Licence to [expletive deleted]
by Winter

"How may I provide adequate assistance today, sir?"

The woman's plastic smile threw Echo off, but it was the silk smooth voice and the multisyllabic greeting that made him forget why he was there. It was a hot day, the air inside the Formality and Acquiescence building was stuffy, and the queue had been unusually long. By the time he was first in line, Echo's brain had taken an unscheduled recreational absence. He blinked, tried to swallow the dryness in his throat, and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Huh?"

"Pleasant mid- to late morning to you, sir. How may the Bureau of Acquiescence alleviate your near future?"

"Uh..." Echo took a breath, held it for a second, then let it out in a sigh. Ah, yes, the BoA. He knew now. Stepping up to the counter, he plastered on a smile of his own. "I... I'd like to apply for a permit."

"Please specify. Also, state your personal identification designate and your registrated hominem integer."

"The what?"

"Your name, sir. And your society status number."

"Oh. Yeah." Echo glanced around, then leaned slightly towards the counter and lowered his voice. "Uh... Mr Morleau isn't in today?"

"Registrar second class Achievement Morleau is currently undergoing a mandatory inactivity duration, sir." Her smile never faltered, and that, for some reason, made Echo feel nervous. "His availability will resume six days, seven-and-one-quarter hours from now."

"He's on vacation?"

"That is what I indicated, sir."

"How about Mr Tokaev?"

"Sixth level hominem, former registrar second class Notable Tokaev's employment has been irrevokably terminated." She paused for a second, then continued just as Echo opened his mouth to speak. "That means he got fired, sir."

"Oh..." Echo scratched his newly re-shaved head, but when the woman's eyebrows furrowed slightly he returned his hand to his side. "I... I usually talk to either of them."

"Regarding your permit application."

"Yes. It's... it's slightly delicate."

"Sir, are you applying for a procreation permit?" The smile did not falter. "There is no need for unease, sir, I am fully certified to evaluate your request and issue the appropriate permit. First, though, please state your name and society status number."

"Third level hominem Echo Tallgren, ma'am. Society status number 3634-8686. But..."

"Welcome to the Bureau of Acquiescence, third level hominem Echo Tallgren. Now, please specify your reasons and qualifications for procreation."

"No, wait!" Echo held up his hands, but the woman had already begun writing on her pad screen. "I'm... I'm not applying to have kids. I just... I just wanna..."

"Sir, are you requesting an intercourse permit?"

"Please keep it down, ma'am," Echo hissed. "Yes. Yes, I am."

"Well, why didn't you say so initially, sir?" Still smiling, she crossed out whatever she had written and started over. "Your hominem status indicates no communicable maladies, no recent indecency complaints and no major criminal activity. Please state your current physical and psychological gender status."

"Male and male, but..."

"Please state names and society status numbers of the individuals you wish to intercourse." Echo felt all brain functions cease while blood was redirected to his facial features, and when he opened his mouth nothing happened. "Do you wish to acquire a fertilisation insurance policy? They are currently retailed at temporarily decreased monetary expenditure."

"For sale, you mean?" Just for a split second, Echo thought he saw the woman's smile curve slightly, giving it a somewhat wry quality. Then it was back to normal, and he assumed that he had imagined it. "Uh... no, I don't require... that. What I mean is, I don't want a regular intercourse permit. I need... well, my intended partner is male and male, just like me."

"I understand."

"You see, it's soon Archaic Valentine Observance Day, and we've been seeing each other for a while. So we're set to go on a date, and... well, maybe... if it feels right..."

"You're applying for an inconventional sexual practice permit." She scribbled furiously on her pad, and Echo nodded meekly. "Will it include the application of penetrative devices, or personal vaccuum inducers?"

"No. Just us, I guess..."

"Will you be interested in acquiring a communicable maladies insurance policy?"

"A what? Shit!" Echo felt his cheeks burn again, and he bit his tongue to keep his temper from flaring. "Not all gays are... you know..."

"Apology given. Do you wish to file a terminology usage complaint?"

"No. Apology received."

"Please refrain from further usage of expletive language, sir." She glanced up at him, then returned to writing. "Now, please state the name and society status number of your intended inconventional sexual practice partner, as well as the estimated duration of said practice."

"Second level hominem Summery Kasse, number 1132-9772. And, the whole evening and night of the 14th, I guess." A grin crept onto Echo's lips. "I hope. Better say morning the 15th as well."

"The Bureau of Acquiescence thanks you for your permit application, third level hominem Echo Tallgren." She finished writing and met Echo's eyes, still smiling. "Unless any unforeseen application review complications ensue, your laminated permit card will be delivered to your permanent or temporary registered residence within three days."

"Th-thanks."

"Please receive my entreaty for an agreeable remainder of your active period."

"Good day to you, too," Echo grinned. He had half turned to leave, but then he stepped back to the counter. The woman focused her plastic smile on him once more, but this time it barely fazed him. "Sorry, I almost forgot one thing."

"Yes?"

"I'd also like to apply for a permit to acquire a floral tribute. Roses, I think."

"Certainly. Please specify a precise amount."

"Well, a dozen is the appropriate custom, isn't it?"