another garment. Which will it be, shirt or underpants?"

"I still have one sock on, as well."

"You took a sock off last time you got one wrong. No same two garments in a row, them's the rules."

"Your rules."

"Of course my rules, who do you think invented the strip variant?"

"How come the rules always work against me?"

"'Cause you suck. At playing, I mean." Aiden grinned happily. He still had on both socks, his shorts and jet-black silk thongs, and his favourite colourful t-shirt. The rules, he mused, were always in his favour. "Shirt or underpants."

"Urgh. Fine." Roden stood up, and his hands moved from the hem of his red car motif shirt to the waistband of his plain white cotton boxer-briefs. Aiden licked his lips in anticipation, feeling like a starving man in front of a three-star gourmet buffet. "Shirt it is."

"Aww," Aiden pouted. "Here I was hopin'..."

"You're not gonna trick me bare-arsed. I'm keeping my eyes on you."

"Do tell."

"One day I'll catch you cheating, Aidey, and then..."

"Then... what?"

"Then, I'll not spank you."

"Oh no, you horrible brute!" Aiden clasped his hands to his cheeks. "Did you know the Geneva Convention prohibits cruel and unusual punishments?"

"You're thinking about the eighth amendment."

"What-evah! Actually, I'm thinkin' about my little butt, bare an' in the air, awaiting sir's pleasure."

"Incorrigible."

"My middle name, sugar cookie foxie you," Aiden grinned, tail swishing behind him. "An' I know you know you love it, and me."

"Would I still be here if I didn't?" Roden leaned across the table, and their lips met in a quick kiss, during which Aiden switched out the next card in the deck. The fox, oblivious, sat down with his broad chest on full, to Aiden,  muzzle-licking display. "Sassy, naughty, irksome and cheating, but you're mine and I love you."

"Aww, dah-ling." Aiden wiped at the corner of his eye. "You're gonna melt my new ice cubes with so much heart. All right, so, my turn. I need a five or a one ta get on green."

"Wait! What about the answer?"

"What answer?"

"The answer to the question?"

"Sorry, apple pie, I forgot. What did you ask?"

"Not me, goofball, the so-called game question which cost me my shirt."

"I'm deeply hurt."

"Suck it up."

"Glad-ly."

"Aiden..."

"Oh well. Never asks never gets."

"The. Answer. To the. Question."

"Quit doin' full stops between every word like that," Aiden whimpered. "You're scarin' me."

"Not in a million years." They both grinned. Aiden picked up the card and turned it over, and Roden waited. "Well?"

"Doonie Roan-Keer."

"What?"

"Not what, who. Doonie Roan-Keer. Don't you remember? From the WhoTube video I showed you?" Roden tilted his head and just stared at his husband, but Aiden went on unperturbed. "She's a pastry chef who does stand-up routines while she's bakin', and she's high-larious. I even wet myself once when she slammed a cream cake right in the face of..."

"Aiden!" Roden interrupted, a crease appearing on his forehead. "Aiden, these questions are supposed to be about facts."

"It is a fact. No other comedian ever made me do that."

"It's still an opinion. If you're gonna write new cards, at least give us a fighting chance. How was I to know the answer to that?"

"A good husband knows what  his hubby-lovey likes," Aiden said with ears drooping and lower lip trembling. "An' you just come at me with... with... accusations!"

"Aidey, you get new favourite everythings whenever you go on WhoTube. How can anyone keep up?"

"I remembered that the Porsche 911 is your fave sports car, that's why I got you that shirt."

"The one you just rogued me out of?" Aiden epic pout slipped for a second, and Roden spotted a ghost of a smirk in the corner of his mouth. "Aiden, my style's been set in stone since I was twelve. You, love, you're an avantgarde butterfly, always ahead of the pack with the hots and the nots. How can a trend feral like me keep up?"

"Layin' it on a bit thick today, are we?"

"Whatever helps, sweet pup." Aiden got up and strode around the table, where he hugged his husband, kissed his lip, licked his nose and nipped his ear. "Owie!"

"Gotcha!" Aiden squirmed away, but not before Roden got in a good swat to his derrière. "Eek! Hey, that smarted!"

"Serves you right. you scandalous scoundrel."

"Oh, hey, big words and alliteration will get you anywhere."

"Anything gets me anywhere with you. And when it doesn't, you get me anywhere, anyway."

"True, but I have a particular penchant for magniloquence."

"Are we gonna finish the game?"

"I could just rip off your undies myself, right here and now."

"Let's not. Your turn with the die."

"I'd rather get on with the live,"Aiden purred and stole another kiss while he exchanged said die for one of his own making. Roden, was too busy stealing a taste of Aiden's fruity drink. "Okay, let's go. I'm feelin' lucky."