So where’d I leave off last time? Right, my, uh, first time on top. That was pretty fantastic, and every now and then over the next coupla’ years Jesse’d lemme take him like that, though usually I ended up uh, well taking it from him. And by the time I was fifteen, our parents weren’t acting as suspicious when we wanted to hang out, though occasionally Mom’d ask when I was gonna start dating.
       One other thing, Jesse got a truck for his sixteenth birthday. A big beautiful thing, a few years old but it ran well, and Jesse and his dad knew how to keep it running. And of course with the truck we could go a lot further to, well, to fuck. Jesse was helping me get a little more confident, too, and I’d started to casually curse occasionally, mostly just around him. I was still pretty bad at it, but I’d have a while to practice. At least, that’s what I’d figured.
       He’d only had it a few months, and well I guess that the increased freedom had made us a little more bold, a lot more stupid. It was my fault, really. See, my birthday was coming up, and I guess I sort of suggested to Jesse that I’d gotten comfortable enough with what we were doing, well no, that’s a lie. I was still nervous every time we were together, still would hear a little voice in my head scolding me when I wanted him. But I wanted him to think that I wasn’t guilting myself over it anymore, so I told him to get me a toy. A, well I said I’d heard of these things, these fake plastic penises that were for using when you’re alone, and I told him I wanted one like his, so I could use it even when he couldn’t be there. Which was true, I mean I had wanted one, I just left out the part about hating the fact that I did, about all the nights I spent debating telling him about it.
        Still, it was wonderful, the way he smiled and laughed, my blush died and I started to laugh with him. Hell, he was thrilled, like I was finally coming out of my shell. And for those few moments I was thrilled, too. His laughter always seemed to help me forget those thoughts in the back of my head calling me an abomination.
       Of course, the thing about stuff like that is a sixteen year old can’t purchase one, and Jesse wasn’t about to risk his scruff with a fake ID to buy it. So he asked Ray. Ray was a coyote, a bit of a weirdo when he was in school, he would always slink down the halls in his tight blue jeans and girls’ tee shirts. He knew all sorts of music, movies, musicals, stuff like that that a normal Vidor kid hadn’t even heard of. And for the most part, the normal Vidor kids avoided him. But Jesse was too good a person for that, I guess. Or something. He set out to befriend the guy back in school, and even after Ray’d graduated they still talked occasionally. He was on his own now and made frequent weekend and day trips to other cities, places like Houston where there was “Shit happening.” He’d invite us to come with him sometimes, once he said he was going to Montrose for some new group outta California that’d just formed and gave me and Jesse a look, like he knew something.
       Either way I guess Jesse felt he could trust’im, ‘cause he asked Ray to get the damned thing. I don’t know the details, just that a few weeks after my admission to him, night before my birthday even, Jesse shows up at my door to take me out “to the McDonalds” as he tells my parents.
        As soon as we’re both in the truck he was all smiles, setting a paw on my thigh as he turned the truck around, away from the highway and restaurants. “Ray helped me get your gift. I’m too excited to wait, so I figured we’d celebrate a little early.” He kisses my cheek at a stop sign, making me blush and check to see if anyone can see us, “Besides, I wanted to be the first to wish you happy birthday.”
        After a few blocks he turned off into the woods, and soon we were driving along some hunting trail between the tall skinny pines. The stars started to pop out between the branches as he tells me he’s been looking for the best spot for a while, wanted my sixteenth to be as special as he could make it. I really couldn’t understand what he liked about the trail, ‘til we suddenly hit a clearing. 
        Ahead of the reach of the headlights stretched one of those impossibly huge swampy puddles, the kind that’s bigger than your house but too shallow to really be a pond. The moon had just come out, and its warm yellow reflection rippled across the surface as a breeze blew through, stirring the tall grass that stood up from the water and making the pine needles shake and gently rain down into the star studded water. 
        Jesse drove in a small circle, ‘til he could back up to the swamp’s edge. He hopped out lightly, motioning for me to follow as he walked around and dropped the tail gate, pulling aside a tarp to reveal he’d lined the bed in quilts and pillows. He lit a few candles and a couple of mosquito coils and climbed in, patting the tailgate beside him.
        I never moved as gracefully as Jesse, and where he’d managed to jump lightly onto the truck, my rough climbing made the shocks shake and squeak. He laughed at my performance, hugging me close to him and stroking fingers through my mane before I’d even turned to face out over the water with him. I shifted awkwardly in his arm, smiling and even joining in laughing at my less than feline grace. He leaned against me, and somehow I felt safe with his smaller frame wrapped around me as our fingers gently pet through each other’s fur. 
        It was about then that he reached back and pulled out my gift from Lord knows where. The thing was shockingly pink, especially against the black fur of his paws. I remember noticing that first, and then just being stunned by the sheer size of it. The thing looked like it was at least twice as big as Jesse with these huge plastic balls beneath in a ridiculously wrinkled sack.
        I guess my nerves showed, ‘cause Jesse’s smile dimmed, “You don’t like it? It’s what you asked for.”
        I stammered, not wanting to upset him, or go back on my word, “It’s just, uh, it’s so big! I never expected something like that.”
        He sighed, holding the thing in his lap and examining it, “I tried to talk Ray down, he’d talked about some huge ones out there.” He turned it over in his hand, then with a smile held it to his own crotch, so it jutted out all weird and pink, “Ain’t that much bigger than me, though! It just looks intimidating, that’s all!”
        I still wasn’t sure, but he was determined, quickly shedding his jeans and stroking himself, telling me he’d show me as his familiar dick swelled in his grasp. And it was true, holding the plastic to his skin you could see there was only an extra inch in length, and the thickness was practically the same as some parts of Jesse’s shaft. But I was still scared of it.
        “Ah c’mon Deut, calm down. Y’know I won’t hurt you. Besides, check this out,” he reached back again, this time pulling out a bottle of something, “Ray got this, too. It’s slippery, to make it a lot easier when we have sex, so we’re not just relying on spit.”
        Carefully, I took my gift, turning it, examining the veiny plastic as Jesse looked on. Suddenly I felt hands on my crotch, I yelped and squirmed as he tugged at my fly, “Shh, don’t worry Hon, we’re just gonna try this out.”
        “A-Are you sure?” I squeezed the shaft of the thing, still studying it, full of a vague worry though I wasn’t sure of what, “I dunno.”
        “Trust me,” he said, and well I could never say no to Jesse, and heck, I really did know he didn’t wanna hurt me. So I let him undress me, tugging off my pants and undies first, leaving my half hard shaft exposed to the chill air before yanking my shirt off. 
        He popped open the top of that bottle, pouring some clear stuff into his paws and smirking as he played with it a little, “Damn this stuff’s really slimy, Deut. You’re gonna have no problem.” He smiled at me and slowly stroked over the toy, twisting his paw as he pumped, making a real show of it, before putting a little more on his finger and pressing it to my entrance. 
        As soon as he touches my hole I gasp and pull back, “You didn’t warn me it was cold.” 
        Jesse chuckled, “Sorry Deut, guess I didn’t realize.” He leaned in, licking my muzzle gently as his fingers pressed at me again, “Just stay calm, it’ll be fine.” I nod and let my hole slowly relax beneath his finger. Damn that stuff really was slick, it took only a few moments before he was sliding his fingers in, more easily than they ever had, tugging and stretching me out, making me mewl and squirm. He teased me later that night about the mewls, but at the moment he just smiled and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. 
        It still takes a bit, maybe a little longer than necessary, cause he seems to really enjoy watching me squirm, but after I’m nice and loose, he pulls his fingers out and slowly, carefully, he brings the plastic dick to my hole, “Ya ready Deut?”
        I try to relax as best I can and give a small nod. And then I grunt as I feel Jesse press the cool plastic at my entrance, slowly stretching me open around it. The sensation is weird, it’s much colder, slicker, much more uniform than Jesse’s shaft, yet I can’t deny that it felt good slipping in. It was so different from the real thing, not better or worse, just a different kinda feeling pushing deep into me, getting me to moan, gasping whenever Jesse pressed past a really tight spot. But he would just slow at my little gasps, sometimes he’d pull it out a little, just to push it back in, making me whine in want. He started to just rock it in and out gently, leaning his head in so his tongue could start to drag along my penis, making me mewl again and clench around the slowly warming plastic.
        It wasn’t too long before he stopped the thrusts, holding the toy buried so wonderfully deep inside me. I looked down at him, and he smiled broadly back at me, “Toldja. All in, and you’re mewling like a little kitten.”
        I blushed, my ears folding back shyly as I flexed around the toy experimentally, shocked that I could fit it all, it’d looked so intimidating in Jesse’s paw, but felt so easy going in. Felt good to be spread open so deeply. I felt my face flush hotter as I started to wonder if I’d qualify as what they call those girls at school, the ones whose skirts didn’t touch the ground when they kneeled. Could I be a slu- “Oh God Jesse!” I cry out and grab his ears as my thoughts are interrupted by a fox muzzle around my shaft. 
        His lips parted around my shaft as his head pressed deeper, tongue swirling wet and warm around my skin. I squirm beneath him, my hand brushing down over his head as I pant and ask, “What *pant* about you?”
        He just shakes his head, slowly pulling up until my penis pops outta his mouth, “Tonight’s all about you.” He smiles wide at that, and before I can respond he’s pushing his muzzle over me again, starting to pump the deeply buried plastic again. I’m mewling and panting, my hips rolling up as his head goes up and down, trying to push lower each time. He doesn’t get too far when he does, gagging each time my dick presses at his throat, though it still feels so good and I can feel the pressure start to build and it’s so much quicke- Ahhh!
        I curled up around him, grabbing his head as I started to shoot my semen, and Jesse just lets it fill his mouth up before swallowing, keeping his muzzle nice and clean. Soon as it was over I blushed and let go of his head, my apology cut short as he starts to lick the semen offa my shaft, looking awfully pleased with himself. 
        “Happy Birthday Deut” he said as he sat up and kissed me again. I felt his hand shift a moment before he started to pull the toy out slowly, making me grunt and break the kiss as I’m left feeling empty, and it’s weird, cause it somehow felt even more hollow than when it’s Jesse’s shaft leaving me, and that almost made me whimper, but I catch it and hold it back so there’s barely a noise. Jesse just gives me a little lick to my nose, smiling as he handed me the toy, making me blush as I felt how warm it got inside me, “It’s okay Deut. Just be sure to clean it whenever you use it.”
        I nodded and stared at the toy, still kinda surprised that I’d taken the whole thing, and I could feel the guilt starting to creep at me until I’m distracted by motion, and I watch as Jesse finally pulls off the rest of his clothes. I blushed, thinking he was wanting to get off himself, and worried that I wouldn’t be able to go again so soon, but he just leaned against me, gently pushing me ‘til we’re both laying in the blankets, staring up at the stars, his arm draped around my chest and his dick slowly getting soft against my leg. I let the fake penis drop and wrapped my arm tight around him, staring up at the sky and letting my mind go through what we’d just done as his fingers stroked me gently. Though I wouldn’t say anything to him, I was still wondering if it was a bad idea to ask him for that thing, if I could hide it well enough.
        We laid like that awhile, him hugging up close to me while I tried to not worry, the way he always seemed to. Until the candles started burning out. The mosquitoes were growing thick too, so we quickly got dressed and started the drive back. Jesse kept his paw on my thigh the whole way back, occasionally smiling over at me. He only teased me a little bit about my squirming and mewling, and I tried to make a few comebacks. It was only after we’d had a quick goodnight kiss, when I’d crept quietly back to my room, that I realized I’d forgotten the uh, the gift in Jesse’s truck. I remember telling myself I could just get it next time I saw him right before I fell asleep.
        Wasn’t ‘til a few nights later that everything fell apart. Jesse called up telling me I needed to meet him at the McDonalds right away. I told him my folks are out, I should at least leave a note, but dammit, he knows how to win me over and in a minute I’m out the door, forgetting to even lock it. I remember it annoyed me at the time, normally he’d pick me up, but now I’d have to dust off my old bike and it was already getting dark.
       I arrived breathless about ten minutes later, leaning my bike on his truck. I figured at the time that any scratch would be his fault for making me bike.
       I guess it was the traffic that kept me from hearing his shouts until I was almost past him, for some reason he was sitting out by the PlayPlace, deserted at that hour, though the roar of the highway is so loud that you couldn’t hear more than a few feet in any direction. I sat down at Jesse’s table and looking at him I start to panic, because I’ve never really seen him look genuinely nervous before. And hell, there’s more than that, he looks crushed. So when he starts to talk and I have to lean in to be sure to catch his every word over the passing cars, I’m already expecting something bad, maybe not, “We’re leaving Vidor,” but something.
       My mouth fell open and I stared at him, watching him trying to be brave as he measured my reaction, “What?! What are you talking about?”
       “Just what I said, Deut. Let’s get the hell out of Dodge. We both want to, so why the hell not?”  
       “I-I can’t just leave! I’ve got family! School! I barely have any money and no idea where to go!”
       “Forget all that, we’ll have each other, we can make a fresh new start. I’ve got some money saved up from allowance and odd jobs,” I thought for moment that I saw a tear glisten in his eye, “It’s enough to keep us going ‘til we’re on our feet. I may’ve even found a place for us in California.”
       “Look, Jesse you’re being ridiculous. We can leave anytime, I’ve gotta finish school at least!”
       Okay, that was definitely a tear, and another. I’d not even imagined seeing him cry before in all those years, “God dammit Deuteronomy, no we can’t! It has to be tonight, Dad found your gift! He kicked me out and I don’t wanna go without you!”
       What do you say to that? To a guy you decided years ago that despite everything you’ve been taught, you love, and he’s just sitting there bawling and telling you that you have to come with him, that he’s leaving. Probably not what I said, “Why would he kick you out? Can’t you stay somewh-”
       “No Deut, there’s nowhere for me to stay here. Do you think I haven’t already thought about it? I’m not staying in this shithole town!” He slammed his fist down on the table, scowling for a moment through his tears before something inside gave, and he slumped forward, shaking with sobs. 
        Before his nose had time to touch the table I’d rushed over to his side and pulled him off the cold plastic bench. I held him, stroking his hair, nuzzling him. He shook as he cried against me, and I held him tighter than I could remember holding anyone. 
        Least for a few minutes, but as soon as I saw the employees watching us through the huge glass window my grip loosened, I stood there rigid beneath his heavy head.
        I guess that he noticed that, cause right after he looked up, turned his head to see the audience that was by then pretending to not notice us. He pushed himself away, and as he wiped his face dry on a napkin, carefully fixing the russet fur, I took stock of which employees I knew. At least one guy from church, and Sandra from biology. My dad was pretty friendly with the manager.
        Jesse must’ve known what I was thinking, ‘cause he apologized for making a scene and started to walk back to his truck. And I, dumbass that I am, stood there almost a whole minute watching. Hell, he’d already opened his car door by the time I shouted, “Wait!” and ran up to him.
        “Deut, I love you. I really think I do, and I don’t want to leave without you. But I can’t make you, so if you’re gonna stay please don’t drag it out, lemme just go.”
        “Jesse I, I don’t want you to go. Please stay, you can rent a room, get a job, we can finish school and then run off. But I can’t just go.”
        My fox just hung his head and sighed, his snout turning back and forth as I tried to convince him to stay. “Look Deuteronomy,” I could tell he’s holding back tears again, “I know it’s not easy to just leave your life behind. But I don’t have a choice. It’s gonna get around why Dad kicked me out, and if I’m still here it’ll just drag both of us down. I wasn’t kidding all those times I said letting people know would be suicide.” He was watching me while he spoke, and I guess the weight of his words on me must’ve been visible, ‘cause he sighed, and added, “C’mon, throw your bike in the back’ve my truck and we can drive to your place.” He looked genuinely ashamed as he added, “Just, don’t crush my suitcase. It’s got everything in it.”
        We didn’t talk on the drive back. I didn’t know what I could say, and I guess he didn’t either. He looked like he was holding back more tears, trying to be the strong fox I always thought of him as, and I remember thinking that if he looked that tore up, what must’ve I looked like?
        The drive seemed to take much longer than it should’ve, neither one of use able to break the silence before we reached my house. Then, almost as soon as we’d stopped, Jesse’s seatbelt was off and his arms were wrapped tight around me, his snout buried in my mane as he held me, pulled me in, and I hugged back. I held him tight as at the restaurant, not even checking if the neighbors could see us, just letting myself hold him, smell his scent, feel his warmth in my arms. I think a small part of me hoped I’d get caught, that Mrs. Hassler next door would see and tell my parents and then I’d be free to go with Jesse, start a new life.
        But no one saw, we stayed together like that, fingers stroking each other gently, breath loud in each other’s ears. I remember that at some point I started trying to memorize everything, be sure I could remember his scent, the texture of his fur beneath my paws, even the rhythm of his breathing. It was the closest I ever was with anyone, may be that I’d never get that close again.
        Of course it was me, like always, that broke us apart. A door slammed down the street and my eyes shot open, and suddenly all my worries came back. I think Jesse’d decided to ignore it, ‘til he felt me try to check my watch. Even moving slow, the turn of my wrist was enough to let him know I was gone, our moment was over. He pulled out of my arms, sitting back on the bench seat, his ears fallen back in disappointment. “I, uh, guess your parents’ll be home soon, then.”
        The way he said it, the disappointment in me, I’d never hurt anyone like that before. I tried to respond, my head nodding before I managed to say, “Yeah, sorry I, I’m so sorry.” He just looked away, shaking his head softly side to side. I sighed and turned, reaching out and slowly pulling open my door.
        “Wait!” He yelled, his black furred hand gripping my arm. He opened the glove box, rifling through it as he spoke, “Ray’s been talking about moving to California for a while, right? Said he had an aunt there with some property? Well he secretly already got a place from her, was gonna leave next week anyway and only tell you and me.” He grabs a matchbook from a restaurant in Port Arthur and starts writing, “I called him right after you. He says we can stay there, so that’s where I’m headed.” He shoves the cardboard into my paw, closing my fingers around it, “This is the number, don’t lose it.” Tears start running down his cheeks again, rewetting the tracks in his fur. “Please Deut, this is where I’ll be, with Ray in Los Angeles. I love you!” The last part he says with his arms around me, face buried in my mane. 
        That was the last I saw of him, the moment I’d pulled my bike from the bed of his truck he was gone, foot heavy on the gas as he finally left Vidor with the sun setting behind him.
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        He was right, of course. Jesse was always right. Everyone knew within days that Jesse’s dad had thrown out his only son for being queer. I don’t know how, I mean, Mr. Thomas wasn’t saying anything. And of course everyone knew I was his best friend, that we’d always hung out together. And Sandra from biology was awful suspicious about that hug we’d shared. Even though nothing had happened yet, I could tell it was coming, I was hearing people whispering, folks looking away quickly when I spotted them. I had to do something.
        I knew it wasn’t noble, but I started dating this highland tiger girl, Angela, within a week. I mean, it was just to try and stop anything happening, but it went pretty well, actually. We ended up sweethearts all through the rest of school, I tried to make everyone see that I spent as much time with her as I had with Jesse. It really worked, too. After a while the whispers stopped, I hardly ever saw people look away, and everyone started to tell us we were the perfect couple. 
        And with all that time we were spending together, I really did start to like her a lot, she was a great girl, a good friend. But I was also starting to think she loved me, she looked at me like Jesse had, had that same tenderness when she spoke. I mean, it scared me, I had that power over someone’s feelings again. I didn’t wanna hurt her like I’d hurt my fox.
        Speaking of, I’m gonna hafta end here. Her obstetrician appointment should be over already, and she’ll probably be picking Delilah up from her mother’s any minute now.