One thing I find that people don't understand is hypersexuality, it comes in a couple of different forms and formulates in different sorts of ways... I struggle with addiction easily because of my condition but also because of life events and alot because of my own recklessness. I was just a young teen then, having away at my version of fun but now I have to actual understand how things work.

Not having a mother who's fully their is a bad thing.


I remember back when she told about how she use to have a sister that's been drowned due to my grandpa as she told me.. also told about how grandpa would mess with her... saying stuff about about demon's outside... when she had to do dishes but when the glass broke and delt with a bloody hand.. grandpa said..... stuff only a bad parent would......


I may be sexually disabled in regards of sexual interest but have learnt that I am not at fault for what I am.

 I cannot tell if it's upbringing or not but for me my attractions started young. 
The bad I think comes from the parenting...

I seriously wonder... what they.... actually thought of me? I have been around.... people who think they know everything.... it's a situation nobody should have to deal with...

Good thing I am around people who actually think with their brains instead of their tribal insticts. Fantasy is fun but us on the spectrum do struggle with the self and the outside. I don't want to struggle with this.. I can be a child at heart but also a demon at soul...

We have far gone past tribes but I seen that people like to revert back to that state of mind... I get sex is natural for us but theirs no need to legalize actual, real life children nor animals involved in things like that! Art, media, and the like is one thing but.. put actual kids in that place? That will just cause problems and everything as they grow up... I seen how that sort of abuse affected my mother...

I can see the utter hate in her eyes... The way she felt hate towards me without being direct... Calling my own dad hateful words when she found the porn stash on my own electronic devices... Visiting my fantasy ideas I tried with other kids around my age on apps directed towards teens... 

I held a grudge for her but I can see that she just had been through trauma in the past.. I love my mom but.. I just want her to get better.. I know people had done bad stuff towards her but my dad tried his best to be a grand husband.. I had never been touched myself...  but I could tell with how cute my young self looked that I would be a target.. just to put in a slightly dark humor BUT dry humor note.

My dad is a great father who understands and continues to understand... My mom however... used money to buy love... I never felt real love from her.. She put my dad in debt.. They gambled often due to my mom... The devices where fine but my mom never paid attention towards me..

Never... Ever noticed that I had any sort of abnormalities.. She only has what I know a typical brian... Only my dad took the time to notice... 

She never cherished the person I am... only the person I ought to be in her eyes.

It is interesting, actually, but from the first animes I hadn't seen in years I notice how they idealize cuteness in girls but with boys I see it tends to transfer from paper.. kind of a weird deal.

Anime wasn't my kind of thing then but the subject matter in the recent in actually tackles on things that actually matter in this world.

People from overseas have seen western cultures and that is a awesome to see.