Confessions

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Asriel asked. 

It seemed he was done with the conversation, or rather his monologue – his final words as his true self. Frisk turned away from the flower patch, taking a few steps towards the exit. Then he stopped, unable to bring himself to take one more step. His gazed wandered towards an imaginary point in front of him, a single tear ran down one and then another one on the other.

"No. I don't." Frisk clenched his fists angrily. "I… don't want to go. I don't want you to go back to…" trailing off he grit his teeth, trying to bring his feelings under control. "There is nothing for me to go back to." Slowly shaking his head, he continued. "I'm not who you think I am. They may love me… they may want me to be with them. I couldn't care less about any of them, really."

Asriel did not say anything and neither did the goat boy make a sound. What was he thinking? Was he shocked? Maybe he didn't know what to think. Perhaps he was waiting for an explanation, before he passed judgment. Judgment. After all that was on his conscious, chances are he may not even think he has the right to judge anyone.

"I'm neither a hero, nor do I abhor violence. There is someone I'd love to kill. But, as you know that person is already gone." Frisk confessed, clutching his fists harder, his finger nails started to dig into the flesh, several drops of blood hit the floor, before he led go, staring down at his injured palms. "Yet, even if I had the chance to kill Chara with these hands. It wouldn't save you…" More tears ran down his face, as he fell to his knees. "It would be pointless."

The only noise the caprine made was from his breathing. Frisk was far too emotional to gain any clue to what Asriel may be thinking from that alone and he would not dare to turn around to look into those eyes.

"Do you hate me now?" He scoffed, before shaking his head. "Look, I can't leave before I don't at least tell you the truth about myself. Chara manipulated you, used you. I'm quite manipulative myself, I've told many lies, put on an act, and used people." He paused looking up. "You asked why I climbed the mountain, knowing I would probably never return. While I don't hate humanity, I was disillusioned with humanity, I lost faith in humanity, long ago. Like you said there are many Floweys and there was at least one Chara.

I don't know why I came here, but secretly I may have wanted to commit suicide. I never felt understood and I didn't know what to do with myself. Frankly, I was plain bored. You could probably say, I was looking for change or an end. What I found was Flowey." Frisk wiped off his tears, sighing deeply. "Do you know why I didn't kill anyone? I wanted to piss off Flowey." He let out a laugh, even though it sounded more like a scoff. "Ha. Can you believe it? We're here now, because I decided on a whim, I didn't wanna play a flower's game. I may not have wanted to play his game, but I ended up playing a game – a game of chess."

Still there was no obvious reaction from Asriel. Perhaps he was just listening patiently or still didn't know what to say. Either way, he continued his monologue. "I was willing to put my life on the line. I would find a way to win the game without killing anyone. Not even in self-defence, I was perfectly fine risking my life to that end. I manipulated my way through your world making 'friends'." He made air quotes in the air. "The pacifist way was working, but I couldn't help but think I was playing right into Flowey's hands.
There was no point in abandoning the plan, until I had enough information to counter him effectively. Piece by piece a plane came together in my mind. Ironically, it involved doing exactly what Flowey wanted. There was nothing else I could do and starting to kill wouldn't have giving me any advantage and just proven his point. When I saw the coffins of the other humans, it hit me. No matter what I did to Asgore, Flowey would attack and take the humans souls and try to get mine.

You know what happened. I played right into Flowey's hands, but managed to triumph somehow thanks to the other souls. It was Flowey himself, who gave me one of the final pieces to my plan. He made the mistake to tell me to make friends with Alphys. The human souls alone weren't enough, he wanted all my 'friends' in one place to absorb everyone's souls. Surprised, I knew even then?" Frisk asked, not really expecting an answer.

"But there was still one missing piece. The information in Alphy's true lab. I had my theories about Flowey. I still can't believe what Alphys did to you. It may have been motivated by desperation, I don't think I can ever really forgive her. Still she played a key part in my plain, I had to manipulate here into become 'friends' with me. Flowey did the rest by manipulating Papyrus into making everyone gather at the castle.

You know what my plan was? Truthfully, after I learned the whole story, I wanted to save you, Asriel. I… used my 'friends' as bait to lure Flowey out and get a chance to do that. I was quite willing to let them die, just to save you. It just so happened that saving you, required saving them too. When you started to cry, begging me to let you win, I couldn't help but think 'check mate'. Even though my priorities changed to wanting to save you, I was still playing that damn game."

Using his hand, he dried more of his tiers, getting back onto his feet. As he turned around, Frisk closed his eyes, afraid to look at the goat. "There you have it, I'm no hero… I'm just a manipulative bastard who was playing fast and loose with innocent people. My motives for pacifism were questionable at best… So what does that make me?" He looked down feeling rather guilty. "So what does that make me? I'm a bad person, aren't I?"

Asriel didn't answer and Frisk sighed, still keeping his eyes closed.

"Asriel… I… didn't save you because I felt a responsibility to try and fix things, because what Chara did to you and the other monsters. My motives are quite a bit more selfish… I know now… I… fell in love with you. I know it's silly, we barely know each other. Yet, I'm so angry everyone gets a happy ending, except for you. I will lose the one person I actually truly care about… I'd kill myself right now, if I knew you'd accept my soul."

For a long time, there was silence. Then he felt fur on his cheek, the goat's paw drying the last of Frisk's tears. Instead of an answer, Asriel hugged him tightly. For a long time, the two stayed that one, neither one willing to let go of the other. Eventually, quite to the surprise of the human boy, the goat gave him a passionate kiss on the lips. As he opened his mouth and eyes in surprised, it turned into a deep French kiss. Asriel's eyes were closed, he was crying, but he seemed… happy.

No words… that was fine with Frisk. He slipped his hand under Asriel's yellow-green striped shirt, feeling up the goat's white fur. Regardless of whether or not Asriel would accept his soul, this was the last opportunity he would have to physically be with him. Damned be tomorrow, he was determined to make Asriel feel how much he cared for him. There was no need for words anymore. There was only truth and love.

As he broke the kiss and started to undress each other, Asriel opened his eyes. Frisk stared directly into them, smiling. This was the first time in his life he was truly happy and Asriel could sense it as well. His anger and guilt had dissipated. Laying Asriel down onto the flower bed and they resumed the kiss, as Frisk enjoyed the feeling of the goat's soft fur.