The Secret Lives of Ponyville
by Liddell Scribe Copyright © 2012 Liddell Scribe
Disclaimer
I would like to start this by saying I want to apologize to those who are upset or hurt by this MLP:FIM fanfic. I don’t hate FIM nor am I some intentionally rage inducing internet troll. I was inspired by some things that my roommate and I saw reading in-between the lines, or episodes in this case, going on in the universe of Equestria.
While MLP is all about taking an episodic format and teaching little ponies valuable life lessons they really wash everything out and don’t show a lot of the rougher major life problems we have to grow up with like drugs, abuse, sexual dysfunction, identity problems, drama, and more. What was brought to my attention is the fact that the ponies likely do have these problems, they are just hidden the secret lives of Ponyville.
While I feel that fan fiction isn’t a crime, writing ponies into the uncomfortable and unpleasant real life situations probably should be. If you are a brony don’t read this, seriously. If you are not a brony but have a good friend, roommie, or mate who is a brony/pony and insists on telling you everything about the show all the time and even makes you watch it once and a while… then get a giggle off of this…
P.S. If you are still going to have a fit and be a hater then all I have to say is come at me brony.
Warning; Drug Use, Abuse, Implied Sexual Situations, and one baby dragon who won’t stop rambling out loud for no reason.
Fluttershy
“A-Angel… I… I’m sorry.”
The sound of the smack is almost deafening in the little home. The amount of force which a foot tall bunny can backhand a filly would be shocking if it was a new sight in this household.
“Aiiiiiiiie!”
The yellow pegasus slowly tries to back into her corner, tears streaming down her cheeks, but running isn’t going to save her from this and she doesn’t get far before the second blow almost knocks her over.
The little white rabbit still says nothing the whole time but glares at her with that burning fury and tilts his head as if to say “How many times do I have to tell you!?”
“I… I’m sorry I forgot the carrots. I didn’t forget you were out. It just was a hectic day, pinkie pie was on a bender and normally AppleJack helps keep her in line but she was off with Dash again and–” The excuse is cut short by a resounding blow, this one catching her right across the muzzle and snapping her head to the side hard. The room itself almost seems to shudder as she collapses in a heap. The other animals try to look away and those who have the ability to scamper off to hide do so as quietly as they can. No one wants to watch such a brutal scene but no one wants to be the one to step up and face Angel’s drunken wrath as well.
“I’m sorry, so sorry. I’ll go to the shop first thing, first thing” she pleads and whimpers through her sobs.
With a sigh Angel shakes his head and hops over to the cabinet; carrot juice and rum again. He waves the bottle at her so she doesn’t forget he is almost out of his favorite rum as well now. Seeing him wave the bottle at her makes her flinch extra hard, that memory is one neither of them will forget easily. All Fluttershy can do in reply is cry and quiver at this point, but her sobbing and tears have only earned her more blows in the past so she tries to choke back the whimpers and nods affirmatively. She shouldn’t keep buying him alcohol but it doesn’t always make him so violent, usually it helps him unwind after a busy day. He just looses himself when she screws up like this.
As Angel downs the drink fast and pours himself another she takes his momentary distraction to finally back herself in to the corner of the hollow tree and wipe her sore muzzle. She can’t seem to help but blame herself for this. “Stupid stupid pony, how could I forget the carrots? I’m sorry, please forgive me.”
With a silent huff and shake of his head he beckons to her, trying to put on his “You know I love you, stop cowering baby” face- Note from the author: That’s about all I can write about that without vomiting on myself. There is a special circle of hell for people who make fun of spousal abuse.
Editors note: Sadly this became cannon 2012–03–03 in the episode “Putting Your Hoof Down”, one week after his original draft was written. We are officially asking Liddell not to write these sort of things about ponies anymore lest he corrupt the whole ponyverse.
Twilight
“Damn it Spike! What did I tell you about barging in!”
With a bounce, a pop, and a little juke Spike just barely manages to dodge all the books being magically tossed at him and skips out the door, slamming it behind him.
“Whew! That was a close one. I can’t believe she started swearing. She musta been close.” Spike shakes his head lightly with a chuckle and saunters off while talking to himself.
“It’s not like I saw anything anyways. What pony of her age still hides in the dark under the sheets? Jeez, you would think even Fluttershy manages to clop more openly than her.” Spike winces a little at the thought of the first and last time he joked about Fluttershy’s sexuality around Angel. For a bunny who never talks he gets his point across about how he doesn’t like other guys talking about his pony quite succinctly. He also has a backhand that will just about take the nose off your face. You have to hope the rumors about him beating her aren’t true.
He sighs and shakes the thoughts out of his head, resuming his muttering. “Still I guess it’s a little embarrassing for her, I mean I did catch her shouting the princess name. Thought it’s not that weird. I mean,” he waves a claw about, “it’s not like anyone is pretending they don’t know what is going on with Dash and A.J.” The dragon breaks his stride and glances up, really thinking about that for a moment. “Ok, well Pinke doesn’t count cause she’s not aware of just about anything these days and…”
Spike can only shudder from his nose down to the tip of his tail when he thinks about how Rarity would react. She might be the hottest thing on hooves to grace this town, and she is a generous caring friend to boot, but no one would ever call Rarity a modern girl. Finding out most of her friends aren’t all ‘running in the right race’ might invoke week-long lectures and public shaming no one would want. Word around the campfire is that as close as Fluttershy and Rarity are now days, it wasn’t always the same way and it is only by a direct decree from the princess herself that Rarity puts up with cross species abominations. Oh Rarity, why can’t you understand that the love for such grace, such beauty, such perfection like yourself knows no bounds? With a pause and a forlorn sigh he manages to let himself get back to Twilight, so to speak.
“For the time that I spend with Twilight as her trusted and very awesome assistant I don’t see her sneaking off or catching some personal time often at all. She has to be either a masterful masterbater or, way more likely, that girl just doesn’t know how to take care of herself properly. No wonder she is so high strung! Celestia should really toss her a pity horning, or… something, maybe hook her up with Luna. It’s the worst kept secret in all of Equestria that unlike Celestia’s well trained beefcakes studs Luna doesn’t have a single stallion in her guard, or bedroom. I wonder if that is why the princess is so progressive with her decrees on all stuff like that, maybe keeping her sisters interest in mind? Either way it’s not like the princess is oblivious about Twilight’s total crush status either. Maybe she just likes torturing her, all the birds like to tweet about how Celestia has a really twisted sense of humor.”
With a little giggle to himself he has another devilish side though. Maybe I should go see what Rarity is up to… Now that’s a pony I wanna catch in the act.
Pinkie Pie
SNEEERRRRRRRRRRRRKK!
“I said god damn!”
After a moment of twitching with her eyes rolled back, the pink pony rubs her left nostril rapidly until the initial overwhelming rush wears off. With a slow wipe of her whole muzzle using the back of her arm Pinkie Pie smiles her biggest smile in to the mirror. “Party time!”
Rarity
With a wistful sigh Rarity flicks her head, closing the door with a glow of magic behind Spike.
“Oh that boy…” she mutters out as she slips into the kitchen to clean up the tea she made for company. She really didn’t want the interruption but when a gossip like Spike comes knocking it’s hard for a girl to turn that down! Too bad that boy must dream up half the things he says, he has the worst intel in Equestria. She has heard the rumors that he is spreading about her not being a modern kinda girl and having a tense relationship with Fluttershy. HA! Everyone who is anyone knows that after Fluttershy and her broke up right out of school they both switched teams in one way or another and are happier for it, and each other. If he only know how modern she is he wouldn’t constantly fawning all over her, and we can’t have that now.
With a practiced grace the regal pony hardly has to think using her magic to scrub the tea cups, discard the leaves, wash the tea-balls, rinse out the kettle, and buff everything dry with a pair of towels. This leaves her own mind to wonder to all the juicy gossip she got on poor repressed Twilight. It’s not hard at all to believe that poor girl is burning out vibrators on a regular basis, in fact she had assumed it for a while. Twilight is awfully protective of those books, more than a few of them are probably hollowed out and used for keeping her stash. She needs to stop with the whole princess worship smarty nerd act and just put on a little makeup and go out for once. All you gotta do is wag your flank and get yourself a nice dumb-as-hay stud so hung it drags when he struts. Sit around and enjoy those books when you can’t walk the next day honey.
Her snow-white mane and flowing purple hair bounce a little with a warm laugh as she thinks about Twilight actually putting on a go and getting herself plowed like Sweet Apple Acres. Of course that makes her mind flash to yummy, yummy Macintosh. While he is a little rustic for her taste, he is a conquest she would love to climb, and is one of the few things she would roll in the hay for. Too bad those farm boys aren’t a little more open-minded or I would find out exactly how big his vocabulary can be. But… even cidered his barn door just won’t swing this way. His loss though, those Canterlot boys know a good time when they see it and she never lets them down. Lacking those big beefy features of a farm boy; those rich Canterlot guys have style, class, the cash, and the know how to make a queen feel like a princess and a slut.
With a nip of her lip she tries to shake the dirty little fantasy out of her mind. She has a dress to finish! A girl like her must always be in style and sexy! Oh, and fix this tuck. Being is such a hurry to get proper when Spike showed up unannounced everything is not in the right place and it’s really starting to hurt.