It was like something out of a Hammer horror film. Electrodes, bed slabs, bubbling chemicals- the works. And at the center of it all, a hypersexualized radical throwback to the early 1990s, wearing a lab coat and a backwards ball cap. “So like, are you dudes ready to go ‘n stuff?” Thirteen inquired.

“As I’ll ever be!” Daz admitted.

“Uhm, I think so...” Jacob squirmed.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s get on with it, I wanna be real again!” Razz urged impatiently, laying on one of the slabs.

“Righteous,” she responded, grasping a knife switch. “Alright, dudes! Here we goooo!”

Lightning flashed, electricity sparked, chemicals bubbled over, and a confusing whirl of magical miasma filled the air. Everything became a confusing technicolor mess as the reagents swirled into the void. Suddenly, everything ended with a big, bright flash!

“...... Unh... did it work?” Razz asked. She put her hand in front of her, and her face lit up. “H-... Hey! You did it! I’m me again! I’m a person!!” She got up from the slab and jumped for joy, celebrating her return to flesh.

“Oh, thank goodness.” Daz floated into the air and did several whirls, delighted to be returned to normal. “Thirteen, you have my gratitude!”

“Totally my pleasure, bodacious lezbabes, any time!” She stopped. “Well I guess not any time, this’d be the only time, huhah.” She laughed stupidly.

Razz looked over. “Hey, what about Jake? You okay, Jakey??”

The purple skunk looked fascinated with his body, mitten-like hands running over his belly. “Wooooow... unbelievable! I can really feel all the layers of elastomers! I’m... kind of slick, but not really? Oh, it’s amazing...!”

“Okay, so I feel a lot less bad about consigning you to life as a balloon, Mr. I Love Balloons,” giggled Daz.

“Uh. Hunh. You know.” Red tilted her head. “I’d have kind of thought that a sex doll would...”

Jake looked down only to realize, mortified, that he had a very normal-sized penis. “Nnngh! Ah, my nanotech!” He blushed. “Y-... Yeah, okay, so I have a small dick.”

“What?! Really??” Razz burst.

Blue squinted, confused. “But... Jakey, you don’t even have a girlfriend, why... uh, why?”

“I! ... I-I just... it makes me feel more confident, okay??” He bit his lip. “My mechanic who fixes up my scooter all the time told me about nanotech stuff and got me a consultation and I just... I figured it couldn’t hurt, you know?”

“Whatever!” Red shrugged. “It’s all you now, buddy, enjoy being a squeakboy. I’m gonna get down to business and bust whoever did this to us in the first place.”

“Cool, see ya dudes!” Thirteen waved as the dynamic duo made away to mete out justice. “Have fun doing like, whatever and stuff!”

=
|
=

Jake admired himself in the mirror. He’d kind of hated his body type all his life- there wasn’t exactly much positive emphasis on fat guys like him- but something about his new doll form captivated him. Maybe it was just that his disgusting fat was all more round, more idealized, but he felt like a simplistic caricature of his former self, and it felt... kind of good actually! “Mm. Maybe... maybe this isn’t so bad...”

“Oh! Bro! There you are!” Thirteen intruded on his naked form in the bathroom, herself now only wearing a towel and her signature hat.

“Gah! T-Thirteen! I was-... c-couldn’t you knock??” He tried to cover himself.

“Dude, Jake, what’re you talkin’ about?” She asked, laughing and dropping her towel. The hermaphrodite’s entire naked body was on display for him in that moment- her small waist, her giant tits, her round butt, and most shockingly of all, her huge, semi-hard penis.

Jake inhaled sharply when Thirteen took him by the wrists and planted his mitts right on her fat, bumpy teats. His dick shot up, rock hard as his hands sunk into her massive, supple breast flesh. “Ohmigod... y-you’re so hot...”

“Yeah, buddy!” She responded cheerfully, cooing and ahhing at his eager gropes. Her cock slowly rose until it was poking him in the belly, smearing precum on the underside of it.

“U-... Unnhh!” He mashed his hands into her pillowy tits, pressing them against her ribcage and groaning as he suddenly came, hot jets of grape-flavored lube spitting from his dick, splattering the underside of Thirteen’s much larger member.

“Hey, great idea, dude! I’m gonna need this lubed up for what’s comin’!” She happily put one hand around the base of her dick, pointing it up at his face, and his stomach flopped. Her other hand firmly affixed itself to the back of his head, and in moments, he felt his mouth being pushed over her massive cock head. The warm flesh crowded his mouth, pushing down on his tongue and up against his palate. Every last square inch of mouth space was filled with raccoon girl cock, a fact that made him hornier than he would ever have imagined. His rubber knees painlessly hit the floor tile as she enthusiastically crammed more and more of her massive girthy hose into his face, hips wriggling and titties jiggling as she wiggled with pleasure. Thirteen’s massive fuck club bulged Jake’s throat as its urethra widened. “Oh fuck dude don’t make me cum already- aaaa~!” 

~GLOOSH~ went a massive orgasm down Jake’s throat. It tasted like strawberry donut glaze- his favorite kind- and he came a second time as she pulled out mid-orgasm, filling his cheeks with the sweet cream inside her. He didn’t know what this said about him, and he wasn’t sure if he had the capacity to care right now, because it was an experience most sublime. “~GULP~ Mmnahhhh!! Oh my god Thirteen, your dick is so huge...!”

She slapped a radical bracelet around the base of her now shiny, purple slicked cock, and it suddenly rose again, as if by magic- actually yes scratch that this was definitely magic- to face him once more. “Dude, go for it, I’m down for blowies all day, tchyeah!” She grinned, and Jake would go on to suck her to completion two more times, his belly filling with her warm gunk and giving him a sense of fulfilled purpose. This felt amazing, and she’d barely touched him!

“C-... Can we do more?” he asked, his dick still rock hard and drooling lube all over the floor.

“Dude, we’ve barely even started! HI-YAH!!” She reached over and threw him over her shoulder and into the bathtub. This judo maneuver would ordinarily have floored someone, but Jake merely landed in the tub with an entertaining jiggle.

The next thing Jake saw was Thirteen literally jumping on his dick. Legs splayed out, manic grin, the whole nine yards- she landed pussy first on his lubricated rod and immediately settled into the groove between his fat thighs and his fatter gut, bouncing on him like an exercise ball. The first thing Jacob did was cum. The second thing he did was reach for her bouncing breasts, tremble and cum again. The third item on his list was to actually successfully grab her breasts before she squeezed another orgasm out of him. He was out of his mind with ecstasy, lubricating her tight love tunnel with each successive lubegasm... and yet his cock refused to go down. Shit, it refused to go soft. The male fantasy of infinite virility was his, forever erect and busting nuts left and right.

The babe on top of him was of unearthly qualities- energetic, built, and horny as hell. He slid his hands up and down her tiny waist, tracing up to the undersides of her bouncing breasts before squeezing them together as she winked at him. Soon both of her eyes clenched shut as she came, her oversized cum cannon blasting his chest  and head with hot, salty cum. He caught as much in his mouth, reveling over the fact that he’d made an actual real girl cum with his normal-sized cock; it was empowering and deliriously enjoyable all at once. Without even realizing it, when she stood up, he’d turned over to lick the remaining cum off the bottom of the bathtub, hungrily getting every last drop of it.

He’d left his ass completely exposed. Before he knew what was happening, Thirteen readied her cock at his fat rump, exclaimed “Here it comes, loverboy!” and plunged into his asshole with a ~SCHLUMPF!~

“ANH!!” Jake saw stars. He felt ecstasy build up in his prostate, in a way that he’d never once felt before. The sensation was bizarre, violating, but oh so filthy and hot. Her enormous fuck snake widened his butthole just as hard as it could, flexing as she plunged deeper and deeper into his big purple ass. He felt her huge breasts pancake against his back, and her teeth cutely bit one of his rubber ears as she proceeded to absolutely jackhammer his ass. “Ah! Ahnh! Oonh! UNH! Hhhh, hhh, ohhh f-fuu-hu-uuuck!!” he splurted all over the bottom of the tub, an embarrassingly powerful orgasm rocking his whole body. For that matter, he found that his cock was bigger now! Wait, no, that wasn’t his cock at all! Incredibly, Thirteen’s dick had gone from inside his ass straight through to the inside of his dick, using his rubber cock as a condom and stretching it around her much more massive form. The symbolism of this was overwhelming. He gripped their cock with both hands, squeezing down on it as Thirteen absolutely railed his booty pipe.

When she came this time, it manifested at the end of his dick like a reservoir tip. Two gallons, easily, filled a round, teardrop shaped condom end attached to his rod... or just, a part of it. He marveled at her orgasm, now in a visual form he could appreciate. She didn’t take this time for much of a break, however; she squeezed down on the reservoir and pushed a couple of weird pressure points he could feel in his body; she was expertly redirecting the flow of the stuff... to... “Ah! Are you making my ass bigger?!

Sure enough, she stood him up and showed him off to himself in the mirror. His fat butt was now properly huge, filled with her orgasm fluids and sloshing with the weight. Jake marveled, experimentally shaking his butt a little, to very enjoyable results. She allowed him no further messing around, however, immediately pinning him to the front shower wall and spearing her cock right back in between his now huge booty. 

Being able to see her gorgeous body rocking as she made his cheeks clap was arousing in the extreme. He splorted all over the wall, admiring his big, juicy ass as she crashed into it, his unending groans and her cute giggly fuck grunts the only other sound besides her body slapping against his. He squeezed his buttcheeks around her dick when she came, and those cheeks grew as they became the default dumping spot for her orgasms. The more she came, the bigger his butt got, the harder she fucked him, the more she came, and it was in the midst of this vicious cycle that he had only one thought:

This doesn’t count.

=
|
=

Two superheroines sat on a park bench, exhausted.

“Man, I kinda hate that I forgot we had no leads,” Razz said tiredly. “Also, being hungry and tired sucks. I’m kinda seeing the upside of being a toy now.”

Shiroga dropped in front of them from seemingly nowhere. “I have traveled through shadows within shadows. There are secrets everywhere. It nearly destroyed me, but I found your culprit. Go here.” She handed Razz a scroll.

“Wait!” Daz reached after her. “Why are you helping us?”

Shiroga slashed open a hole in reality, stepping through it and turning around as it slowly closed. “This is much bigger than any of us. Good luck to you.”

=
|
=

Razz & Daz found themselves walking into a faceless corporate building for some financial institution or another. It wasn’t difficult to mind control the guards to let them through to the elevator. Daz used a keycard to unlock the top floor. 

“What do you think’s up there?” Razz asked.

“God, I don’t know, it could be anything,” Daz admitted. “We got this address from a literal ninja scroll, I mean it doesn’t get more ominous than that.”

They waited, and waited. And finally, the doors opened. In the middle of a cylindrical room filled with monitors was a rise. On that rise was a chair. And in that chair sat a tall, lanky rat, gray with age and scruffy. His expression was pulled down with the gravity of years. His whiskers were scraggly, and he looked tired beyond all reason.

“... Mr. Mezmoronic?” Daz blinked, recognition lighting up her eyes. “Master of All Things Mental?? Is that you???”

“So someone does remember me,” he mused, though his expressions were so muted it was difficult to tell. “I must say I underestimated you two. I took you for fools, but you managed to make it all the way here. I suppose your induction into the League of Sentries wasn’t a mistake after all.”

“Wait...” Razz dropped her stance a bit. “This coffin stuffer’s the one who did all this?”

“I... can’t believe it, I thought you were dead!” Daz lowered herself to the floor. “You were one of my earliest favorite villains, you inspired me to develop my psychic powers... but, to use them for good.”

“Good, evil, what’s the difference,” he rasped.

Razz frowned. “Yo, I’d say arranging for us to die and erase everyone’s memory of us was pretty goddamn evil! Explain yourself, old man, and maybe I won’t splinter your bones too bad.”

“Yeah, why us??” Daz puzzled. “I knew about you, but other than that I can’t think of a single thing linking us.”

“You’re so wrong.” He tilted one way, with effort. “The same thing that links us, links everyone.”

The red bunnycoon rolled her eyes. “I hate when they talk in riddles.”

“Tell me. Have you ever wondered why it is nobody has a panic attack every time a supervillain starts blowing things up?”

Daz blinked. “Well, I figured they just have faith in-”

“Why do villains, whose very nature is that they are chaotic agents of destruction, abide by rules?”

Razz knit her brows. “I... I always did kinda think that was weird.”

“Why has nobody ever guessed the secret identities of two candy-colored lesbians with pornstar builds who don’t even wear masks?!”

They both stood, stunned by the idea. Momentum had made them never question this... but it was ludicrous, and they couldn’t deny it.

“It’s because of me,” he intoned. “In the days of the very first superheroes, the conflicts between these pajama-wearing gods brought mankind to the brink. Good and evil were two sides of an apocalyptic coin, destroying the fabric of society as we know it. The public began to riot. It was bedlam.”

Razz, for once, was actually interested in what a supervillain had to say. “W-... What happened then?”

“Select heroes and villains came together, to build this place: The Peacekeeper. An amplification device that allows psychic powers to encompass the whole world at a suggestion level, it keeps the populace believing things that make everything run smoothly. This place is the only thing preventing the world from tearing itself apart.”

“You’ve been sitting here since back then??” Daz marveled.

“No. I was a relative latecomer. The original head of the helm was Mystic Lady, who did it for the greater good. They sought out other psychic heroes to fulfill this role, and recruited them at the end of their careers. This became the retirement plan for them, but as is the problem with many things now, they ran out of fresh blood. The recruits started getting younger, the standards lower. The last one to sit in this seat had a nervous breakdown after five years, and finally they forced me, a murderer with no remorse, to be the engine of stability.” He paused for a moment to let the irony sink in. “I live a life of mind-melting monotony, sitting here day after day without knowing so much as the touch of another person, eternally touching everyone else but being isolated to my own. And you?”

“I’m next...” Daz guessed, overwhelmed.

“This... this is fuckin’ nuts...” Razz declared. “But it still doesn’t explain what you did!”

“He’s trying to break the cycle,” Blue concluded. 

“What??”

“He wants this place to finally buckle, to have nobody left to be the core. That’s why he tried to kill me and erase me from the world,” she realized.

“Y’mean... all this happened to me... because I was next to you?” Razz grimaced.

“Yeah. Sorry, Red.” She pursed her lips.

“I-... It doesn’t matter!” she concluded. “We’re alive, old man, your plan failed!”

The rat looked at them gravely. “It did. Regrettable.” They both got hit with a blast of psychic force that seized their bodies. “Now instead of going out in a blaze of glory, you’ll have to settle for jumping off a skyscraper together.”

Razz grunted with the effort of resisting. “NNNNGH... Daz, get us outta his grip!”

“Ah... s-sorry! It’s all I can do to keep him out of our minds!” She struggled.

The heroes and villain struggled against each other for minutes, the mental might of an old hand versus the strength and fortitude of two promising young fighters. “Gotta... get... free!”

“Oh no! Razz! I’m... I’m slipping! He’s too powerful!” Daz cried.

“Yes, good, submit to the might of Mister Mezmoronic! Master of all things mental!” he roared... and then something strange happened. Both Red and Blue found their flesh replaced by rubber once more. “Wh-... What is this?!”

“Aw, Thirteen, really??” Razz groused. “Never trust that guy, even in radical 90s form... hey... I’m not affected by the mind control anymore!” 

“... Yeah!” Daz noticed. “When our powers ran out, we must have defaulted to this form because it wasn’t a  perfect transmogrification! And now that we’re rubber again... we don’t have actual brains to control.” Her inky stare settled over to the rat.”

“Hhhgh! No! This can’t be! Get away from me!” He panicked and flung them around the room with his telekinetic powers, bashing them against the walls and ceiling with devastating, lethal force.

“Hahahaha!” Razz laughed like a dope, sitting on the floor with not a scratch on her. “Again, again!” He angrily obliged her, and after a few more completely useless slams against the room, she sat up and grinned. “Blunt force on rubber doesn’t work, dumbass.”

As both of the girls rose to their feet and walked toward him, the rat cowered. “N-... No! Please!” He trembled. “I’m sorry! I don’t want to die! I’ve... I’ve barely lived!” The old man grimaced. “I’ve been sitting here, trapped in this room longer and longer for decades; I just didn’t want you to do the same!”

“We’re not going to kill you,” Daz said flatly.

“We’re not??” Razz blinked.

“No.” She shot Red a dirty look. “We’re going to find a solution that doesn’t end in homicide and the total destruction of civilization, because we’re heroes.” She pointed to Mr. Mezmoronic. “And unless you want to disappear, you’re going to help us.”

“Y-...” He trembled. “Yes. Anything you want. I surrender.”

=
|
=

“Norithics Kusemurai,” A large doberman guard said boredly outside the cell. “Come with me.”

The raccoon blinked, laying amid candy wrappers and comic books. “Didn’t I do you last night? I feel like the warden’s gonna get suspicious at this rate.”

He sighed. “You’re free to go. The governor pardoned you.”

This really dumbfounded him. “Are you serious?” The door to the cell opened. “... Wow you really are serious!”

The guard turned Nori around against the cell door and cuffed his hands behind him... then squeezed a handful of his butt. “Damn I’m gonna miss that ass.”

The raccoon bumped his booty up against the guard’s lap and fanned it this way and that, lapdancing him for just a moment. “And it’ll miss you, Todd!” He grinned. “Tell your wife that if I can take that knot in the butt then so can she.”

Todd bit his fist and pushed the criminal forward, walking him to the desk, getting his clothes, watching him get dressed in a clear violation of protocol, and letting him walk the rest of the way out of the compound.

Nori straightened the wrinkles out of his shirt, adjusted his jean shorts, and walked toward the waiting taxi. “Such extravagance! This is much better than my minions have ever done for me before; I’ll have to thank them.”

The back door opened. Razz & Daz sat there waiting for him, Daz smirking and patting the seat. “C’mon, rude boy. You’re coming with us.”