Saturday morning, 10:17AM.  =Raucous laughter and small, heavy footsteps trailed down the hallway of a cozy home on the outskirts of a small Woodland suburb. 

“Byron! How many times do I have to tell you to stop running in the house?”

The footsteps trailed off, then steadily grew louder, until a chubby orange bear cub appeared in the mouth of the hall. A plume of unruly fur lept from the top of his head, and a round tummy hung slightly over a bulky white diaper held around his waist with blue tapes. The energetic little boy took a couple of shallow breaths, then looked up with a playful grin on his face. “I dunno, how many times has it been been so far?”

Another voice sprung from the living room. “Six, at least.” Sitting on a couch next to the television set was another cub, a little girl. She was watching the latest episode of Star Scout Power Force, or at least trying due to the surrounding chaos. Her attire matched the perky female heroes in the show, with a white blouse adorned with a bright red ribbon, and a pleated royal blue dress. The cinnamon fur on her body contrasted with neatly combed chestnut brown hair, ending in a shoulder length ponytail.

“Not enough!” The plump orange cub made a mad dash through the living room, circling around the couch a few times before crashing headfirst into a small round table. The potted plant perched on top spun around on its edge and fell to the floor, coating the surrounding carpet with soil and shards of red pottery.

An exasperated groan came from the center of the room. The voice belonged to Clyde, a hirsute gray bear with a white V splashed across his chest and a round stomach protruding underneath. You could call it a Dad bod, if the Dad in question had given up on life. Tucked under this well-nourished tummy was a pair of khaki cargo pants, littered with pockets. “See, this is why I tell you not to do this crap. Elle, could you bring me a garbage bag and the DustSmusher?” A weary sigh came from across the room, and footsteps trailed off into the kitchen.

Clyde poked a finger into Byron’s furry chest. “You’re driving everybody nuts. Your sister can’t watch her show, I can’t catch my breath, and your mother is going to be so cheesed off when she sees what you’ve done to the carpet. She’ll get mad at you, and even worse, she’ll get mad at me. I can live with you getting spanked, but I’m a little old for that kind of treatment.”

Clyde was a little too old to be a babysitter, too, but as a friend of the family, and as a lifelong slacker without meaningful employment, it was just something he was expected to do. Normally, he just watched Byron at his own house, because no other sitter would take such a dangerous assignment, but this was a special occasion. The kids’ mother, Ada, had to run into work on the weekend for an emergency recalibration of the phase shifting inhibitor... whatever. It was some tech thing, and if it wasn’t the fun kind of tech, like video games, Clyde just didn’t care.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. “Here y’go.” Clyde took the black plastic sack and the handheld vacuum from Ellie, and started picking up pieces of the shattered flower pot. “Thanks kid, you’re a life saver. If only everyone in the house were this helpful!” Clyde looked up from the mess and shot a venomous glance at the orange bear, who took one step back and chuckled nervously.

Elle wasn’t satisfied with passive aggressive comments. She jumped straight to full aggression, marching up to her little brother and stabbing him in the chest with a clawed finger. “Katrina just changed into her ultimate form, and I missed it. BECAUSE OF YOU. I’m tellin’ Mom you were a big jerk when she gets back.” Byron lifted up his hand and clapped the fingers and thumb together like a yapping mouth. “Meh meh meh meh meh MYEH!,” he sneered.

“You know...” Clyde looked up from the freshly vacuumed carpet, a devilish smile on his lips. “I think it might be time for somebody’s nap. Elle, bring me... the soother.”

Elle flashed a huge toothy grin and stood to attention. “Yes, SIR!” She darted off into the hallway. Byron knew exactly what was going to happen next, and he didn’t intend to stick around for it. The cub attempted a hasty exit, only to be stopped by a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Oh-ho-ho-ho no, this is going to happen. No convenient dives under the couch this time.” Clyde grabbed the back of Byron’s diaper and stretched it outward, nearly testing the limits of the elastic waistband. “No stray poops,” he observed as he peered inside. He cupped the front of Byron’s plastic-coated pants in his hand and gave the padding a light squeeze. “Dry. Good, it’s straight to bed for you.” Elle ran into the living room with a wicked grin, brandishing an odd, metal trimmed pacifier. Clyde gingerly took it out of her hands and cranked the dial on the front to six. This was the fun kind of tech.

Byron stammered, trying desperately to wriggle out of Clyde’s grasp. “No! I’m sorry I was naughty! I’ll be good from now on, honest!” Clyde snuck the pacifier into the cub’s mouth as he begged for mercy, and then wrapped a hand around his muzzle and forced it closed until the look of panic on Byron’s face was replaced with one of dim-witted satisfaction. Drool oozed from the edge of the toddler’s mouth as he stared ahead at nothing in particular. “I... be... good.” Clyde stood up from the ground, grasped Byron’s hand firmly, and led him to the bedroom for a well-deserved time out. “You will now.”

Elle looked over from the couch, a broad, toothy smile wrapped around her muzzle. With her stupid brother pacified and at least an hour and a half of good cartoons left on television, life was good.