The room had been so quiet, the snoring so soft. Rupert wasn’t even loud when he spoke. He had half-whispered it. But Kyle had been so engrossed, his adrenaline amped so high, the sound nearly made him leap out of the bed. 

Nearly. He didn’t. But his hand snapped back away from his father, resting on his own belly. He clenched his jaw, teeth grinding together. Now it was obvious he wasn’t asleep. 

A minute of silence passed. Rupert wasn’t snoring any more, but his breath was still heavy, slow. Kyle prayed he had only barely woken and had fallen back asleep, blissfully unaware of what his son had just done. Kyle’s claws dug against his fur, against the flesh beneath, praying harder and harder. 

But his prayers were never answered.

“I know you’re not asleep Kyle.” Rupert’s rumbling voice came once more. “What’s going on?” He murmured, his voice gentle. Rupert didn’t snap at him, he didn’t sound angry, he just sounded… confused, concerned. 

Another minute of silence passed, Rupert sitting up a little in it. His hand timidly reached out, resting on Kyle’s chest. A quiet squeak halfway to a sob escaped the younger kangaroo. 

“Kyle? Kyle, you’re shaking. Are you alright?” Rupert demanded, confusion giving way to fear. Rupert quickly sat up properly, turning to flip lamp on the nightstand back on.

The room filled with soft, yellow light. Rupert turned, resting his left hand on the bed to brace himself, his right reaching out for Kyle’s far shoulder. 

He found Kyle with his eyes screwed shut, tears soaking the fur around his eyes. The son had closed up on himself, tail tucking up against his thighs, arms wrapped around his chest. 

“Kyle. Kyle! Hey come on bud, you’re alright.” Rupert’s powerful hand ran down Kyle’s arm, to the elbow, back up to the shoulder. Another little sob escaped Kyle. Nearly twenty years old, and he had been reduced to a joey crying in bed in fear. 

Rupert’s paw moved up from Kyle’s shoulder, stroking at Kyle’s neck and the side of his head. His thumb stroked along Kyle’s cheek, wiping tears away. 

“Come on Kyle, you’re not in trouble.” Rupert’s paw moved along the bed, between Kyle and the lower sheet. He lifted his son with ease. Such an alien experience for Kyle, to be moved about so easily, despite his large size. 

“Open your eyes bud. It’s alright, just breath.” Rupert rumbled, while pressing Kyle to him. A partial hug, their foreheads and muzzles against one another, Rupert’s eyes inches from Kyle’s. Just as he had held Kyle when he was younger, in booming thunder storms or after nightmares plagued the joey. 

Kyle finally listened, slowly opening his eyes. Looking right into the deep, rich brown of his father’s. Seeing his own, a shade lighter than Rupert’s, mirrored in them. 

“There we are. There’s my joey.” The father rumbled, relief palpable in his voice. His hands moved up, stroking along Kyle’s back, to his neck, to his jaw. Thumbs wiped away Kyle’s tears again. The younger was still shivering, trembling, his breathing interrupted by chokes and little whimpers. 

Rupert moved his head to the side, breaking their eye contact. His arms bear hugged around Kyle, pulling the smaller roo against himself. He squeezed around Kyle, pressing them together, just giving Kyle time to compose himself. Rupert hoping his comforting was helping. One hand stroked up and down, following Kyle’s spine and down onto the root of his tail before going back up. 

It took time for Kyle to calm, to compose himself. The little sobs stopped, then the trembling, until he was hugging his father in return, around Rupert’s middle, hands clasped at Rupert’s lower back. 

“Alright bud…” Rupert tried again, squeezing Kyle. He gripped his son’s sides, pushing gently until they were both sitting up again, face to face. Rupert tried giving a smile, but his face was painted with concern, confusion, even a touch of fear. “What’s going on?”

Kyle’s eyes quickly dropped to Rupert’s muzzle, looking at his whiskers and the creased fur of his muzzle. Then lower, and quickly to the side after spotting his father’s bits bulging in their cotton confines. 

Silence, again. The only sounds were each of the boomers breathing, and Kyle’s heartbeat still throbbing, the rush of blood in his ears. 

“… Were you just… really desperate to lose your virginity? See if you actually like dudes?” Rupert asked, a hint of a tease or joke to the question, trying anything to get Kyle talking.

It seemed to work, as Kyle burst out laughing, rocking back a little as snot dribbled from his nostril. He quickly wiped the crying-induced mess from his muzzle using the fur of his forearm. He was still breaking into snorts and giggles as he looked up, meeting his father’s eyes again. 

The confused, bemused, and relieved look on Rupert’s face was a great comfort to Kyle. He took in a slow breath, breaking with a little choke again, then let it out.

“Uh… no dad. I’m not a virgin. And I’m sure I like dudes. You met Ty and Chase, and like… they’re not the only ones.” Kyle admitted, his ears back. Trying to hide the red in them, realizing he was suddenly telling his father about his sex life. 

Rupert stared for a moment, then laughed again. A hearty, deep tone that echoed in the small room, though it was quickly tampered down to a chuckle as Rupert remembered where they were. The last thing they needed is to get kicked out of the room for noise complaints. 

It was Kyle’s turn to look confused. His father breaking out a laugh from his sex life was unexpected. When Rupert caught the look, he further stifled himself, lifting and shaking a paw. 

“Sorry, sorry… I didn’t expect to find out my son’s got his dad already beat at nineteen.” Rupert commented, a wry smile over his muzzle. 

“… Beat?” Kyle asked, brows furrowed. 

“Yeah. I’ve only been with Nicole. After … the split, didn’t see much purpose in chasing tail.” Rupert explained, voice hinting at indifference.

Kyle only got further confused, his head tilting to one side, one ear perked up. 

“But wait… didn’t you both …” He cut himself off, ear laying back again. 

Rupert looked confused again, then shook his head. He turned and sat, leaning against the headrest of the bed. “Did your mom tell you I cheated on her?” he asked, much harder to keep his tone indifferent. 

Kyle looked down at the bed, thinking. He shook his head after a moment, chuffing. “I … suppose not. Not really. I just kind of… assumed, when she hinted things weren’t okay…”

Rupert nodded a little, thumb stroking at his muzzle scars again. “Things weren’t great, for sure. But I never cheated. I don’t even count what your mom did as cheating. Paul and her were together well before the divorce, but… She and I weren’t really together at that point. Legally, sure, but… I don’t blame her.” He reflected, looking back to Kyle. “Cheating wasn’t what broke things.” 

Kyle absently nodded, still keeping his eyes on the bed. The past twenty minutes had been such a whirlwind of emotions. Giving in to lust, then fear, now confusion. Realizing he had no idea what really had happened to his parents, and what he had assumed all those years was off the mark. 

“So…” Rupert spoke up, his tone soft and quiet again. “… Why did you… Curious if you beat your dad in size? Too riled up to wait for whoever’s lined up tomorrow?” Rupert reasoned, trying to stick with joking, less confrontational. Anything, really, to find a logical explanation for why his son had just been feeling him up. 

Kyle took a slow breath. He looked further down, to his hands. He started toying with his claws, one at a time, using them to smooth and sharpen each other, picking at each in turn. 

“That’s not it. It’s just… I’m just… fucked up dad. It was stupid. I’m sorry. What kind of loser … it’s like, rape right? If someone’s asleep?” Kyle mumbled out, a shiver passing up his tail. His body felt cold, tail tip to ears. His hands started to tremble again, paired with his eyes growing wet once more. 

A strong paw took his jaw, forcing his head up. Forcing Kyle to face his father, to meet his gaze once more. 

“You know I’ve got one hell of a right hook. You keep talking about my son like that, I’ll give you a live demonstration.” Rupert rumbled in a deep voice, bordering on a growl like some large predator. 

Kyle snorted and smiled again, ears laying back. This tactic had been his father’s specialty since Kyle was a joey. No one talked shit about his son- not even his son talking about himself. 

“Sorry, sorry dad… Your son’s pretty alright.”

Rupert narrowed his eyes, but seemed content to let it slide. His hand went back to the bed, and he was happy to see Kyle maintain eye contact. He relaxed against the headboard. 

“So… I don’t think you should be doing that to others, sure. Not unless they tell you it’s alright first, I guess. But I’m your pops, I don’t care you touched me. But… why?” Rupert questioned, his tail giving a thump against the bed. Determined to figure out what was going on with his son, frustrated with towing the line between ignorance and upsetting his son.

Kyle looked away again, down towards his own tail. Rupert allowed him time. He could see the gears turning behind his son’s eyes, the boy trying to figure out how to say it. Kyle eventually just sighed and looked back up, swallowing before he spoke. 

“I… It’s just… you’re really hot? You’re older, and you’re so strong and solid and you got a great body, and you know you’re… huge.” Kyle half-mumbled his explanation, gesturing to Rupert as a whole. Then down to Rupert’s groin. The kangaroo looked down to himself, then back up, his head cocking to one side. 

Kyle continued, mumbling, “And like… you’re bigger than me. I’ve hardly met any guys bigger than me, and the chances of one of them being gay is like… zero.” Kyle finished with a defeated sigh out his nostrils, looking to the middle of his dad’s torso. Staring where chest and stomach met. 

“… So you’re … You like older men, and what you’re looking for… you can’t find it. So… you figure I fit the role? A back up plan?” Rupert worked through it, step by step. For the first time, it wasn’t just Kyle who had a thumping heart, who’s chest felt a butterfly or two. Rupert realized a couple inches of his shaft had pushed free, pressing to his cotton briefs. It had been so long since he had been praised, told how attractive he was, something Nicole used to always used to rile him up. It worked every time. 

Kyle looked back to the floor, away from his dad. He scratched his ear, eyes half-shut as he slouched down a little. 

“Not… just … you’re not a substitute. I didn’t think of you because I’m attracted to those things.” Kyle mumbled, paw rubbing at the side of his neck. He looked up, feeling so small compared to Rupert. “I… I’m into you, and… I guess that’s why I’m attracted to those things.”

Rupert was dumbstruck. Finding out his son was attracted to him was well outside the box of what he thought he might learn. He somehow still expected this to be a joke, his son pulling some prank or meme on him for internet fame. 

But no. Looking into Kyle’s eyes, he knew it wasn’t the case. Not with the fear, the uncertainty, the honesty in them. Rupert breathed in. Before he stopped himself, he blurted out, “But… I’m your dad.”

Instantly Kyle buried his face in his hands, covering his muzzle and eyes. 

“I know! I know… Like… When I was in sex ed they told us when you hit puberty you might get weird crushes or attractions. I remember the exact part in a video, where they said how it’s common to be attracted to older people, or sometimes even family. That’s part of… developing or something… but it’d fix itself. Your emotions get straightened out. But that’s… when I realized I was attracted. That I’d think about doing stuff with you.” His paws dropped from his face, Kyle looking to his wet palms. He formed fists, his claws digging at his palm. “But I’m almost twenty, and I’m just… some fucked up freak who-.” 

A hand wrapped around Kyle’s muzzle, forcing it shut, making him bite his own tongue. Yet another time he was so happy to be an herbivore, and not have those wicked sharp fangs predators did. 

“You really want to show up back to the dorms with two black eyes? I wasn’t joking about that right hook. Be nice to my son.” Rupert spoke sternly, glaring at Kyle. 

Kyle snorted out his nostrils, a paw raising and forcing his father’s hand away. 

“But it’s not normal! I’m … I just tried to feel up my dad, and I was thinking about going down on you, and … and…” Kyle felt tears overflowing again, running down his cheeks. He took in a slow, stuttered breath, suddenly held tight against Rupert again. Another bear hug, enveloping him in his father’s warmth. 

“We should sleep. You have such a long drive tomorrow…” Kyle whimpered out between choked crying, trying his best to just make this all end. To pretend that the conversation never happened. To go to college where no one knew what was inside his head. 

“I’m not going to sleep with my joey so… so upset. I’ve made plenty of drives after a day or two of no sleep, it’ll be fine.” Rupert retorted, finally releasing his hug on Kyle. “You know… You’re not weird. Hell…” He trailed off. Summoning the strength to share. “I remember a little after mom, er, you grandmother moved us to the states… she was trying to make more American food. She did pancakes once, and got the syrup she saw on telly. One of those Mrs. Butterworths where the bottle is shaped like a homely vixen.” Rupert’s ear twitched, feeling hot in both of them. “… I nearly rubbed myself raw holding and staring at that thing, for months. So… at least you’re not fantasizing about syrup ladies.” 

Rupert offered a half-hearted smile. Kyle snorted a little laugh, coughing again, his face fur soaked and sinuses clogged. He wiped his face with his forearm, huffing. “Well… there aren’t any syrup dudes so… I dodged that one.” 

Rupert chuckled at that, shaking his head. Then he rested his head back, letting loose a long sigh. 

“… Don’t tell anyone about that, by the way. Last thing I need getting around the gym…” Rupert chuckled, remiss to even imagine how tarnished his reputation would be. Permanently, for sure. 

“I won’t. Scout’s promise.” 

Rupert lifted his head, eyeing Kyle. Kyle had never done scouts, but the younger roo had a big grin across his muzzle. 

“You feeling better now?” Rupert rumbled, reaching out and fuzzling atop Kyle’s head. Rupert’s mind abuzz, trying to sort and process so much new information. So many feelings. So much worry. 

“… Yeah, feeling a little better, but…” He closed his eyes, leaning forward into Rupert’s rubbing. “… But I’m still… like… really hot on you. On my dad. I’ll still fantasize about…” Kyle couldn’t muster it. Not to say it out loud. “And like… it’s so hard not to feel so … bad, wrong inside, rubbing one out to your dad, knowing how fucked up that is.”

Rupert dipped his head a little. He hadn’t ever been too amazing at figuring things out. Not about relationships, or love, and he sure hadn’t figured out much sexuality with Nicole. Nothing more than railing her all over the house. 

“… But… I’m your dad. It wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage of my son in that way. Hell, that’s probably double bad, abusing your son because he’s gay.” Rupert rumbled, the thought alone making his heart pick up again. 

“Dad…” Kyle laid his ears back and sat up straighter. “I’m an adult. It’s not taking advantage of me. Hell, I just took advantage of you, feeling you up in your sleep. Don’t think you’re the bad one, you just… were you. An awesome dad. I’m an adult, I’m in control of myself, I’m choosing what happens to me. Me being … Like this.” He continued, Kyle careful not to insult himself again. “Isn’t your fault.”

Rupert mulled it all over in his head. Despite what Kyle said, he felt it had to be part his fault. Not being there enough when Kyle was growing up. He kept trying to figure out the best course of action, how to help his son. It was too much all at once. The fear, the confusion, hell, being flattered by the sincerity. His brain was at a loss.

“You know… Back when I was twenty, I thought I was an adult too. Thought I had things figured out. Your mom and me married at eighteen, got a house thanks to grandma, had our jobs… But now I don’t know when I became an adult. Sure as hell wasn’t twenty. Probably when we had you, three years later, I guess. Scariest time of my life.” Rupert smiled, “I’m not even sure I’m an adult these days half the time.” Rupert sighed, shaking his head and resting his forehead in his paw. Silence drew out for a long while. 

“But you’re right. It’s not my fault you’re like this.” Rupert finally spoke up again, raising his head to look at Kyle. “It’s no one’s fault. You’re you, and you’re still a damn good son. A good person. A gentle giant showing other species red kangaroos aren’t to be feared.” 

Kyle’s eyes had welled up again, his snout dipped forward. He knew his father was being honest, not just trying to mend his broken son’s emotions. It hit deep, too. For years he had tried so hard to be the best joey he could, to impress his dad. 

“If I hadn’t woken up… what would have happened? You probably would have regretted it?” Rupert asked, trying to phrase it gently, to speak softly. To hide that his heart was thudding so hard in his chest, that he was diving head first into what he hoped was the right path. 

“… I … Yeah, for sure. Not like, doing it, but the… taking advantage part. But not… doing it. I … Hell, I still kind of… wish you hadn’t woken up. That I’d got to.” Kyle swallowed, lips pursing at the thought. 

“Men get stupid when we get horny, that’s for sure.” Rupert rumbled, sitting up a bit more. Tucking his tail to the side, reclining against the headboard. 

“Kyle… Do you think I can help you get over it? Talk it out, or… tell you stuff?”

Kyle made eye contact briefly, then looked away. 

Rupert sighed, low and long. He could do it. It wasn’t being horny and stupid. It was doing anything he could for his son. … And it still might be stupid. But, Rupert had always said he wasn’t the smartest boomer in the mob. 

He could ask, for his son…

“Or… if I let you… do you think that would… sate it, and you would be over it?”