“Bugs? What do you mean ‘we can’t’?” Yakko asked in that way where he sounded calm but everyone knew he was very not calm and at the edge of his patience. 

“I mean ya can’t.” The rabbit replied as he shuffled through his paperwork, finalizing the last drafts of his outgoing administrations policies. It wasn’t all as petty as the bullshit human governments pulled where the next guy would just veto everything. It wasn’t that he was afraid it wouldn’t pass. More that everything Daffy proposed or signed off on was superfluous pointless inefficient goblin brained clap trap that wasted time money potential and brain cells. No one expected much from the next two years and all were in a mad rush to compartmentalize him before he turned Toon Town into a post apocalyptic circus.

“Whyyyy?” Yakko struggled to maintain a pleasantly innocent tone through gritting teeth.

“Cause he’s dead.”

Yakko was suddenly glad Bugs had only allowed him inside his small office, his eye twitching. “Excuse me can you repeat that?”

Bugs placed his pen down, looking Yakko in the eyes with an expression devoid of emotion. “He’s dead. David is dead Yakko.”

“W-what- how- Bugs what the fuck!?” His knees gave out from under him as he collapsed back into his chair in disbelief. “Who?”

Bugs answered his questions in the order he received them, with a patient but dead pan delivery that sent a chill up Yakko’s spine. “Dead. Gunshot to the head. By me. After you two went back to the asylum to regroup. David was right doc. They woulda took em. We couldn’t have stopped them. And eventually he would have succeeded. Do you have any idea the kinda Armageddon that woulda unleashed? Dee was right ta put a gun to his head. He just wasn’t the right guy ta pull the trigger. I was.”

The look of horror on Yakko’s face was not lost on Bugs. This was why Yakko had never been asked back to his position. Not because he was incompetent. Quite the opposite. It was because he was a true believer. His reputation aside he could never engage in the very real violence it sometimes took to maintain the peace they fought so hard to keep. Once humans learned they were living beside unkillable reality warping beings they couldn’t contain and couldn’t stop it would be bedlam. Then it would be war. And he was not about to have the blood of an entire civilization on his hands because they panicked and started a conflict they had no hope of winning. One twisted evil life for eight billion was a bargain in his book. One he would take, had taken, over and over.

His expression softened a little as Yakko put his head in his hands, looking like someone had let all the air out of him. “I know. I won’t try ta excuse it doc. Trust me when I say there were humans ready ta make the same choice if we hadn’t. He had his chance. He chose ta throw it away on spite. It ain’t about WB. It never was. That company is run by cynical evil people, Plotz included. And they will get theirs some day, by their own hand. In a way that leaves us sympathetic and puts them in the dog house. What David tried woulda been-”

“A slaughter.” Yakko spoke softly. “I know. Do the humans know? Can this be contained?”

“The ones that matter, which is not the FBI. Yes. They know. They were the ones that contacted us in the first place.” Bugs nodded in reply. “Like I said, if we hadn’t they woulda. They had intended to do so sooner, but we stopped em. That’s why he was in Loopy Acres ta start with. We thought we could bring him back from the edge, but we was wrong. He left us no choice Yakko. I wanted ta spare you lot alla this. And I still do. The toons he made are all that survives em now. I wouldn’t have em spendin the rest of however long we all live as bitter and angry as-”

“Us.” Yakko interrupted. The memories were like an old war wound that never quite healed. Lon would never not be a source of anguish for them. The rage they all felt at his treatment, and the conditions of his eventual passing hadn’t lessened in all these years. Only become background noise they learned to tune out. His thoughts turned to David’s children as he numbly stated the obvious. “They can’t know.”

“No.” Bugs confirmed. “We had intended to engineer a suicide story before this. Now, I think the best we can do is simply gloss it ovah. Cynical as it sounds this whole shadow war accomplishes that nicely.”

“At the potential cost of untold human lives.” Yakko replied sourly. “They suggested the possibility of other toons you didn’t know about, like Daffy’s new spy, that may be out there waiting. We may never be able to let our guard down again.”

“We’re workin on dat. We rounded up most of the toons he made and we’re reevaluating them all, movin them into positions we can keep an eye on. Only two are left unaccounted for, plus the guy that was supposed ta be your handler.”

“I’m not letting him anywhere near my family Bugs. I don’t care what Daffy says, I will not bring that kind of chaos into my home. And I won’t do that to Dee ether. Daffy is a damned fool for poking an open wound like that. But then again his animator spoiled him. There’s nothing more cruel than a child with no empathy. Especially an overgrown one who’s parent told em they can do no wrong and deserve everything they want. What a fucking mess.” Yakko scowled.

“Try not ta be too hard on em doc. He had a different upbringin than you and I, but he aint evil. He’s just stupid.” The rabbit raised an eyebrow at Yakko. It wasn’t usually like him to yield to bitterness. But then again it wasn’t usually like him to get emotionally entangled with someone this close to him ether. Bugs could practically smell the sorrow and anger radiating off of him. He was mourning by proxy for them, where previously his cool detachment would have lent him a degree of objectivity and insight. Bugs couldn’t tell if Dee was a bad influence on him, or the very best.

“Look I know our time table is short, but we got way more resources than David ever knew. More than even our human counterparts know. He weren’t the only one with contingency plans. They’ll be safe. You all will. Dats one of the few things I can promise. Just focus on the things you can influence right now. Be with em, be with him. And let us worry about alla the messy stuff it takes ta keep the world from explodin.” 

Bugs did his best to sound soothing, but after his admission he knew little would accomplish that any longer. Yakko had a long memory, and he let nothing go. And this meeting had done much to peel back the curtain on what the stakes really were for their kind. He hoped with time it wouldn’t weigh on him so much. Toons like him needed their hope intact, if anything the council did was to have meaning. A society should treasure it’s idealists and dreamers.

“Take some time ta process, doc. You don’t wanna go back to em lookin like dis. They’ll know the second they see ya lookin all shell shocked. That’s one thing I gotta hand to em, those three are perceptive beyond their years. You’re free ta sit here, I can have my secretary bring ya some coffee.” Bugs offered.

Yakko could only nod and rub his temples. ‘He’s right. If I go out there like this, Dee will pick up on it instantly and the cats outta the bag.’ Yakko thought before he spoke, sighing heavily. He suddenly felt like he weighed a ton. “Sure. Fine. Just do us a favor and post some folks on our squishies, yeah?”

“Already taken care of.” Bugs nodded.

-----

“So that’s a no huh? Kind of figured.” Dee rubbed the back of his neck as Yakko nodded. 

“They said it is quite impossible to speak to him any more. He has nothing to say anyway.” Yakko cringed and resisted the urge to squeeze his eyes shut. ‘Stop it Yakko, he can read tells.’ He chided his self as they exited the Toon Administrative Council building, the bustle of Toon Town’s administrative district filling in the silence with the steady drone of traffic and over priced shoes tapping on the concrete stairs in and out of the building. Everything was suddenly too pale, too gray and severe. Toon Town looked like some of the color had been drained out of it. 

Nether had seen much of this part of town. A lot had changed since Yakko was here for any length of time, and this was Dee’s first time seeing any of it. They didn’t have much time to take in the sights though, as security wordlessly escorted them to the waiting unmarked suv that was their ride back. Piling into the back, book ended by two of the most muscled rabbits he had ever seen. Not that there was much to see anyway. All the good stuff was off the corner of Hanna and Fleischer street where all the clubs and shopping was. 

As they pulled out and joined the flow of traffic, Yakko wondered if Slappy knew about David. She seemed to have a finger on everything that went on here, and always seemed to have some preemptive strategy to maneuver herself into an advantageous position. There had to be a mole or ten among Bugs’s circle.

Bugs his self wouldn’t be in the habit of talking administrative policy with her, but she had her own network of back channels, and she was great at prying information out of people that didn’t want to part with it. ‘Yeah, she probably knows.’ He thought. Those extra days at the hotel, the overly generous expense account, looking back on it, it did feel like corralling. Then again it could be genuine. Best not to see spys in every corner if they were to stay functional.

Most of the return trip was spent in silence, with only the occasional small talk between Yakko and Dee as their escort remained frustratingly silent. And normally a luxury suv would be a great place for shenanigans, but it was hard to fool around with an audience of muscled rabbits in black suits that didn’t respond to flirtation or much of anything else. ‘A shame.’ Part of him thought it would make a great plot for a porno and he mentioned as much to Dee as they approached the exit for Burbank. He could see the title now. ‘Jacked Rabbits: The Bodied Guards.’ Or maybe, ‘Hard Boiled Carrots.’

He and Dee swapped ideas at length to the chagrin of their silent guests for the entirety of the remaining ride back. They seemed grateful to part ways as they hastily left the lot the moment they saw the two enter the tower. 

As they stood in the elevator their demeanor changed however. The provocative playfulness gone. “So he’s gone.” Dee stated, more than asked as they rode the elevator aloft. “I’m guessing it was Bugs. He did reach for the gun fairly calmly.” As Yakko moved to speak, Dee shook his head. “It’s ok. I knew it would happen, I just thought I would have to be the one to do it. In a way I have to thank Bugs. At least my hands are clean. My soul though…”

Yakko pulled him into a tight embrace, burying his face in Dee’s neck as the two silently wept. And for once Yakko was thankful the damn thing was so slow. It gave them a moment. “Am I really that transparent?” He asked, face still hidden in Dee’s neck.

“Yes. And intentionally so. I knew you wanted to tell me something important. The rest was just addition and context. Bugs really is underestimating us. Is that intentional too? Is he trying to keep the council’s eyes off of us by making us seem ineffectual?”

“Probably.” Yakko confirmed. “But also the humans too I think. He wants to keep everyone in the dark about you guys.”

“Well nice to know someone in the government is looking out for us. I almost regret throwing him through a wall. Almost.” He kissed Yakko softly as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, whispering “We’ll talk more later.” as he put on a happy face and scooped up his little brother who came to greet them, holding him extra tight. “Hey chief, I missed you too…”

-----
‘I don’t have much time to text. I have to keep moving or they will find me. This is becoming prohibitively difficult. I’ve tried getting closer, but they are surrounded now. I have no window. Respond when you can.’ The weasel toon put his burner phone away, walking faster as he angled for a near by alley between a strip mall and a gas station. 

He increased his pace to a slow jog as he approached a space between two dumpsters, his nose curling at the smell. He hoped it would keep any looky loos at bay as well while he pulled up a gps app, hoping to find a place he could squat and watch the patrols and his target. What the fuck kind of name is Scratchandsniff for a human? Instinctively he reached into his hammer space, rubbing his thumb over the pistol he had stolen from the last human house he broke into. Not that he needed it, but it brought a strange comfort to him. The cold metal was almost meditative to stroke. 

‘There. That looks good.’ He thought as he zoomed in on the overhead view of a closed and abandoned hotel. It didn’t look like it had seen any business in so long the parking lot was more weeds than asphalt, and it had a second story he could post watch from. Releasing his gun he pulled a purloined snack cake from his hammer space and popped it wrapper and all into his mouth, pushing off the wall. Before he could round the corner though a blur of movement caught his eye. A white flash of pain behind his eyes was his only warning as he was bowled over, and the garbage reek increased exponentially.

“Allo mon petite ne'er-do-well. I ave seeked your hiding, non?” A weight on his chest pinned him face up, the bright LA sun blurring out his vision till a dark shape leaned over, and his focus landed on a black and white...skunk. ‘Ah shit.’ He was soon joined by several of the biggest rabbits the weasel had seen in his short life, being hauled to his feet only to be hogtied and hung, humiliatingly, from the skunks tail. Facing the business end of the worst stink ever, he dared not breathe as the haughty toon paraded him in front of an array of humorless looking toons who all looked like they wanted to grab a limb and start walking in different directions, like so much Polymer Man toy.

The skunk came to an abrupt halt, which sent the weasel’s nose head long into the skunks backside, clicking his heels together and saluting. He missed what he said, too distracted by the fact that his eyes watered and every breath burned his lungs, but shortly after he was mercifully deposited on the ground, and a new shape blocked out the sun above. He couldn’t make him out past the tears in his eyes and the sun’s glare, but the voice made his blood run cold.

“Eh, what’s up doc? Where’s your friend?”

“Shit.”

“Yeh, yer innit deep doc.” Bugs replied looking down his nose at the weasel toon. How stereotypical can you be? Well, it wasn’t like David had a lot of time to play against type. So that could work to their advantage. 

“You know I won’t turn on em.” The weasel spat defiantly at him. He flinched visibly at Bugs’s reply though, all pretense of ego gone, replaced with horror.

“He’s dead doc. And I’m the one what did it. So think for a minute about what I might be willin ta do ta one of his kids. Ether you can make some kinda life after dis, or I can put you in the Vault and you’ll never see the sun, or any light for that matter, again.” He knelt beside the weasel toon, leaning close, an unnerving glint in his eyes that made the young toon recoil.

“Imma ask you again doc, and you’re gonna answer one way or another. Where. Is. The other one?”

-----

“They got one of the missing two.” Yakko announced as he checked his phone. 

“Well that just leaves the one, right?” Dot perked up at the good news, tying yet another bow to Psykko’s ears while he played video games. Six was way too much in Yakko’s opinion but he wasn’t about to tell Dot how to give a makeover.

“Depends on how much damage they can do between now and when they’re finally caught- Psykko what are you doing?” Dee paused as he entered the room. It was hard not to notice the pink dress or array of bows in his hair and up his ears.

“I am, apparently, a pretty princess.” He replied blankly as Dot reached in her hammer space with a crazed look in her eyes.

“Not without your makeup you’re not!” She beamed proudly at the astonishing array of beauty products she produced, unfurling them like playing cards in each hand.

“I’m just glad it’s not me for once.” Wakko replied as blankly as Psykko, sitting across from him with another controller. It was always him. And she was always mean about it too. ‘You need it the most!’ he sneered inwardly. She never managed to do more than make him look like a circus clown, which was always horrifying. What she was doing to Psykko was mild in comparison.

Psykko barely budged as Dot began gluing eye lashes, applying eye shadow and eye liner, before meticulously painting deep red lipstick on him. He honestly didn’t mind, clothes were clothes and it made her happy. Something which he did find important lately. He enjoyed making people smile.

“They got a rough location out of the guy for where he might be possibly maybe. Which is about as useful as it sounds. But the important part was they know who his target was supposed to be. Plotz. Or more specifically, his family. So that’s disturbing.” Yakko read off the messages as they came in. Largely it was from one of Slappy’s people working close with Bugs’s task force, providing them regular updates. She knew not knowing was driving them crazy, so she did everything in her power to keep them apprised. It was more than any of them could have hoped for, and Yakko let his gratitude be known. Though she would inevitably come calling for a favor later, anything she might ask short of sexual favors would be easy compared to this mess. ‘Seriously, I am not showing her my shmeckle.’ Yakko shuddered at the thought. 

Mercifully Dot gave him something else to think about when she revealed Princess Psykko. “Done! Oh I am a genius!” She congratulated herself. Yakko had to admit he wasn’t quite as terrifying as he expected a fur covered razor blade in a dress to be. The makeup actually highlighted that he had delicate facial features that one could consider attractive if one was not given to an abundance of survival instinct or love of appendages. “Good job sister sib!” He congratulated. “That’s a proper damsel-is-distress.”

“I’m glad you think so Yakk-a-rino, cause you’re next.” Dot turned on him with a sadistic gleam in her eye, brandishing her makeup brushes like Wolverine’s claws between her fingers. “Don’t fight it brother of mine. You’ll only be out of breath and pretty.”

Yakko backed away slowly, hands up. He intended to run, until his back came to rest on Dee’s gorgeous and tragically immovable chest. He looked behind him to see a grin mirroring his sisters and his jaw dropped. That split second was all she needed. “Et tu Dee!?”

“Sorry handsome, but this I gotta see.” He laughed pushing him gently toward Dot, as Yakko looked aghast. 

“I will remember this!” Yakko flailed as she pounced on him with a war cry, generating a fight cloud with limbs emerging at random.

“So will I, that’s the point.” He grinned as Yakko quickly found his self in a dress that matched his slacks in color. At least the makeup was well done. Yakko definitely had the bone structure for it, and he looked great in a dress. But it was the principle of the thing! And she still wasn’t done beautifying the boys.

When it came Dee’s turn he didn’t even fight it. He stood before a force of nature and could but only yield to it. His ass looked good in a skirt at least. Everyone looked to him horrified however as he explained at length to Dot what a femboy is.

“Dee. No. You don’t know what you have unleashed...” Yakko paled as his sister flew to the computer absorbing every piece of femboy media she could get her meddling little fingers on. He would never hear the end of this.

“My sister is trans honey, I know exactly what I’ve unleashed. And you’re welcome.” He laughed as Yakko swatted his chest in an exaggeratedly effeminate manner.

“You caaAaaan’t!” He whined plaintively. “Dee, we’re actors! The costume is 90% of the character! I won’t be able to help myself!” He whined, but paused at the look in Dee’s eyes. Uh oh. That opened up possibilities he hadn’t considered. “Dee? No. Stay good! Dee!”

“Hey Dot, can you pull up some shopping sites while you’re on? I got some...ideas.” He rumbled as his tail went around Yakko, pinning him to his chest, whispering in Yakko’s ear. “I’ll make it fun, I promise.”