Complicated
Chapter 17
Warning: t-cesty stuff. 

Raph entered the sauna to find Donny breathing deep with his eyes closed. “Don’t push them down, Donny-boy. Let’em out.”

Red, puffy eyes watched Raph as Donny struggled to maintain control. “I’m fine,” he rasped out. 

“We promised to be honest with each other,” Raph pointed out as he walked over to Don. “No secrets between us, Right? So I’m gonna tell the truth here. I overheard what you said to Leo, just now.”

“What?” the tears started to fill Donny’s eyes again. “You were spying on us?”

Raph held up his hands, “I didn’t mean to. It just happened. I was going to tell you how my talk with Splinter went, maybe get a little comfort, when I heard you talking to Leo. I didn’t want to interrupt so I waited. Then you started getting all philosophical and then emotional.”

Donny looked down at his hands. “That’s why I left the room. I was losing control and I wanted to get out of there. I can’t believe I said that to Leo. I sounded so pathetic.”

“So you came in here to shut down?” By this time Raph was standing in front of Donny. He reached up and rubbed his hands on Don’s shoulders. “Let it out, so we can work through it. Trust me, you’ll feel better once you do.”

Donny balled his fists and brought them up to pound gently on Raph’s chest. “The thought of losing control is frightening.”

“It’s liberating,” Raph corrected. 

“Why’d you have to like Mikey?” Donny blurted, leaning into Raph and let himself cry. 

“It was a crush,” Raph soothed. “I have fun with Mikey, he makes me laugh but he also knows how to push my buttons. You make me better. I wanted Mikey so that he could make me feel good, I want to be with you and I wanna make you smile. I love you, Donny. Please don’t doubt that.”

Donny’s body shook with each sob as he finally let all that he had been holding in, out. 

**

As Leo and Mikey enjoyed their breakfast with Splinter, Raph and Don emerged, hand in hand from the sauna. Donny ran back to his lab and Raph joined the others.   

“Donny said he had to get something but he’ll be joining us. I hope you made enough for me,” Raph said, sitting at the table. “I’m starving.”

“You’re in luck,” Mikey got up to get their plates. When he returned to the table he placed a plate in front of Raph. “I must be psychic.”

“You should buy a lottery ticket,” Raph joked. 

“Maybe I will,” Mikey quipped back, taking his seat. 

Donny came out of his lab and hurried into the kitchen. Even though it was apparent that he had been crying, he looked to be in good spirits. He locked eyes with Mikey for a moment then smiled as he sat down and slid a packet of papers over to him. Mikey mouthed the words ‘Thank you’ to him.

“Leonardo told me that you have come up with a way to mark your shells,” Splinter said to Donny. 

Donny nodded, “Yes. I drilled a small hole into the inner upper lip of the shell and filled it with melted, colored plastic. Now that it is hardened it should hold up to wear and tear. I’ve already done mine and Leo’s shells. I’ll do Raph’s and Mikey’s later on today.”

“Good,” Splinter nodded. 

“I should have thought to do it sooner,” Donny mumbled, looking down at his plate. 

“You had other things on your mind,” Raph soothed. 

“No one is thinking that, Donny,” Leo added over Raph. “It’s not like putting on the wrong shell was a common occurrence. You’ve done so much for this family.”

“Doesn’t drilling into the shell hurt?” Mikey asked past a mouth full of eggs.

“Not really,” Leo assured him. “It works like a filling in a tooth. Donny will avoid the nerves. It feels strange at first but you’ll get used to it. I’ll hold your hand while you put your sell back on if you want.”

Blushing, Mikey giggled “Okay,” then applied himself to his breakfast. When he glanced up he noticed a soft smile on Splinter’s lips. 

The rest of the meal was filled with small talk. When they were done, Splinter went to watch his stories while Raph and Don went into the lab so Raph’s shell could be tagged. Mikey started to clean the dishes and Leo handed him his plate. “Do you want any help?”

“I got it,” Mikey smiled. 

“You sure,” Leo persisted. “Your hand is injured after all.”

Mikey lifted his hand to show that he was wearing a glove, “I got it covered.” Chuckling at his own, stupid joke, Mikey went back to cleaning the dishes. 

“Let me do this for you,” Leo said, grabbing Mikey’s writs. 

Cringing, Mikey tried to pull away but Leo only tightened his grip. “Leo, you’re hurting me.”

“Move aside,” Leo growled, glaring at Mikey. 

Mikey’s heart jumped into his chest. How could Leo turn so fast? What could have triggered it? He told himself to not take it personally then spoke softly. “Okay.” He let go of the dishes and stepped back from the sink. When Leo let go of his wrist, Mikey made sure to put more distance between them. “I’ll just be in my room then.”

Leo didn’t answer and turned to start cleaning the dishes. 

Mikey tried not to cry but his vision blurred anyway. He grabbed the packet and ran from the kitchen as fast as he could, not even stopping when he heard Splinter calling out his name. When he got to his room, he closed his door and leaned on it. “It’s not your fault,” he whispered to himself. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He slid down the door and sank to the floor where he let himself cry. 

After a while he pulled himself up and made his way over to his bed. He collapsed onto it and buried his face into his pillow as a sense of dread washed over him. “Don’t go back down that road,” he chided himself. “You’re over reacting.”

Leo wasn’t going to get better in one night. 

He rolled over and looked up at the ceiling. With deep breaths he calmed the sadness and dread. 

Sitting up, we grabbed the packet that Donny had made for him and started reading. He wanted to understand what was going on with Leo. He got a few pages in before he realized that he wasn’t going to make it through it all in one sitting. It was making his head hurt. “Why can’t they write these things in simple English?” As he placed it on his bedside table he noticed the box that Donny had given him. 

He suddenly felt nervous as he picked the box up and set it down on the bed. Opening the lid he looked at the items inside. Donny was right when he said that there was a lot of lube. There were different varieties and some were edible. 

Mikey placed all the lube on the bedside table and moved on to the other items. Mikey had never seen a butt plug before but he knew what they were the moment he saw them. There were two, one larger and one smaller. Along with those, there were two dildos, also different sizes. 

He picked up the smaller butt plug and turned it over in his hand. There was a band on the base that fit around his finger for better control. 

Curiosity got the better of him and he reached over for a bottle of lube while leaning back on his bed and untucked his tail. His heart pounded in his chest and his hands shook as he squeezed some lube onto the plug. 

It wasn’t like it was his first time masturbating. It was just that he hadn’t done it in a while and it was the first time he had ever used a toy of any kind. His tail trembled in anticipation as he lined the tip up with his entrance.  

Swallowing hard, he gently eased the tip inside. It felt strange and his body naturally pushed against it but he kept the slow, inward progress going. When he reached the base of the plug, the tip struck a spot inside that had Mikey gasping in surprise. 

He wasn’t stupid. He knew a great deal about how gay men had sex and that prostate play was enjoyable, he just didn’t know what to expect. It was nicer than he thought it would be. 

He lied back, resting his head on his pillow, and repositioned himself so that he could get better leverage. His hand controlling the plug was curled around from back, under his leg and he was turned slightly on his side. His other hand came up to play with his emerging cock. 

He managed to make himself churr, something he hadn’t been able to achieve while masturbating before. He knew normal turtles did it but he never knew that his own would sound like. The vibrations felt strange in his throat. 

He rocked his hips to make sure that he continued to strike his prostate and his hand was a blur on his cock. He was close. It amazed him how fast he was reaching his climax, all because of a small butt plug. And it felt better than he had ever managed with just his hand. 

Just as he reached his climax, his door opened. “I’m sorry about before…,” Leo said and then froze. His eyes went wide. “I’m sorry,” he blurted as he slammed the door closed. 

“Oh my God,” Mikey moaned, turning his face into his pillow. 

“I’m so sorry, Mikey,” Leo said through the door. “I should’ve knocked.”

Mikey couldn’t believe that Leo was still there. He half expected him to run away, shut himself in his room, and never talk to Mikey again. After taking a few deep breathes Mikey replied. “I should have locked the door.”

“Do you want me to come back later?” Leo asked, leaning forward and shaking his head. “I’m an idiot,” he mumbled to himself but it was loud enough for Mikey to hear. “I just wanted to apologies. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Give me a minute,” Mikey called back. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to see Leo, after what had happened, but at the same time he didn’t want to lose the opportunity. Sitting up, he collected all the lube and toys then put them back in the box and placed it under his bed. After cleaning himself off, he covered his lap with his blanket before calling out, “Okay you can come in.”

The door opened and Leo poked his head in. He looked as reluctant as Mikey felt. “I’m sorry for becoming so aggressive. I just wanted you to know that it wasn’t anything you did.”

Mikey shook his head, “I know that this is gonna be a process. That you’re gonna have bad days.” He tilted his head and patted the bed, “Do you wanna sit down and talk about it? Try to work through why you did it?”

“Are you sure?” Leo blushed. “You seemed busy.” 

“I… was done,” Mikey said then inwardly kicked himself. “It’s okay. Really.”

“Okay,” Leo stepped into the room and closed the door. “I don’t know what came over me. When you told me that you didn’t want my help… I just snapped.” He sat down next to Mikey with his legs dangling over the edge. “Splinter came in to the kitchen soon after you left. He helped me to realize what I had done. When I finished the dishes, I went to my room. I’m gonna screw this up, Mikey. I’m not going to be able to pass this final test.”

Mikey reached up to turn Leo’s head so that they were looking at each other. “You don’t have to do it alone. I’ll help you.”

“I’m not the same as I used to be,” Leo insisted. “The one you fell in love with all those years ago is gone.”

“It’s true. You’ve changed but the Leo I love is still here. You just tucked him away for safe keeping.” Mikey ran his thumb over Leo’s cheek. “You’ve been through a lot and you’re hurting and you don’t abandon the ones you love just because they hit a rough patch.”

A slight blush spread across Leo’s beak and Mikey pulled his hand back. “Is it because you don’t want to be touched right now?”

The blush deepened and Leo shook his head as he looked down. “Your scent is on your hand.”

“Sorry,” Mikey felt himself flush as he stuck his hand under the sheets. “I wasn’t thinking.” He was starting to wonder if the situation could get any worse. 

“It’s okay,” Leo stood. “I should go.” 

“You can stay,” the words came out before Mikey could stop them. “We don’t have to do much but I don’t want you to leave yet. We need to get to know each other again. I wanna spend as much time with you as you’ll let me.”

“I want to spend time with you too, Mikey, but I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“It hurts when you shut me out,” Mikey softly replied. 

Leo sat back down then leaned in for a soft kiss. Mikey was sure that he was never going to get tired of Leo’s lips on his. 

The next thing he knew, Mikey was on his back with Leo on top of him but the blanket stayed between them. They kept their hands above the belt but there were a few times Mikey felt Leo’s erection through the blanket. Mikey had never been so happy to have to change his sheets.