June’s Diary
“A June Bride”

The wedding was perfect, every detail was looked after, Eric joked in the limo ride to the reception that he had “an army of minions” working behind the scenes to keep everything on track.  At least I think he was joking.  During the Mass portion of the ceremony, I could tell he was just going through the motions, but then again, it wasn’t his religious convictions that made me fall for him.  I said I’d prefer a church wedding and he gave me a church wedding.

The reception was a blast, that pink poodle he had as his best man was a riot, his material was so good he should be on the stand-up comedy circuit, and that blue pigeon spinning the vinyl (I’m serious, she had most of her library on a hard drive, but she pulled out actual records for the ‘special’ songs) was awesome.  Eric showed off his dance moves, he was out on the floor with all the bridesmaids at one time or another, and he even did a tango with the best man, much to the amusement of the guests.  I would have suspected him of getting completely plastered to dance like that, but the only booze he drank was sips of champagne for the toasts.  That eagle is just a slave to the beat.

Once we got to the bridal suite there were a few surprises.  First he presented me with an odd gift; a small birdcage, gold-plated, with the door missing.  My blank stare must have told him his symbolism was missing the mark, so he said it represented ‘Freedom,’ he reaffirmed that he was never going to hold me back, and that he’d support me in whatever I decided to do.  After that he led me to the big dining-room table, where there was a computer set up.  He pulled the payment book for my student loan from under a placemat (Must have been one of the bridesmaids who got it for him, that or one of those ‘minions’), and he paid off my student loans right there, completely.  All that cash sitting in one account, he never told me he was loaded like that, but then again, I guess he was hiding it so he’d know I was falling for him and not just his money.  “I’ll take care of the credit cards when we get home, but consider them paid off as well,” he cooed, “From now on, here is nobody forcing you do do anything, the door to your gilded cage is busted wide open.”

The look on his face showed he was serous.  I sat down and let that sink in, I no longer needed a job to pay the bills, I could quit the strip club tonight if I wanted to.  I told him I’d like to keep dancing at the club, and he agreed without hesitation, “I know those girls are like family to you, I think of most of them as kid sisters, which probably makes it a good thing that I don’t have any ACTUAL kid sisters, if that’s the way I’d act around them.  But that place is only open in the evenings, what will you do during the day?  I know, why not help me out in the lab?  I could use a good Chemical Engineer to help with the design of distilling and pressure vats, and so on, and I’d love to have you close by, Darling.”

He grinned at me like a schoolboy who thought he had just gotten away with a dirty joke, “But enough business talk,” he chirped, “let’s get this honeymoon started.”  He clapped his hands loudly, the bedroom door opened, and out stepped my bridesmaids, the girls I knew from the strip club, the only gals I really trusted, all dressed in more revealing versions of their earlier gowns, styles ranging from teasing to outright indecent.  “Prepare her and bring her to me,” he boomed out as he rose melodramatically, “I will await her arrival in the Love Room.”  As he strode to the bedroom like a conquering warlord, he looked back and winked, the big ham had his schoolboy grin on again.  I guess I’ll always be his second love, right behind his love of overacting.  My friends swarmed around me, stripping the bridal gown off and caressing my body in ways I never would of expected from them.  One whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry about us, he’s all yours tonight, we’re just here to make sure you get to pass out from pleasure a few times before the dawn.”  I married a strange bird indeed, and this was one hell of a honeymoon.  I’d write more, but a lady never kisses and tells... ;)