Chapter 18-
	Bang!
	The door slammed against the wall as Raph’s shell was shoved through it. Leo’s mouth never leaving his. Even as the turtle blindly reached out to shut the door behind them. Raph churred, encasing his arms around Leo, tugging him the rest of the distance between them until their plastrons clicked together. Their tongues thrusting and battling for dominance. A fight he enjoyed just as much as Leo did. 
	Leo pushed against him, giving him no choice but to back up. The backs of his knees hitting the bed. He fell back on it, pulling Leo down with him. Leo laughing joyously. The sweetest thing he heard. He reached up, his mouth clasping down on the bare neck. Two weeks had past and Leo finally retrieved his skin. Only ten minutes ago had Don removed parts of the bandages. Cleaning the very pale skin. Which reminded him; tomorrow he was going to have to drag Leo outside to sunbathe. He looked like a ghost!
	Leo tugged on his mask till it slipped off his head. Not even bothering untying it first as he tossed the crimson fabric behind him. Raph growled, his tongue running along the silky skin. He had loved how callus Leo usually felt from the many battles they had fought and won over the years, but he equally, if not a little more, enjoyed this. Just holding Leo felt like he was enveloped in velvet. He couldn’t stop touching him. Running his hands over the extremely soft, flawless, skin drove him crazy! Nonetheless, he forced himself to be careful in case Leo was still sensitive. Though he was starting to debate with himself if that was really the case.
	Leo moaned, Raph’s hot breath and smooth wet tongue gliding across his throat sending an electrical current down his body. He tingled under every missed touch. Raph’s palms so rough as they ghosted across his arms and legs and if he dared move them to his shell, he immediately repositioned them on his skin again. His touch a drug of choice and Leo was hopelessly addicted to it. 
	Leo moved his hips, pressing against his growing erection against Raph’s. His mind fogging up with wild desire. He’s waited too long for this. Far too long. His body was singing with pleasure. 
	Raph slid slide his tongue up Leo’s throat. His skin salty and so delicious. So, perfect. Just like Leo. He pressed his lips back against Leo’s. His tongue plunging into his mouth and sucking his flavor that was so spicy with just the hint of sweet. He had craved this so much and yet, no matter how many times he had him, his hunger would never be sated.
	In truth, he had no idea how this started. One minute they were in the lab, the next, they were devouring each other like starving animals. In some cases, that was true. Raph had waited and watched in the corner of the laboratory impatiently. His shell pressed against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. His heel thumping restlessly against the ground. Announcing his low tolerance.
	Leo had sat on the cot, smiling at Raph with amusement and fondness that instantly got him hot and bothered. Damn him. It had been hell restraining himself from having Leo those past two weeks as he helped him recover. Emotionally and physically. He was always around him. Always touching him. But never having. He never allowed himself to lose control. Yet, at that first touch, that said control burned to ash and blown away in mere seconds. Damn him.
	Don examined Leo’s injured and declared that he had been healing well, but there were still places that were raw he had to keep covered. He had removed the bandages off the ready places to reveal the first sign of mint green flesh. Healthy and shiny. Beautiful. Don moisturized and put a medication cream for the sensitivity he was going to feel for a while. Dismissing them after that with no farther instructions. 
	Leo had been rubbing himself. A pleasant smile on his face as they walked out of the lab.
	“How does it feel?” Raph had asked. 
	“Feels . . . weird.” Leo murmured. Staring at himself in wonderment. “Numb. Tingly. Like static.” He turned to him, eyes bright. Holding out his arm. 
“Here. You feel.”
	He shouldn’t have done that. He really shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t resist. He was yearning for skin to skin contact and his curiosity would not stop bugging him. He had reached out, his fingertips gliding first over the skin and then his palm. Leo had shivered. His eyes drifted closed. His lips slightly parted and moist. Begging for him.
	A flame had sparked to life in Raph’s gut at the feeling of such soft, fragile skin. What that hand he now felt could be doing to him right now. They both had looked at each other. They both knew what they wanted and that was around the time Raph lost it. There were no thinking things through. No, “hmm, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.” Just pure, unadulterated passion and lust. 
	He could remember his heart drumming in his ears. His mouth watering. His hands itching. His cock growing.
	They couldn’t even make it to the bedroom. 
	Which was where they left off now. Leo on top of him, sheets being tossed to the ground. The bed springs squeaking, and pleasure. So, so, much pleasure. Raph gasped, his head throwing back against the mattress as sparks of bliss danced across him.
	“Do that again.” Raph commanded. His voice low and husky.
	Leo smirked down at him. “You mean this?” He swiveled his hips against Raph’s in the same manner. Raph hissed. Popping up, he clutched Leo’s shoulders and swung them around before Leo had a chance to react. Blinking up at Raph as he crawled on top of him. An inferno crackling in those emerald eyes of his. Yep, he’d done that right.
	“Want you so bad.” Raph grunted out. His fingers digging into Leo’s hips. 
	“Yes.” Leo moaned out. “Want more!”
	It was soooo tempting. Too tempting. Leo was sweaty, hot, and ready for him. Opened and willing. Wanting him. He could take him right now. One last time before he would have to tell him the horrible truth then leave. Never having him again. Never being able to experience love making. At least one that wasn’t one-sided. Just one more time.
	. . . No.
	No. He couldn’t do it. As high and intense as his need was. His guilt and shame overshadowed it. Clearing that lust fog from his brain. Cooling him down . . . down.
	He couldn’t take Leo and pretend everything was okay. That he hadn’t betrayed him. Intimate or not. He had never kept secrets from him. Little or big, and he wasn’t going to start now. 
	Deep breath in . . . out. Inhale. Exhale. Cooling. Cooling.
	Slowly his erection deflated. He sighed, pulling back. A pain of regret hit his chest at Leo’s squirming and whining from his disappearance. Those eyes half lidded and staring at him with an assortment of confusion, lust, and disappointment. Man, he was a douche. 
	“Raph?” He called breathlessly. So freakin hot. “Why’d you stop?” Leo licked his lips. Pushing himself up.
	“I’m sorry.” He muttered. 
	That confusion seemed to outweigh the lust as the haze that made Leo’s sapphire eyes shimmer, began to fade. “Are you okay?” He asked. Reaching out to touch him. Raph stepped out of his reach. He couldn’t be touched by him again. He swore, those fingertips held a poison to seduce him on the spot. Another dose of that and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself a second time. 
	Leo frowned. Pulling his hand back to his side. The look he gave him cutting so deep in his soul. “I’m fine.” A lie. “I’m not fine.” He sighed.
	“O-kay, can I help?”
	Raph shook his head. “There’s nothing you can do right now.” He wanted to lie. It was the easiest way out of this without telling him but he did not want to add that onto the pile of guilt that was already stacked above his height. Consuming him.
	“What’s the matter Raph? You know you can tell me.” Could he?
	“Not right now.” He eased himself on the end of the bed. A safe enough distance so neither of them could touch. “I’m sorry for not finishing you.”
	Leo didn’t reply, but Raph could feel him staring a hole into the side of his skull. He shifted uncomfortably. Relief washing over him as Leo removed his attention off him and onto his lap. “Erg, I can’t take it anymore!” Leo shouted. Jumping up from the bed. Startling Raph. Leo whirled around to face him. Frustration and regret tense on every muscle in his body. 
	“Look, I’ve kept something from you. I thought I could forget about it and be done with it but I thought you should know.”
	“. . . Alright.” Raph answered slowly. His eyes round and slightly afraid. 
	Leo sighed. Scrubbing his hands over his face. “When Ax had kidnapped me next, he looked like you, right?” Raph nodded. “I was so convinced it was you because I wanted to believe it so bad. I didn’t want it to be anybody else. So I didn’t realize it was you until after I kissed him.” 
Raph’s eyes widened. Leo wrung his hands. “I’m sorry. I feel like I should apologize because I should have known it wasn’t you from the start. But you deserve to know. Forgive me?”
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Fury engulfed the sorrow in his heart. That greedy son of a bitch! He had kissed Leo! That piece of crap laid his filthy mouth on his Leo! He was going to die! Right next to Nak’ir. He was going to remove his tongue for ever tasting his Leo. No one could kiss him. No one could touch him. No one could even look at his Leo with any sort of interest. If they broke any of those rules, he would rip them limb from limb. No excuses. No exceptions.
Whoa! Slow down! Reel in the anger! Raph squeezed his eyes closed. Concentrating on slowing down his breathing. The strain of his muscles, relaxing. Good.
He reopened his eyes. His stomach clenching at the worried look Leo pointed at him. Great. You did it. You made Leo think you’re mad at him.
“I’m not mad.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“Not at you.” He was mad alright. At Ax. At himself. “I would be an asshole not to forgive you . . . because I did something worse.” What the hell are you doing?
The tension from around Leo’s eyes loosened. Immediately followed by more confusion.
“What did you do?” Leo’s eyes narrowed. Raph winced mentally.
“I just . . .”
“What did you do?” He pressed. 
“I may have sort of . . . slept with him.” Great job Raphael! You deserve gold prize for being the biggest ass! Couldn’t have thought up a better way to break it to him, could you?
“. . . You what?” Leo’s voice lowered. Flat and monotonous. Raph couldn’t even meet his gaze. He couldn’t see the anger. The sadness. Or hurt in his eyes. Either that or they were as dead as his voice sounded. He was a warrior. He was brave. He could dive into any battle, head first with not even a moment of hesitation. He was strong. He had beaten multiple enemy’s, barely winded by the end of it. Yet now, he cowered when looking at an angered Leo. Damn, when had he become such a pussy?
“I’m so sorry. I thought it was you! I couldn’t just assume that your odd switch of behavior was someone impersonating you. I thought if I had sex with you . . . him . . . whatever. That things would go back to normal.” He quickly tried to explain and cringed at the sound of his own voice. Leo didn’t appear to be listening to him anyway. He was no longer looking at him. His eyes down casted. His hands curled into fists. His body tightening all over again and he trembled. 
It was such a ballsy move as Raph reached out to touch him. This time, getting a taste of his own medicine. Oh, how bitter it was as Leo swatted away his hand. His glare that could melt ice in seconds, switched onto him. He felt fear before, but he was terrified now.
Leo snarled. “You slept with him. You thought he was me?” The outburst of rage was so hot and boiling Raph could feel the steam from where he sat. He dodged a punch Leo threw at him, stepping back. Hoping the distance between them would cool him down. It didn’t.
“Leo, I’m sorry! I--”
Leo grasped a pillow. Throwing it at him. Raph caught it as it slammed into his chest. Far from hurting him but with the look Leo gave him and the power he used behind it, he guessed he meant for it to hurt. 
“How could you have not known it was me?” Leo grabbed another pillow. Chucking it at him as well. Raph stood his ground, taking the pitiful blow. The pillow thumped against him. Falling to the ground. “He may sound like me, but does he talk like me? Lead like me? Punches you like me?” As if to set an example, Leo slammed his fist onto the nightstand. The lamp shuttering at the attack. Leo snatched up his book and tossed that at him. Raph caught it smoothly. Another book. He caught that too. His t-phone. The digital clock. An action figure. All thrown at him and he caught each one. Setting them down on the dresser. 
Thankfully, he didn’t throw the lamp. The only thing available at Leo’s reach now. He did appear disappointed though. His teeth bared as he turned back to Raph. “Tell me Raphael, does he kiss like me too? Does he bring you pleasure like I do? Or how about blow you, huh? Obviously, he does, cause you didn’t know it was me!” 
Raph growled, lunging at Leo. Tackling him on the bed. Leo barked his protest. Kicking and shoving against an immobile Raphael.
“No. He is nothing like you.” Raph insisted and that was the truth. Everything Ax had done; Leo would never do. Even the sex. And no, he did not compare.
“Yeah, that’s why you didn’t know.” Leo spat. Each word like a dagger to his flesh. 
“Leo, I mean it, everything he said to me to convince me was stuff he learned of from--” This time, he did move. Raph’s words cut off as a sucker punch took him across the jaw, sending him reeling off the bed and onto the ground. A painful ache magnified across his jaw and down his neck when he bit his tongue. Blood overflowed his mouth and dribbled past his lips over his chin and down his neck, but he paid it no mind. His gaze locked with Leo’s. Concern for the slightest of seconds flashed across Leo’s face and he thought he was about to get up but seemed to think better of it. Instead, the emotion was replaced back to anger. To that hurt and sorrow he feared seeing. Tearing apart his insides. Leo looked away.
Nope. He took that back. It destroyed him. 
“Raphael.” A deep voice he once found so comforting just added to the dread he felt. “Come. Join your brothers in the living room. Get your wound treated.” The voice was gentle. Not upset, but not happy either. Just impassive. Just like Leo appeared right now. 
Slowly, he picked himself back up. Pausing long enough to quickly debate with himself if he should stay or not. However, one glance at the back of Leo’s head made up his mind fast. Leo wasn’t going to be listening to him anytime soon. He would just be wasting his breath.
Desolated, Raph turned. Not daring meeting Splinter’s eye as he walked past him. 
“I’ll be down shortly.”
Raph whirled around. Finding Leo’s door shut. Damn it. Was Leo going to tell him everything? Marvelous. Raph thought sourly. No doubt Splinter will now be staring at him in disappointment yet again for the next week or two. Why don’t they just switch his name from Raphael the Hothead to Raphael the Disappointment? Cause that’s all he seemed to be able to do anymore. Why did their lives always turn to hell after a period of peace? The calm before the storm?
Muttering something rude about fate, he stomped back down the hall. 

“Raph, it’ll be okay.”
Raphael sent a heated glare at Don. The cotton stuffed in his mouth and the fact that his jaw ached too much prevented him from replying. So basically, he had to sit there, holding an ice pack to his jaw while he listened to Don’s encouraging speech. Only problem was, it lacked encouragement. 
“Just give Leo some time. He’s mad right now and you of all people should know you can’t think while you’re mad. He’ll cool down and then you can talk.”
“Yeah, thith ithn’t helping.” Raph forced himself to slurr out. Wincing when the slightest movement made his jaw ache. He pressed his lips together.
Splinter had come out of Leo’s room five minutes later after he had left. The rat didn’t look at him. Didn’t say anything and Raph didn’t know if he should be relieved or shaking in fear. Trying to figure out what his father’s thoughts and feelings were, was as hard as finding a needle in a field of haystacks. I-M-P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E.
The best option was to outright ask him and there was no way he was going to do that. He already had one difficult day, thank you. 
“You are not running away.” Don commanded sternly. Grabbing his arm when he was about to leave. Raph tossed another glare at him but didn’t say anything. He couldn’t, even if he wanted. 
After a long moment of silence, he sighed his defeat. Nodding as a silent vow he was not leaving. Today. If his presence continues to torture Leo, he would pack up and leave. If, however, Leo comes out and acts like there was not a problem in the world, he’ll . . . well, that was still up for debate.
The thought that Leo would just dismiss him entirely seemed very unlikely but still possible and it stung so much just thinking about it.
No. He was not going to wimp out again. He had already acted like a chicken getting its feathers plucked once too many times today. He would keep a stiff upper lip. 
After a quick study of his face, Don must have finally concluded that he was telling the truth because his hand slipped away. Freeing him. Raph turned and stomped out of the kitchen, purposely making a wide turn around the dojo and descending the hall where he locked himself in his room. A room he no longer felt comfy in. The place was neat now since he moved part of his junk in-- ah, crap. 
Raph sighed. Deciding to just deal without that stuff for now. Maybe when Leo meditated or something, he’ll sneak in his room and grab his things. He really did not want to see Leo today and he was positive the feelings were mutual for him. His best course of actions? Just sleeping the rest of the day and night away. Tomorrow he’ll see if he can patch a few things up. 
He dragged his feet over to the hammock. He hadn’t used this thing in so long. He had missed sleeping in it. It had taken him a year to get used to a bed after spending all his teen years sleeping in it.
Now to remember how he gets in.
Grumbling, he set aside the ice pack and swung onto the hammock. Forgetting about the momentum this action usually created as he fell off the other end with a thump.
Yep. The perfect way to end a fabulous day.
Raph growled, wondering if sleeping on the couch was in order. He dragged himself up to his feet and tried the gentle approach. Rear end down first, body next, then swing the legs on. It was rough and Raph held on tight to make sure he wouldn’t be dumped again. Finally relaxing when the swaying had stopped. He sighed as the fabric cradled his body and gently rocked him. His jaw throbbed. Raph glanced over to the ice pack he had set down and realized how far away it was. If he dared tried to reach it, there was a very high risk he would plummet to the ground again. He’ll just deal without it then.
Ignoring the pain, he allowed his eyes to drift closed and sleep to take him. 

“So, you think this is Nak’ir’s new hiding place?” Raph asked as he looked over Don’s shoulder to the computer screen. A picture of an apartment graced the screen, marked with the price to rent one room. The building was white with baby blue trimming, four stories tall. Balcony’s with black iron railings on each window that could only fit two people if they squished together. No elbow room whatsoever. Little round green bushes guarding the entire building. It was cute. Not a place one would suspect a psychopath. Then again, that was the point.
“What do you mean think? I know.” Don scoffed. “Unfortunately, I discovered the men he had with him were assigned a different area. Nowhere near here. But with a few phone calls and some midnight cramming. I’m positive this is the apartment he’s hiding in. He goes by the name Niles Holgren.” 
“It’s smart. He looks human. He could blend.” Mikey nodded in agreement. “Do you think he’s a shapeshifter to?” 
Raph shook his head. “His kind doesn’t have that ability. Ax had said his disguise was an image projector he created for himself. He also built a translator. That’s why his mouth and voice looked anime.” 
“You got him talking again?” Don looked at him.
“Sort of. When I gave him breakfast, I asked him if he could eat and he just started rambling this stuff.”
“Dudes seriously long gone.” Mikey shook his head.
“So what’s the plan?”
“There is no plan yet.” Raph answered. He couldn’t concentrate now, but once this situation with Leo was settled and he figured out if he is single again or not. He’ll focus his attention on Nak’ir. In the meantime, “Don, do you think you can hack into the security footage?”
Don nodded. “I wish you’d give me something challenging to do.”
“You’re getting cockier than I am, Don.”
The turtle sniggered. Spinning around in his chair and typing away on his keyboard. He decided to leave him to it. Mikey following closely behind. As soon as they exited the lab, Mikey finally release what was bugging him. “Raph, your planning on leaving aren’t you.” Not a question.
Raph turned, his eyes narrowing on his little brother. “How--”
“I saw your face Raph. Don knows to, he just didn’t mention it to you.”
“So?”
“So, what on earth are you going to do out there, Raph?”
Raph sighed unhappily. Rubbing a hand across his face. “I don’t know. Yet. My priority is getting rid of Nak’ir. For good.”
“You don’t plan on doing that alone, are you?”
“Of course not. I’m reckless. Not an idiot.”
“What about Leo?”
“What about him? I still don’t want him involved with Nak’ir. We’ll continue to keep quiet about it, for now. Once I have a plan, that plan will continue regardless of what happens between Leo and I.” Raph ordered. Staring hard at Mikey in certain that he feared even considering blabbing about it. 
“He isn’t going to like that.” Mikey muttered.
“He doesn’t like me in general anyway. Mine as well.” Raph shrugged. He would deal with Leo when the time comes.
“How are you doing with the whole Leo thing?” 
“Hurting. But I’ll deal.” It was the best answer he could give him. Leo hadn’t shown up for breakfast that morning. He found Leo meditating in the dojo and he quickly took the opportunity to retrieve his stuff. Splinter had kept them apart all through training. Still, he couldn’t figure out what Splinter was thinking. He had seen Leo pop out of his room just for a second before disappearing in the bathroom. Not talking to him once. How he hated the silent treatment. 
“Can you tell me what happened? Don won’t say anything.” What a surprise.
“I won’t either. It’s personal. Don only knows because I was desperate at the time. Sorry Mike.” Though disappointed, Mikey seemed to understand. He was already a disappointment to Leo and Don and possibly Splinter, but Mike? He really did not want him to know how much of an arse he was.
“Alright, but don’t think I don’t care. You can talk to me if you truly need it.”
“I wouldn’t dare think that.” Raph walked back to his room. Seeing as he had nothing better to do. Leo was obviously still upset with him and probably would be for a long while. If he was going to leave, he had to leave soon. Before Don and Mikey talk him out of it. Or he talks himself out of it.