An Agumon Expert narrates before a chalk board, slowly guiding the reader through various figures. 

“Hi! Dreamous’s Fire Bar Digimon Universe has several unique details that can make the stories quite confusing. It’s rather similar to what is seen in your human world in the anime, but there are some key differences! We’ll be going over these.”

Agumon Expert smacks his pointer to the chalkboard, chipping it and causing a spider of cracks. The drawing is of several poorly drawn clouds, each connected by wobby lines. 

“Digimon are created by human ‘waste’ data. Which really means, any data that makes it into the central platform, or internet. All of this data eventually makes its way to a giant data landfill, and that’s where the digital world spawns from. It’s all garbage! But, one human’s trash, one mon’s treasure! Once the data creates critical mass, BOOM!” The Agumon Expert flings his arms up and outward, the pointer flying away. 

Agumon Expert digs into his lab coat, pulling a spare pointer free. He flicks it, extending it into a long pointer, identical to the previous. 

“Boom, and a digital world is created! This can happen… so many times, with every human reality. That’s a lot of digital worlds! There’s a ton, and they all have slight differences. Once the digital world is formed, digital monsters become an inevitable consequence.” 

Agumon Expert trips over one of his sleeves as he walks to the next chalk drawing. From his spot on the floor, he smacks the pointer at the blackboard again, causing another chip and set of cracks. 

“Digimon! Digital Monsters are the citizens of Digital Worlds, like animals and humans in the human world! This is where things get kind of confusing.”

The Agumon Expert rolls backwards, flopping onto his butt in front of a new chalk drawing. It has a sloppy Augmon outline- it’s… probably Agumon, right?...- with a circle drawn within it. Agumon Expert smacks his pointer into the center. This time, the board manages not to break! … Agumon pulls back and slams the pointer in with both hands, shattering a good foot-wide streak of cracks. 

“Digimon are made of Core Data. The best I can compare this to is the human ‘soul’. It is the absolute essence of a Digimon. Their personality, their hopes, their dreams, what kind of pizza they like. It’s all protected in their core data. Core data becoming corrupted fundamentally changes a Digimon, and rarely in good ways.”

Agumon Expert slides his pointer to the next ring, several pieces of blackboard falling free, leaving several gaping, angular holes in the middle. 

“The next is accessory data! Internal accessory data, to be specific. This category is quite broad, but it generally means any data in addition to the core data. Core Data is expressed most purely in the Baby I form. As the digimon gains data- through eating, absorbing it, or being forcibly added by digimodification, it has the ability to grow. Again, think of it like humans- a baby won’t grow bigger if it’s not fed! For example, my core data is a Botamon! Even as Botamon, I am ‘me’. Us digimon seek data like human dimension animals crave nutrition. As we gain data, we grow. My Botamon core data is swathed in accessory data to be Kormon! Once I have enough data as Koromon, I!” The Agumon slaps his chest, sleeve flopping about, “Become the icon of perfection before you. Agumon Experts are rare, and we know so much! It’s very impressive.” 

The Agumon Expert turns, takes his pointer in both hands, and slams it into the chalk board, causing all of the core and accessory data pieces to fall free, leaving just an Agumon outline. 

“Finally, there is external accessory data. These are external to the digimon. Internal accessory data interacts with our core. For example, becoming Koromon changes my thoughts, viewpoint, and desires. Slightly, but it’s there. In the Fire Bar series, an extreme example can be seen with Veemon and Flamedramon. Armor digivolution is… tricky. But, Veemon’s core data is not changed when he evolves. The shell of accessory Flamedramon data makes him a different person, with different thoughts, viewpoints, and desires. 

Agumon Expert slaps his pointer against his sleeve-covered paw a few times. 

“External accessory data behaves different. Like a Gabumon’s fur coat, or Flamedramon’s armor, or Beelzemon’s guns! They can affect behavior, but it’s attitude, instead of core being. Like how many Gabumon are embarrassed when their coat is removed, but this act changes none of their internal accessory data or core data. It’s like swapping hats! All the changes are in, and on, your head.”

Agumon Expert smacked his paw with the pointer, the heavy ball at the end striking down into his palm. He jumps and states a few bleeped expletives, then looks back up. Realizing he’s still being watched. 

“Oh! So… That leads to how vore activities, or fights, or… really, how Digimon death works. Basically, Core Data is the most stable data in the Digiworld! It’s SOOOOO hard to mess with it! And that’s why when a digimon is killed, or eaten, or… wipes with the wrong leaves while camping, they’ll eventually respawn at the closest nursery. It sucks! They have to work to obtain enough data to Digivolve all over again. It’s like a roguelike, but we’re alive and sad when it happens!” 

The Agumon Expert looks up at the board, staring for a moment. 

“Oh yeah! So that’s why some digimon eat other digimon. It extracts their data very efficiently, adding to the eater’s data. The eaten digimon respawns in a nursery, all that data gone! Nothing but their core data. But in special cases, like the server Flamedramon took Puck and Zed to, there are areas specially designed to not lose data. Once the core data recycles into an egg, the internal and external accessory data can be returned to the newly hatched digimon, giving them everything they need to get back to their previous form.” 

The Agumon Expert goes behind the podium. He’s half the podium’s height, at best. But he seems to rummage around, suggesting a lower shelf hides behind the podium. 

The Agumon comes back around with a Digiegg of Sincerity. As he sets it on a desk he yelps and pulls his hand away, a cut left by the blades at the bottom of the egg. He shakes his arm wildly, then blows on it, before sighing, and resuming his lecture. 

“And finally!” The Agumon growled, glaring at the egg. “Digiarmor evolution. The normal levels of digimon are easy to keep track of. Baby II are stronger than Baby I. Rookies are stronger than Baby II, and Champion stronger than rookies, and so on. Digiarmor eggs are an exception to this. They are essentially pure data, meaning pure power and digital matter. In theory, an armor type digimon can be stronger than a”.

The Agumon Expert cuts himself off, looking around. He whispers, “A Super Ultimate digimon.” Before his voice returns to its regular tone. “It’s unclear why some digimon can access more Digiarmor Egg data than others. It appears to relate how well the digimon embodies a trait.”

“Most people think a Digiarmor egg will evolve any digimon, like a dumb Pokemon. That is WRONG!” Agumon expert smacked his pointer on a desk, breaking it into multiple pieces. 

“… Compatibility is a big issue.” He continued, throwing away the remnants of his pointer. “Some Veemon can never use a Digiegg of Courage. It won’t work with them. Those who only align a little with the Digiarmor egg’s trait remain in rookie form, instead donning a highly protective set of armor from the Digiarmor egg data. This, however, does not boost their power at all.”

 “And if the Digiarmor egg is compatible, we get a Flamedramon!... But how strong the Flamedramon still depends on alignment. It’s generally considered that Armor Level digimon are somewhere between Rookie and Champion level digimon. This is the best most armor digimon can hope for.” 

Agumon Expert lifted the egg of sincerity and walks along the chalk board, to a new figure. It is an unintelligible rainbow of chalk smeared into a circle. 

“Think of it like this!” Agumon Expert bashed the egg into the chalkboard. The blades at the bottom of the Digiarmor Egg of Sincerity dug into the board, and thus stuck to the chalkboard. 

Agumon expert gestures randomly at the blurred chalk art (is it really art?). “As you can see, it’s a very simple concept. But for normal Agumon.” He turned, facing the empty classroom once more. “Who are too dumb to understand, we explain it like this. Imagine a box on the ground. A Veemon begins to push it from the left slide. The box slowly slides to the right.”

The Agumon looked over the chairs and desks, pausing, like a question might be asked. 

“Excellent. Now, add a the Digiarmor egg. Pretend it’s a digimon. If the Digiarmor egg pushes on the right side, the box doesn’t move at all! This would mean the egg isn’t compatible. The Veemon just won’t work with that egg. Like, the Veemon couldn’t combine with the Digiarmor egg of courage, ever.  Bummer, sucks for that Veemon! … Now, if the Veemon and Digiarmor Egg push on the same side together, they would work together, and make the box slide faster.” 

The Agumon Expert doesn’t appear to need to breathe. He just keeps talking. 

“So, if we pretend the Digiarmor egg has the same strength as Veemon… One Veemon of strength plus another Veemon of strength on one side of the box, they push the box twice as fast. But… that’s not where it stops!” Agumon Expert throws his arms into the air, baggy sleeves hanging over his hands. 

“Some do what’s called synergy! Where one Veemon strength plus one Veemon strength from the Digiarmor Egg make five Veemon of power! Or ten. Or ten trillion! And no one knows why. Pretty neat, right?”

Agumon Expert looks to the wall, where a defunct clock gives the wrong time. 

“Goodness! That took so much longer than I thought.” Agumon Expert looked back to the empty class. “I hope you all enjoyed and had an awesome class! Don’t forget, you have to turn in your essay on the morality of fisting Rookies on Friday!” Expert Agumon reminded, several times, watching non-existent people leave the room. 

“Staying late, huh?” Agumon Expert asks an empty seat. “Well, have fun! I’m locking up. I saw this thing about slit-fucking yourself with an eggplant and I have GOT to try it like, ten days ago. I’m going to buy five eggplants, even!” The weird Agumon proclaimed with fervor. 

As promised, the Agumon Expert wandered around the room, making sure everything was shut off, put away, and ready for the next day’s not class. 

Agumon expert stopped at the door, nodding to the empty chair. Like he was saying goodbye to someone not there. Then he turned, heading down the hallway. Later, the Expert Agumon could be found in the DigiHospital, a fat eggplant stuck in their slit, trembling and orgasming every few minutes until it could be extracted.