Lay It Off
by Winter

"What did you just say?"

"I thought, you know, that you oughta calm down a bit."

"You did not just tell me to go lay down on the couch. You did not!"

"C'mon, man! You're gonna burst a blood vessel."

"How many times have I told you the difference between lie and lay?"

"Well..."

"How many?"

"At least sixty. I lost count."

"And yet you still...? I don't believe it!"

"How 'bout this, I pick you up, then I lay you down on the couch so you can relax."

"Don't mock me!"

"Would I?"

"Here's the deal, when you, yourself, do it, you use lie..."

"I haven't done that in years..."

"Shut up. Now, if you hold something..."

"Hello, language police. Come to arrest me?"

"You know, I wish there were a language police. And I wish they were armed!"

"Calm down. Anyways, it's all moot, 'cause these days..."

"I swear to every god in every pantheon I never believed in, if you say common usage, then I will open your skull with a meat cleaver and write L I E on your brain with a magic marker!"

"Man, you really need to go and..."

* * * * * *

"Hey, Stacey, have you seen that old guy, Winter?"

"Why, what's he doing now?"

"Nothing, really, he's just sitting there, muttering to himself."

"Oh, that. It's no matter. When he gets like that we usually roll him out onto the patio. Sunlight and a bit of fresh air seems to calm him down."

"But it's raining now."

"Right. Well, it is getting late. Maybe we should put him to bed before he sets off the others."

"Good idea. I'll go and ask him if he wants to lay down."