Chapter 4

Later that night, I prepared Benji’s bath and I kept watch outside the door. I did my best to avoid looking at his naked body as much as possible. I didn’t want to get hard again. Thank goodness he knew how to dry and dress himself before he came out of the bathroom. Now in his pajamas, he brushed his teeth and I brought his stuff to his room, which wasn’t that much. He lied down, and I tucked him in under a warm brown blanket that had red and orange maple leaves as decorations. The room felt warm and cozy. I could’t keep my eyes off him.
“How about a story?” I said.
“I want a story about a bear and a cat,” he said, looking at me sleepily.
“Very well,” I said, chuckling, and came up with a short fairytale.
It was the tale of a big handsome bear who needed help from the prince of cats. The bear was a big chubby knight who fought monsters, but every time he did, he kept getting weaker and weaker. It was only when the bear knight visited the cat kingdom that he found happiness again, when he met the young and sweet prince of cats. The young cat showed the bear how to have fun: they had tea together, played with dolls, and read books. The bear started feeling happy and strong again. But before his big departure, the young kitten prince got scared after looking at a picture of a big green monster. The kitten went to the bear’s bedroom, and wanted to lie down with him. The bear couldn’t help but smile, and decided to cuddle the kitten to help him feel safe and happy. Without knowing it, the kitten started glowing with a wonderful light that completely cured the bear of all his fears. The next day, the bear fought against an evil dragon wizard. The wizard tried to kill the bear with an explosive spell, but the hug the bear had received from the kitten had protected him: The spell backfired! Turning the wizard into dust. After that, the bear decided to move in with the kitten, at his palace, and became his personal bodyguard. And they lived happily ever after.
Benji was asleep. I leaned onto him and gave him a warm kiss on his head. He fidgeted a little but sighed very happily. I wanted to stay longer, but my body needed rest, so I turned off the light and went to my room, leaving his door mostly closed, but a little ajar.
What a day! I took off most of my clothes, leaving only my now-stained white briefs. I left my door open, in case he wanted to come. As I thought about that, I grabbed my balls and chuckled. Of course I wanted him to come with me! I wanted him to see me half-naked. I wanted him to ask questions, which I would gladly answer and even, hopefully, demonstrate.
I lied down and looked at the ceiling. It wasn’t even my bedtime, but the wind outside, the soft snow I could see through my bedroom window, and how warm my body was, made me fall asleep with thoughts of fairytales and romance.
*  *  *
The phone’s vibration on my bedside table woke me up. I looked at it and saw Samantha in front of a strange white building filled with flowery mosaics, under a clear and sunny sky. The message under her photo said “What jet-lag?? LOL” but she had bags under her eyes. So, she had arrived safely. That’s good! I thought. I turned around, looking at the window. It was still dark, but I decided it was time to get up and shower for my kitten. I wanted to smell handsome for him this Christmas Eve.
After a quick breakfast of eggs over toast, we drove for groceries downtown. Most of the stores were closed, but there was a panda family store that would be open throughout the holidays until Chinese New Year came, in late January. Benji loved playing with little Mai Hu, as her father, Frank and I discussed the holidays. Apparently, he wanted to visit their extended family, but the flight got cancelled. There was a winter storm advisory for the whole county.
“And I wanted little Mai to practice her Mandarin,” he said sadly as I paid for some canned cranberries and grabbed a pair of fortune cookies. “Her accent is so much better than all her cousins,” he said as I looked at both children: little Mai started correcting Benji’s pronunciation.
“I’ve been thinking of enrolling Benji in a French class, since he likes Miraculous Ladybug so much. I only know one French phrase myself…” I said blushing, thinking about it.
“I’m sure your son would appreciate it,” he said, giving me my basket of paid groceries.
“He’s not…” I started to say, but stopped myself.
“Of course he is, Reuben,” Mr. Hu said. “You’ve raised him with Samantha, even if you’re not together. You might as well be, you know? I know you’re gay, but Benji really loves you like a father. He’s been telling Mai how much he would like to growl like a bear. Like you.”
My heart skipped a beat. Benji wanted to growl like me, and he had been telling Mai, his classmate about it. I felt so proud in that moment.
“I guess he is,” I said dreamily, looking at him and Mai. Now Benji was correcting her back, laughing.
*  *  *
When we got back, I put on Home Alone while eating lunch in the living room. We had a simple Chicken plate with white rice and broccoli. This time I watched the whole movie with him. At certain moments he wanted to imitate little Kevin’s screaming face, and in others wanted to do all the things he wasn’t allowed to do. I had to put a stop when he wanted to jump on the bed like crazy. Eventually he calmed down and we finished the movie. He helped me clean the table trays.
Then, we watched the Muppet Christmas Carol. He got very afraid with the Ghost of Christmas Future. I held him tight and told him there was nothing to be afraid of, because I would protect him like a knight. He looked at me, then looked back at the ghost. I felt him purring and I chuckled. Maybe he was trying to growl like a bear, but could only muster a cat’s purr.
We played some board games like Chutes and Ladders, Guess Who?, Trouble and Pictionary. The hours passed like lightning. Outside, I could hear the snow falling and the wind blowing. It had gotten darker, colder, and scarier. Benji jumped at the slightest sound, and shivered as we both felt that the central heating was struggling to warm the house, even though the thermostat was at 60°F and working.
“I also have the Game of Life, but that might be too complicated for you,” I said.
“Lets play it!” he said excitedly.
When it was time for the players to get married, I grabbed the usual blue piece next to mine, and Benji began to fidget. I was patient with him. He looked at me. I looked back at him, and then, he grabbed another blue piece and put it next to his.
“I prefer boys,” he said without a second thought and spun the wheel.
The rainbow colors of the numbers spun around. Was he at the age when he knew who he liked? Was he just imitating me? I opened my maw, ready to ask him, when my fur stood on end right as we heard a huge explosion outside.
The power went out.
Benji jumped at me and screamed in the darkness. The snow kept falling hard outside.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” I said, holding him tight. He was shaking. “It was just the power. They said a winter storm was coming.”
“That was scary. It was like a giant BOOM!” He whimpered.
“Don’t worry, my love. I’m here.”
I checked my phone, using data. The advisory had become a warning. We were in the middle of a strong blizzard, and the power apparently went out for the whole neighborhood. The temperature marked -10°F, with a wind chill of -22°F. The mayor strongly urged her citizens to stay inside with their families on Christmas eve. The wind blew hard, and Benji held me tighter.
“The good thing is, we can just put all our food outside and it won’t go bad,” I said as I rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.
“We could put the ice cream outside.” He suggested.
“And the turkey.”
“Do you think Santa will be okay?”
“Oh, I’m sure he will be,” I said, thinking about how in the hell would I be able to go outside to my shed and bring Benji’s presents inside.
“He’s gonna freeze his big polar bear butt!” Benji said.
“Oh? And what’s wrong with having a big bear butt, hmm?” I said, tickling him.
“His butt will become a giant snowball!” he said through giggles.
“Big bear butts are the best,” I said out loud, forgetting myself.
Benji started singing “I like big butts” and we chased each other around a bit. After the playful roughhousing, I started putting candles around the kitchen, as I heated up some leftover spaghetti dinner. We ate quietly, and I kept checking my phone. Apparently, the whole county had no power. The blizzard kept covering the streets with many inches of snow, and it was beginning to feel colder inside.
“I think we’re gonna have to sleep in front of the fireplace,” I said, drinking some hot cocoa.
“Really?” He asked excitedly. “Like the bedtime story?”
“Like the bedtime story,” I said, smiling back at him. The little fire from the kitchen candle shining brightly on the reflection of his beautiful eyes. “We’ll grab all the blankets we can find.”
“And build a fort?” He jumped from his seat.
“And build a fort. And we’ll drink warm eggnog.”
“And Santa will come?”
“And Santa will come,” I reassured him, rubbing his head, his ears flickering. I wanted to say how much I’d like to cum too. But it wasn’t the right time yet.
*  *  *
After we brushed our teeth and changed into our pajamas, I started to build a fire. Thankfully I had some logs reserved for emergencies. The fire crackled as Benji watched and waited. We then built a fort using cushions and summer blankets, close to the fire, but also far enough to avoid any accidents. I had grabbed our big cozy blankets, and after it was done, I warmed up some eggnog on the stove, and brought two cups for us. Benji wore his Rocket pajamas again. I was wearing a red sweater with another Santa face on it, and gray sweatpants, the ones that pressed against my crotch and butt tightly, marking most of the contours of my lower body. The lingerie of gay men, as they say. I wanted Benji to look at me, and enjoy my body. But I wouldn’t say anything. Not yet. We sat on our fort, and drank our eggnog in silence, enjoying the warmth and light of the fire.
“People didn’t have electricity back then,” I said. “They had to sleep together to keep warm. If they had a fire, it was even better.”
“Mom told me it was really warm where I was born,” Benji said.
We kept silent for a few minutes, drinking and enjoying the eggnog. When, out of nowhere, Benji broke the silence and the peace:
“I don’t have a dad, Reuben.”
His statement stung me with an overwhelming sense of pain.
“Mai has a dad. She’s always talking about him. He teaches her everything. But I don’t have a dad. Mom said he left us.”
I couldn’t answer. I abandoned my dad, just like they did. I was alone, just like they were. I let him continue.
“Mom said… you don’t want to be my daddy,” he said, and after holding it in for what felt like forever, he finally started crying.
I held him tight, and felt him break down in my arms. He was sobbing.
“That’s not true, Benji! Your mommy asked me to take care of you. She said I can be your daddy.”
“She… said… you… can’t…marry… her…” I got the gist of his message through the sobs.
“I don’t have to marry her to love you. I want to be your daddy, Benji. I love you with all my heart, kitten! I will never leave you. Ever. Bear promise.”
I teared up too. Benji began to calm down, and we just held each other for a long while. The blizzard continued outside. The fire crackled a bit, and it startled him. I chuckled, looking at his lovely eyes after we both calmed down.
“Bear promise?” He asked, wiping his face. I kept him safe and sound in my arms.
“A bear promise is a promise only bears can make. It’s something you can never break. Only true bears can make this promise,” I finished, squeezing him tight.
Benji started purring. His whole body was vibrating in a way that made me shiver. I felt the same thing the bear knight in the bedtime story felt. That light, warming my heart, giving me permission to love and be loved.
“I want to be a bear,” Benji said.
“We can be bears together,” I said. Never once did I think of breaking the hug.
I held him close. We both sighed. We were in the company of each other. This was a love I had never felt before. It was soft, pure, but also filled with desire, yearning, horniness.
“I like boys, Reuben,” Benji repeated.
“Me too,” I said, feeling my crotch grow a little.
“I like big boys,” he said, looking at me.
“I like small boys,” I said, stroking his cheek with my paw. How beautiful he looked!
“Do you like me?” Benji asked.
“I love you,” I said.
For the first time in my life, I knew I had fallen in love. I wanted nothing more than to protect him, hold him, and make him feel loved and desired by me. I wanted to give him everything I ever craved, everything he deserved, all of it and more.
“Can daddies love their boys?” He asked me with a hint of yearning in his eyes.
“Yes, we can,” I said, stroking his face. I felt my pants tighten. My crotch was growing. I started to growl softly as I stroked him. “And boys can love their daddies too.”
“How?” He asked, purring more.
“By holding each other,” I said, pressing him against me. I accepted it. My hardened cock had finally stopped caring about any social convention, any so-called morality taught by idiots about what to do and not do. I was released from it, relished in the freedom and the thought of having my boy touch me.
Benji and I lied down under the blankets, holding each other. I pressed him against me, and he held my belly, his face on my chest, in the middle of my moobs. The warm fire was glowing, and a big chubby horny bear was holding his little kitten boy. If I had died in that moment, I would have already known Heaven in this embrace, this soft holding, this strong desire for closeness, and the love that was filling my heart, wanting to expand forever in other areas.
“You’re so warm,” Benji said, nuzzling my sweater.
“I can get warmer, kitten,” I said. My growling was increasing.
“Really? How?” He asked.
“By taking off my sweater and shirt.” I said, stroking his cheek. “But you must take off your pajama shirt too,” I said, tugging it. “Daddies love having their boys like that.”
“Okay,” he said. I chuckled, and sat up. I would give him a little show. I slowly lifted my sweater and shirt, revealing my big fat and hairy belly, it was fully exposed to him. He said “Woooow” and kept staring at me. I took off the sweater and shirt, placing them on the floor, and squeezed my exposed moobs and belly. I don’t think he had ever seen a grown man shirtless before. I started breathing a bit heavily, the tent in my pants getting bigger. As I moved my eyes towards his body, I noticed how there was a tiny tent in his pants too. So, the little guy wasn’t lying. He liked men too!
“Your turn, baby,” I said, putting my paw under his shirt, lifting it a little. He took it off slowly too, revealing his soft white underfur, just like his mother’s. His small belly looked much softer than the rest of his gray fur. He giggled and looked at me.
“You’re so big!” He said.
“You like big boys, don’t you?” I said, stroking my belly, lifting it up for him, making it wiggle. I growled a little at him.
“Yes!” He said and suddenly gave me a big hug, holding my chubby stomach as much as he could with his small arms. I pressed against him, and felt my cock twitch. Our naked upper bodies were pressed against each other. I felt him purr harder, and I guided his curious hand towards my moobs.
“See this, sweetheart?” I said pointing in between my fat moobs, where my chest fur was most prominent. “If you put your nose here, you can take in my smell. Be sure to breathe deeply. Daddy’s smell will protect you from the cold.”
Benji smiled at me, moved up a little, and pressed his small pink nose between my moobs. I couldn’t take it anymore! I held his head and pressed it against my thick coarse chest hair. My cock was twitching more than ever. Wanting. Craving. I started growling more. He then growled back, imitating my growl. I kept him there, making him smell my pheromones, my manly smell, my sweaty and coarse fur. I stroked his soft fur, so different from mine, pressing against my naked upper body. Then, he started nuzzling me. He was marking me back, like cats do. God, how I wanted to stroke him, to touch him, to make him explore! My crotch felt hot. I must have started leaking a lot of precum, and my musk intensified.
“Good boy,” I said. “Daddy loves it when you growl.”
“Rawr!” He said, giggling and pressing his face against my left moob.
“You know what else good boys can do?” I said between my own growls. “They can touch and suck on Daddy’s moobs,” I said, holding them and squeezing them between his cheeks.
“I thought we weren’t allowed to touch boobs,” he said, a little worried.
“You shouldn’t touch girls,” I said, and sneakily added: “But you can touch boys all you want. Men and boys love it when you touch them,” I said, panting.
Benji then grabbed his small paw and started squeezing my left moob, exploring it, kneading my big areola and hardened nipple with his tiny curious fingers, ticking the hair and fat around it.
I let out a loud moan. The fire kept burning. My kitten was touching me. My musk filled the room. And before I knew what was happening, Benji started to suck on my hardened nipple.
I growled! A full male bear growl of ecstasy! I pressed his face against my chest, wanting him to suck. I wanted to lactate so bad! I wanted my moobs to leak, to feed my kitten with my own masculine milk. I started drooling. His tiny lips and raspy tongue were sucking and exploring my nipple. I started dry-humping him. I pressed my crotch against his body. He was hypnotized by the smell of my precum, the sweat, the warmth, the fire, and my growling. I would die for you, Benji, I thought. I would kill for you. My cock pressed against his body for the first time. The room melted. It was just a bear and a kitten, being intimate. All the guilt disappeared. All my passion exploded. I held tight onto him, loving the feeling of taking advantage of his innocence. I was grooming him for me and for other men. I was teaching him to be obedient, submissive, sexual, and gay towards any man who wanted to have him. I would let them touch him. But first, it had to be me. It HAD to be me! My prince. My kitten. My lover. My everything! The suckling intensified, and I let out a final growl, holding him, and exploding in ecstasy, cumming so hard that I felt my pants stretch from the cumshots. My pants drenched, and he gasped as he saw me in final ecstasy.
“You peed!” He said, looking at my leaking gray sweatpants.
I kept gasping, and he looked at me. The smell was overwhelming. He was curious. I would tell him. Just… I had to… God… I had to… finish… finish cumming. I must have shot five or six times. Each time, I moaned loudly for my little boy.
“This,” I started saying between gasps, “is happy pee… it’s called cum… and it’s a gift from daddy to very good boys.”
“I thought you had an accident,” he said.
“No, my love. This is proof that I love you. Your daddy wants you all to himself.”
Benji smiled a very warm smile. He took a deep breath and sighed.
“I love this smell,” he said, looking down at my pants. “You smelled like this yesterday when you hugged me and in the kitchen. It makes me feel warm.”
Fuck.
Yes.
“It’s like this fire,” I said proudly, my tent getting smaller, my kitten watching it. I had gone over the threshold of guilt, and had found peace and acceptance. I wanted him for me, in all senses. I wanted me to be his first. “This fire is warm, and cozy, like my love for you, Benji.”
“I love you, Reuben,” he said, holding me while the smell of semen through my gray sweatpants, coated his pajamas and fur.
I held him that night. We were alone, but had found each other. His presents would have to wait. I would truly love him on Christmas. The power didn’t return all night. We forgot to put cookies for Santa. And if he was real, he would have seen true love between a big fat bear and his sexy young kitten. I put my leg over him, and my cock kept stroking against his tiny crotch, through my leaky gray sweatpants. Midnight came and went. The tree was dark and outside was cold and filled with inches of snow, but the lights inside my heart were burning, warming me up, miraculously, for the first time in my life.