Bitter Hindsight

Chapter 3 – The Father’s Misery

An terrible thing happened on my night of my birthday, As I stand before my sadden parents, I was nothing but a mere ghost.
But sadly, they can’t see me, as only they see is my lifeless body. Their tears just endless, as my father held my mother tight, as if he never wanted her to be gone too. 

Daddy blamed himself for not being there when the incident occurred, losing the son he loved, and cherished. As the moment is time that the doctors were getting ready to prep my body for whatever they’ll do with it since I’m not there anymore..
I look at my hands, and noticed that the transparent or whatever the heck the tv shows were talking about in their theories on spirits. It’s weird like this… but I don’t feel pain.. but only a little sadness since I died, and witness my parents losing their happiness.

The moment passed, and my parents were heading to the waiting room, where my sister was resting… till she woke up to the terrible news of my passing. The news struck her harder the most as she fallen to her knees, crying her heart out as she lost a piece of herself, a light faded out of her life..
All I can do is stand next to her, and hold her as much as I can. She won’t feel it, but I think she knows its there as she started to ease herself, looking to her side where I hugged her… as like she knows someone is there.

She gotten herself up, and hugged our parents as they embrace, while I join in the hug. I know that all I can do is watch over em till something happens. But I’m not going to able to endure this well, since being alone isn’t easy..

Later to the early morning, my family arrived home and I was somehow able to get home. I always thought the b.s logic that I’ll be stuck in the hospital since I died there, but nope. Either because my possessions are drawing me here, or it’s because the wolf entity I met in the other world did something to me to allow me to move freely. 
But remembering bit of what happened in the other place scared me badly, as knowing there were evil things that could take you or worse if you mess up your proper path to heaven or the living or… hell..
The horror laughter of the darkness were daunting, as something to be wary of in that weird world. But soon it’ll be the least of my worries as I never knew that my family will fall into a deep trouble, all because of my untimely passing..

Later into the week, my family were preparing my funeral, and my brother found out about my passing when he came over in the afternoon he promised to come and spend time with me… but now… it won’t be possible.

My brother just stood in same place when he was told by our mom, in awe, as his spirit left him lifeless, and cold. His eyes were vacant, with his jaw open a bit.
He looked like he wants to scream in agony, in sorrow, in death if he wishes to. I can feel the different emotion he’s going through, as I tried my hardest to hold him, but it was pointless.

He ran off, and my mother tried to go after him, but the wound she gotten from the dogs, made her trip over. She was able to catch herself, while screaming out to Keino to come back. But he wasn’t listening and was already gone.
My aunt just got into her car, and said to my mother with a cold tone but trying to hide it that she felt bad about my passing, and “hope” she’ll pull through. 
Then she drove off, and not even bothered to go search for my brother, but instead heading home. I gotten very upset that my brother could get hurt or worse, that I made the glass cup that was on the table to fall off.

As the glass shatters, my mother turned and noticed that the cup was somehow pushed off, and she looks calmly into the room, and surprising that she ask this out of the blue.

“Joe… Is… is that you?” Hearing that from her made me relief, even if I can’t respond to my dear mama, it made me calm to hear her calling to me.

When the days went by, the day of my funeral was… something I didn’t wish to witness or watch, as my family all arrived, some of them speaking something about me and my life. My aunt wasn’t there. I don’t even care since that cruel woman just wants my mother’s happy life. As if she never gotten what she wanted.

She started by taking my brother away from my mom, as she was barely 18 to care for my brother, even though she can, and wanted to. But my grandfather and aunt just took matters to their own hands.

It’s why my brother is sometimes with us. But he really wanted to be home with us, and bond more with his brother, sister, mother… 
Speaking of my brother, he was there at my funeral, as he placed two flowers on my coffin, one was purple, and the other was a red rose. I can see that he was very depress and troubled.

But worse, his eyes are different, like he been doing something wrong to pass through the days, knowing that I’m alive no longer.. I hope he isn’t doing something that he isn’t supposed to! He promised…

While everyone else leaving flowers, some left me toys that I liked a lot. But.. my mother was in worse shape, as if she never slept at all, as her eyes are dried of the tears she been through. Even my father. He’s drunk, been bashing things, and smashing the ground with his fist.

The drinking happened after the night of my passing, as he just goes to the bar, consuming more beer, vodka, and shots. He had to go different bars after he denied more alcohol, or been thrown out due to his outbursts, or drunken behaviors.

Anyway, Daddy was stopped by my uncle, and my granddad, My father’s dad. As they tried to calm him down and ease his pain, knowing that doing all the madness isn’t going to bring me back.
Daddy stopped, as he sobs, tears flowing down from his eyes. He tries to hold back as he wishes to be strong for me. But it is a lot for a parent to lose their child, as he was taken away.

I didn’t like this very much, seeing how hurt, and broken my family are, as they’re falling apart. But my father and my brother are in the worse way possible… like they’re on the verge of self-destruction. I fear that they’ll end up ending their own lives if nothing isn’t done..

As later the funeral ended, and my mother went home with my sister, as I still hear her and her sorrow… I’m.. I’m sorry mama…

And my father left earlier, as my uncle drove him home. I do hope he’ll get better, but I’m concern for my brother, as I was able to trail him, sticking close as I noticed he was going somewhere else other than home. He was heading to a friend’s place, as he enters inside, it was Cujo. The other friend that tend to get Keino into a huge trouble.
I knew it wasn’t good since I seen him now. And my hunch was corrected, as Cujo gave Keino drugs, the same awful smell that I smell before when that guy came around when mama and daddy were gone out of the house.

Keino sat on the sofa, and he was sniffing up some white powder through a roll up dollar bill, as my brother sniffs real loud, he started to act very strange. His eyes would become red, as he started to babble words that don’t make sense.

He would act cooled out, and talk about some deep stuff. He mentioned to Cujo that how could he deal with life, having a dead brother. That I would excite his days, and bring him happiness and laughter.
Cujo turn to Keino and told him something that it’s literally disgusting.

“Well, my man. You just got to say fuck it, and keep scoring up these fucking drugs. Someone dies, and you got to learn to fucking forget about it, or just.. end your life, dawg.”

I started to growl in utter disgusted tone, as my anger is starting to rise, then all sudden, I somehow light Cujo’s drugs on the table on fire. The mean asshole started to panic and tries to put out the fire with his glass cup of soda.

Keino laugh about it, as I did too. Like the days when we both laughed at so much stuff. I… I just miss those days… I wish I was alive again… so my brother.. and my daddy won’t be sad anymore..

As said, The drugs were destroyed, and I can rest easy knowing my brother will be ok, for now.. But at the last moment, I was pull back. Like something was taking me back to my home.

I appear back into my home, and I see my father… badly drunk. He was yelling at mama, on about if the fence was fixed, and seal up, then none of this horror would had happened. 

He stormed out of the house, and got into his car, as he started the engine as he proceeded to drive off. I have to stop him, before something bad happens!
I managed to get into his truck, as he sped off real fast. I looked at my father, as he was severely drunk, mumbling to himself. I can hear what he said.

“Damn it… fucking goddamn it! How?! How could you let it happen, god?!! How could you took my boy away from us?! From me?!”

He broke his beer bottle on the steering wheel, as he tries to reach for another in his beer case on the passenger side floorboard. I looked at the front windshield, and see a lot of cars passing by us, as some honking at dad to pay attention.

Hearing the honking, made my father reacted, and focus his eyes front of him, as he pants deep, terrified of the actions he taken upon himself.
So he took a off ramp to the back ways so he can try to find a spot to stop and relax till his drunken state pass.

As he driving in the dark, long road. He was concern about the lack visibility of the area, he tried to see if he can get off somewhere.
He was sobbing a bit, as I can see his tears again… but this time it’s tears of sorrow and forgiveness.

“Please… god… I just want… I just want to see my boy again..! Why couldn’t be me that died in his place?! I just… I..”

I cried a bit myself, hearing those words from him… I want to be hold by my daddy again.. I want to have it back again.. I cried loud and shouted out loud in the space.

“I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!! I WANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AGAIN!!!” as I said that.
I look back to my father… but this was so weird, He heard something.. and he looked around to see what it was. As then he ask out of the blue.

“Joey…. Are you here with me?” I knew my father heard me, he tried to focus but the high alcohol level is getting to him badly, as he tried to reach for another beer.

He opened it, and started to drink more. I tried to stop him, yelling at him to please stop. But nothing happened… as he was drinking, I turned and see that a rig truck was heading our way, and my father was on the wrong side of the road.

I panic, trying to see if I can tug him, but my ghostly body phase through him, so I tried to reach for the wheel to get him out of the way. But sadly, to no avail. 

I cried, hoping and praying that something can stop him… but he stopped drinking, and sees the truck coming, as it honked at him.. but it was too late. 

In the mere split second, he turn toward my way, and his eyes widen… as he saw me… and then he said to me before…

“Joey?... My boy…” as said.. the truck smashed into our truck, and it was toss to the side of the road, as it was rolling down the hill. 

My father couldn’t hold on, as it happened too fast. As the car stopped rolling, and landed upside down, my father was launched outside, and landed on the grass, with some hard rocks.

He was in horrible shape, with a part of the truck impale him in the stomach, as he was breathing hard, as he tried to hold on till help arrives… but time is nearing it’s end for him.

I was sitting next to my father, to keep him safe and company till…. But he looked at me, and he can see me being next to him.

“Jo…Joey… My baby… I’m… I’m very sorry… I was so stupid…. I just… I miss you so much…” I shush my dad to help him try to hold on..
“No.. it’s my fault daddy… if I had just… just gone with mama instead of looking for the gift my brother gave me.. this.. this would never happened..”

Daddy reach for me head, and I can actually feel it, as he say to me. As he knows that he won’t make it…

“Don’t worry my boy.. You won’t be alone soon enough.. I’ll be with you for good.. this time.” As his last words said, his body had let go, as his arm fell down to the grassy ground.

I knew daddy was dead… his soul started to exit his body, as he was naked as well like me. He smiles brightly, as he knees down to me and hold me to him tightly.
He cried, as he missed me dearly. I felt happy again.. to be in his arms and loving brace, but at the same time.. I was sad that my daddy had untimely demise cause of me.. my death drove him this way.

“I’ll never let you go, my son. I’ll always be by your side, forever.” As he said that, I’m glad I won’t be alone again.

He gotten up, and holds on to my hands, as he tells me that since we’re spirits, we can’t move on till we find a way.. find peace somehow..

I nodded, and we started to walk away, as we hear the ambulance sirens arriving to where daddy’s truck and his body is at.. I never wanted this.. why?... why is it happening..

Within hours, we were home, daddy sat down on the sofa, as he had me with him. He kissed me on my head and sighs that what’s going to happen when mama and sis hears the news.

As then the phone rang, it rang a few times till my mother woke up, and answered it. When she said hello, we knew in that moment that she’ll hear more bad news.
She stopped talking, and gasp a bit, as she fell to her knees, she hides her face to her hands as she cried very badly. She cries out and says.

“No! NO!.. Not my husband..!! Not him!!” She finally learn that about my dad’s untimely death, it was just harder on her knowing she lost her boy, and now her husband.. 

I looked down as I thought it hard that all this was happening cause of me.. and my poor choices… as I was about to cry, daddy held me tight in his embrace, and tells me that everything will be all right. Never blame myself, never think that way.

Daddy is right, and I was very happy he’s with me to keep me safe, and company, as I nodded to his respond.

“No matter what, Your mother is a strong woman, she won’t give up.”

As daddy said that, I kiss my daddy on his cheek, and started to pull his hand, trying to lead him to mama, as we both started to hold her as we try, to calm her, and to let her know we’re here, and never far away.

Mama started to calm and catches her breath, as she lift her head up and felt warm, as she knows that her, and Mari won’t be alone through this journey.

Now that I’m not alone, I hope daddy and I can find a way through this, and make sure our family will be safe, and ok. I never want my family to go through this hell that I got them through..

----- To Be Continued