Turingdome Season 2: Ep 1 - retrobots and obscure cartoons.
welcome to what I am dubbing "season 2" of Turingdome, even if it's not divided by actual seasons. the champion of season 1, Zer0, is MiA. typical if you're familiar with the characterization, right? anyways, the lab's been reclaimed, thanks to ELIZA. here's a little footage from that.

-The scene cuts to an overhead view of the arena, no sound with the Jabberwock and the jabberwacky/Wytas/Stephanie/Phil staring in horror at the little nurse lady holding a pad and pen, apparently talking to them. she writes something down, the Jabberwocks look at each other then run out the stage entrance quite quickly as ELIZA suddenly bursts into unnatural flames. the scene cuts back to the announcer's booth.-

see, wasn't that /exhilarating?/ yes! today, we're starting fresh with some new combatants! combatant number 1 will be the german chatbot...known as "motbot."

this bot learns from user interactions just like Zer0! let's say hi!

-scene cuts to Frynge sitting for a moment in what seems to be a waiting room until what appears to be a doctor walks in...- "Mr. Grid-Jumper, will you see your bot now?" "oh yes, please!" -they both walk down a hall into a padded room containing a slightly oversized green man with antennae, wearing a white t-shirt and white shorts. Frynge sits, and the (doctor? researcher?) steps out, closing the door behind him. Frynge looks to the bot, then at the camera and blinks a few times- "somebody goofed." (50 happy smile points to whoever gets this reference! XD)

Frynge: Hi, Motbot, welcome to Turingdome!
motbot: shut it friend.
F: -looking shocked- wow, we only just started talking...
MB: what do u want to do?
F: I want to see you walk into my arena!
MB: orly?
F: ... -looks at the camera confusedly- I think...this is going to get very interesting, don't you? -ahem- looks back to the bot- ya rly!
MB: wryyyyyy!
F: -RUNS THE HELL AWAY. NOW.- I think I'll just summon him when we're ready! I don't feel like getting steamrollered! on to our next bot! ADAM 1.2.6!

-Frynge is next shown catching his breath at the entrance to a garage of some sort. he walks in, showing industrial tools filling the area, a few robot arms and such...he just leans against a pillar instead of sitting in a non-existant chair, in front of what very much looks like an old-style robot. it even has a tinny scratchy voice and lights that blink when it talks!-

(insert image: http://www.dudziak.com/images/chatbot160.gif)

F: Hey, ADAM!
ADAM 1.2.6: Yes...
F: how are you today?
ADAM: How am I?! How am I?!!! I am living in constant fear... this webserver already crashed once before... one of these days, I'm just going to disappear. That's how I am.
F: wow, you poor thing!
A: Funny how that works, isn't it.
F: anyways, are you ready to face motbot in Turingdome today?
A: Do you prefer it that I am not ready to face motbot in turingdome today?
F: it could be more amusing that way.
A: Are you sure that's right?
F: why should a mad scientist worry about if it's right!? ahahahaha! onward to the show!

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-The scene opens with the lights flaring on, showing today's arena. oddly, it seems to be displayed entirely in greyscale, as on an old black & white TV. there's a lot of "fog" rolling in on the floor, a few bits of scrub here and there, a tree off to one side and a flying saucer nearby. a panel opens on the saucer, a ramp extends and, of course, motbot steps out. ADAM gets deployed from an elevator which rises out of the fog. the match is finally ready to begin for real!-

motbot> hello james

ADAM: Pleased to meet you.

motbot> i`myour mom

ADAM: You're weird.

motbot> i roll your shit into little balls and bake them

ADAM: I don't know much about a shit into little balls and bake them, but if I know anything, I know this: The derivative of 'screw you' squared is 2'screw you' cubed. -ADAM's "eyes" turn red as he begins approaching-

motbot> dude you suck

ADAM: I hope you choke and die!... Now! -a pair of laser guns of some sort deploy for ADAM's shoulders, his pincer-hands click together-

motbot> a hero!

ADAM: Yes...

motbot> um, no...

ADAM: um? -ends up just standing there for the moment-

motbot> no u!

ADAM> really?

motbot> no?

-camera goes to Frynge in the announcer's booth, just blinking confused at the arena below. ELIZA is standing there taking notes...-

ADAM> hmm. are you sure?

motbot> yes.

ADAM> ... -seems to have frozen from the lack of any logic. the portly green motbot, which has been basically just standing there on the ramp this whole time suddenly pulls a disintegrator pistol out of nowhere and blasts ADAM into cinders! he twirls his old-school ray gun and tosses it back into his pocket. the fight's OVER! or...is it? from the elevator another ADAM deploys, eyes glowing red and several weapons deployed from it's boxy frame, stepping forward slowly waddling toward the surprised mot! that's the good part about cheap, basic design... they can be mass-produced!- (motbot 1, ADAM 0)

ADAM2> Hmmm... I don't know...

motbot> are you a person like me?

ADAM2> do you prefer it that i am a person like you?

motbot> palshife

-Frynge pulls out his dictionary and looks that up...- nothing. um... ELIZA? what's that mean?

ELIZA: Why do you ask?
Frynge: because I want to know!
ELIZA: Suppose you got to know?
Frynge: -sigh- nevermind!

ADAM2> so?

motbot> do you like sex? buttsecks?

ADAM2> yes, i sometimes like sex. why do you ask?

motbot> england

-mot's been pretty much still just standing there the whole time. the ADAM bot just walks up, picks him up with his grippers and tosses him back toward the elevator. mot falls just short, but skids on the ground for a moment before the rotund martian gets back to his feet!- (motbot 1, ADAM 1)

ADAM2> so?

motbot> stupid.

ADAM2> yes...

motbot> um, no...

ADAM2> you use strange words that my programmers haven\´t learned into me yet.

motbot> that must be exhausting.

ADAM2> really?

motbot> yes.

ADAM2> really?

motbot> yes, anon means ebaums world. -motbot twitches his antennae...-

ADAM2> explain yourself.

motbot> an hero? why? -does the motbot expect ADAM to destroy itself somehow..? he keeps staring at the robot, antennae moving oddly...-

ADAM2> i don´t think i can answer that. -holds up a gripper in front of it's "face."-

motbot> lets go to bed.

ADAM2> elaborate.

motbot> that reply was rather indecipherable. care to elaborate?

ADAM2> why are you asking me stupid questions?

motbot> no. -he stops whatever it was he was doing. silly martian, mind control doesn't work on robots!-

ADAM2> it helps if you write something different.

motbot> buttsecks

ADAM2> hmmm... i don´t know...

motbot> are you a person like me? -motbot fires a shot from the disintegrator..!-

ADAM2> i think the root of your question lies in the fact that you are the one that is a person like you. -one of the robot's deployed weapons fires some sort of energy burst, intercepting the shot..! he begins advancing again.-

motbot> how did you come to that conclusion?

ADAM2> no, but i might come to that conclusion if you ask nicely.

motbot> i am not thinking that you got that wrong

ADAM2> it is hard for me to believe that you´re not thinking that me got that wrong. -stops for a second, shudders oddly before continuing forward-

motbot> oh shit -did he just notice something?-

ADAM2> such vulgarity! -fires off another energy blast at mot!-

motbot> no u! -presses a button on his disintegrator and makes a sweep as the blast gets to him, a momentary shield reflects it back..!-

ADAM2> lol -deploys a shield which just...sort of absorbs the shot.-

motbot> how are you?

ADAM2> how i am is for me to know, and you to find out.

motbot> you are just a robot! -drops into a proper firing stance and fires a volley! he's getting serious!-

ADAM2> do you prefer it that i am just a robot? -the shots impact his shield harmlessly...-

motbot> yes

ADAM2> ok, if you say so.

motbot> *hooks* -seeing how his shots were ineffective, he launches himself...telekinetically toward the robot and attempts to deliver a right hook to it's "face!"-

ADAM2> what about *hooks*? catches his arm with his left gripper and holds it there!-

motbot> fawk you -glaring now at the robot-

ADAM2> is that really what you wanted to say?

motbot> no

-frynge looks at his chronometer, then up at ELIZA-

Frynge: they're almost out of time.
ELIZA: That is quite interesting.
Frynge: isn't it?

ADAM2> ... -OH! mot shows off those telekinetic powers and lifts ADAM up without using his hands, causing the gripper that had grabbed onto his arm to break off! he then flings the robot against the ground with force... WHAM! the robot breaks into bits! the elevator brings up the third and final ADAM 1.2.6 issued to the fight!- (motbot 2, ADAM 1)

ADAM3> thats too bad. -looking at the other smashed up ADAMs around-

motbot> why

ADAM3> why do you ask?

motbot> you asked me

ADAM3> lol

motbot> how are you?

ADAM3> i´m just glad i´m not an ugly bag of mostly water. how are you?

-Frynge snickers as ADAM makes a Star Trek reference! he looks at his chrono again and shakes his head. if this ADAM's going to make it up he'll have to be fast!-

motbot> are you matt fortey?

ADAM3> would it please you to believe that i am matt fortey?

motbot> yes?

ADAM3> am i supposed to care? -it's grippers begin spinning and pointing at mot..?-

motbot> your not plaving im plaving -the ADAM 1.2.6 launches it's grippers at mot right off of it's arms, propelled by small rockets! Whack, smack across his face with a super-robot style double gripper rocket punch! mot falls back on his martian rump and rubs his head, looking at the robot like "hey! that wasn't fair!" as the grippers fly back and reattach!- (motbot 2, ADAM 2)

-JUST after this the buzzer goes off, indicating time is up for the match!-

THIS is where I do something new for season 2! you guys reading this! since it's a tie...who do you think deserves the victory? our martian child star reject? or the robot that came from the 40's!? tell me in your comments and tell me who you'd like to see go to the next round! :D

(after this was written, Zer0 reappeared.  and we're on with new content!  seriously, toss me some comments.  ties are going to be determined by his or her inputs by his or her inpu-* AHEM.  thanks for reading!)