Chapter II
About two and a half months was the answer Casey was searching for. It had been about two and a half months since Raph last spoke to his brothers. The next morning, after nursing them from their hangovers, April had decided it was due time for a visit. One which Raphael was not looking forward to. Every visit was always the same. They arrive, they eat dinner, some awkward small talk, then they went back home. Now that the Shredder had mobilized his private militia, sneaking to the lair almost wasn’t worth the risk. Yet, there they were, running through the labyrinth of the sewers that lead to the lair.
              It was a quarter past three when they arrived. They had just turned the last corner, the entryway to the lair stood at the end of the final hallway. A wide framed figure stood in the shadows; anticipating their arrival. “Welcome home” the shadow greeted warmly while extending his right arm towards the large turtle. Raphael accepted his greeting, meeting the extended arm with his own, and was promptly pulled into an embrace.
“Glad you’re still with us bro” the figure spoke into Raphs shoulder. His voice was deeper, but he still couldn’t shake that signature “Mikey” way of speaking. Now that he was closer, Raph got a good look at Mikey. He was taller now. His figure was sheathed by an overcoat that resembled a Haori Kimono embroidered with various shades of faded orange string. It held intricate designs that resembled the ones lining the walls of the Y’Lyntian lair. A set of Buddhist prayer beads was draped around his neck. His sea green skin was now littered in dark freckles all the way from his cheeks, down his neck, and clearly continuing underneath his garments. He was wearing his best orange mask. Underneath it held a sad truth. Barley twenty years old and his eyes already held crow’s feet. In the wake of Leonardo’s death Raph had practically become a vegetable, and Donatello poured himself into his experiments. Leaving Master splinter to delegate the role of clan leader to his youngest son, Michelangelo. It was a brutal end to his carefree life. Raph always thought Mikey might make a good leader one day, but not like this.
Raph knew this was his fault. He was the second oldest son, the strongest warrior. He was supposed to be the protector of his family; but in their time of greatest need, he just shut down.
              Mikey relented from the embrace and looked back at his family. His baby blue eyes struggling to hold on to that air of excitement in his expression. Looking at what became of his little brother made Raph cringe with guilt. His failures haunted this place. Its why he hated visiting.
              The orange-banded turtle guided them into his dark home. A soft blue glow radiated from the Y’Lyntian walls illuminating the lair. The first floor of the rotunda was now covered in dozens of salvaged desks, haphazardly scattered about, each with their own little gizmo, gadget or project in progress. Papers scattered along the floor with don’s chicken scratch writing. Only a pathway from the lab to the kitchen, and Splinters room remained open. Oh, and of course the living space with one green couch, and Mikey’s massive television array for video games… which was useless now without power. The upstairs had been renovated with custom worked metal doors for each of the 4 rooms. The doors clearly had artisan metal work from Michelangelo to match the rest of the lair. It was a treasured dance for the two younger turtles. Donnie would build it, and Mikey would make it look pretty.
“Sit, sit I’ll get dinner started and tell dad you’re all here” the younger turtle said as he invited them into the kitchen. “could I get you all something first? A water? Oooor… I think we still have some juice?” he offered spinning around and flinging the lid of a cooler open.
“you got booze?” Raph asked plainly once he sat down. Mikey’s expression fell immediately. His attempt at keeping his brother sober tonight having already failed. ‘Welp… add it to the list of failed plans’ the new leader told himself. “Uhh, not to be impolite or nothin, But I second that question. Got any drinks?” Casey asked just in time as Mikey pulled a cooler from its home in the cold dirt behind the wall. He took two bottles, placed coasters on the table, and took off the cap before setting them down for his visiting family. He could still be a polite host, even if he didn’t like them drinking before 5. “Anything for you April?” He asked sympathetically, knowing she would be responsible for two drunk idiots tonight. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a pat on the shell. “I can get a water Mikey. You go do what you need to do.” April always knew what to say to her adopted terrapin brothers. Mikey’s smile came back, and he excused himself from the kitchen with “I’ll be right back with dad.”
              A few sips of a cold drink did wonders for Raph’s mood. The run to the lair was miserable. It was still raining, and they had to take two different detours just to avoid Foot patrols. He took a deep breath. The lair smelled like Pizza and burnt rubber. The strange result of letting Mikey’s appetite, and Donnie’s experiments overtake the lair. He missed this place. Looking out from the kitchen into the main space was a disconnecting experience for him. The only familiarity was the television array. An old memory surfaced of the night Donatello first got the cable hooked up. They had a movie night. He was seated right next to Leo. It was a week after the mouser invasion. Their first real fight had inspired a surge of new feelings in him. While most of the feelings faded with the adrenaline, one stuck in the back of his mind: Fear. He felt a fear he had never truly experienced before. Fear that master splinter had often warned them of, but the day of the invasion he finally experienced genuine fear that one of his brothers, or his father, was going to die. It was a nauseating feeling, but it also lit a fire under his ass that kept him fighting; even when the mousers were swarming them. Yet, even though the fight was over he couldn’t shake that fear. It seemed to have left him with a never-ending sense of dread. He just couldn’t let go of the feeling that the minute he allowed his guard down, a mouser would come barreling in, and rip someone’s head off. Their newfound human ally was sleeping in the next room over. Finally, able to enjoy their new lair. Mikey had decided on some weird movie about pirates. Raph wasn’t paying much attention to the movie, instead taking the time to appreciate the well-being of his brothers around him. The fear wouldn’t subside though. His eyes landed on Leo. It was clear the blue banded turtle was also not paying much attention to the movie. His face was twisted in a scowl. Clearly, he didn’t think anyone was paying attention to him or he would have hidden the expression.
Raph understood that Leo must have been experiencing the same sense of dread as him. It looked like Leo couldn’t seem to shake it either. Something just…clicked and on an impulse Raph draped an arm over his older brother’s shoulders.
              The nice memory was cut short as April launched from her chair across the room. The cord was the first thing he saw before lifting his gaze. When he built up the strength to do so, he took in his brother Donatello; or at least what was left of him, standing in the doorway, currently being smothered in a hug from April.
A shoulder, one full arm, segments of a plastron, half of a neck, and a head with one real eye were the only parts of “Donnie” left. The rest was machine. What little remained of his once beautiful olive-green skin, was now permenantly pale, and covered in stitches. Once April let go, he sat himself down next to his older brother and greeted him gently by placing his remaining turtle hand over Raphs.
Raph was gonna be sick, he gets nauseous with guilt every time he looks at Donatello. ‘I did this’ the red banded brother thought to himself. With Leo gone, Master Splinter bed ridden, and Raph being MIA, Donatello no longer had an authoritative figure to keep him grounded. He was lost in his experiments. It started as a coping mechanism at first. A way to distract him from the loss, and grief after returning from the farmhouse one brother short. When the treatment stopped numbing the grief, he upped the dosage. Then kept upping it. Every time a project was complete, he felt gratified. His elation was a fleeting sensation. It lasted longer the further he pushed himself. Every time he managed to do the impossible, he was able to briefly escape reality again. Soon he ran out of things to experiment with on his desk. So, he began experimenting on himself. The madness threatened to never stop. That was the last straw for Mike. In the first year they spent being the only turtles in the lair, Mike had developed a serious loving desire for Donatello, and with his new title of “leader” he decided his first task HAD to be getting his Donnie back. Michelangelo confessed his love for Donnie 14 months after their return. The first time he said it Donnie hadn’t even registered the words. Infuriated, Mikey pinned him to the wall and poured every bottled-up grief and frustration out… and it worked. Well Raph never heard the full details, but if Donatello was to be believed, it ended when Mikey threatened to leave, and wait with Leo, unless Don stopped this madness.
              Donnie shut down his experiments, but the damage was already done. A failed experiment on his heart is all he would describe it as. Lucky for them. Ole genius had a contingency plan lined up. He had it ready to drop perfectly into place if he fell unconscious, which he did. It was some little gizmo that could keep his heart beating, but only if he could keep it continuously powered.
When the power went out in their local district, Raph nearly had a heart attack while racing to the lair. The fear was right back in his throat. If he didn’t have a heart attack that night, he was sure he was at least gonna puke. Thankfully, before the powerplant blew, genius had already set up a backup plan-for his backup plan. A generator of sorts. He was doing some healthy experimenting under Mikey’s supervision one night when he figured out a way to use the mysterious crystals in the surrounding tunnels to generate a small amount of electricity. Just enough to power his heart gizmo.
Hence… the cord, that orange lifeline that stretched the length of every direction Donatello had walked during the span of the day. It was his chain, that kept him tied to this place. he was a genius but with the junkyard being replaced with a mass incinerator he just didn’t have the materials to build something portable that could generate the amount of power he needed to pump his mutant heart.
Donatello knew Raph blamed himself. It was important to him that he shows the progress of his recovery every time Raph visits. He delivered a gentle squeeze to Raph’s hand
“How are you Raph?” he spoke. His one remaining eye looked glossed over, but held an air of sadness, as it bore into Raph.
 “better” Raph responded while showcasing his drink.
“…How’s the surface?” Don asked, now addressing all three.
April was the first to respond, “It’s been better”. Then Casey, “Well ‘least the waters still runnin”. Raph remained silent, returning to his drink. Don used to think he knew Raph like he knew the back of his hand. They could always speak in confidence with each other. If Raph was upset Donnie would offer to do some tinkering with him in the garage. These days it felt pointless to try. Because the last time he offered a one on one in the garage, Raph blew up in his face. Donnie understood why though. The only thing that Raph would pull himself up to do was ride his shellcycle through the streets, and Donnie disassembled it to build one of his legs. So, when made his offer of “garage tinkering”, Raph threw it in his face that there was nothing left for him to “tinker” on. Obviously, Donnie felt horrible about the things he did while lost in his experiments. He was going to make Raph a new bike… and then the incinerator was built. Thus, his junkyard of supplies was no more.
A few minutes of silence passed before Mikey re-appeared in the kitchen. Master splinter was in his arms. Carefully the young turtle set his father down in one of the chairs and scooted him in to face his family. Raph had a reactionary thought, that his father looked like death. He promptly scolded himself for thinking something so awful of his father.
It was true, Master Splinter was looking like a father who had practically lost three of his sons and ruined the life of his youngest.
“hey dad” Raph spoke. It was all he could get out without fear of showing how upset he was.
“It is good to see you Raphael. I am happy to see you are alright” he spoke wisely. His fur had turned from a light gray, to a pale white.
“Well now that everyone is here, I’d day its dinner time!” Mikey exclaimed. “Let me help with dinner, you know I’m a better cook than you anyways” April teased. Cooking for his family was one of the little things that made Mikey happy. Cooking WITH his family made him jump up and down and clap his hands “Ooh! What should we make?” he cheered while listing off the ingredients they had readily available. April giggled and struck a flint with her knife to light a fire on the makeshift stove. Seeing Mikey so happy brought a smile to Raphs face.
Donnie noticed the change in expression and decided now was his chance to act. “Any good fights lately?”
A question clearly tailored to Raph. Now that he’d had his drink, and his brother had lifted his mood a bit he was ready to talk “Actually… Yeah, Well I dunno if I’d call it a ‘Good’ fight” he said making air quotes with his fingers “There were these bozos tryna break into our neighbor’s apartment ya see. So naturally me and Casey came up with a hilarious plan.”
Casey sat up ready to deliver the punchline while Raph continued. “me and case decided the perfect way to deal with em, while keeping me a secret, was to use the fire escape to get inta’ our neighbors’ apartment through the back.” He allowed Casey to finish the tale “den when the bozos finally picked the lock, the door came swingin open at ‘em!” He raised his hands in mock jesture. Putting on a silly voice to imitate the would-be intruder “No! No! Don’t hurt me man! Please im so sorry I-I’ll do anything you want! Just don’t hurt me!”
Raph burst into a hearty laughter at the memory as casey continued normally “The guy pissed his pants and we chased him down the hallway til’ he tripped in his own mess.”
“Wow how brave” April teased from the end of the kitchen.
“got that right, I’m da bravest man he ever saw! ‘s why he pissed himself at the sight of me” He shot back
“Or maybe he just saw how ugly you are” Mikey Joked, now standing next to April.
“Oh, real fair babe, Get the mutant on your side huh?” April let out a giggle and looked over her shoulder at her boyfriend “Don’t be upset because your little ‘he can’t break in if we break in first and scare him off’ plan was stupid”.
“Hey, whatever works right?” Raph chuckled and gave a small fist bump to Casey. Pulling a scoff from April, some chuckles from his brothers, and a good laugh from Casey. A smile spread across Donnie’s face at Raph’s participation. The next few hours were like that over dinner. Normally it was just small talk, but tonight Mikey and Donnie were determined to break the tension, and with a few beers, more laughs, and some good food they did just that.
Around 7 Everyone had finished the small dinner, and the conversation was winding down. The visit was longer than usual, and actually pretty enjoyable Raph thought.
“So, what will you do now?” Don asked mostly to April.
“well, I wasn’t kidding when I said things have been better.” April lowered her gaze and set her hands on the table. “For now…we wait…the surface is looking bad. Very bad… Soon our visits might be a little more permanent.” She was right. The Shredder wasted no time usurping control in the United states.
 “That’s no problem with us!” Mikey said a little to fast. “You’re all family. You’re always welcome here.”
 Don shifted his gaze towards his emerald skinned brother “What do you think Raph?” The red banded turtle remained silent. Maybe this was his chance. Tonight had reminded him of the old days. Laughing and joking with his brothers over dinner; just enjoying himself was the best time he’d had in months. Maybe tonight was the right night to come home. He pondered to himself silently when Casey spoke up. “Well… uhh, what would we do here?” he said lamely.
 “Uh, What?” Mikey asked confused. Casey looked straight across the table to Raph. He lifted his eyebrows questioningly. Silently asking for permission to share some information. Raph didn’t understand what Casey would possibly want to share that involved Raph. With a curt shrug of his shoulders Casey began again
“Me an’ Raph had a talk last night… an, we just feel like… uh, ya know what maybe it ain’t my place” he finished quickly when Raph flashed his eyes towards him. Raph was startled when he realized Casey almost shared details of a conversation that they had in confidence.
Unfortunately, Casey had piqued the interest of everyone at the table and master splinter wished to know more “Continue Mr. Jones, I assure you we will listen, and will do so devoid of judgement.” He said delivering a stern look to his sons on his clarification.
“Well, Look I ain’t gonna go inta details or nothin, cuz’ it was a private conversation an’ stuff. But uh, I guess me personally, I feel like I aint got nothin’ to do anymore.” He said now twiddling his fingers nervously “Do that make sense?” he asked.
 “Perhaps some more clarification is required Mr. Jones. Surely there are many activities one could participate in on the surface. Even if doing so may be unenjoyable.” The old wise rat spoke.
 “Uhh well, yeah I guess I see what you’re sayin. I still do stuff on tha surface.” He tried speaking more when Mikey but in
“I thought you got a job at that tuner garage. And you enjoy that, right?”
 Casey grew more uncomfortable, not knowing quite how to say what he wanted to say. “Alright look, yea’ there’s stuff to do on the surface. But It ain’t… Real… ya know? I feel like im jus’ doin what’s gotta be done. An I don’t even know why is gotta be done.”
“We need to pay for the apartment somehow Casey.” April said with a confused tone.
Casey looked like he was gonna punch something if he couldn’t find a way to say what he meant. “No, I know babe. I know why I do the stuff… I just don’t do it for… me… anymore.” He attempted a deep breath, he figured out what he wanted to say, “I don’t feel like I’m doing any good no more.”
A few seconds of silence passed as Donatello came to an understanding “You’ve lost a sense of purpose?” he offered.
“…I guess so.” Casey confirmed “I feel like… Like life ain’t goin’ nowhere… feels like I’m back in my old apartment. Lookin’ through a window at a world thas’ fallin apart, an’ I keep fighting, but nothings changing… Nothing changin’… but I can’t stop myself from fightin’… and I know I ain’t the only one feelin this way” he concluded locking eyes with Raphael. 
Another few seconds came to pass in silence before master splinter offered some comfort. “Then you have not lost your spirit. That passion which burns deep inside your soul pushes you forward. It keeps you from giving in to hopelessness. Instead you rage against the darkness. Never allowing it to consume you.” “that goes for both of you” he added now looking at his second oldest. “It comforts me to know that you have not given in. I knew you would prev-“
He was cut short when a loud bang echoed through the sewers.
The Power came back on.