Mind of an Ancient
A My Little Pony fan-story
By: Skoon

   A storm had been conjured over the darkened city of Canterlot. Loud cracks of thunder followed bright flashes of lightning and rolled into the distance. Brief light from each strike of the electric streams lit the room of the princess in brilliant white. The bed was occupied but its occupant was not asleep. 

   The princess was clenching her eyes shut with a bothered expression. It was not the chorus of thunder claps that kept her restless, but it did indeed add a proper atmosphere to her real dilemma. Her mind was racked with tragic thoughts of loneliness. She had begun the night by longingly placing a hoof at the opposite side of her large empty bed, and slowly wound up crying in silence; tears streaming down her elegant cheeks and hooves held tightly to her chest. 

   As the ruler of Equestria, Celestia was never at a loss for attention; however, she had a notable lack of companionship. It was not as simple as finding somebody to love, as her lonely ancient mind had become her own worst enemy. She knew what these feelings would lead to; and she did not like it at all. Suddenly, her lonely sadness was accompanied by guilt as the faces of many young fillies crossed her mental vision; so many memories of innocent youth that she, the supposedly benevolent queen of her people, had corrupted. 

   Her crying escalated to an audible weeping. How could she live with being such a monster? She pondered this between haunted recollections of actions past. She had no control over herself anymore; and nobody was capable of stopping her. Nobody knew about it anyhow. If they did she would not be as loved by her subjects, in fact, she might even be hated. 

   It was nights like this that always led to her transformation. She would go insane, as she would describe it, and go on the hunt. Some poor pony, child or young adult, regardless of gender, would fall victim to her horrid shifts in personality. She would do unspeakable things to them, the sounds of their wailing only fueling her dark act. But all the while she would be trapped inside herself, screaming for help and trying desperately to stop to no avail. Her body would act as though somebody else had possessed her. And then when the deed was done she would come back into full consciousness and control, but the fear and guilt would be blindingly intense. On some occasions she would try to apologize and comfort her victim, but they were always too terrified. She would sometimes warn them to never tell before releasing them somewhere private. On darker occasions wherein she got far too carried away, she would have to dispose of the poor creature. 

   These occurrences had been coming more and more frequently. Sometimes she would hunger at the mere sight of some pony that sparked her interest. 

   The princess finally slipped into slumber from pure exhaustion as her memories faded. 

******************

   Twilight Sparkle lay asleep in her bed on this same night. The storm covered the skies over Ponyville as well, raging perhaps more strongly than the Pegasus ponies had intended. Her dreams turned to her beloved Celestia. Twilight had always cared very deeply for her matriarch, and often struggled with how to show it. 

   Tonight her dreams once again conjured an incident between them where the princess would act very strangely. Celestia’s eyes had seemed more intimidating than usual, and a creepy aura had enveloped her. It was a private session in Celestia’s personal study. Twilight was alone with her queen. All was going smoothly as usual, Celestia sharing spells with her closest student; or so it seemed. Twilight was looking at the books on Celestia’s shelf when she noticed that the princess had stopped speaking rather abruptly. 

   Twilight looked over her shoulder at Celestia. Her face was twisted with an odd grin and her eyes were fixated on Twilight with an unusual intensity. “Celestia? What’s wro-“Twilight was cut short as the princess pounced at her. The purple pony’s legs were pinned and she was on her back. The intense facial expression hovered just above her, filling her with fear. Celestia’s hair seemed less brilliant, her soul seemed distant, and she was being very rough with her student. The tall princess with her elegance torn away lowered her face to Twilight’s and laughed. 

   Twilight woke suddenly in a cold sweat. Morning had come now and the sun was shining. The remaining clouds were being cleared away by Rainbow Dash. She looked down at her bed. This dream had come again and again, but it always ended in the same spot, and Twilight had no idea what it meant; and she was a little afraid to find out. But curiosity always got the better of her. “I’ve got to talk the princess about this.” Twilight said to herself in a quieted tone. 

   Spike called to her and she got out of bed. The two of them ate breakfast together as Twilight told Spike that they needed to see the princess. “Send a letter to her asking her to set some time aside please, Spike.” 
   “Sure thing, Twilight!” Spike replied cheerfully. The little dragon wrote on parchment diligently and then sent it forward in a small blaze.

   Not long after, a letter popped out of the dragon’s mouth, knocking his muffin to the floor. He looked longingly at the fallen baked good. Twilight hastily snatched the parchment form the floor and read it. “Dearest Twilight, I will come to Ponyville today. I look forward to seeing you once again. With love, Celestia.” 
   “YES!” Twilight proclaimed. “The princess is coming here today, Spike! Let’s clean this library up”. The two looked at all of the books strewn about the floor and sighed. 

**************************

   Celestia arrived in Ponyville with her usual entrance. Every citizen was there to greet her, and she obliged. But with some time she managed to slip away with Twilight. The two entered the library; Celestia’s guards keeping everybody out. “Spike, please leave us be, I have something important to discuss with the princess.” Twilight said. Spike nodded and slinked away slightly disappointed. This didn’t last long as he made his way over to Rarity’s shop. 

   “Thank you for coming, your majesty.” Twilight spoke 

   “It is my pleasure young Twilight. And please, call me Celestia.” The princess replied as she brought an apple to her mouth. 

   Twilight continued, “Okay princ... err, Celestia. I have to tell you about a dream I keep having. It involves you.” Celestia nodded and bit the apple, Twilight continued, “Okay, it goes like this; you and I are in the old study together and I am looking at the books on your shelf. You are talking to me about various spells when, suddenly, you just stop.” The princess nodded again, looking quizzical. “And this is where it gets really weird. I look at you and your face is different. When I try to ask what’s wrong you pounce at me and pin me on my back. It’s like you are attacking me. And the dream always ends there.” 

   Celestia choked on the apple and coughed; she seemed very nervous, but Twilight didn’t notice and kept talking, “I want to know what this dream means, and I know you are very good at deciphering these things. And what’s more, it’s you in the dream, so I really needed to tell you. The dream is really…“ Twilight stopped. The princess was sweating and looked very grim. She looked down and her head sank. “Celestia?” Twilight asked with concern.

   Tears began streaming down Celestia’s cheeks; dripping off of her chin and onto the floor. Twilight was now very worried and confused; she had never seen the princess cry. The sight made Twilight’s heart sink deep, and she placed a hoof on the princess’s leg. “Princess? Please tell me what’s wrong.” She pleaded. 

   Celestia quickly held Twilight in a tight embrace. With a sobbing voice she cried, “Please forgive me Twilight. I am so, so sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to. Oh Gods I am so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please… please forgive me.” 

   Twilight was now extremely baffled. “What… what are you talking about princess?” she asked. The princess could not speak and continued to weep over her student’s shoulder. Twilight’s expression turned into shock as suddenly the rest of the dream played in her mind. She quickly realized that it was not a dream, it was a memory. The princess had molested her that day. 

   Twilight was speechless. She had somehow forgotten all about this. She was feeling mixed emotions, fluctuating between anger, sadness, terror, shock, and hurt. She pulled away from Celestia and looked at the weeping princess sternly. “Why… I… I don’t understand… I… how could…“ She was still at a loss. She wanted to scream at her mentor, but at the same time felt incredible pity for her. 

   Celestia managed to choke out a few words, “I don’t know. Twilight I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t. Please…” 

   “But you DID do it!” Twilight snapped back. 

   Celestia just hung her head in shame. Twilight stared at her in silence for several minutes before speaking again, “Princess… Why? WHY? I…” Twilight stopped to suppress some rising anger, then continued, “Please… please just tell me why!” she pleaded, tears now coming to her own eyes.

   Celestia remained silent for a few moments, then spoke, “Twilight. I have never told anybody about this. I have done this to others. I have done this for so…” The princess began to choke on her words again as the emotion built. “For so long… I can’t help it! I see it happening and I cannot stop! I try to scream, I try to stop, but I lose all control. It’s like I black out and then after it happens all of the events play before me in an instant and I can’t change it. Then I see the faces… OH GODS ALL THE FACES! Those poor innocent…” She broke into sobbing once again and begged, “Please help me, Twilight. Please don’t hate me.” 

   Twilight was again at a loss; her anger faded away and was replaced by concern. “I can’t hate you, princess.” She started. “I didn’t know you had this problem. I wish you had told me sooner. You know you can trust me. There must be a reason this is happening.” 

   Celestia looked at Twilight mournfully and spoke, “I hate it. I can’t even look at myself. What reason could there be other than I am a monster?” 

   Twilight thought about it for a moment and then spoke, “You are not a monster. Think about it. You’ve been alive for thousands of years and your power is unchallenged. You have always had anything you wanted, except for one thing. Have you ever had a lover?” 

   Celestia paused and shook her head, “no.”

   “That might be it,” Twilight continued. “Your subconscious mind is desperate for love and somehow, somewhere down the line, that was twisted into sexual deviancy. I think you developed an alter ego, like your sister Luna did, against your will by never fulfilling that desire. And after so long, it began to manifest as a predator. There is no way to make up for what you’ve already done, but maybe I can help prevent it from ever happening again.” 

   Celestia smiled sheepishly. “Please Twilight, help me. And please never tell anybody.” She said in a weak voice. 
   “I will help you, princess. But I don’t know what to do.” Twilight replied. 

   Silence once again filled the room as Twilight racked her brain. Celestia looked mournful as she sat in front of the purple unicorn. A mildly perverse thought crossed Twilight’s mind. This could be her chance to tell the princess that she loved her. Twilight shook her head to clear this thought away, “It’s wrong.” She thought. Twilight was still a little shocked from everything. And she wondered if, for some reason, she sometimes lusted after the princess because of what happened so many years ago. “But she does need somebody to love.” Twilight whispered to herself, “What if I did tell her, would it help her stop? But it couldn’t be me, I can’t stay with her, and she can’t stay with me.”

   “OOOOH!” Twilight yelled, clutching her head. Celestia looked baffled. With some caution Twilight approached the princess and sighed. “Princess…” she started. “I forgive you. And… and I…” Twilight choked on her words. After a moment of hesitation, Twilight spoke in a hurried tone.

   “Princess I love you!”

   Celestia’s eyes widened and she blushed brightly. “Wh… what?” was all the princess could manage to say. The two looked at each other in an awkward way. Twilight’s eyes darted to the ground and back at Celestia. She then stole a kiss. 

   Celestia blinked rapidly in disbelief. The kiss seemed to last forever. 

   Twilight finally broke away and looked the princess in the eyes. Tears once again visited Celestia’s cheeks, but they were different this time. She smiled sweetly and embraced her pupil in another tight hug. “Twilight, thank you so much. You are the first pony to ever tell me that you loved me that way.” The princess’s voice was much lighter than usual, and she continued, “I am so happy we talked about this. I really think you can help me. Oh, Twilight.” 

   The conversation grew more light hearted and Twilight assured the princess that whenever she had a problem or felt very lonely, she could come to her and it would all be kept secret. The two shared another embrace and a content smile crept over both of their faces. 

   A shadow loomed across Twilight’s bed from her window. Standing there just outside, having witnessed the entire thing from her vantage point, was the ever mysterious Pinkie Pie; her mouth agape.