RP Bigotry Menaces Furcadia

Author's Note: Originally published in the December 4, 2006 issue of humor webmagazine The Muskrat as a satire about recent arguments over whether long-winded paragraph role play posts or shorter one- or two-line posts were better.

by Drancron

Duckburg, Calisota (FP) – Tensions between role players escalated in recent weeks, sparking new concerns about the threat of what some call "role play bigotry".
	The length of role play posts has played a leading role in the ideological conflict, with role players preferring posts longer than six or more lines, commonly known as Para-RPers, at odds with those who favor fewer lines.  A number of Para-RPers have demanded other role players recognize their style of play as superior to all others, insisting that massive amounts of description is an integral part of role play  Several short-post role players contend Para-RP is inferior due to excessive and redundant descriptiveness.
	In a single speech lasting over eighteen hours, Johann Obliterati, Grand High Poobah Sporting Green Oculars, Perky Auditorys in the Shape of Acute Isosceles Triangles, etc. [Full title cut down due to lack of space. – Ed.] of the Paragraphs in Furcadia Fundamentalist League Eternally (PIFFLE), called upon other Furcadians to "destroy the infidels who refuse to acknowledge [Para-RP] as the only true path to role play enlightenment."  Obliterati described role players who posted less than six lines as "abominations", encouraging Para-RPers to "drive off all enemies of true role play."
Taking fifteen minutes, Ed O, Leader of Short is So Sweet Intifada (SISSI), responded that role play should not include "too many words" which are "unnecessary" nor be "filled with drivel" he called "meaningless".  Over the course of over thirty-eight one line posts, O claimed Para-RPers "drown role play" with "too much garbage," and should be permanently banned.
	"I'm not surprised by this," said Yakky Spitz, a Furcadian Socializer, when he learned about Obliterati and O's stances.  "I think role players have a very elitist attitude."  Yakky listed a number of factors which turned him from an eager role player newcomer to a staunch Socializer, including indifferent dream owners and harassment from role players.  "It happens all the time.  Newcomers want to join in, but the establishment takes every opportunity to bully them into leaving.   The number of lines in a post is just their latest excuse to chase us away."
	Most role players have given little heed to role play bigotry.  "Role playing is about having fun," said Li'l Spots.  Her best friend and mate, Linus the Magnifico, agreed, "Role play...should [be] first and...foremost fun...The number [of] lines is...irrelevant."  A recent poll revealed many role players support tolerance between different types of role players despite their own varied tastes.
	While DEP has refrained from issuing an official statement on the current situation, a source was quoted as saying that, despite the intensive work going into the next client update, "should either side decide to resort to fighting, they'll find we're not bushed."

(© 2006-2013 Marvin E. Fuller)