June's Diary
"Leveling Up"

Another Saturday afternoon, another rehearsal for Darwyn.  It's not that bad being the only one not in the band, I can kick back and relax, test out new snack recipes on the gang (and they can't ditch claiming they have somewhere they need to be, heh, heh, heh), work on my dance moves, threaten to audition as a singer again if Sylvia starts making boob jokes at my expense.

Who am I kidding?  It's boring as heck!  I hate being the only one who can't chip in, being there simply because I'm the lead singer's wife and the rehearsal is at my house.  I've tried cleaning, reading, napping, but no matter how I busy myself, I can never escape the fact that I'm still just a 'tag-along.'

This week I'm trying the 'dusting' routine to pass the time while the band is in the studio (Did I mention how huge Eric's- well, OUR house is?  There's a big advantage to living in a 'mountain hideaway,' you can keep hollowing the thing out and make more rooms whenever you want) and I had gotten to the recording booth.  I figured I'd have some fun and play DJ-Pony for a bit. (Never have that show a second glance until Eric made me sit down and watch three episodes back to back.  They're writing THOSE plots? In a kids show?  I remember when 'girls cartoons' were all rainbows and sugar and every plot was the same, some character mishears something innocent someone else said and they make themselves miserable about it until the confusion is cleared up near the end, then everyone's friends again and nobody has any lingering hurt feelings.  Makes me wonder why there weren't a lot more teen suicides back then when the girls realized the world does not work that way.) Slipping the headphones from the audio mixer on my head, I began bopping and pumping my fist in the air like I was working a crowd to the beat of 'Crocodile Rock,' the song Eric and the girls were playing in the studio.  As I was punching the sky, one hand to the headphones, I realized they were getting near the bridge, where Eric has trouble staying on key during the la-la-la-la-laaaas, he just needs a frequency shift .. here, and here... then back to normal ... here.  Ah, Sylvia's trying to drum solo when she should be holding the beat, just need to take her mike down a little, and bring up the mike on Wanda's bass so the beat stays constant.

It's funny, I never realized how much fun this audio mixer is, with all the knobs and sliders it feels like being a transporter chief on Star Trek.  I spend the next three songs playing around, riding the levels and frequency shifts, really enjoying the feeling of power you get from deciding what sound gets through and what doesn't.  Sylvia's trying to put her sticks through the drums during a quiet section?  Sorry, girl, that's getting squelched.  Eric's holding back on that heavy-metal wail?  Save your vocal chords, Love, I'll pump up the volume and ride that pitch up like you're being tortured into making that scream.  Oh no, Ashley looks like she's going to sneeze during the chorus, wait for it, wait for it, and ... there! Took the mike down and up perfectly, no sneeze on the track.  Hah! I am the Mistress of Music, the Sorceress of Sound ...  too bad this is is just a rehearsal session and I'll be the only one to hear the fruits of my labors.

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Another 'chore' of being the 'odd bird out' is that I have to phone in the piza order AND wait for the delivery boy.  Still, it's better than cooking a dinner for five all by myself AND doing the dishes myself because everyone else is too tired from 'rehearsing' all day.  After getting the pies laid out and the paper plates and party cups handy, I went back to the recording booth and flashed the light on the 'voice of god' speaker to let the band know that chow was here.  At Eric's nod that he understood, I went pack to the dining room and started on the peperoni and double cheese while it was still fresh.

The gang came in two and a half slices later, which was two slices longer than I was expecting. (Good thing I've got a metabolism where overeating goes to my bust, not my butt or thighs.) They entered in silence and started eating slowly and deliberately, not their usual loud jovial selves after a rehearsal.  I opened my beak to ask what was wrong, and Eric jumped in, as if waiting for his cue.

"Wonder how Foxamore will like the demo tape we made today."

Demo tape?

They were recording?  While I was in there playing with the mixer?

Oh. Crap.

"I'm sorry, darling, I didn't know.  Please forgive me.  Don't you guys record the raw audio off each mike?  Can you rebuild the songs I ruined?"

"Juniper Magnolia Overpine-Adler," he intoned in a way I never thought would be used on me as an adult, "what I want you to do, is march back into that control booth..." During his dramatic pause, I saw, through the welling tears in my eyes, that EVERYONE was staring at me, their faces held deliberately neutral.  Crap, how much trouble *AM* I in right now? "...and edit ALL the songs in our set like you did the ones in the middle."

I stood slowly, the pizza sauce feeling like bitter ashes in my mouth after letting the love of my life down like th- wait, what did he say?

As I was mentally replaying his statement to understand it better, I was suddenly glomped from all sides by the band, caught in the center of a group hug, snuggled from every direction till I couldn't tell who was where. (Well, except for Sylvia, who was burying her face in my cleavage.  That girl is just obsessed with big breasts.)

"And one more thing, starting now you're officially in the band.  Some may think it odd to credit the Audio Engineer as  band member, or have her on stage during live performances, but we've got a reputation as an offbeat band anyway."

I was completely stunned, "In the band, me-EEP! Sylvia, give a girl warning before you bite there.  In the band, me?  Oh, but I'll look so out of place compared to all your outfits."

"Like we can't make an outfit or three for you, cousin-in-law,"  Wanda said.

"But the audio gear is so bland and blocky," I protested, it'll look horrible on stage."

Eric beamed, "I can bling it up, I think I did a good enough job with Sylvia's drum kit. Widely spaced double kick drums, and the kit still draws the audience's attention away when she decides to perform in miniskirt and commando inappropriately." "Hey!"

As I stood there in the middle of the group hug, tears of joy welling up, someone leaned or pushed, and we all tumbled to the floor in a giggling heap, which segued into the first band wrap party that I was a full band member in, but the details of that are only available with a backstage pass...