The Virgin Nymphomaniac Chronicles #2: Introducing Mortimer 
 by: BlastoTheHanar 

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User 0000(LovelornHare) posted on Sunday at 3:30 PM PST.
Hey there! It's me again. Sorry I couldn't post recently, but as I said last time, I knew it was going to be a busy week. It actually seems like we have got a few new members over this time. That is interesting news, but before I address the newcomers, I should probably go ahead with telling all of you how my blind date last night went.
So, here you go.

When I arrived at the restaurant, it was indeed immediately obvious that it was extremely fancy, having all the markings a stereotypical french restaurant experience. Supposedly, my friend and his wife, which you may remember were the ones who had set me up on this date, had made the reservation long in advance for themselves, but then, something had come up and they couldn't make it. That all sounded simple enough, but to the best of my knowledge, they didn't have any particular important events or anniversaries to celebrate, and this reservation was way too nice and had too long a wait time involved to just be a get-away-from-the-kids type of outing. With this in mind, and the fact that they had been trying to get me to go out with this mystery girl of theirs for over two months, I had a strong hunch that this date had been their plan all along. Understandably, this really put a lot of pressure on me to try my best to make this work out.

Despite the pressure, now that there was no going back, I found myself really looking forward to the possibility that this might just be a great night. If they were willing to go to all this trouble to get us together, maybe this woman could end up being the girl of my dreams, and I don't mean the kind that leads to a cold shower before heading off to work. I knew getting my hopes up could be painful, but it would be worth it if my high spirits could lead to a successful date. I had actually put in a lot of effort this time. I had spent the better part of the day preparing for the date in any and every way I could think of while also making sure not to become manic about it as I did so. I doubled up on my usual exercise routine. I did my best to humor my libido at every opportunity throughout the day so that I was more then spent by the time to leave came around. I practiced dancing in the mirror, just to make sure I still had the basic principles memorized, even if it was unlikely dancing would be involved. I straightened out my favorite, and only real, suit, a tuxedo just fancy enough as to not stand out as cheap to the five-star crowd while still being practical and comfortable to wear. Using my dry-cleaning-safe iron, I went over any extra creases that had accumulated in the closet overnight. I took great time and care to style myself just right; my hair, my ear tufts, my simple goatee, even the fur at my cuffs and neckline saw to some care. I was the very picture of calm, cool, and collected.

And, for the most part, as I approached the front desk and gave the maitre d' my reservation information, I really did feel just as calm and collected internally as I looked externally. It felt fantastic to have taken my time to get everything right, I felt I had already won, and even if the date didn't go so well, I was glad I let my friend convince me to go through with it. I had been certain to arrive extra early, and as I was seated, I let my waiter know as such while declining to order any wine just yet, instead asking for a glass of water, not so much so as I planned to drink it, but for in case I needed to wet my throat or lips. As I sat there waiting, I didn't agonize over the details of if something might go wrong, nor did I let my mind wander aimlessly. I found myself taking in the atmosphere, enjoying what would have normally felt to me stuffy and uninteresting. I don't know what it was, but something about that moment just felt right, like a whole world of possibilities was soon to be revealed to me.

Of course, I was getting ahead of myself. I had arrived early for a reason, and as the waiter brought my water, I asked him if there might be a menu in English that I could have to accompany the two in French that had already been placed in front of the seats at my table.

The waiter looked at me with a sour expression, saying, "If you insist."

To say it was meant as an insult was an understatement. But, I chose to not let it faze me much. In fact, it may have been restaurant policy to give such responses. It was an exceptionally high-class atmosphere, one only intended for those looking to impress their date with their sophistication, so asking for the English menu clearly marked me as an outsider. Still, I preferred to know what I was ordering over trying to stumble through a language I could never wrap my head around. And, I intended to examine the menu well enough that I could not only be well informed on my order, but also to help my date with her choice, if there was a need.

To say I knew anything of French foods would be an overstatement. And, even after looking over the menus more times than I cared to count, I still wasn't sure on what, or how, I should order. So, I did what I pretty much expected I would do from the start. I beckoned for the waiter to rejoin me.

"You have realized that you have been stood up, I see?" he said derisively. "Will you be ordering for yourself, or should I retrieve your check?"

My hands scrambled to my pocket to get at my phone, worried I may have been staring at those lists of foods for too long and lost track of time. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the hour. Even if she was early, I had enough time.

"No, actually, I'm really very early..." I replied to his scowling face. "In fact, I kinda wanted to apologize to you for taking up your table for longer than is normally appropriate, and..."

If anything I was saying had affected his mood, it certainly wasn't showing. I really hoped his demeanor was dictated by the management, because I felt sorry for him if this was how he went through life all the time.

"If you could do me a favor, I would appreciate it." I continued, trying not to sound like I was about to bribe him to do what I had to assume was part of his job. "You see, I don't know much about the types or etiquette of French cuisine, and was wondering if you could enlighten me?..."

I was serious. I was hoping to have it explained to me, so I sat there under his withering gaze as he contemplated me for a long while. It was getting to the point that I was about to spell it out for him that there was an extra tip in it for him if he helped me when he finally spoke.

"Very well." he said, still no happier than before. "I'll try to keep it simple for you."

So, he began explaining my options, and it wasn't long before I found myself agreeing upon the traditional three courses. He went about telling me what all dishes and drinks complimented each other, what were the particular specialties of the restaurant, and pretty much everything else I needed to know. He was legitimately helpful, but he never broke from his poor attitude even once through the whole process. I'm still not sure if I enjoyed that lecture or not, but there was no denying he knew what he was talking about.

Now that I was as prepared as was ever going to be, there was nothing left to do but wait. In truth, it wasn't much of a wait, but with everything resolved and me wanting to keep my eyes peeled for my date rather than busying myself with something else, time managed to drag on for a while. And then she arrived.

She wasn't hard to spot, as our waiter had met her halfway to escort her to our table. I couldn't help but notice that he had traded in his frown for a smile for the first time of the night. (No wonder he never smiled before, it didn't seem to fit his face.) As for why the unexpected change had come about, that was no mystery. The woman he was leading my way was a sight to behold.
   
She was a brunette sheep and a true natural beauty. Her first, most striking features I found in her face, right in the places beauty should be found. Her eyes were a sparkling amber. Her delicate lips curled upward in a manner that exuded an infectious aura of kindness. She complemented her soft, elegant contours with only the bare minimum of cosmetics, which was an especially big plus in my book. I can not adequately express how many times I've felt that a date completely ruined her looks by wearing too much makeup. And, it seemed that the thinner their fur, the more of the stuff they would slather on their faces, as if they were ashamed to be furless! So, I have come to respect those that let their natural appeal show. And, she only impressed me farther as I took in her dress, careful not let my eyes linger, a dignified, flowing thing that avoided showing off her curves and sported a modest neckline.

If first impressions were worth anything, my first impression of the ewe was shaping up to be worth a fortune.

"You must be Rachael." I said as I got up from my seat.

Before I could think to make my way around the table, the waiter took it upon himself to pull Rachael's seat out, so I settled for shaking her hand as she confirmed my statement. "That makes you Morty, then."

After we were seated, I replied, "Please, call me Mortimer. Only my friends call me Morty... and I really wish they would stop."

There was an awkward silence as we both went deadpan. Then, before the silence could grow painful, she cracked a smile and started to giggle. I joined only a millisecond behind her, and we enjoyed a subdued laugh together for the moment.

"Well, I can't say I've quite heard that one before." Rachael chimed in as the moment passed.

Although it was meant as a fun icebreaker, I was completely serious. I have always hated people using nicknames with me, I don't know why. But, in my youth, I had never had the courage to tell people as much. So, now, I liked to get it out of the way as soon as possible. Still, there would always be those like the friend that set us up that enjoy bugging me with a nickname. (And they tended to be even worse for it if they were married.) In those cases, I just had to grin and bear it. At least he hadn’t put the name Mort in her head, I particularly hated that one above the others. 

"So, Mortimer..." she said, with the same infectious smile that she had entered with. (I must have been grinning like an idiot already at that.) "We should probably go ahead and order before anything else."

She opened her menu and started scanning her eyes over it, and I did the same with mine, looking for the items that had interested me before. As I did so, I asked her, "Do you have an idea of what you may want?..."

"Yes, I do. In fact," she responded during my pause, while lowering her menu and looking over to our waiter, then turning back to glance at me as if about to say something. I just smiled back and she turned again and began to order. In the French pronunciations as far as I could tell. But only for the names of the foods, so I was able to follow that she was ordering the three courses like I was about to mention, so I just followed her lead and placed my order after she finished. I honestly can't say I remember much of what we ordered, after all that staring at menus, it blends together.

"English? How? Why?" Rachael said with a soft air of confusion after the waiter had left. I answered with the first thing to come to mind. "Well I just asked for an English menu. I'm not that familiar with French restaurants. Normally, if I'm looking for something fancy, I go with Italian."

"I didn't even know they had English menus..." she said to herself thoughtfully, only to then break her contemplation to address me again. "But that doesn't matter, I mean, isn't your family French?"

It was my turn to be confused. I just sat there, dumbfounded, and feeling like a fool for several moments. Finally, the realization set in. For someone who had put so much time into convincing me to get into dating again, my 'friend' sure seemed to have went out of his way to undermine me in this date. Suddenly, I felt the need to choose my words carefully. I didn't want to outright blame him for the misunderstanding.

"Well, I guess that's technically true. I do have French grandparents, well, French Canadian anyway, but, I never grew up around them and I never could figure out the language." 

“I guess I should come clean.”Rachael bleated. “I had actually been practicing my French leading up to this date. I thought I was being paired with a French guy, meeting me at a French restaurant, and I didn’t want to look like a fool.”

I actually laughed at that and came clean myself. “I arrived two hours early, just so I could figure out how to order a proper meal, and you go and steal my opportunity to show my work. I think I know who made the bigger fool of themselves.”

“Well, aren’t we just a couple of fools.”she said, as we shared another fit of laughter. When it died down, she added, “It’s just so hard to find a good date these days.”

“Tell me about it!”I retorted, “It seems like every other girl I meet is some wannabe actress. They must all migrate here trying to snatch up unsuspecting young entrepreneurs.”

Unexpectedly, she was wearing a pouting expression at that, “I’ll have you know, we prefer to be called actors now.”

“Wait, WE!”I gasped, bugeyed. 

By the time it was out of my mouth, her smile had returned. “Just kidding. Well about the me being a ‘wannabe actress’anyway. I did hear somewhere that they started doing that, though. But, I think that is only some kind of fad rumor that pops up every few years.”

“You almost gave me a heartattack!”I said, still coming down from the adrenaline. “Just so there’s no more surprises, what is it you really do?”

“Kindergarten teacher.”she replied, miming what looked to be a seated curtsy. That explained that great smile. Must have been an occupational hazard. 

“Wait, people actually raise cubs around here?”I blurted out. 

“Yeah. And I should take offence to that...”Rachael retorted, “Santa Clara, born and raised.”

Normally, I’d have been discouraged, but we were getting along well enough that I only flowed to the next logical subject. “I moved here from the northeast to go to college, and stayed when I got work at one of those big server farms in the area.”

“Oh, so you’re a nerd?”she said, smirking, but still with that air of kindness, “To look at you, I wouldn’t have guessed.”

“No one ever does.”I returned, probably with a bit of a whimper. “I don’t blame them though. I did play at being a jock in school. Kind of had to, to keep my scholarship. But I am proud to say that, by the time all was said and done, I had earned my grades.”

“But you still look so built!”she said, starting to get uncomfortably close to some dangerous subject matter. 

“Well, yeah, but, I’m definitely no athlete anymore. I still have a lot of energy to burn, so I train on a weight machine, but I can’t get out to do the types of exercises required to promote good reflexes, so if you were to see me out on the basketball court today, I would look like a bumbling oaf.”I forced out, desperately trying to not think of exactly what [i]type[/i] of energy I was usually working to burn off, and hoping to steer the conversation elsewhere. 

It was then that our first course arrived, as we had apparently both missed the waiter bringing out wine earlier. I was tempted to get up and kiss that sour faced man for his good timing. 

Luckily, that interruption was just what we needed to get back on track. In no time, things were back to that playful, yet innocent, tone we had before. We shared more about each other, joked around, and enjoyed the food. It continued on through the second course and into dessert. 

“Wow, this is really good!”I exclaimed. 

“Oh, can I try some?”Rachael said eagerly. 

“Sure,”more than willing to share, “let’s just slide out plates together and trade each other a piece.”

To which she replied, “Ok!”

But, as I leaned forward to push my plate, she quickly scooped up a bite off her plate and shoved her spoon into my mouth. It was good, but I didn’t get to enjoy it, as it was at this moment that she gave me ‘The Look’ Not the kind that husbands and boyfriends dread, no, I’d give anything to have a special woman that I knew closely enough to deserve such a glare from. ‘The Look’I allude to is the one where a woman begins to undress me with her eyes, seeing me as a piece of meat. 

That is the look I dread. Where thoughts stop being about being with a person, and start being about being with a body. No matter how well we were getting along, it would always make my skin crawl, my fur prickle, and, if I wasn’t properly prepared, my excitement rear its ugly head. When a girl looked at me like that, I couldn’t keep my head straight. 

And she had seemed so nice... 

But, in her defence, it had taken her longer than most. Still, wasn’t the proper order to things to wait until at least the third date to start contemplating sex! Why couldn’t I find someone at least as old fashioned as that? I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t really their fault. I mean, in every case, there was only thing that remained a constant, and that was me. My looks, or maybe I have a strong musk? I never thought I smelled much of anything, but then, I don’t have all that good of a nose. It’s just so frustrating! 

Anyway, when that happened, it took everything I had not to panic. Her apparent kindness had left me off guard, I didn’t see her being one to surprise someone like that. So, I couldn’t keep myself from pulling back a bit too fast, making it clear I had retreated. 

“What’s wrong, did you get choked?”she asked, with mild concern. I decided to take the out she had inadvertently offered. 

“i]*hurumpf*[/i] No, no, I’m fine.”I didn’t-quite-lie. “You should warn a guy, you know?”

“Sorry, I thought it would be romantic.”She apologized. 

All of a sudden I felt bad for being so pessimistic about her intentions. But, I couldn’t help notice she was still checking out my body. Or I thought she was? Maybe she didn’t know she was doing it. I know I’ve caught myself ogling women without realizing, so why should it be any different for people with a normal libido. I know stuff like that happens. So, I just needed to take it in stride. 

Looking to make it up to her, even if she didn’t know I had slighted her, I offered, “I’m not trying to be macho, don’t let my admission of being a former jock fool you, but isn’t it the male that’s supposed to feed a girl?”

“How silly of me.”she responded with her smile, “I haven’t had a taste of yours yet, so why don’t we test that out?”

She leaned forward, opened her mouth, and closed her eyes. I could tell she wasn’t [i]trying[/i] to be seductive, but if she was trying not to be, she was failing miserably. I had to control my breathing and steady my hand so that it didn’t shake too much. I could do this. Plenty of people do this sort of thing, it’s perfectly innocent. 

“Are you going to feed me, or do I have keep this up all night?”she reminded me. It wasn’t insistent, and she didn’t break her pose, but still, I decided to hurry up and get to it already. 

“Ok, I think you’ll like this.”I said as I grabbed a piece of my confection up with my fork, and guided it to her lips. She met it the rest of the way and took it into her mouth. She held it there, savoring what I knew to be a rich flavor. 

“Mmmm,”emanated from her throat, as she continued to hold it there, still yet not eating. Ok, maybe she was trying to be sensual. 

I just hoped I wasn’t sweating. 

Finally, she started to chew. She went at it slowly, but eventually she finished, and opened her eyes. When she did, she blatted in alarm, then exclaimed, “What's wrong, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“I - I’m f - fine.”I stammered. Great, just great. She didn’t look convinced. 

“I just haven’t done this...”I elaborated, then, realizing how odd it would sound to say ‘before’ quickly added, “in a while.”hoping she would take the delay as another stutter. 

“Oh my, it has been so long for me, too.”Rachael confided in sympathy. 

Without warning, the urge to do something else I hadn’t before came over me. Actually asking for what I wanted. At first, I dismissed it, fearing it might scare her off, but then I realized, what's the difference in if I scare her off and if I end up turning her down later. 

“Rachael, I’ve been thinking...”I started out, not knowing how not to sound awkward, and noticing her perk up a bit, “Would it be ok if we tried to take things slow?”

For a moment, she visibly slouched, and looked about to frown, but then perked back up, saying, “Well, I was seriously considering having you escort me home and inviting you in...”

At that she developed a heavy blush, but continued on, “But, it probably would be best we don’t rush things, since we’ve not been out dating recently.”

I was a rollercoaster of emotions. At first, when she admitted to planning to proposition me, I had to fight my instinct to bolt out of my seat. But, at seeing how much that embarrassed her I felt comforted. Then, when she ended up agreeing to my request, I was stunned. Had I done it? Would I finally be able to date someone without worrying about sex all the time? 

After what had to have been longer than appropriate, I spoke up, “So, what should we do now?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could finish the rest of this dessert, even with you feeding me.”I think we both managed a blush as she said that, “So, why don’t we call this a night, and figure out when we can get back together?”

“Sounds good to me.”I said, getting up to help her out of her seat like I had missed out on when she was seated. “I’ll take care of the check. If you don’t mind?”

“Such a gentleman. Thank you,”she responded. 

I placed some money on the table, then grabbed up the bill, looking to see what the damage was. What I saw was a statement that read ‘paid from debit’at the total section. I was both relieved and upset by this. Sure, I had been worried about how expensive it might be, but I felt cheap to not be paying it myself. In the end, I had to chuckle at it though. 

I walked up to where our waiter was standing off to the side, and clasped hands with him. “Thank you for the excellent service.”He seemed a bit taken aback at that, and then more so when he looked down at the wad of cash I had left in his paw. In all, I had probably given him more than he had earned, even with the extra help and time I had taken from him. But, it made me feel a bit better about not paying for the food. Besides, when I’m not dating, I rarely spend much money, so I usually have a comfortable savings left over after bills and expenses. 

My date and I walked outside. We traded phone numbers, and agreed to talk later about the next time we could meet. I walked her to her vehicle, waved her goodbye, and waited until she had pulled out to go to my own car and head back to my apartment. 

Overall, I’d have to say it was a great evening. Probably the best date I’ve had. I definitely can get along well with Rachael. I can’t say for certain one way or the other if I might have finally found the woman I am looking for, but I am more than sure of being able to have her as a good friend, and that is a strong place to start until I get to know her better. I’m really hoping I can feel that spark with her. 

That’s it for my date. I’ll respond to everybody else now. 
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User 0000(LovelornHare) posted on Sunday at 3:53 PM PST.
User#14, I'm sorry to hear about how difficult your situation is. While I won't pretend to understand everything you're going through, I can certainly sympathize with some of your troubles. As can others here on the board, although not all of them are as active as they used to be.

Speaking of which, I've said this a few times in the past, but now that we have a few new members, it bears telling again, rather than expecting new people to go back through the archives.
This website started as my personal blog, back when I was having a hard, well harder, time in my life knowing what to do with myself. I never expected anybody to even find this place, and really, the only reason I put my thoughts and feelings online was because I felt like building a webpage from scratch to calm my nerves a bit. To my surprise, a handful of people did come across my pet project and started commenting. I was surprised again when, after some time, people weren't just replying to my posts, but also relaying how they were having similar issues in their lives. It wasn't long before this evolved into a forum between us, and the message board you see today was born. It's never been very big, but I like to think we have done some good for each other. It’s uncanny how people with similar problems or interests can happen upon each other on the internet.

But, to address your problem now. The first thing you have to know is that you can't do anything to improve your life if you hate yourself. It took me far too long to realize this, and even now it's still a struggle, but you have to accept yourself for who you are and what you are before you can try to be what you want to be. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. Trust me, I speak from experience. And, I still live it every day. But don't worry, it does get easier over time.

I will say you’re right about one thing. Being able to talk about it is really helpful. I won’t ask you to share more than you’re comfortable with, but I will encourage to keep talking about your problems and worries. And try not to get too hung up on them. 

I can’t say I know much about hermaphrodites, but you should try not to let what you are be such a burden. A lot of the potential problems you mentioned aren’t even unique to you by a long shot. Pregnancy problems are common with many women. There are plenty of alternatives if that happens to be an issue, but even at that you seem to have no proof that you should be worried about it. 

And finally, I am a firm believer in the fact that there is someone out there for everyone. All you have to do is look, and one day you will find someone to love you. 
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User 0000(LovelornHare) posted on Sunday at 3:55 PM PST.
Lidia, give me a little time to respond to your post. I still need to read it first.
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User 0016(Lidia) posted on Sunday at 3:55 PM PST.
As long as I get some feedback before it gets too late, I can wait. ;) Judging from the timezone of your website, we only have a one hour time difference, so it should be fine.
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