Who would have thought that a show based on the Kirby video games, would be down-right disturbing? If this were something like Family Guy or South Park, I wouldn't have given two shits about it and just walked off and done my own thing. I mean, come on, any sober-minded person who would look at this multi-colored show would not think of it as being evil, but bright-eyed, happy, full of love, and energy. But anyone who was messed up in the head would have seen it in a different light behind it's cutesy appearance.
I was hoping for that... I couldn't be anymore wrong.

You see, between the years of 2005-2007, every weekend I used to watch 4Kids TV on the FOX station in Boston. The only shows I would actually watch on that programming block were Kirby Right Back at Ya, Sonic X, and Viva Pinata. The other shows weren't worth watching in my opinion.

Anyway, the episode began with the usual intro, but there was something VERY odd about this one episode in particular. First of all, the person who always sang the intro wasn't there. Instead, the intro was sung by someone who sounded a lot like the infamous Internet legend Chris-chan singing off-key. Also, when it got to the part of the song where the NME Sales Guy and King Dedede started to talk, you could hear the singer make violent gagging noises in the background before returning to finish the rest of the song. It sounded absolutely horrible.

I was curious as to what the hell kind of program I was watching that was not the normal Kirby episode. It started out a bit odd. For one thing, it immediately went in to the first scene instead of commercials playing after the intro ended as I was used to seeing. It just sort of popped in, causing me to jump. But I was glad that I didn't have to watch any commercials. What also made me jump was what came after that; the delayed yet abrupt appearance of the music, which was loud and sounded like some fast, angry jazz music with trumpets. It reminded me a lot of the music from the Touhou Project games. It popped immediately in to the outside of King Dedede's Castle with the camera zooming in.

It cut inside Dedede's Castle and the animation was even weirder here; everyone moved all wavery-like and wouldn't stop moving, much like those old Zelda CD-i games, but the art style was the same as the cartoon King Dedede makes about himself in the episode “Cartoon Buffoon”, which meant there was a lot of extra movement and it looked like everything was drawn by a 3 year old. Sometimes it was hard to make out what was going on, but the crappy art style and animation only lasted for the first minute of the episode, so I didn't worry about it too much.

From here on it is not too different from the anime except for the lack of all the characters that usually appeared and the fact that Kirby sings songs (albeit in his head, since he can't actually speak in full sentences) about a huge girly plush toy he wishes to get. The story about Dedede is also slightly different: Apparently, he happened to appear out of nowhere suddenly owning an impressive castle that no one saw built. Seems here no one worked in his castle nor did it ever have any problems causing it to shut down. But when Kirby finds the ticket, everything starts going VERY wrong.

So anyway, the big day came and everyone is waiting at the gate. To my utter shock and surprise, we also see Mario, Princess Peach, Luigi, and Bowser in the front row of the crowd, along with Kirby. I knew they made a few cameo appareances in the Kirby games, but I wasn't expecting them to show up here! But anyway, there are talks of King Dedede being a Grinch, how his castle got there and how it got made, and there is a story about Prince Pondicherry's death, whoever the hell that is. They talk about more stuff, but then it seems the wind picks up, drowning them out, though nothing is ever seen blowing; there's just a sound effect of howling wind.

Then there are bells that chime for when it is time for the gates to open. Surprisingly, I can hear it over the loud howling wind, but it hits me that the chimes are funeral bells. Very weird. But this is not the weirdest part.

The weirdest part is King Dedede himself. When the doors swing open, you can see a dark shadowy figure stand at the doorway, and then Dedede comes out of the castle hopping and prancing. Very out of character for him. Again, this isn't the weirdest part. The weirdest part is his eyes; he had a death stare that quite literally sent chills down my spine. His robe and hat kept moving, it moved like as if he was underwater.

The wind was even louder now as he pranced and hopped down towards the gate. Once he arrived, he spoke. Strangely, I could hear his voice loud and clear even though the cheering and talking from the audience was barely audible. His voice was the same. Nothing out of the ordinary. The same gruff, deep voice with a Southern accent. The group had to show him their tickets, which he stuck down his pants although technically speaking, King Dedede doesn't actually wear pants. But I guess it was an animation error, so yeah. They all walked inside.

It wasn't that different from the anime from here on except for when they started down the hallways, which looked like demented Tim Burton-style artwork. They kept getting more narrow and kept sloping down more and more the further they went. They also seemed to twist more as they entered each new hallway. The weird part is that there is no dialogue here except a line from Peach about needing to use the washroom, which Mario tells her probably won't happen until the end of the tour. The cheesy music 4Kids would play in place of the shows original Japanese soundtrack played as normal.

There is also a slow rising of the howling winds from earlier. I found it strange that such a thing would appear inside the castle. They entered an even more twisted and looped-looking hallway with funeral bells chiming once again. The odd thing is that the art style once they entered this room had changed completely; while still remaining in the same art style of animation the show always used, it now actually did look like something Tim Burton might draw.

Then everything got interrupted by a long message found on a black screen with white text. The writing was in Japanese but I unfortunately couldn't translate it. There was no sound at all here; everything was in total silence, though the howling winds show up abruptly a couple seconds in. I expected it to return to the show here, but it went to an unsually long commercial break for a few minutes before it returned back to the show.

They continued to walk through the twisted halls, this one looking particularly messy with shadowy figures of Dedede and the gang walking through. It changed to a side view, and everyone was still black and shadowy, and Dedede was still hopping down until an abrupt change as the funeral bells sounded again, then he was walking slowly. The way he was walking reminded me very much of the Undertaker from WWE, specifically in his Ministry of Darkness days. Other than the obvious, what was also freaky about it was the fact that it happened abruptly with no transitional frames. There was, again, no dialogue aside from someone (I assume Luigi) saying, "I-I don't like this, Mario!".

Suddenly, they walk through into the throne room, no door or entrance, they just walk in. All sound is gone, and each one that actually shows up is distant and echo-ey. When they get here it starts to get really strange.

The room looks identical to the one in the games except it was in a Tim Burton film style. and is not cross-hatched but in what looks like a black and white painting style.

What made it more unsettling is that its textures would change slightly with each frame. Quite unsettling, because how were they able to get so much blood to make up each, possibly, seven-hundred-thousand or more pieces of paper? But that isn't the weirdest part, it gets worse: The room doesn't seem to function like normal as Dedede is not introducing anyone to the room nor showing them around. He suddenly starts speaking about the Waddle Dees, a group he had smuggled from Africa. "Illegally." he adds. They are then shown, but the unsettling part is the fact that, unlike in the games where they are happy and cheerful, they look miserable, and each time they look at Dedede, they look terrified, they give him a look that basically says: "Please don't kill me!"

I actually heard one say that, though I couldn't quite tell if he said "kill" as he was far away and was sobbing. It had more of the sound of "ack" rather than "kill". The camera from this point stayed at a bird's eye view. Dedede then yelled angrily at the Waddle Dees with a ridiculously loud voice. It was loud and screechy. I couldn't even understand him; he could have been speaking in another language for all I know. Everyone, including me, jumped when this happened. Even Bowser looked freaked out by Dedede's screeching.

Then he turned back to his guests and said something about them that sounded so shockingly and despicably racist. But then it continued to get worse. By the end, what he had ended up saying about them was just plain abysmal, as well as slightly terrifying. I won't even repeat it. It was so bad that even Donald Trump would be offended by it. Now I am also not that super-sensitive, politically correct type, but even I was distraught about what he had said.

Anyway, the old Viking boat arrived, but it had some odd reptilian designs about it. The gang got in and I heard Peach say, "I want lots of things, but I do not want a dreadful boat like this!" But that was all I could hear. The gang did talk, but their voices were drowned out by a group of crying Waddle Dees and the overly loud sailing of the boat in the river.

They ended up going through a dark tunnel and it was very close to the one in the Willy Wonka film with Gene Wilder. You know, that psychedelic tunnel ride? This whole episode seemed to be a parody of that movie. But I could barely make out what any of them were as the style made everything look so convoluted. Peach commented about her underpants being drenched in pee. Bowser spoke some of Violet's lines from the film ("What is this, a freak out?") he had the same voice as the one he had in Super Mario Sunshine. I was absolutely baffled. I also noticed Luigi was gone, though I assumed he fell into the river.

Anyway, Dedede sang his rowing song, like in the Wonka film, though he sang it closer to how Marilyn Manson sang it but with extra vibrato. The fast, angry Touhou-like music from the beginning shows up once again. It seemed very odd and out of place. I kept seeing the letters “SSB” pop up in the background (Super Smash Bros?) and then the images become clear.

The background images show Waddle Dees crying and some are singing something in some kind of African language. Then Dedede's song starts turning in to some kind of bizarre language; it sounded like some kind of Yiddish chant, until halfway through where it starts to have a slight hint of German in it. His eyes get redder, his mouth grows larger, and his teeth make a sudden change to being sharp. The whole screen suddenly goes red and a crackling noise is heard. Then it pauses right on his face for a minute and the funeral bells return. The weird voice from the theme song shows up again, but halfway through rather than starting out from the beginning.

His voice is very clear. He mentions the Waddle Dees being illegally smuggled from a deep dark forest in Africa, and what peaceful lives they lived, but there was shocking mention of horrid things Dedede did to smuggle them. Again, I will not repeat them. He is about to speak about what happened to them and how the castle got there, but it immediately skips to a room where I can barely make out anything going on. Had no one said anything about it I would have never guessed it was the inventing room.

From here on it just keeps skipping to different rooms, a person disappearing each time until only Bowser was left. Here, however, it seems no one knows how they disappear. Anyway, the last room they appear in features Dedede making sick powder.

Bowser does not seem very pleased about it. Dedede gets extremely angry about this and shouts angrily right in his face. Once again, loud, screechy, and unintelligible. The fact that it was not distant made it even worse. It sounded so loud it even echoed through the room. Then Bowser clumsily runs inside the door to where it's being made. Then it cuts to Dedede's face slowly zooming in closer and closer. He has a huge rape-ish grin about him. Very spooky. I hated to keep looking, but I had to see what was to come so I reluctantly did so. Some weird noises that resemble the creepy background music you hear on something like Forensic Files (maybe you know what I am talking about) are heard while this is happening.

Then Dedede began to chant something in what sounded like Russian. Subtitles (weird symbols) appeared below in a font called Malbeck (the font used in the Paramount logo). Then it showed hints of Japanese in it, albeit more so than last time. The text then flickered to an English translation, but it happened way too fast, too fast for me to read it. Then it went back to where it was and it was a still picture of the group standing around the room with nothing but funeral bells being heard. It lasted a few minutes, then it started to go in motion again once the funeral bells sounded. I then heard the same voice from the theme song shout; “Bowser, NO!”

Bowser ran off into the room as Dedede stared down at Kirby. Honestly, I had practically forgotten Kirby was here because he was barely shown throughout the whole thing. In fact, Mario and Bowser were shown the most. I almost felt like Luigi and Peach were not even in this one considering their names were never spoken.

I heard him speak again and remembered he was highly effeminate. Dedede went on telling him he won, but instead of taking him directly through a great glass elevator or whatever, he told him to wait a minute. He then hopped off into another room. He found every one of the other characters in here except for Bowser. He said something that I did not quite understand. It was English, but it had a rather convoluted meaning. The group lying down on the floor could be heard crying and moaning, similar to the Waddle Dees.

He then turned on the radio and slowly began to strip. The one thing that gave me goosebumps was what was playing on the radio. Melodically, it reminded me a lot of one of those songs you would hear in an Animal Crossing game, despite it being in that typical style you often heard during the ‘80’s. It also sounded as though the keyboardist did not know exactly how to play it right.

Anyway, I couldn't pick out the exact lyrics of the song, but I did hear the singer mention some freaky shit that would happen to a bunch of different people by 2012. It was like a bunch of random names being spurted out, but he obviously seemed to know who they were. What they were going to have happen to them is too horrible to mention. I don't even remember half of them. It took a second for me to sink back in to the video as my mind drifted away, absolutely stunned by the music. When I did, I saw Dedede take off his robe and throw it off and then finally slowly drop down to the ground as Kirby stares with a freaked out look on his face, much like the face he made at the end of Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards when Ribbon kissed him. After that the credits rolled.

...What the hell was that?! That was just disturbing by kids show standards. I couldn't take anymore of this, I just wanted the show to end, I was hoping the episode was just FOX accidentally airing a fanmade episode or screwed up satellite transmission or something. I tried to shut the TV off, but it didn't respond. The batteries had gone dead in my remote. I was relieved when the credits rolled and saw that Sonic X was coming up, which comforted me for about a minute.

Then, the twisted hell-spawn episode came back on with a vengeance. I was hoping that it wouldn't continue, but I got more of this shit. What I saw next wanted to make me toss my lunch up.

It was a continuation of the last scene, except now... King Dedede was having SEX with Kirby. You heard me right. Dedede forcing himself onto Kirby was being televised on a children's programming block. FOR. CHILDREN. This scene of King Dedede fucking the hell out of Kirby lasted for nearly 30 seconds while an advertisement for Sonic X played on the lower part of the screen. Sonic was oblivious to the horrors that were being shown above him. Towards the end, an Emergency Alert System attention signal sound could be heard in place of the soundtrack as we hear Kirby's screams and King Dedede's loud grunting and orgasm sounds. It was really graphic and disturbing. We also hear somebody banging loudly against a door as the scene fades to black. The show then finally ended.

The TV remote finally responded and I was able to turn the TV off. I couldn't sleep for a month. This incident has traumatized me for life. Because of this episode, I now refuse to watch FOX on TV. In fact I don't really watch TV at all anymore. I now mainly use it for background noise when I'm busy doing other things. I watch my episodes of Family Guy and The Simpsons on YouTube now.